I’ve torched a shop in Croydon Town,
Its trading days are done,
Its flames have set the sky alight
And I’m famous in The Sun.

So don’t call me a failure,
Admire my nicked blue jeans,
My iPads, phones and trainers, Man,
And five new plasma screens.

The only thing a looter needs
Is a mask and i-ron bar
To smash to bleeding smithereens
That effing Po-lice car.

So ‘facebook’ tell the children,
To do what I have done
And hurl a home-made petrol bomb
In the land of the Rising Scum.

So I’ve one foot in a Nike
And one in Jimmy Choo
I’m going back to Tottenham now
To steal some gear for you.

I’ve smashed and grabbed and stole more jeans,
(Worn low, they show my bum)
And my picture’s on the TV now
And the front page of The Sun.

Joe Public August 22, 2011 at 13:33

To whom do we nominate Ms Smudd for the post of Poet Laureate?

Patrick Harris
August 22, 2011 at 11:30

Now compose one for the Looting bankers, the Ceos of Councils that take
home more money yet provide less services, Mps that are, bit by bit, looting
the country.
Nah stick with those that have no present let alone a fucking
future.

Voice of a REAL
Victim August 22, 2011 at 18:00

They have plenty of ‘presents’ now.

Sres August 22, 2011 at 11:09

I like the rioters prayer

Our Father who art in prison,
Only mum knows his name.
Thy riots
come.
Read it in the Sun.
In Birmingham, as it is in London.
Give us
this day our welfare bread,
And forgive us our looting,
As we’re happy
to loot those who defend stuff against us,
And lead us not into
employment,
But deliver us free housing.
For thine is the spliff,
And
the Blackberry and the lager,
Forever and ever,
Innit.

Sue August 22,
2011 at 11:06

Brilliant!

Saul August 22, 2011 at 10:55

Pardon me Gal, are those yourjimmychooshoes?

macheath August
22, 2011 at 10:25

Gloria, you surpass yourself!

(Unfortunately I can see this one being an earworm for the next week…)

gladiolys August 22, 2011 at 10:11

Eric Burden’s voice who do that justice. I could see you accompanying him
on keyboards.

But a rioter in Jimmy Choos? Surely some mistake (they ain’t very practical
for looting and not for sale in those areas).

GildasTheMonk
August 22, 2011 at 09:43

Bravo!