25 Hour News Election Special & A Day in The Life of The Electorate
The first General Election I remember was the February 1974 one; I quickly warmed to the concept when I realised I got a day off school, even if BBC1’s children’s programmes were shunted over to BBC2 so a lot of earnest, beige-suited men could talk Double Dutch on what looked like the bridge of USS Enterprise. I recall standing outside the local church hall with my baby brother when my mum went inside to vote – something that would probably be classed as child neglect in 2015; when I visited my neighbourhood polling station this morning, I half-expected there to be a crèche and a breast-feeding corner. Ironically, there was a young mother with a pushchair in there.
Times have indeed changed, yet there’s a strange sense of having come full circle today; on that chilly February morning in 1974, the two main parties were (as they say) neck-and-neck in the polls; this morning’s front cover of the Sun showed Labour and the Tories each on 34%. I almost bought a paper, but I only had a quid left and instead opted for a Pot Noodle. The jury is out as to which would provide the most nourishment.
It was barely a ten-minute walk in drizzly rain to the parish centre acting as the polling station; as I approached, several placards had been uprooted and scattered randomly. A plummy-voiced old lady asked me who had done it, as though as I should know. Perhaps she’d noticed I’d picked up the remnants of a UKIP one and used it as a prop for the shot accompanying this article. Anyone who remembers the brilliant satirical sitcom set in an early 90s newsroom, ‘Drop the Dead Donkey’, will recall Stephen Tomkinson’s war-zone reporter, who always ended his coverage of a massacre by producing a small teddy bear, claiming all that was left amidst the carnage was ‘this child’s toy’; I admit my requisition of the broken placard was as cynical, but I thought it was a canny touch.
Once inside the polling station, I appeared to be the youngest person present bar a couple of first-time voter student girls; they were as bewildered by the inept directions to the room where the deed would be done as I was. A rather ramshackle little edifice probably materialising at the end of the 1970s, the parish centre was surprisingly quiet; most of the voters already there looked like avuncular models for a cardigan catalogue aimed at the recently retired. The only waiting to be done was when my name and address were checked by the middle-aged couple sat at a table festooned with forms and leaflets. Within five minutes of arriving, I was handed two ballot papers – one for the Big Event and one for council elections (I never even realised there were any council elections taking place).
I felt like Glenda Jackson in that Public Information Film encouraging the giving of blood, the one where Ernie Wise assures her it’s a painless process; and, like Hancock, anticipation of tea and biscuits after doing my duty was in vain. On my way out, I caught a brief glimpse of the room where the counting would begin when the clock strikes ten tonight; the counters, if that is the collective noun, already looked jaded. They’d clearly been up early and were destined for a late night, but my own contribution to the democratic process was over and I headed for home.
I wish I could say I felt fulfilled by the experience, but I disappointingly didn’t; there’s always that Pot Noodle, though…
Petunia Winegum
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May 7, 2015 at 12:46 pm -
Surely they could afford to have a celebrity in every Polling Station, just to make the voter feel worth it – there’s enough of ’em to go round these days…. celebrities I mean. Not so sure about voters.
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May 7, 2015 at 12:48 pm -
It’d probably be some minor character from ‘Emmerdale’ where I voted!
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May 7, 2015 at 12:56 pm -
There was a Tory this morning desultorily asking me if I minded telling him my polling number as I entered Democracy Hall. I said I would, but I had no card, so had no idea what my number was. He settled for the first line of my address. As he wrote it down, I appeared to be the fifth in de house, but I guess some voters averse to the blue might have just told him to mind his own business…
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May 8, 2015 at 11:43 am -
Russell Brand will be free now…
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May 8, 2015 at 11:56 am -
I doubt he ever comes free daaahlink
http://www.entertainmentbookingagency.com/artists/russell-brand/
Clicking on the [got-a-budget?] widget seems to reveal that prices START at $20,000 … and the only way is up…
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May 7, 2015 at 1:58 pm -
Those Pot Noodles usually provide a fleeting sensation of well-being that quickly fades into an aching hollowness – was there nothing more substantial on the shelves, Petunia? That E650 artificial flavour enhancer is no man’s friend…
Buggered if I can see what it’s got to do with the voting process, though!-
May 7, 2015 at 3:36 pm -
In retrospect, I think I only purchased it knowing it would sound funny in the post I was poised to pen. That’s dedication to the cause for you!
