The 25 Hour News and You Decide…
OK, it’s the question on everyone’s lips, the most important news item of the week bar none, the issue galvanising the nation into making a crucial choice that will affect the route this country takes for at least the next five years. Yes, you guessed it – Who will replace Jeremy Clarkson as the host of ‘Top Gear’?
In the old days, suggestions would be on the back of a postcard addressed to BBC TV Centre, Wood Lane, London W12 8QT, an address as engrained on the memory as the telephone number for ‘Swap Shop’ (all together now, 01 811 8055); but in this exciting hi-tech age of democratic trolls the power has been wrestled from the GPO and is now in your hands! Your suggestions matter, so let’s have them. Should the Beeb opt for a complete overhaul and bravely break new ground by going for a female host (even though they did that with Angela Ripon 30-odd years ago)? Should they raise the cerebral bar and pick a clever-clogs such as Brian Sewell, a man who possesses Clarkson’s bullish brusqueness but also knows his Monet from his Manet? Should they go for the ‘It’s Grim up North London’ vote and nominate a Metrosexual intellectual who’s always happy to get his face on camera, such as Alan Yentob? Should they maintain the bloke vote by persuading the people’s choice Nigel Farage to abandon his political ambitions and steer a sport’s car around a racetrack whilst downing a pint and smoking a fag? Or should they lower the age of the host a good couple of generations by picking someone who’s down with the Kids like the one-armed girl from CBeebies? She’d also demonstrate the Beeb’s committment to minorities.
Well, it’s up to you. Let’s have your nominations. Think of it as a nice little test-run for the General Election. Actually, Cameron, Clegg and Miliband might all have empty diaries come the autumn; they could be the ideal replacements for Clarkson, May and Hammond…
Petunia Winegum
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March 28, 2015 at 10:12 am -
ClarkHamMay in government, DavEdClegg doing Top Gear? That’s a deal I could live with.
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March 28, 2015 at 10:15 am -
BBC “values” will mandate a black lesbian in a wheelchair. I’d rather like to see Michael Gambon have a go…
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March 28, 2015 at 10:43 am -
mandate a black lesbian in a wheelchair.
Shurely shome mishtake? You meant of course ‘an elderly black lesbian and founding member of “Shining Path” in a wheelchair’ and the track relocated to a former IRA training camp.
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March 28, 2015 at 11:04 am -
It’ll probably be Bonnie Greer, who seems to pop up everywhere….
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March 28, 2015 at 10:27 am -
How’s about Reginald D. Hunter
I have no idea if he knows anything about cars, but he’d be different and funny.
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March 28, 2015 at 3:45 pm -
“How’s about Reginald D. Hunter”
If it be a ‘Hunter’ then surely Hunter S.Thompson would be better but he is spending eternity dead for tax reasons.
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March 28, 2015 at 4:00 pm -
Nah, Ed Sharran – he’s got exactly the right sort of man-child simpering face and apologetic manner to keep most of the producers happy, he’s got red hair, and he’s just old enough to drive without being a threat to the ladies. Perfect BBC material.
Be a terrible programme of course, but that isn’t the point, is it?-
March 28, 2015 at 7:19 pm -
It was a terrible programme already but had the ameliorating quality of popularity.
Terrible and unpopular should see it on BBC3 soon…
Maybe bookending Slapper Laffs or summat else wotz kool.
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March 28, 2015 at 10:30 am -
March 28, 2015 at 11:06 am -
I don’t care – I’ll be watching the repeats on Dave.
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March 28, 2015 at 11:26 am -
Me too!
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March 28, 2015 at 11:06 am -
I think the BBC, in a ‘reaction’ to the tears wept by many a bedwetter this month, will relaunch Top Gear in true modern-day BBC2 style – Ian Katz producing a ‘dream team’ of Emily Maitlis, Lauren Laverne and – to represent ‘the men’ – Graham ‘f***ing’ Norton. The focus will move from the boyish obsessions of the ‘patriarchy’ like speed, handling and motoring heritage to ease of parking, speed limiters and the self-driving cars that allow the ‘driver’ to legally apply make-up and take endless in-car ‘selfies’. Features of the show will be amended for the Brave New World – ‘Labour Supporter in a reasonably priced car’ for instance.
