I would dearly love to write fiction – but how can one compete with the truth? The media continue to churn out (reasonably) factual stories that I could not dream up with the help of a gallon of Absinthe…

With the Eurozone disintegrating, wars looming in all four corners of the world, the starving on every continent, and the polar bear population increasing – the Guardian today is promoting yet another ‘desperate situation’ for the rent-a-protester to attend.

The feministas are congregating in Marylebone demanding ‘Hands off our Muffs’. No really, I know the idea had never crossed your mind, but just in case, you are being warned off.

It seems that some women are daft enough, and rich enough, to engage Harley street surgeons to practice ‘vaginal rejuvenation, designer vaginoplasty, G spot amplification and revirgination’ in a desperate attempt to acquire the perfect vagina.

Quite what comprises the perfect vagina, other than ‘ready, willing and able’, is not explained.

This of course, couldn’t possibly be an example of free will on their part; it is yet another example of women being forced into subjugation by nasty men and thus must be marched against, demonstrated against, campaigned against, by the feminista  Muffia. It is being compared to the genital mutilation forced on young girls by some religious practices. *sighs*.

Surely you have overheard a man in the pub telling his wife on his mobile phone, she had better have her designer vaginoplasty by the time he gets home, or else?

Activists will be wearing ‘fake muffs’ and demanding that cosmetic surgeons ‘keep their hands off our muffs’.

We don’t buy the neoliberal rhetoric that insists this issue is not political because women “freely choose” to get procedures like this done. The cosmetic surgery industry ruthlessly stokes women’s appearance insecurities and mines their bodies to extract maximum profits. Accountability, monitoring, and auditing are not words this industry is used to.

We hope our Muff March will spark a wave of activism against cosmetic surgery and the porn culture which distorts our body image. For too long they’ve reaped massive rewards. It’s time to fight back.

Will we see #occupymuffs trending on Twitter tonight?

Alex December 11, 2011 at 10:00

Feminists protesting against a woman’s right to make her own choices?

Quelle surprise!

2Mac December 10, 2011 at 23:05

Having given this topic more thought I shall send my CV to the local
council who are sure to create a job to regulate the appearance of the female
genitalia.

Job Title?

Senior Vaginal Alteration Prevention Inspector
My team will be called
the ” Snatch Squad”

Taxpayers Money used at council for fannying about should be business as
usual.

talwin December 11, 2011 at 09:02

‘Minge Unshaven Force’ ?

custardy December 10, 2011 at 20:44

Just think of the next season of ICGMOOH. New meaning to Bush Tucker Trial
?

Dick
Puddlecote December 10, 2011 at
20:11

Why would porn showing shaven women lead to a stampede to Harley Street?
Have Sainsbury’s stopped selling razors for buttons? Hold on, I’ll just
check.

No. They haven’t.

Silly woman.

Robert Edwards
December 10, 2011 at 20:01

Well, I’m all for a generous welcome mat, but, really…

Single Acts of
Tyranny December 10, 2011 at 19:47

This is simply a natural extension of liberalism. Your body is not yours,
you are not competent to make decisions, therefore the liberal elite will
cajole their friends in government to legislate to ban/compel/tax (delete as
appropriate) it and make your decisions for you.

Mjolinir December 10, 2011 at 19:44

Seeing those ‘young ladies’ just reminded me of Sean Connery’s comment in
“Diamonds are Forever”
‘I don’t mind – so long as the collars and cuffs
match.’

Ian Thorpe December 10, 2011 at 19:11

When I saw the picture I thought they were “save the rainforest”
protesters. It looks like they have the Matto Grosso just below their
navels.
The lefties send out the wrong message again.

Mjolinir December 10, 2011 at 18:37

I suspect they are just ‘merkin about’?

Historical note – based on a Police career, followed by running a Newsagent
shop.

In the not-so-distant-past it was totally forbidden to show ANY trace of
pubic hair in printed publications in UK (check sp – OK!)

Then it became ‘acceptable’ – so long as magazines were only available to
persons over 5′ 8″ tall (On the top shelf)

Then there was a ‘worrying trend’ for depilation. Why ‘worrying? – because
paedophiles would then be tempted to look at obviously mature ladies and
fantasise (Won’t anyone think of the KIDDIES – oh yes, they do?)

SO – how to establish that each ‘model’ was old enough to be ‘legal’? If
there was any doubt – print a sequence of photos showing her skill with
soap-suds & a razor

Engineer December 10, 2011 at 19:13

That’s what I like about this blog – it’s so educational.

However, for the ladies in the picture, may I venture to suggest that a
razor may not be up to the challenge. Perhaps a Flymo might be more
suitable?

ivan December 10, 2011 at 21:48

Or an electric hedge trimmer.

Mick Turatian
December 10, 2011 at 18:35

The girls in the picture remind me that a term to describe dyed blondes was
“airport blondes”, an oblique reference to Blackbushe Airport near
Camberley.

