The Return of the Bionic Raccoon.
Done it! Done it! Done it! Been there; got the t-shirt; everything is behind me now – literally!
It was far from ‘the breeze’ that I expected it to be – probably the most testing week I’ve had so far. As can be reliably expected of La Raccoon, I have developed every known complication that can occur in what should have been relatively straight forward surgery. It all helps to keep the interns on their toes; they think I’m the ‘mystery shopper’.
Without a doubt the lowest point was when the dreaded gastric pump was wheeled into view; I am terrified of it. No, I have a well rehearsed 60 year old phobia about the damn thing, and I was ready to give up at that moment. I burst into tears. I was fortunate to be blessed with a male nurse of such empathy and humanity – he knelt beside me and cupped my face in his hands, fixed his eyes on mine, and – I can only describe it as a cross between hypnotism and horse whispering – he convinced me that he and I were going to get through this ordeal together. I found myself nodding my agreement! I still can’t believe it! There are some extraordinary people in this world, and ‘Manu’ is one of them. I will never forget him.
The Bergonie has a curious atmosphere; there are only 80 overnight beds spread over four floors, mostly occupied by those unfortunate souls for whom all treatment has failed and for whom the Bergonie is licensed to prescribe treatment that is not yet on the national register. ‘Last chance saloon’ you could call it. There are only a handful of people like me who are there purely because they have a rare cancer for which there is not yet a ‘regular’ treatment. Consequently there are not a huge amount of ‘success stories’. It is a difficult atmosphere to live in – and it must be a desperately difficult atmosphere to work in without turning yourself into an emotionless automaton.
Yet they don’t. As I turned the corner on day 7 and started to come back to normal life again, their joy was palpable. Everyone knew that I was ‘going to be OK’, and as I started to walk around again, down to the petit jardin, to the cafe, I was greeted with beaming smiles everywhere; the porters, the cleaners, it mattered not who – they all knew me, and everywhere I went there was a cheery ‘Ça va, Madame? Très bien, très bien!’ I have been in our local hospital on a couple of occasions, and whilst they have brilliant staff, there is a difference in the Bergonie. Difficult to put your finger on, but everyone, no matter what their job, is involved. Even the maintenance man who came to fix the safe in my room, on hearing me wince as I moved, stopped what he was doing straight away and asked if I was in pain, should he call the nurse? Tackle a step, lifting the ubiquitous IV drip trolley, and someone will step forward offering help. Nobody is a ‘jobsworth’.
It has been one Hell of a journey; it will be three years this Bastille Day. In that time they have steered me from this:
Through this:
and back to this:
My hair will grow again; I shall rebuild the site once more – there are nearly 4,000 posts and 60,000 comments to put back up, so if there is any one that you particularly want to see back again, let me know. It’s going to be a slow process on both counts!
In the meantime, I haven’t seen a TV or a newspaper in the last ten days – so would someone let me know what is happening? What has been happening; what you are talking about?
As from tomorrow morning, life round here will be back to normal and no more will be said on the subject. I will be insufferably smug though – you do know that?
- FrankH
April 21, 2014 at 9:03 am -
Welcome back.
News: Liverpool are now favourites for the Premier League title. Is that the sort of thing you meant? I’m afraid I can’t help with the latest gossip from Eastenders or Corrie, maybe somebody else can fill you in.
- Overthehill
April 21, 2014 at 9:05 am -
Anna, you are a beacon in a dark world, and a lot of prayers have been answered, including those from at least one agnostic.
- JuliaM
April 21, 2014 at 1:21 pm -
Amen! And after all, isn’t Easter a time of rebirth?
- Frankie
April 24, 2014 at 7:06 am -
Indeed…
Raccoons is tough buggers, Raccoons is! Excellent news!!
- Frankie
- JuliaM
- Don Cox
April 21, 2014 at 9:11 am -
So glad you are up and about again. If only this could be true for every cancer patient.
Nothing much has happened in the big world in the past week, except yet another ferry disaster.
