OK, I admit it. I have a problem with redheads.

My name is Randy Hack. And I am a redhead-aholic.

I really do have a thing about redheads. And I have form, serious form for this, going back to my first, glorious girlfriend when I was in my teens, and who so nearly became my wife in my late thirties.

And in between a veritable cavalcade auburn-red-come-ginger haired women spectacularly lit up my life. And I am going to go for the cultural/sexual/sexist stereotypical prize here because I can categorically state that all those generalizes stereotypical comments about redheads being hot in the head and hot in the bed are true.

So I love redheads. As long as they are girls, that is.

Blokes just look minging, of course. I mean, think Neil Kinnock.

Julius Caesar was a ginner by the way. And he had a comb over haircut. That explains a lot. No wonder he got sliced up.

But I digress. Back to Rebekah.

Rebekah tics all the boxes. All that pre-Raphaelite hair spilling out, the big doe eyes (I do hope they are green, I bet they are!), surrounded by black rings no doubt because of the worry of it all. The porcelain skin, and the wide mouth.

Re. Beh. Kah!

Even the name is sexy with is funky little off beat spelling.

And she goes riding too (phnaar phnaar!). On a really big horse the police sent her. That seems ironic, on reflection. Pity it’s with that oily toff Flashman, but I bet she is in shape though. You know what I mean.

So when I see her being hounded by a bunch of self serving, egregious, sanctimonious and up their own arse with moral rectitude MP’s (Keith Vaz, for Christ’s sake….!), all my chivalrous quality comes out. She looks so tired, weighed down by the endless publicity, the gaze of the press, Inspector Plod poking around, asking questions, the uncertainty, all played out in the public eye. I want to save here from the mob.

It was the same when she was in front of Leveson the other week. Sitting in the “dock” looking so forlorn, being endlessly probed (not in that way) by a QC who looks like Mr. Tumnus, having personal texts poured over by a judicial inquiry I get all the same. How sweet she looked in that black and white sort of Puritan look outfit, all the better to highlight those glowing locks. The same sad, resigned smile, the same sad eyes, if anything etched a little darker with shadows of worry.

I wanted to punch the droning Mr. Tumnus on the nose and escape with her through an open window, like Zorro. Huzzah!

And now she has been charged with “perverting the course of justice”. I think that means not telling Plod the truth.

I have no view on whether she did, or did not tell a few fibs to Inspector Knacker. I really don’t care one way or the other.

Now I have carefully and freely confessed that I am biased for the reasons given above, but even taking that into account, I really don’t care. The “arraignment” of Brooks before the Commons Select Committee had all the flavour of a Cold War East European show trial to me. I though that it was a nasty, febrile little occasion with MP’s grand standing and behaving like bullying school children. It was less a Select Committee, more Lord of the Flies.

Leveson is more polite, more forensically astute, but more of the same. What a complete and utter total chattering classes’ moral panic zillion pound waste of money. How much is this costing Joe Tax Payer? Mr. Tumnus QC I am reliably informed, was paid £1 million “on the brief”. For those not in the trade, that is his upfront fee for preparation. He gets a daily fee as well. God knows what it will be. He is very boring so I expect it will be huge.£10k? “£30? Who knows, who cares, the public are paying!

Here are some facts. Rich, powerful people talk to other rich, powerful people. Sometimes people do naughty things. They can be naughty things which upset people, like listening in to their messages, which is indeed naughty. And if that is illegal they deserve to be told off and have a fine.

Or they can do other naughty things, like starting completely unjustified wars on trumped up evidence, getting people killed, assassinating their character and driving them to suicide, passing stupid laws which interfere with people’s lives, or spending so much on utterly misconceived and wasteful projects that the country can be all but bankrupted and the rest of us and our children’s children will all have to work until we drop down dead and never retire.

And they can do these naughty things whilst awarding themselves huge pensions from the public sector or the bank they have just ruined which needs to be bailed out by your and my taxes.