Richard B December 10, 2011 at 23:34

I thought ‘aeroplane blondes’ were so called because they all had a black
box …

Engineer December 10, 2011 at 18:21

The young ladies in the picture seem to have developed a new garment to
keep their {deleted} warm in the December chill. I can’t see it becoming
fashionable, though.

One wonders if they have used natural fur, or risked the static electricity
side-effects of nylon, which would add a whole new dimension to the phrase
“Makes your hair stand on end”.

Anna
Raccoon December 10, 2011 at
18:23

Natural fur? You can almost guarantee they are vegan…

Engineer
December 10, 2011 at 18:28

One hopes that no Raccoons were harmed in the making of this
protest.

Anna
Raccoon December 10, 2011 at
19:28

I believe the Beaver population was depilated, but the Raccoons
escaped unscathed…

Cascadian
December 10, 2011 at 20:20

Actually beaver tail is naturally bald, beware raccoons.

Engineer
December 11, 2011 at 09:28

Are you sure this is natural, or has the beaver suffered a close
shave?

Cascadian December 10, 2011 at 18:19

If I remember correctly, we toasted, buttered and ate our muffins by the
fireside, while mum looked on.

The Stick’s Wrong
End! December 14, 2011 at 12:14

Perverts!

Mjolinir December 10, 2011 at 18:17

Are they all going to carry signs reading ‘Occupy’?

Richard Allan
December 10, 2011 at 17:58

“Hands off our muffs” sounds like “I’m happy to pay more taxes.” There’s a
“you” missing, as in “Hands off your muff” or “I’m happy for you
to pay more taxes.”

Ed P December 10, 2011 at 17:42

Pub quiz question, “Where do women mostly have curly hair?”

Apparently the correct answer was not what you thought, but Africa.

Pericles December 10, 2011 at 16:59

Do you recall the lady handed an ASBO for excessively noisy
copulation ?

Perhaps she had had “G-spot amplification”.

Get some Viagra too :  use a combi-amp.

ΠΞ

(Yes, I know :  it’s not supposed to make it bigger …  Thank
you.)

Mike December 10,
2011 at 16:45

But how do you keep your hands warm if you can’t use your muff?
This has
to be some sort of conspiracy by the glove manufacturing industry.

Pat
Nurse December 10, 2011 at 16:34

Oh FFS – can’t these weirdos find real causes for concern if they really
must ease their privileged middle class consciences?

JuliaM December
11, 2011 at 05:43

Oh, but darling, the Sudan is just sooo last year!

Mark December
11, 2011 at 08:56

Nice!

sackcloth and
ashes December 12, 2011 at 19:55

Not even sure if Sudan (as far as the Guardianista crowd is concerned)
was even last year, let alone the year before, or the year before that
…

Smoking
Hot December 10, 2011 at 16:25

Just a load of cupid stunts

2Mac December 10, 2011 at 16:17

This in no way can be blamed on men. Never in the history of shagging talk
have I heard a man say he refused a Muff due to shape, symmetrical appearance
or whether it is an “innie” or “outie”

We are really not the connoisseurs of cunnie that women seem to imagine. We
are usually just pleased to be invited to the field of play.

This is about womens self image, created by womens insecurities by womens
magazines being rejected and protested by the usual bearded ladies of the
left.

It is not the shape of the fanny that matters to men when they steer clear
of the hairy marxist monsters of the guardian but the fact they are man hating
commies who fail to smile, wash & make an effort to attract a mate.

Beware of Geeks
Bearing GIFs December 10, 2011 at
16:57

We are really not the connoisseurs of cunnie that women seem to
imagine. We are usually just pleased to be invited to the field of
play.

lol! So true, brother, so true…

Mudplugger
December 10, 2011 at 17:58

True indeed.

I recall one occasional partner who was always concerned to ‘prepare
the ground’ before any encounter and was equally concerned that I
recognised her pride in both its structure and appearance. As if I gave a
shit at that moment…… !

Joe Public December 10, 2011 at 16:13

Miss Mockett writes “So on Saturday we’ll be challenging the demand from
pornography that grown women remove their pubic hair ….”

What a sexist statement.

Is she blind to the fact *pornographers* also demand grown men remove pubic
hair? [Or so a mate who’s seen some of their movies informs me.]

SadButMadLad December 10, 2011 at 21:40

Pornographers also demand more hair for the niche markets. [Or so I’m
informed]

talwin December 10, 2011 at 16:01

Having recently acquired OAP status there’s no pressure from me to pretty
up a pudendum. Keep the bloody thing covered up I say.

Demetrius December
10, 2011 at 16:00

How times have changed since families gathered in front of the TV to watch
“Muffin The Mule”.

Mudplugger
December 10, 2011 at 17:52

I believe you’ll find that muffin’ the mule was made illegal under the
Sexual Offences Act (’69).