Moving the Goalposts
In another life, I wanted to be in the FBI. This was sort of inspired by watching ‘Twin Peaks’, and finding that I had a deep and personal empathy for agent Cooper, whose mysterious ways seemed odd, nay, eccentric, beyond comprehension. To me, he just made a lot of sense.
But I am led to believe that in the “real” world, the FBI and the U.S. Department of Justice are indeed formidably thorough and in their investigations, albeit that they quite like hunting down hackers with alleged Asperger’s. But anyway, I am glad they have at last booted down the doors of FIFA Towers and carted off everything inside in carrier bags. Or somebody has.
I am not a football fanatic. But I do enjoy some aspects of “the Beautiful Game”. I wasn’t always a “Prawn Sandwich” merchant. As a kid I used to sit with the obligatory Bovril on the bare, windswept and sparsely attended terraces of my local Lancastrian town’s team, where “the Beautiful Game” was something we could only imagine (we had a winger once, with an afro-perm, and we called him “Mushy Head” – as in mushy peas, I think. If you aren’t northern you won’t understand that) and sometimes make the much more glamorous (and at times dangerous) terraces of Old Trafford – back in the days of the Bay City Rollers, tartan scarves and serious hooliganism. I do remember a police horse being simply lifted off its feet and knocked over in a crush as bricks flew.
I digress. I loathe FIFA with a passion. It does do some good work at grass-roots level, but the price is institutionalised and deeply ingrained corruption which skims off the top the way a clever drug dealer or pimp does. I believe that its corruption is endemic, systematic and gross. I believe it involves “actual” corruption in the usual forms – kickbacks and bribes etc etc. And also in the more subtle and intellectual sense of a culture which denies, covers up, permits and implicitly sanctions that behaviour out of self-interest and internal political advantage. See: Sepp Blatter.
I remember I once opened a wheelie bin in summer when the bins had not been collected for a while. There was a bad smell and I saw maggots. I quickly shut it. I didn’t know how many maggots there would be (a lot, it turned out) but I knew the whole thing had to be emptied out and disinfected. I should imagine the agents of S.H.I.E.L.D who raided FIFA’s offices in Zürich experienced a similar smell of corruption when they gained entry. You don’t know at first exactly how much there is, and how many maggots are crawling about, but you know it’s bad: very, very bad.
And that’s what FIFA has become, a maggot, parasite organisation, feasting on the world’s love affair (or addiction) to the game.
Why does this make me so angry? One reason is I hate self-serving, nakedly selfish, posing, arrogant, thick-skinned sociopaths like Blatter and the greedy corrupt bastards whom he shields. I see the damage they do, these bastards, I see decent people struggling to get by when he and their ilk bloat themselves on self-appointed prestige and gravy train benefits, like engorged ticks sucking on the life blood of some decent, hardworking labourer.
Next: a World Cup in Qatar? What the actual f**k is that about? Air conditioned Stadia ignore things like…training. Or fans. Or fans who like beer… I shall also ask: how many workers have died building these stadia in the lovely, cuddly, Human Rights friendly Kingdom that is Qatar? About one a day, I’m told, but it’s regarded as irrelevant. Other bids rejected because of corruption – I have no doubt at all. I understand Russia has “lost” all computer records of its bid. Oh. That’s a bit odd…
Next, I hate corruption because it corrupts. Let me try to explain this very briefly. There is a perfectly valid and well thought through economic theory to the effect that societies with endemic corruption have much lower rates of economic success and in general are much more backward (and yes I know and you know exactly whom I am talking about) than those where corruption is the exception rather than the rule. If you stop and think about it, it is rather rational. The driving force of Britain’s international success was trade and finance (these paid for the war bit) and behind that was the maxim “an Englishman’s word is his bond”. The law simply followed and enforced the concept. That allowed British trade to flourish, credit to be given, business to take place across the globe. In brief, the philosophical legacy of 2,000 years of Judeo-Christian philosophy included a sense of objective right and wrong which allowed European civilisation to prosper and grow and which, unfortunately, much of the world does not share. The results of that are for much of the world stagnation, violence, graft, cruelty and general wickedness. We see that all over the world. We see it in the hellish pit that is the present Middle East. We see it in many places.
