Good Heavens Britain! Did the clouds part and the sun peek through for five minutes? Every newspaper in hysteria mode!
Mothers âmortifiedâ because they thought they could put a four week old baby out to bake on a Brighton beach with no marinade and overcooked the poor little shaver.
Gritting lorries trying to damp down the tarmac.
Schoolâs closed because too many pupils wanted to leave class for a glass of water.
NHS England putting âextra capacity into unscheduled care pathwaysâ (must remember to store that one away for future use!).
â457,459 peopleâ going to an A & E department last week â though the figures donât say how many usually attend, so we are left with a large figure and nothing to compare it to.
Wot, no hosepipe ban, not even a teeny weeny one?
All that because the temperature rose to a moderate 30Â°? 30Â° degrees is perfectly normal for us, any time between April and late October. Yesterday it was 38.5Â°. Remember us? Weâre the ones that live in a âpleasantly warmer climeâ according to Ian Duncan Smith, so we are undeserving of a pension increase. We spend our time sipping Sangriaâs at Malaga golf clubs. All one million of us.
At 38.5Â° you have the air conditioning on all the time â if you are lucky enough to have air conditioning. If you donât, you spend the time in the darkest corner of your home, desperately trying to stay cool. You stand under cold showers. You have to â youâre a pensioner, one of those especially vulnerable people with chronic illnesses that âhealth and social care expertsâ are now bound by duty to worry about since the mercury has climbed to 30Â° in dear old Blightyâ¦..
Will we see a âSummer cooling allowanceâ for pensioners shortly, since this is such a serious situation for the elderly? 50% grants for the installation of air conditioning? Not payable for those fortunate folk sipping Sangria round the log fire in the cooler climes like France and Spain!
Yesterday, the Department of Work and Pensions issued yet another document purporting to show how France, Spain and five other countries enjoyed such balmy temperate weather year round, that pensioners living in those countries had no need of a pension increase to help with their energy bills; you can hear the hollow laughter all over the continent this morning as Britain goes into panic mode at the sight of the Sun.
Wait til you get the âminus fifteenâ nights in the winter that accompany your new âpleasantly warmerâ climateâ¦..
760 deaths as temperatures climb to 30Â°? 14,000 deaths in France as the temperatures climbed to 46Â°. Forty-six degrees!
What next? The sun goes in, it rains, and 760 deaths from drowning as ârain falls over Englandâ?Blackpool Pensioners dreaming of their Winter Fuel Allowance?