- Mudplugger
April 21, 2014 at 9:24 am -
Compared to your experience, absolutely nothing important has happened while you’ve been away.
Great to have you back in full-function mode – just take it gently and respect the bonus you have won.
Can we all breathe again now ? - Wendi
April 21, 2014 at 9:41 am -
Brilliant news, love the dancing Raccoon.
The Bergonié staff sound wonderfully special.
As for what’s happened out there – same shit different day. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Welcome back! - amfortas
April 21, 2014 at 9:47 am -
See. Prayers do work.
Welcome through, m’dear. be as smug as you like. It is your snug to be smug in and we are happy to visit.
- Dick Puddlecote
April 21, 2014 at 9:50 am -
Fantastic news, Anna! And, like Wendi, I’m lovin’ that vaudeville raccoon.
Looking forward to you back firing on all cylinders. Encore une fois sur la brèche …
- Machiii
April 21, 2014 at 10:02 am -
Great news!
- Helen
April 21, 2014 at 10:06 am -
Looking good. Onwards and upwards. x
- david morris
April 21, 2014 at 10:14 am - John Doran
April 21, 2014 at 10:25 am -
Good luck to you.
- Christine
April 21, 2014 at 10:39 am -
So glad you’re on the right side of your treatment and on the up. Take care x
- Lucozade
April 21, 2014 at 10:44 am -
Your looking great. Glad to hear your on the mend now and good luck.
- Anne
April 21, 2014 at 11:00 am -
Best of luck with your future, glad youre getting much better.
- Chris
April 21, 2014 at 11:08 am -
Welcome Back to the lunatic asylum
- Justin
April 21, 2014 at 11:18 am -
Get well soon, Anna. Also, thank you very much for posting the pictures.
- InLikeFlint
April 21, 2014 at 11:24 am -
Delightful to know that you are well and truly ‘back’ – the sun is a bit brighter this morning as a result. You have endured, now enjoy!
- den
April 21, 2014 at 11:26 am -
Great to see your blog again. Well done.
- rabbitaway
April 21, 2014 at 11:34 am -
Blimey, that French NHS is great eh ! Nice to have you back Ms Raccoon. Looking forward to some great posts in the near future !
- macheath
April 21, 2014 at 11:39 am -
Mille félicitations, ma chère!
- Radical Rodent
April 21, 2014 at 11:57 am -
Smug away, lady. You are one of the very few people who truly deserve to do so.
- Wigner’s Friend
April 21, 2014 at 12:12 pm -
Smug int’ smug. Welcome back pet.
- Wigner’s Friend
- Jonathan
April 21, 2014 at 12:12 pm -
There are so few in our army. It’s good to have the General back in charge.
- right-writes
April 21, 2014 at 12:15 pm - Eddy
April 21, 2014 at 12:18 pm -
Welcome back, I’m so glad you made it. And thanks for the pictures, its nice to see the face behind the words.
Good luck Anna. - Daedalus X. Parrot
April 21, 2014 at 12:20 pm -
Many congrats Ms Raccs.
Regarding news from the previous weeks, let’s have a fun news quiz. Which one of these news headlines is a fake?
– Cameron says he thinks the Christian faith is brilliant.
– Miliband (Ed) says he looks forward to being the first Jewish Prime Minister, (his PPE degree seems to have not covered Disraeli).
– Clegg caught up in the aftermath of another Lib Dem sex scandal, this time a serious one regarding Cyril Smith.
– Farage criticised in the Times for using his MEP allowance in the same legal way as other MEPs.
– The Co-op Crystal Methodist may be linked to cover up of paedophile scandal at Cyril Smith’s school.
– Ed Balls has a prang in his car and tries to sneak away unnoticed.
– UK Government still spends more per year than under the worst years of New Labour. - Rightwinggit
April 21, 2014 at 1:11 pm -
RESULT!
- DtP
April 21, 2014 at 1:37 pm -
Dear Anna
Bit of a news flash but spring has started and summer’s on its way. Marvellous stuff, perhaps quite sufferably smug, it sounds like insufferable stuff can be popped in a box and forgotten about. Well bloody done, well bloody done with knobs on.