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March 28, 2015 at 11:19 am -
Not an original thought I know, but Steve Coogan must be in the running surely? I mean, Saxondale eh? Eh?
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March 28, 2015 at 11:31 am -
How about Vladimir Putin? He should be just about blokey enough. He might be busy invading a small Eastern European nation……..which might give scope for some excellent “where to park your tank in somebody else’s capital city” footage.
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March 28, 2015 at 1:26 pm -
Good call – and Vlad wouldn’t be bothered by causing an international incident!
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March 28, 2015 at 1:43 pm -
Certainly a name to keep on the short list…if The Duke Of Edinburgh can’t due to prior engagements….
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March 28, 2015 at 2:03 pm -
Vlad the Impala has a certain va va voom potential.
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March 28, 2015 at 12:41 pm -
The BBC. Would like Dorean Lawrence, Natalie Bennett and Nicola Sturgeon to present Top Gear.
I would like David Coulthard, J Kay and maybe someone like Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden, radio presenter and airline pilot- watch Flying Heavy metal to see what he’s like)
And how about Jodie Kidd or Sabrine joking the team.
I wouldn’t want chris Evans, Jessica Ennis, Stephen fry, Steve Coogan any where near it
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March 28, 2015 at 3:23 pm -
Bruce Dickinson, yes, but never mind the cars – this is the man who brought us ‘Bruce Dickinson Investigates Spontaneous Human Combustion’ and surely has a few more such ideas up his sleeve.
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March 28, 2015 at 5:14 pm -
Or David Dickinson perhaps? (“It’s a right bobby-dazzler, cheap as chips, that’s the real deal” etc.)
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March 28, 2015 at 6:06 pm -
“David Dickinson perhaps? “
…would have the advantage of not needing a Hi-Vis vest when doing ‘stunts’….Day Glo orange as he is.
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March 28, 2015 at 6:22 pm -
… unless, perchance, he happened to feature in the same shot as a polished walnut dash ?
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March 28, 2015 at 7:21 pm -
dashingly antique, polished walnut by gad.
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March 28, 2015 at 8:18 pm -
Positively burnished!
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March 28, 2015 at 1:01 pm -
Learning the lessons of history suggests that Oisin Tymon should get the job.
Back when Bernard Braden got the BBC boot for promoting Andy Warhol or whatever it was Bernard was doing with Campbells soup back then, the li’l’ helper stepped up and Esther Rantzen never looked back, other than to keep a watching eye for the daggers thrown by Barbara Kelly.
That’s life at the British Inbreeding and Fratricide Corporation.
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March 28, 2015 at 1:04 pm -
Diane Abbott, Shami Chakrabati and Yasmin Alibhai Brown.
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March 28, 2015 at 1:53 pm -
Wouldn’t surprise me!
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March 29, 2015 at 2:40 pm -
You forgot Happy Harriet Harman & and the lovely Yvette Cooper!
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March 28, 2015 at 1:42 pm -
Sandi Toksvig
Yes I am being serious. She can ‘bloke’ better than most of the men so far suggested .
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March 28, 2015 at 1:58 pm -
Got a name fit for an off-roader too. Toyota Toksvig sounds like it could be a goer.
Stephen Fry should be a shoe-in as the Ford Qi.
Paul Gambaccini could do the long, professorial bits, grinding on about gear-shifting and sub-normals… stuff like that.Not sure if they’d quite cut the mustard for the dumb-ass blond baying bimbo’s forcing their way to the front of the hyaena-like ‘live’ audience that I vaguely remember however. There might be a whole new approach to the tail-gating issue however.
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March 28, 2015 at 3:10 pm -
If the sobbing Twitterati were to be believed, the next step for the BBC would be BoJo, Farage & ‘Simple’ Simon Danczuk to take over Top Gear.
Me not so sure – I don’t think there’s room for boys shows on BBC2 any more…I though the 2002 Top Gear worked well… for 5 or 6 six years. Then, like every successful BBC show of recent times, instead of progression we got endless milking of the ‘franchise’ – so it just descended to ‘daft’ & ‘pointless’. But that’s just my opinion, unlike the Bedwetters I do not think the public in their millions are ‘wrong’ for lapping it up every Sunday.