I am not trying to defend a criminal activity. Phone hacking is a criminal offence, but not a very serious one in the great scheme of things. Punching old ladies in the head and stealing their pensions, or child exploitation. These are serious things.

My real point is that this is just pointless, disproportionate to the real issues facing this country and a spectacular waste of resources. If the police prosecuted everyone who told them porkies we would be building new jails faster than Tesco opens new stores.

What a waste of money when there are real people losing homes, jobs, business, lives.

So leave “Brooksie” alone, she has had enough. What possible benefit to the public would it be to lock up lovely Rebekah in one of Her Majesty’s one star Gulags?

Not fussed what happens to her husband though. They can throw away the key for him.

She can come and stay with me.

Randy Hack

Randy Hack is a wit, author and raconteur. His latest book, “The Vodka Games”is out soon.

JohnB May 19, 2012 at 12:32

It is fairly obvious that it is simply about destroying News International,
or most of its influence, so that the BBC/Guardian axis and all allies with
them can hold a monopoly. Which they now, fairly well, do.
And that is
all.
Mourn, western civilisation, mourn.

The secondary spin offs of various stages of gloat is just venal humanity
doing its ghastly thing.

Penseivat May 17, 2012 at 21:13

As striking as she looks with her (perfectly coiffured) unkempt red hair
trailing over her shoulders like a red-haired goddess rising from the sea
(only clothed, dammit), her perfect diction and her milky white skin, one
wonders what the result would be if she had seven kids, lived on a sink
council estate and was incapable of using the letter ‘t’? Even her puritan
style dress at the Levenson enquiry was carefully planned – a couple of years
younger and she would probably have turned up in a school blazer, grey skirt –
not too short- white socks and black pumps with her hair in pigtails).
Everything that this woman does has an ulterior motive. For goodness’ sake,
she even married Ross Kemp, which may be why he preferred to go off to safer
climes, such as Colombian drug gangs. In any event, nothing will happen as she
is a couple of places behind Chris Huhne, and how long has that been going
on?

cascadian May 16, 2012 at 21:08

Oh its wonderful fun, and well orchestrated too, who would have thought
liebour and the BBC could have managed something so well and diverted
attention from the devastated economy left by gordoom and liebour.

Perhaps at the end of this “journalists” will have a code-of-practice
equally as stringent as the MPs expenses-that’ll learn em.

On a more serious note and since Randy alluded to it, lets put Tesco in
charge of building and running new jails, Theresa May obviously cannot do the
job, have day courts at the local Tesco Express as well for all I care, let
the accused neighbours see them.

carol42 May 16, 2012 at 19:29

I have yet to meet anyone remotely interested in all this, who ever doubted
the media and politicians got together, I am a bit more interested in the
police being paid and taking favours. The sight of obnoxious MPs acting all
pure is disgusting as is the left media witch hunt, sure they have all done
the same and no one has more media control than the BBC and I am forced to pay
for that. As said a complete waste of time and money to let ‘celebraties’
grand stand and all seeking compensation even Cherie Blair of all people!
Murdoch shouldn’t have paid a penny to any of them, the whole thing is an
overblown disgrace. I don’t usually read any of his papers but am thinking of
starting because of all this.

Frankie May 16, 2012 at 14:32

I think it is refreshing to see the ‘untouchable’ class dragged through the
mire… Huhne, Brooks, all of them.

Irrespective of the eventual outcome of any trial Ms. Brooks and her ilk
have had their collars felt, been put to humiliation and massive and expensive
inconvenience, being publicly hauled over the coals and likewise dragged off
to a police station to answer questions, and all because they presumed to
think that the law which applies to the rest of us did not apply to them.

The law is a great leveller and it is apparent from Leveson and from the
Vaz ‘coven’ that a fair number of these types were ‘bang at it’ – up to all
sorts of criminal chicanery, which would put Joe Public in the chokey.