And finally, I seem to remember Blatter, amongst other matters, lauding China for having invented football. The stupid bastard. Only a card-carrying sociopath could come up with that one. And which point I would quite simply have had the ghastly little Austrian shit given a proper introduction to historical reality by being hung, drawn and quartered and his head stuck on a spike on Tower Bridge, as would have happened in days gone by.
We invented this game. We may not be very good at it, but we gave this game to the world, we developed it, we wrote the rules. We played it in the right spirit. And why is the Premier League the most popular in the world? Because it is the most honest, and its teams have the most integrity.
I support a boycott of FIFA. No – I support divorce from FIFA. We own this game. FIFA can go stuff itself. It is time for a change. I hope the power of FIFA is smashed, broken. It is like Sauron: dangerous, mad, brilliant at what it does but utterly evil. I hope today is the first day of the end of FIFA. We need to reclaim the game.
It is an evil, corrupt, nasty organisation. It is time to finish off the beast. Speaking of which, I hear Tony Blair has resigned as Middle East peace envoy. Well done, Tony – you did a fantastic job!
Sigillum
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May 28, 2015 at 9:31 am -
Well played, sir! Spot on with every word. Yes, it is time for FIFA to be wound up and for something better to rise from the ashes.
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May 28, 2015 at 9:46 am -
I think Tony Blair has resigned because he has heard of a possible FIFA vacancy.
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May 29, 2015 at 12:27 am -
Nice one, Tim.
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May 28, 2015 at 9:56 am -
I add my own little round of applause. By the way, did Phoney Tony pick a busy news day to resign?
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May 28, 2015 at 11:06 am -
I wouldn’t be surprised. Remember some Labour minister saying 9/11 would be a good day to ‘bury bad news’?
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May 28, 2015 at 1:28 pm -
That was Jo Moore, a Special Adviser to Stephen Byers. Both have since been consigned to the dustbin of history.
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May 28, 2015 at 1:42 pm -
She was actually only brought down as late as 2002 by an ex-BBC journalist called Martin Sixsmith. They both ended up having to resign.
http://www.la-articles.org.uk/spindoctors.htm
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May 28, 2015 at 10:04 am -
Similar compulsory windswept terraces experiences at Elm Park as a nipper cured me.
Then at twelve ‘Dai the Bad’ the games master; ‘We play rugger here. If you want to play soccer there’s a girl’s school down the road’ probably finished it for me. They did play soccer a year or two later, too late. Moving to the NorthWest in the 70’s meant visitors keen to visit the big clubs- Man U was a vile place to be, Man C civilised. Burnden Park ( yes I know, Bolton weren’t big) was a pleasure to be in.
My only exposure now is a neighbouring non-league team, which seems to be a repository for non local wannabees who won’t put their boots on unless paid & expensed, & a club run by a shifty bunch who think other people should pay for their hobby. Add in the huge grants available, the FA’s obsession with ground grading even for teams playing on the local rec, alcohol, the exploitation of CASC, brown envelopes, bad language despite the ‘Respect’ policy, and I think it’s top to bottom, because I can’t believe the leagues don’t know.
Yeah, I’m an old misery, I know. -
May 28, 2015 at 10:11 am -
Strange how it is the Americans, the bastion of Global Capitalism, who seem to be picking the ticks off the hide of the working classes. FBI in fact. This all reminds me a bit of the dislocation of the cycling and drugs business involving Lance Armstrong. That was all prompted by the USADA I recall and not sport at all. I also found it especially fascinating that the FBI have an informant at the core of their case, and the Prosecutor was reading out the allegations on the radio-waves and the journalists were treating the allegations as established facts. It will be even more interesting to see if the Russian World Cup is the actual target here. I noted that UEFA were quickly dissociating themselves from FIFA. Interesting game that is being played.
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May 28, 2015 at 10:19 am -
May 28, 2015 at 10:39 am -
The IOC’s office shredders have probably been running all night if this is to be believed.
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May 28, 2015 at 10:49 am -
Curioser and curioser…
“Zimbalist shows how, by exploiting television and product sponsorship, the IOC and Fifa turned the contests into primarily commercial events. They were soon in thrall to the big venue contractors (mostly American).
For the 1984 Games, says Zimbalist, “the brand was so markedly tarnished” that the only bidder was a private syndicate from Los Angeles, offering to rent the city’s existing facilities. They did so and made a fortune. Los Angeles was an elixir for the IOC. Amateurism was abandoned, a blind eye was turned to doping and ever more rights revenue was skimmed from host cities and sporting committees.”