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March 28, 2015 at 8:32 pm -
Dwarf- on the basis of ‘bloke ‘ better than most, you’d also have to have x-ray eyes Theresa M in the running.
Can’t see it myself; a portrait of disdain.
My preference would be to have Bluestone 42 take over.
Given though that we’re dealing with the Bolshevic Broadcasting Corporation, with the unmentioned support of the European Urine, I’m sure whatever happens will be for our own good.
They do know what’s best for us after all.
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March 28, 2015 at 1:52 pm -
I personally don’t care if the Top gear team expire in an outbreak of boils, but it’s difficult to imagine another team running the show. The cars are a prop rather than the subject, which suggests the show is entirely about indulging three ageing ‘lads’.
Hardly surprising when the ordinary car of today is so totally unremarkable, and we’re never likely to even clap eyes on the exotica they play with.
I do confess to the odd chance viewing Top Gear, but I certainly couldn’t manage a whole one.But the question asked was nominations- nope, I reckon the show’s dead.
It wasn’t going to last forever, was it?-
March 28, 2015 at 4:56 pm -
And the winner is …binao……with who cares!
Though like many here I would like to think there will soon be many right-on unemployed MP’s who hate cars and men. The dream team would be hatty harperson and the ed bollocks bint, weekly telling the UK why pink buses are important.
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March 28, 2015 at 2:42 pm -
They COULD always get his rather inferior American knockoff, a broadcast personality named Adam Carolla, whose schtick has always been to ape Jezza’s “blokishness” and failure to observe the norms of “polite discourse” on certain subjects. Carolla’s physical appearance even suggests Jezza. He HAD a similar show, The Car Show (not the US Top Gear, but again, a knockoff of that show, itself a knockoff). It was pretty weak tea and quickly cancelled, but hey, he was also somewhat unfortunate in his supporting cast, give him THAT much.
http://www.autoguide.com/auto-news/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/carshow.jpg-
March 28, 2015 at 2:49 pm -
He must have been better than you give him credit for if Toyota named a car after him.
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March 28, 2015 at 3:42 pm -
“He must have been better than you give him credit for if Toyota named a car after him.”
Not when you consider VW named a car after some Essex WET …Oi Sharaan!
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March 28, 2015 at 5:17 pm -
I don’t care. Just so lomg as they get rid of that twat of the first order, Hammond.
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March 28, 2015 at 5:44 pm -
If they want a woman, but still feel the need to have a gobshite as host, I can’t think of anyone more qualified than Katie Hopkins.
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March 29, 2015 at 2:43 pm -
Katie Hopkins is horrible –no thanks
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March 28, 2015 at 5:45 pm -
No attempt by other TV channels to emulate the formula of TG has been successful, e.g., Fifth Gear
So like it or loathe it, the macho chemistry between the 3 presenters is the main reason for TG’s longevity and world-wide sales.
So the BBC have indeed shot the golden goose – I’m considering cancelling my TV licence payment, as it was one of very few live shows I watched. That’ll teach ’em!-
March 28, 2015 at 7:29 pm -
“No attempt by other TV channels to emulate the formula of TG has been successful, e.g., Fifth Gear”
with the notable exception of the Dutch “Top GEAR” which remains a big HIT over there….
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March 29, 2015 at 4:38 pm -
But the Dutch probably mean something rather different by “Gear”!
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March 28, 2015 at 8:56 pm -
Once the HR Department of The Establishment gets involved, they’ll look for opportunities to redeploy currently unemployed members of said Establishment to fill the vacancy.
Step forward, Prince Harry – taking voluntary redundancy from the soldiering game so available, needs an apparent source of income to assuage the lefties, enough blokey skills, would still attract the girlie viewers.
Just hope he doesn’t want to bring his dad along …… whoever that may be.-
March 29, 2015 at 2:36 am -
After a few weeks, Harry Windsor would be told to “Sod this for a game of soldiers!”
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March 29, 2015 at 5:37 am -
Time the program abandoned its colonial language and was presented in Urdu or the like.
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March 29, 2015 at 2:43 pm -
Scottish as well!
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March 29, 2015 at 8:59 pm -
Am I only one who yearns to see Chrisopher Biggens given the opportunity?
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March 29, 2015 at 9:11 pm -
No. there’s Christopher as well.
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