Hurray!
DtP
- Pete
April 21, 2014 at 2:09 pm -
Glad to hear you’re doing well, Anna. Despite disagreeing with most of your political positions, your integrity and attention to detail always make your blog worth reading, especially on the Saville witchhunt and its wider implications. Oh, and I see you’re not bad looking either! Keep growing that hair!
- Carl
April 21, 2014 at 2:14 pm -
I have been addicted to your blog for some time but have never had the courage to post, in fact this will be my first ever posting on any on-line forum, I just must offer you my sincere best wishes and hopes that your recovery will be fast and complete.
- acuriousyellow
April 21, 2014 at 2:59 pm -
great news Anna, sounds like you deserve a holiday
- Chromatistes
April 21, 2014 at 3:50 pm -
Oh bugger. We won’t be able to help ourselves to free nuts at the Raccoon Arms bar any longer.
- Carol42
April 21, 2014 at 3:52 pm -
Couldn’t be happier for you Anna , I have a friend waiting for a stoma reversal and will be glad to tell her you came through just fine. Have a long healthy life from now on I missed you.
Love
Carol - Tedioustantrums
April 21, 2014 at 3:53 pm -
I’m a fairly new reader of your blog. It’s becom e my “first blog of the day” pushing Leggy down to second, just don’t mention that to him though.
I hope you are really on the mend and can enjoy your French summer.
Tomorrow is always a new day with loads of potential for you.
- Bunny
April 21, 2014 at 4:34 pm -
Excellent news and good to see you back
- Jim Bates
April 21, 2014 at 4:48 pm -
Fan-bloody-tastic!
So that’s what the E. Mids. earthquakes were all about – all the hospital people leaping up and down.News? Nothing at all except some bird called Smuggy Raccoon reappeared on the radar and start dancing on a darkened motorway.
Great news – well done – I’ll even pay for the seventy three bags of pork scratchings I ‘borrowed’.
Looking forward to resumption of normal service. - Zwartble
April 21, 2014 at 5:07 pm -
Dear Anna,
I can only say I’m overjoyed that you have pulled through, followed your blog for several years. A truly remarkable lady in every way. - JimmyGiro
April 21, 2014 at 5:21 pm -
I’m glad all is well with you.
The whiskers should return, but personally I think hair is over-rated.
- Alan Scott
April 21, 2014 at 5:53 pm -
Oh joy unconfined!! Welcome back!!
Alan Scott - Sackerson
April 21, 2014 at 6:07 pm -
Welcome back and hooray!
- Joe Public
April 21, 2014 at 6:10 pm -
I knew you’d be back.
You’ve that motivation & grim determination to complete your crusade against many injustices highlighted in your postings over the years.
Long may they continue, Anna.
- Gildas the Monk
April 21, 2014 at 6:24 pm -
Wonderful news! Keep battling, Boss!
- Ancient + Tattered Airman
April 21, 2014 at 6:46 pm -
Frabjous news for all your appreciative readers, my lady! Do NOT overtax yourself though.
- j
April 21, 2014 at 7:16 pm - Woman on a Raft
April 21, 2014 at 7:17 pm -
Excellent news. Wishing you all the best.
- Tigerrose
April 21, 2014 at 8:00 pm -
Be smug, dearest Anna, and enjoy every minute of being so! You deserve all good things. Huge congratulations on your success. T xx
- tomocarroll
April 21, 2014 at 8:03 pm -
Great you have such good news healthwise. I’m amazed and delighted you found the time and energy to comment on my blog after all you’ve been through. Also (though I’m not the first to say so) I love the dancing Raccoon!
- lfb_uk
April 21, 2014 at 8:23 pm -
Welcome home x
- Magwitch
April 21, 2014 at 8:42 pm -
Bravo Anna,
Welcome back. Glad the rebuild went well.
There’s been little mention of that stalwart Mr G but I’m guessing he’s cock-a-hoop and bustling about in the workshop brimming with delight.
