Shock, horror this morning amongst all the people who didn’t read the Forbes list of the 1549 wealthiest people in the world – Oxfam have usedÂ the top 85 to depress us further on #Blue Monday.
The top 85 own 1% of the world’s wealth! Nine hundred and ninety billion, eight hundred and eighty-three million, eight hundred and ninety thousand quid all to themselves, just 85 miserable sods?Â Noooo! We cannot have this. Pitchforkers of the world unite! They must give it back to us! We deserve it – they don’t, they are nasty filthy rich people. We can cure them of that.Â
Not only that, but an alleged PaedophileÂ (we all know what that means…) will be representing Britain atÂ the World Economic Forum in Davos. Something must be done immediately.
What to do? Well, let’s take that 1% of the world’s wealth away from the undeserving rich and share it out, and whilst we are about it, do away with the Royal family.
(Be aware, the French went down this route in 1789, it didn’t work for them!)
Now that the poorest three and a half billion of us areÂ Â£228 each better off – look up and what do you see? Well, Bill Gates is broke – you took it all off him remember, so since most of the happy recipients of that Â£228 are living in third world countries prone to Malaria, you’d better dig deep in your pockets to fund the research otherwise you won’t live long enough to spend your share of the loot.
There’s something else you’ll notice – yes, there are still a load of filthy rich people ahead of you in that Forbes list! Off with their heads!
Look at that!Â Â£21,834 quid and 65 pence each and no more rich bastards!Â
We’re in the money, we’re in the money….
Just one small point. We owe Â£104,931,894,022,537.84.
That’s, er,Â Â£14,395 each – leaving you just Â£7,439 apiece.
And I’m prepared to bet that you’ll find you have just repaid that Â£104,931,894,022,537.84 to peopleÂ who only had Â£7,439 yesterday and thus created a whole new category of rich bastards for you to hate.
Not only that, but some of that original ‘wealth’ figure was in the form of the value of property – palaces that you just tore down and created new hovels for yourselves; factories that employed you as slave labour that now have no value ‘cos, rejoice! you are no longer slaves…
It took the French 200 years to figure out what they’d done.
Enjoy your Â£7,439, there won’t be another handout next year, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.