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May 28, 2015 at 10:49 am -
Without wishing to sound my usual contrarian self, I think this is a storm in a tea cup, and I don’t see anything that wrong with offering bribes. I think if most of the money had gone to the organisation rather than into the pockets of FIFA officials it wouldn’t be so bad.
The late Chris Tame said of the cash for questions nonsense that this sort of “lobbying” was the only way some companies could get influence. We all have a right to lobby our MPs. If people are breaking the law or selling confidential information, fair enough, but if an Arab politician thinks he can benefit his country by greasing a few palms, more power to his elbow.
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May 28, 2015 at 10:53 am -
Given that everyone insists the Corporations must pay all the tax so we don’t have to, it does seem contrarian that the only folks without any natural democratic representation are those same Corporations. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_taxation_without_representation
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May 28, 2015 at 11:18 am -
Alexander, who do you think paid the ‘sweeteners’ that lumbered London & the UK with the 2012 “Games”?
Us bloody taxpayers!
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May 28, 2015 at 3:37 pm -
The 2012 Games were a spectacular event, every bit as good as the one the Chinese put on in 2008. Ask Andy Murray!
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May 28, 2015 at 1:50 pm -
Lest we forget, the Al Yamamah contract.
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May 28, 2015 at 11:03 am -
May 28, 2015 at 11:04 am -
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b05w3wfh
An interesting interview on yesterday’s PM: starts at about 13min 17seconds until about 21min 47seconds and then a follow-up interview at 47min 27s to 50min 26s.
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May 28, 2015 at 11:09 am -
The FBI vs FIFA is one of those “I hope they both lose” deals for me.
On the one hand the corruption and politicisation in US federal law enforcement – particularly the DoJ – is huge, but it pales into nothing when compared to the corruption in US federal politics. Just look at the IRS and DoJ going after the Tea Party while Bill and Hill are completely ignored.
On the other hand, Sepp Blatter. Blatter is assured of re-election as president of FIFA simply because ha controls the money, (from taxpayers and supporters and TV fans), and if you don’t vote for him you don’t get any moolah for your own little empire.
And government and football associations, (and athletics committes etc. etc. ) are totally intertwined and feed off each other and of course us.
So is this is big state law enforcement going after cronyist corporate corruption for not paying it’s dues to the right people?
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May 28, 2015 at 12:22 pm -
Much the same in this country, Bernie ecclestone is having a nice friendly court case over £1 billion with HMRC ,nice little civil court case.
Some Chav cheats us out of £15k in benefit and it’s straight off to crown court and 18 months in her majesty’s finest hotel accommodations
Talking of football this is worth a watch, very funny-
May 28, 2015 at 8:04 pm -
It’s a combination of factors – there aren’t many Bernie Ecclestones and there are a lot of chavs, plus lawyers are expensive. We are ruled by law – not justice.
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May 29, 2015 at 12:35 am -
“We are ruled by law – not justice.”
‘Twas ever thus – or at least since we had lawyers: the second oldest profession, which has much in common with the first.
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May 28, 2015 at 11:26 am -
Ever noticed the institutional similarities between FIFA and the EU ? Much of Petunia’s content could equally apply there. Spooky.
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May 28, 2015 at 11:47 am -
It always seems stupid to me that the Olympics is held only once in a particular venue, and vast sums are expended on the stadiums and accommodation for just a few weeks of use. Wouldn’t it be better to hold the Olympics twice in a particular place, where the costs for the second time round would only be a tidy-up and rectification of what went wrong (if it did) the first time? The second time’s ‘profits’ could help the next holder. In the meantime, the host nation would have every incentive to use the facilities to train in – and maybe hire them out to other nations who don’t have their own.
Ordinarily, football events are held in countries that have lots of football stadiums already (maybe not Quatar) which reduces the pointless construction activity. I can’t see England doing well in that environment. I have a pet theory that England footballers are used to playing in the cold, and the summer championship doesn’t suit them. They usually fade at half time (if not before) and this is probably the result of ‘rehydration’. Roll on a World Cup held in the winter in a naturally cold and wet place, preferably close to sea level so the poor fairies don’t run out of puff!