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May 7, 2015 at 7:22 pm -
I tend to find myself pimping them with reggae reggae sauce or something which, on reflection, fails to improve them much.
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May 7, 2015 at 10:19 pm -
It’s gotta be ‘Rustlers’ microwave burger every time! – on offer for £1 at my sainsbury local-yum!!!
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May 7, 2015 at 2:40 pm -
Not Poodles, the real ones, are surprisingly ok in their ingredients. It’s the fake 19p packet ones that taste like kitchen towel soaked in genetically modified chicken arse that are to be avoided.
I’m about to wander down to our local village hall to vote. A lovely sunny afternoon. I can never find my voting card but if I ask they’ll tell me my voter number, which is public information that I’m quite happy to share with anyone outside who asks. But who I vote for is my business, and mine alone.
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May 7, 2015 at 6:19 pm -
Maybe I’m alone, but I do worry about someone who knows what “kitchen towel soaked in genetically modified chicken arse” actually tastes like. I recommend counselling.
I sauntered round to the local tiny church this afternoon to find the ballot action being held where I suspect the pews would normally be (not being an attendee) – all the altar flummery was still there, sparkling cross, embroidered fabrics etc. – all wasted in practice, as there aren’t any local Muzzies to offend by that blatant display of infidel faith, and anyway they’ve already had all their families’ allocation of 50 Postal Votes each filled in by that nice bloke at the mosque.
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May 7, 2015 at 6:42 pm -
I don’t know exactly when “they” did it, but some years ago the recipe for Pot Noodles was altered, and they don’t taste anywhere near as good as they used to – good in that sentence is used as a relative term.
As for voting I went along at lunch time. There were only a couple of other people there. The biggest surprise was that there were no UKIP candidates for the council seats in my ward, so I ended up voting for the two Conservatives. The only others available were a Liberal and an Independent, but I know he was a Tory for many years – in fact he stood many times as one, he must be over 80 now. I dare say the local Conservatives considered him too old for them.
Well, the polls close at 10 pm, then the counting starts. I think the real fun and games will come over the next few days when the horse trading amongst the parties gets underway to see what sort of coalition they can cook up.
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May 7, 2015 at 7:03 pm -
Bu**er the election – lets talk pot noodles!
Available in many flavours mail order or from your local chinese supermarket – absolutely the best!
My favourites are Crab, Seafood and Prawn…-
May 7, 2015 at 7:12 pm -
Sorry – should have added “Other pot noodles are also available”……(But they’re not as good).
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May 7, 2015 at 2:48 pm -
Not voting (a Xian thing about ‘fleeing Babylon and not having part in her sins’-that’s my excuse) I have no idea what Norfolk Polling Stations are like…there may even be tea and biccies in that generally 50 years behind the times Norfolk way. Upon entering the Polling Station, I assume one doffs one’s cap to the local Squire and he hands one a shiny shilling and tells one whom to vote for…..pretty sure that’s how it is in these here parts. Mind you, ‘hem new fangeled chaar’erists do ‘hreaten ‘o shig ‘hin’s up [sic] (“the Cahterist movement promises radical change”)
You think I jest?
Only a few short years ago (ok about 10 years) ago, a local landowner/Squire tried to use the Inclosure Act 1773 to get the village of ‘Upper Colostomy Bag Magna Nosebleed’s common land fenced off depriving villagers of grazing rights (yes really, grazing rights, the common is still full of those farm yard animal thingys or ‘comforters’ as they are known round here).
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May 7, 2015 at 3:39 pm -
I thought grazing rights came as a dowry down your way?
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May 7, 2015 at 3:43 pm -
I thought grazing rights came as a dowry down your way?
Depends on whether your betrothed’s family IS your family before the wedding….the whole point of marrying your sister was to keep the land in the family.
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May 7, 2015 at 3:47 pm -
Indeed – who would countenance something as repulsive as marrying outside the family?
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May 7, 2015 at 4:28 pm -
Indeed – who would countenance something as repulsive as marrying outside the family?
I do hear tell that some of the younger Norfolk Bohemians do take common law wives from outside the village even… (“Norfolk Bohemians”-now there’s a phrase to strike terror…). Personally I blame the introduction of the Optical Telegraph, giving the youth strange and fanciful notions above their station.