I will bet that Ross Kemp, the former husband of Rebekah is loving all
this… I believe that Brooks/Wade is a ‘she devil’ with plenty of juicy ‘black’
on all sorts of untouchables which she may be induced to divulge…

Hopefully, the fun will continue!

yardarm May 16, 2012 at 18:47

Point well made. Last years rioters went through the courts like shit
through a goose. One joker who nicked a bottle of mineral water got six
months. Brooks blurted that she paid Plod for info before a Commons
Committee years ago: nothing done. Hopefully the political and media vermin
(increasingly no difference) will turn on each other, backstabbing and
grassing each other up: careers and reputations in the toilet, cell doors
slamming. The harder they come, the harder they fall.

Backwoodsman
May 16, 2012 at 13:56

Randy, I rather think that it wasn’t telling a few porkies, it was ditching
a few cabinets full of possibly incriminating files ! Probably egged on by
Charlie, who as a good racing man would have been up to all possible
wheezes.
Presume her defence will be a ‘blair expenses’ – they got shredded
by accident M’lud.
I think the point when Cameron thought ‘I know, I’ll say
we’ll hold an enquiry’, was the point when I gave up on him. Its murdoch FFS,
the bbc and graun are going to be all over it like rabid dogs .

Randy Hack
May 16, 2012 at 14:29

Fair comment. Has anyone else seen Private Eye’s latest take on this?
Done as a Salem Witch trial spoof. Very funny.

ivan May 16, 2012 at 12:10

I tend to be with Randy on this after all isn’t it the media mouthpiece of
the liberal left getting all up tight because another ‘paper’ stopped
supporting said lefty politicians at the last election?

Engineer May 16, 2012 at 13:59

That’s about the nub of it, yes.

Randy’s line about spectacular waste of resources and disproportionate to
the real issues facing the country is spot on as well.

Oh, and on balance I prefer brunettes, but there’s not much in it….

SisterEvaLongoria
May 16, 2012 at 11:31

She does it for me too! Just sayin’

Chris May 16, 2012 at 11:05

Yep she does it for me too. Good job she’s rich and attractive or she’d be
in real trouble.
Do we really need to spend a fortune for Leveson to tell
us the msm is rotten to the core?

GildasTheMonk
May 16, 2012 at 10:55

A little tongue in cheek I am thinking, Randy, but I think the point is
made. I wonder how much “support” there is out there for the possible Gorgon
that Ms Brooks might be! Nice hair though…And Gillian Anderson as Agen
Scully….ah, happy days!”

binao May 16, 2012 at 10:34

I thought it was all just comic revenge for the beasting MPs got over their
stealing and expense fiddles.
But that was a Telegraph story, so perhaps
it’s the ‘establishment’ having a general ‘don’t mess with us we’re special’
campaign. Could be a big mistake.

Elena ‘andcart
May 16, 2012 at 14:07

Me too. And we can’t both be wrong.
But. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. That Blog made
I larf. And thank God someone said it. What a storm in a tea cup.

PS. I don’t personally fancy red headed women. Or men. Red headed ones,
that is.

Percy May 16, 2012 at 10:03

This Leveson piggery with all those swine from Westminster, the MSM and New
Scotland Yard is a side show for slebs and the rest of society’s vomit. Is
there any man or woman in the street with any interest in this mush? Did
anyone, ever, think that news men were saints, or did not creep around corners
for news? Did none of those great and good ever read the information on how to
protect their mobiles? Could they not be bothered?
OK, it was illegal but
every fule know what news people are. The political class is an ass. Pay for
the enquiry from the budgets of the House of Commons and New Scotland
Yard.

Mudplugger May 16, 2012 at 09:23

And, not to put too fine a point on it, brings recollections of munching on
a Brillo Pad…….

Robert the Biker
May 16, 2012 at 08:52

Nawwww….Haystack hairdo like that bird from Dilbert and an insufficiency of
bOOb
Bang her up!