PS Is there a women’s championship in Q? If not, why not? On the other hand, seeing 22 black burkha-clad players running about (Afghan women would play in light blue) it would be difficult to distinguish the teams, and some of the cheaters would have men in there!
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May 28, 2015 at 12:16 pm -
An approved-by-Allah islamic version of the ‘papal testicle testing chair’ – manned by FIFA’s finest – could sort the men from the, er, women.
Has Blatter been trying one out in the photo? Eeeewww… -
May 28, 2015 at 12:55 pm -
One logical approach for the Olympics would be to use the same site in Greece every time – it might also help the struggling Greek economy a little. True, some amount would inevitably be skimmed off by Stavros as his buddies as usual, but there wouldn’t be the big building-project scam every four years, same stadia every time, just a lick of paint, so the scope for financial elasticity would be much more limited.
Our Islamic friends have already shown us the way, after all they don’t move their massive Hadj pilgrimage event round to world to a different location every year, it’s at Mecca every time (although there is a rumour that Bradford may bid soon, on the grounds of having more resident Muslims than Mecca, thus reducing the greenhouse gas emissions from all their air-travel).
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May 28, 2015 at 12:00 pm -
I have zero interest in the, allegedly, beautiful game I’m afraid to say, but seeing it juxtaposed with my all time favourite “Twin Peaks” I can begin to see the hauntingly chilling connection between the two! The mysterious “The Owls are not what they seem” can now clearly be seen to be a reference to Sheffield Wednesday! Well, I’m off to consult the Log Lady about all of this and I’ll enjoy a damn fine cup of coffee while I’m about it! “It is happening again…. It is happening again!”
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May 28, 2015 at 12:03 pm -
Normally VERY cynical and defensively sound, Raccoon fails to read the beautiful game’s history and subtext. While letting in a soft goal scored by a BIG fuss, foul offside Anti-FIFA F.C.
Anna buys yet another HUGE Europhobe US/UK psycho-lonial dummy offensive to further demonize (as ever for politics, ratings & profit), an admittedly corrupt FIFA ruled by a post-coldwar Europhile.
But FAR less corrupt than it’s well practised, professional demonisers wanting 1: To grab control of the World’s most PROFITABLE sport, from Europe-based BIG Swiss Jo ‘Sep’ Blatter; 2: Russia further demonized for rationally reacting to NATO’s Ukraine-coup, and then 3: Russia Red-Card OFF as 2018 W. Cup- host.
A brief FIFA history shows that postwar – 1974 FIFA Pres. UK Sir Stanley Rous limiting the W. Cup to an elite few, finally gave way to the TRUE elite footie nation Brazil’s Joel Havelange rightly wanting to expand the ‘Beautiful Game’ to TRUE ‘WORLD Cup’ by extending the number of eligble nations to include emergent, disadvantaged and under-developed countries more akin to Brazil itself. Havelange’s 1991 protege successor Sep Blatter of new co-elite footie nation Germany took the great thru-ball to undreamed of goals in the new cable & satellite global TV era, but failed to stop the inevitable own goal/gravy train created by increased sponsorship LARGELY from US/UK BIG vultures, Visa/Coke/McDonalds/Murdoch-Sky etc. Plus German Adidas MOST appropriately associated with ‘Association’ Football, US-globally rebranded ‘Soccer’ for their 1994-hosting and VERY LARGE bite of an increasingly BIG CHERRY-football.
Notwithstanding, that the last 24hrs of BIG bent UK/US guilt-by-media hysteria and mock outrage. Has almost completely failed to note that following yet another US away raid on foreign turf, NO ONE has yet been charged let alone tried, Yellow OR Red-carded, just cautioned!
Can ya’ll imagine if 2008 Swiss special cops had stormed N.Y. Wall St & City Of London, to arrest Lehmans & Co, BIG bent ‘Banksters’ (too BIG to jail). For causing the BIGGEST global economic crash ongoing – in modern history?! At least since the, er, US 1930s Wall St Crash, and er, 1720s UK BIG bent South Sea Company Burst Bubble.
Yes, the FIFA lil Fat Cats/F.C. are no doubt bent, but mere amateurs compared to the PROVEN real World Cup-runneth-over, US/UK BIG hegemonic overpaid whores, pimps, puppets, pawns, gate-dogs, bitches & pups like bent Beeb’s lad Lineker – all the usual suspects.