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May 7, 2015 at 2:50 pm -
*edit “Cahterist”= “Charterist”….damn you webbed fingers!
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May 7, 2015 at 2:55 pm -
A friend who helps in the polling station has the dream location, an old fashioned pub about 4 miles away.
Having been a parish councillor on & off for twenty years or so (I know, but believe me it’s addictive), I can be a bit nerdy about elections & stuff.
Oddly, these days it’s common for there to be no parish council election- not enough people stand for office so we’re automatically re-elected, and after signing the usual declaration, it’s no change. Always been difficult to get people to stand; so what happens next is that vacancies are filled by co-option, i.e. the councillors appoint the councillors. Given the limited powers & finance available (although parish councils aren’t capped), we’re not going to do a lot of harm. I’d like to think we do a lot of good.
The lively bit comes from the fact that we’re accessible- all meetings are open to public attendance unless there are very good reasons for confidentiality. This means anybody with an issue comes along, and is usually given the chance to have a say. A lot different from travelling 15 miles to the district council where the real power is-where only 4 members of the public may speak, mic switched off after exactly 2 minutes.
As I said, it’s addictive.-
May 7, 2015 at 3:40 pm -
Sounds more democratic than the stage-managed speeches for the party faithful we’ve seen this election.
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May 7, 2015 at 5:05 pm -
Even so, as a volunteer, being called a liar to your face in public by some ill informed resident is more common than some might like.
Mind you, I have been known to be extremely rude in response to provocation. Only lose you temper when you haven’t is a good habit.-
May 7, 2015 at 5:07 pm -
As a member of the dark elites of “the Establishment”, I’d settle for liar and think I was lucky…
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May 7, 2015 at 6:58 pm -
‘…dark elites…’
Excellent, Moor.
I’ll try to work that reference in to welcoming a newbie councillor.
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May 7, 2015 at 4:01 pm -
Parish Council limited powers and finance. My Parish is getting £25,000 a year for 20 years from the local windmill operatives. Lots of scope there…………
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May 7, 2015 at 4:56 pm -
‘…£25,000 a year…’
Nerd time again:
Think too about £60 a year or whatever your local precept is per household in the parish; for capital works add in a share of section 106 money which is the perfectly legal developer contribution to offset the effect of his development; and from this year a share of community infrastructure levy(CIL) charged on every square metre of new development except social housing.
And councillors don’t get allowances or expenses, so it’s just staff (parish clerks are awesome), and stuff for the people.
But it’s still peanuts compared to the big boys in local govt.
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May 7, 2015 at 3:02 pm -
Pot Noodles Eh . Dammed country’s going to the dogs !
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May 7, 2015 at 3:11 pm -
Can’t agree with you, sir! No self-respecting dog of my acquaintance would be seen dead with a Pot-Noodle….
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May 7, 2015 at 3:34 pm -
No self-respecting dog of my acquaintance would be seen dead ,with a Pot-Noodle….
Wrong preposition?
That said, The Bestes Frau In The World just adores “Pot Noodle À le Bon Dwarf”. The trick is toactually COOK the bloody things not just warm/resuscitate them. Pour boiling water into the Pot then tip it all into a wide saucepan, add butter, spices, condiments etc. Bring the Pot-Noodle In A Pan to a gentle boil and simmer etc until the noddles are SOFT and the ‘peas’ too.
Still tastes awful IMO but at least not crunchy awful.
instead opted for a Pot Noodle. -Pet
Pet, it’s a 70s’ childhood ‘thing’ , you could probably do a good post about ‘Pot Noodles-their role in my childhood and the downfall of Western Civilization’. I recall being entranced by the idea of Pot Noodles…seemed soooo brave new world….back when I had hair….
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May 7, 2015 at 3:48 pm -
Yes, potential Sunday post when all else fails me, ‘Pot Noodle and Me: A Potted History’.
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May 7, 2015 at 4:30 pm -
‘Pot Noodle and Me: A Potted History’.
Seems in my absence your Oompahs have been slacking off…that pun is so weak it needs a wheelchair.
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May 7, 2015 at 5:00 pm -
I recall I used to deliberately add too little water to my Vesta meals because I liked the slightly dry and crispy texture.
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May 7, 2015 at 5:04 pm -
I know the feeling. A watery Pot Noodle is even worse!
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May 7, 2015 at 5:08 pm -
CupaSoup by then surely?