Best wishes to you both.
- The Slog
April 21, 2014 at 8:54 pm -
Fart oo, many tribulations for one life.
The main thing is, you came through the walls and that’s what we needed.
May the G Force be with you.J xxxx
- Leg-iron
April 21, 2014 at 8:59 pm -
Excellent! I knew a mere lump wouldn’t be enough to finish you off. Welcome back.
- Dioclese
April 21, 2014 at 9:20 pm -
So that’s what you look like. Good to hear things are going well with you.
As for what’s been happening. It’s easter. It’s school holidays. Parliament’s in recess. So the answer is : absolutely bugger all…
(Love the animation!)
- Neeley
April 21, 2014 at 9:47 pm -
Welcome back.x.
- Roy Fernley
April 21, 2014 at 10:11 pm -
Congratulations on your recovery, good to see you back.
- acoustic village
April 21, 2014 at 11:16 pm -
Dear Anna
I don’t know you except through your writing. I just want to say I am so happy to hear that you are doing well!! Even if it’s just for selfish reasons (so we can continue to receive your fantastic blog!). It is great to hear you so upbeat and the photos are amazing. I am sure hundreds of other readers will be equally happy for you.
Enjoy your health and take it easy. I wish you many many happy days ahead.
- Johnny Monroe
April 21, 2014 at 11:16 pm -
Waiting for one of your posts is how I used to feel at one time waiting for the next Radiohead album, Anna. So good to have you back and fighting fit. And there’ll be a new video for you by the end of the week, so that’ll update you on events that have taken place in your absence – sort of.
- Ian
April 22, 2014 at 12:04 am -
I’m delighted to hear you’re OK again, and look forward to reading your future blog posts.
Regarding news, I can tell you that my ginger tom dragged a large perch through the window this morning, and left it in the middle of the lounge carpet: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BlvpJZnCAAEJOhJ.jpg:large
Not quite as spectacular as when he got a live seagull through the cat flap, but still worthy of mention IMO
- Dave
April 22, 2014 at 12:30 am -
Fantastic news Anna! Looking forward to reading your blog even more now!
- John Gibson
April 22, 2014 at 5:16 am -
I am very glad for you Anna.
Best Wishes
John Gibson - Chris Templer
April 22, 2014 at 5:20 am -
Welcome back and well done!
- Fat Steve
April 22, 2014 at 5:37 am -
Better than the Best of News
- Peter Whale
April 22, 2014 at 6:03 am -
Hi Anna made my day to read you once again. Best wishes to you and yours. Tres formidable.
- ray barfoot
April 22, 2014 at 6:13 am -
dear ms. anna, I have read your blog for ten years now, and always enjoy it.i am glad you are okay and rarin to go. you are allowed to be smug,for life has thrown it very worst at you and you came through smiling and bright-eyed as you presumabaly always will. many good wishes from a yank in the us of a. keep shinning bright lady. best wishes Raymond b.
- Mark in Mayenne
April 22, 2014 at 6:55 am -
Aha! A smile on my lips this morning!
- Jonathan Mason
April 22, 2014 at 7:19 am -
May I join the hallelujah chorus?
- Ms Mildred
April 22, 2014 at 8:39 am -
Really pleased to see you back Anna and looking really well too. As already listed, that Cameron has gone all saintly and religious. Pundits sounding off about it as though it is as threatening as Armageddon. Who cares? Let him get on with it, if it comforteth him.
- esob
April 22, 2014 at 9:12 am -
Great news! True grit comes to mind! Just hope I have the same strength should it come to it. Looking forward to more of your sage writings.
Good luck. - Ed P
April 22, 2014 at 10:03 am -
Excellent news! I hope your zeal and erudition are ready to “wield the sword of truth” (J. Archer-balls) again, as you are one of the few bright lights in this age of darkness.
- delcatto
April 22, 2014 at 10:33 am -
Hooray! Welcome back and don’t worry about the hair as you can cover up wearing a variety of hats as your hair grows back.
http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0242/5431/products/patches-chiefprophead_large.jpg?v=1371778835
As for the news… a Tin foil hat may be required.