As ever ref: Good-Guys, Pilger, Curtis, Blum, Moore, and too few more, still telling truths, in lands of lies.
E.G. ” Since 1945, more than a third of the membership of the United Nations – 69 countries – have suffered some or all of the following at the hands of America’s modern fascism. They have been invaded, their governments overthrown, their popular movements suppressed, their elections subverted, their people bombed and their economies stripped of all protection, their societies subjected to a crippling siege known as “sanctions”. The British historian Mark Curtis estimates the death toll in the millions. In every case, a BIG lie was deployed.”
http://johnpilger.com/articles/why-the-rise-of-fascism-is-again-the-issue
https://markcurtis.wordpress.com/books/
http://williamblum.org/books
http://www.michaelmoore.com/books
http://johnpilger.com/books-
May 28, 2015 at 1:43 pm -
Duh….
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May 28, 2015 at 4:01 pm -
I would like to make clear that “Duh…” refers to the comment I initially made wherein I confused a name and so made a totally idiotic comment. Thus, the “Duh” refers to me, and is not a response. I did ask Hal the Internet Spirit Guide to delete the comment after I had edited it, but Hal appears to not quite obey in full… edits well but deletes not.
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May 28, 2015 at 3:23 pm -
I thought of making a comment but you have said it all. Well done, every word a winner.
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May 28, 2015 at 1:10 pm -
I agree. I would say though that the popularity of the English Premier is not really its ‘integrity’ but its international nature. Whether you are Bulgaria or Spanish you will have one of your nationals to cheer on in an English game.
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May 28, 2015 at 4:27 pm -
It’s football, who gives a f**k? (nice writing though Sig…shame about the subject).
Anna, if you EVER sign up for that Widescreen SKY Sports HD package, that Pet is always on at you to get, then you can colour me “Absent Without Lager”. …and I’m betting most of the other regulars too. Keep the Raccoon Arms a Football Free Zone *feels a letter to the Parish Magazine coming on*.
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May 28, 2015 at 4:55 pm -
Agreed, though I do rather fancy a regular spot on the thrilling sport of Lacrosse. I could write reams about the chaffed knees, goose bumpy arms, stocky ankles in woollen socks – oh I could go on for hours…but did those women whinge? Nah, they took their well ironed hanky out of their blue serge knickers, wiped their noses, and prayed for the whistle to blow. An hour of geometry was preferable.
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May 28, 2015 at 6:18 pm -
regular spot on the thrilling sport of Lacrosse-The Landlady
Lacrosse is a sport??…you mean like a ‘game’??!? Amazing! The stuff one learns in this boozer, hours spent sitting on a barstool doesn’t just widen one’s arse it seems. I always assumed that lacrosse was, like hockey, either a form of warfare without the niceties of the Geneva Convention or one of those ‘left over from the pre-christian era’ fertility rites that the British seem to cling to (“Welcome to Summer Isle”)…young, healthy, eminently eligible, well bred ‘gals’ (name her ‘Marigold’ and hope she will) with pedigrees going back to the Glorious Revolution if not the Norman Conquest, running and bouncing around holding long sticks, crudely fashioned at one end to represent female genitalia wherein one ‘catches’ an egg like object. Sorta like a cross between May Pole dancing and a cattle market on an assault course. I mean , where else could the young men/brothers/cousins get to view the filly’s haunches under suspiciously tiny skirts but Sports Day at Roedean? …”Good form That Girl!-pelvic form! Chelsea buns aren’t just for tiffin.
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May 29, 2015 at 11:42 am -
“blue serge knickers” – that’s done it, I’ve just had a Proust madeleine moment mmmmm……….
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May 29, 2015 at 11:40 am -
Thanks TBD, you’ve said it all for me – I concur 100%.
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May 28, 2015 at 6:55 pm -
Is he Austrian? I thought he was a Swiss. Still a twat though.
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May 28, 2015 at 9:34 pm -
Lacrosse is a sport of the Red Indians, as we mustn’t call them anymore, but the first women to play it were Scottish.
“French Jesuit missionaries working in the St. Lawrence Valley in the 1630s were the first Europeans to see lacrosse being played by the Native American Indians. One of them, Jean de Brébeuf, wrote about the game being played by the Huron Indians in 1636 and it was he who the named the game “lacrosse”.
http://filacrosse.com/origin/
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