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May 7, 2015 at 6:20 pm -
May 7, 2015 at 6:25 pm -
CupaSoup by then surely?
Not, following my methodology, if you add butter and cook the noodles properly. You get a very rich and velvet sauce. Without the butter you get the usual ‘jus’ …if TVP might be said to give off a jus. Whichever one prefers. Personally I’d rather downstairs to Ye Olde Fish N Chip N Kebab N Pizza Shoppe , which fortuitously the Dwarf Cave is positioned above (and it IS ‘fortuitously’ cos the nearest McDonalds is a 9 mile drive).
Just wandered past our local Polling Station, seemed to be a lot of people emerging blinking into the sunlight…have the denizens of Norfolk not got anything better to do of a spring evening than go around electing people, when all decent God fearing folk are at home surfing midget-donkey-porn on the internet??! There is a brand new video on Youtube- it has kittens in it.
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May 7, 2015 at 6:50 pm -
I actually used to eat a lot of Pot Noodle a long time ago – before they altered the recipe and ingredients. I ate so many I was able to send the foil lids in to get Pot Noodle china mugs – I managed to get three, a yellow one, a red one, and a green one. Still got them tucked away somewhere – sort of thing that might be seen on Antiques Roadshow a hundred years from now.
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May 7, 2015 at 7:37 pm -
I wonder if Dignitas suggest Pot Noodles for people’s last meal – a brief euphoric recollection of distant, happier times instantly dashed by the depressing lack of flavour which expedites the nurse to ‘just get on with it, love’.
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May 7, 2015 at 7:47 pm
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May 7, 2015 at 5:44 pm -
You forgot the name of Damian’s teddy: “Dimbles.”
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May 7, 2015 at 7:21 pm -
Vote early, vote often (as they say in Tower Hamlets).
It’s going to be a right bugger’s muddle and we will get another chance by the Autumn, I’m sure.
I used to be a blood donor, but only because they happily swapped a pint of my red stuff for a bottle of milk stout, or, if you were lucky, some Theakson’s Old Peculier.How the NHS has changed…
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May 7, 2015 at 8:09 pm -
All this talk of Pot Noodles! Surely the only creature on God’s earth that would willingly eat a Pot Noodle is a student, and then only if they can’t blag some real food off somebody.
PS. Judging by the numbers passing my humble abode on route to the polling station, turnout’s quite good. A sample of one polling station obviously doesn’t prove a national trend, but I mention it for what it’s worth.
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May 7, 2015 at 9:24 pm -
Disgusting stuff. I had a chum who lived on it.
Naturally, my own preference veered to jugged hare. The catch was that one had to kill them oneself. And wait.
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May 7, 2015 at 10:37 pm -
Off topic, but probably of interest: a post on SDA about Canadian health service. Seems to share some of the problems of our NHS.
http://www.smalldeadanimals.com/2015/05/tommy-douglas-n-55.html#more
Warning: “medical” pics.
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May 8, 2015 at 7:49 am -
Looking like 5 blue years then. The BBC wallahs on the wireless just now are saying we need electoral reform; I wonder if UKIP will join the campaign.
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May 8, 2015 at 8:12 am -
UKIP and the BBC – That’s a marriage made in Hell, it can’t last.
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May 8, 2015 at 11:36 am -
In his acceptance speech, Mr Carswell called the UK system “dysfunctional”, saying: “Here in our part of Essex people voted for UKIP and they got UKIP. “Yet across the country, about five million people will have either voted for UKIP or for the Green Party. Those five million people will be lucky to get a tiny handful of MPs in the House of Commons.”
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-32633719
Speaking about his defeat [Mr. Farage] insisted he had “never felt happier”, with a “weight lifted off his shoulders”.
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May 8, 2015 at 8:15 am -
If we’re lucky we’ll get BBC reform too, after which they will entertain & inform in a balanced way instead of trying to influence.
Just a view.
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May 8, 2015 at 8:51 am -
£150 tax cut for every hard-working family in the land.
I’d vote for that…
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May 8, 2015 at 12:44 pm -
I always subscribed to the full version of that old adage that ‘you should try everything once in life except incest, morris-dancing and Pot Noodles’.
Given the way this thread has developed, I am now led to consider broadening my horizons by experimenting with one of those. Any recommendations from the experts ?
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