- Kingbingo
April 22, 2014 at 11:34 am -
Just wonderful news! So glad to hear your on the way back.
- Robert the Biker
April 22, 2014 at 12:52 pm -
Welcome back Anna, you are quite the little cracker aren’t you? : )
Mr ‘G’ is a lucky man. - Gloria Smudd
April 22, 2014 at 3:15 pm -
That’s one happy and smug Raccoon! Is it dancing to “I Want to Break Wind” by Queen????
- Single Acts of Tyranny
April 22, 2014 at 6:28 pm -
Music to my soul, super, super news.
- Robert Edwards
April 22, 2014 at 7:27 pm -
Tremendous news, Madame; God only knows what you must have endured. Obviously, you will now stop messing about and start kicking some serious arse.
In many many years’ time, you will be in a medical textbook, alongside Stirling Moss and Douglas Bader…
- Devil’s Kitchen
April 22, 2014 at 8:09 pm - Tom Malcolmson
April 22, 2014 at 9:17 pm -
This may seem strange.
After several years of following your blog it is really good to see a picture of you.
Especially since you look well.
It is strange following blogs, I follow several, and though you can get an idea of the person behind them it does help to see what they look like.
Either that or I am a strange person. - Johnny Monroe
April 22, 2014 at 9:44 pm -
And I love the dancing raccoon.
- Essex Angel
April 23, 2014 at 1:48 am -
Dear Anna,
So glad you are recovering. Get back to work my dear and expose the lying Bast**d’s.Much Love XXXXXXXXX
- David Duff
April 23, 2014 at 7:56 am -
Mr. Malcolmson, three up from here as I write, is too reserved and gentlemanly, so let me say it; Ms. Raccoon, you are an exceedingly attractive lady, er, with or without hair. What you look like with your knuckledusters on I do not know but now that you are returned – get punching!
- Pericles
April 23, 2014 at 8:53 am -
Outstanding news, Mme. la Rnne.Lse.
- Alan Douglas
April 23, 2014 at 9:23 am -
Excellent news, iconoclastic raccoons have been under threat of extinction, yet survived !
Alan Douglas
- Steve
April 23, 2014 at 9:47 am -
Be smug – be very smug, for you have more than earned it.
All the very best to you. - Moor Larkin
April 23, 2014 at 3:39 pm -
Blimey………
Took Easter off……..
Missed la Résurrection ….. Fantastique…… - gareth
April 23, 2014 at 8:42 pm -
Oh true & deep joy
Turn my back for a couple of days and there you are again! Had I known I’d have saved you a bit of the Easter leftovers – but I didn’t and we finished them off down the Social Club Monday lunchtime.
Welcome back! - Alan Gillett
April 24, 2014 at 10:08 am -
Great news. Well done to all involved in your treatment and recovery.
Alan - Ho Hum
April 24, 2014 at 5:31 pm -
Clearly a bit late in catching up on the good news, but please let me append a quick ‘Amen and Amen’
- Yvonne
April 24, 2014 at 5:33 pm -
So very pleased to see you back.
- SagaxSenex
April 25, 2014 at 7:52 am -
Brilliant news. Thanks.
- Dunstan
April 25, 2014 at 11:19 am -
What a special place the Bergonie sounds. What a wonderful description of empathetic caring rather than proceduralised care-giving. We can all congratulate you on your toughness (and we do), but it is the caring for someone who is fragile and vulnerable that makes the difference.
As for what you missed – the Duchess of Cambridge went on the beach in Australia in high heels.
- Old Owl
April 27, 2014 at 11:44 am -
The only important thing that has happened in the world is that you’ve come back. Nuff said.
- Brian
April 27, 2014 at 11:49 am -
Great news!
‘Ça va, Madame? Très bien, très bien!’ So French people actually speak O Level French. Most times it sounds like a mumble as if they’re not to sure of their vocab. I reckon the French have the English subtitles on so they can understand what’s being said, but would never admit it to les Anglais.
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