OK, it’s the question on everyone’s lips, the most important news item of the week bar none, the issue galvanising the nation into making a crucial choice that will affect the route this country takes for at least the next five years. Yes, you guessed it – Who will replace Jeremy Clarkson as the host of ‘Top Gear’?
In the old days, suggestions would be on the back of a postcard addressed to BBC TV Centre, Wood Lane, London W12 8QT, an address as engrained on the memory as the telephone number for ‘Swap Shop’ (all together now, 01 811 8055); but in this exciting hi-tech age of democratic trolls the power has been wrestled from the GPO and is now in your hands! Your suggestions matter, so let’s have them. Should the Beeb opt for a complete overhaul and bravely break new ground by going for a female host (even though they did that with Angela Ripon 30-odd years ago)? Should they raise the cerebral bar and pick a clever-clogs such as Brian Sewell, a man who possesses Clarkson’s bullish brusqueness but also knows his Monet from his Manet? Should they go for the ‘It’s Grim up North London’ vote and nominate a Metrosexual intellectual who’s always happy to get his face on camera, such as Alan Yentob? Should they maintain the bloke vote by persuading the people’s choice Nigel Farage to abandon his political ambitions and steer a sport’s car around a racetrack whilst downing a pint and smoking a fag? Or should they lower the age of the host a good couple of generations by picking someone who’s down with the Kids like the one-armed girl from CBeebies? She’d also demonstrate the Beeb’s committment to minorities.
Well, it’s up to you. Let’s have your nominations. Think of it as a nice little test-run for the General Election. Actually, Cameron, Clegg and Miliband might all have empty diaries come the autumn; they could be the ideal replacements for Clarkson, May and Hammond…