There was a lengthy period of time, during which, thanks to the inimitable Thaddeus J Wilson, Ms Raccoon was the top search result for âReverse Dutch Steamboatâ. I have long since forgiven him.
Many and varied were the commentators who arrived from around the world, keen to learn more of this mythical sexual practice whereby, ahem*, another person laid claim to your sh*t before it left your corporeal property, so to speak. Letâs not go any further.
Ms Raccoon does not like being beaten in any competition, and by curious coincidence, last night, arrived both a commentator laying claim to the user name âReverse Dutch Steamboatâ (we have IP addresses, Flower, a fiver to the usual address and your anonymity is assured!) and an e-mail from a reader which should see us top of the pops for such search results again.
It seems that the Reverse Dutch Steamboat is not so mythical a practice after all. Shrouded in secrecy, yes, concealed from the naked eye, but alive and well â and practised by the State. Whoâd a thought it?
Thanks to the sharp eyes of âAn Angry Anarchistâ I bring you news of the latest bullshit âland grabâ by our statist government. I say âsharp eyesâ, for as pointed out by my angry friend, there has been no word of this in our learned and investigative media, he learnt of the latest incursion into our property rights via the US news.
Thames Water, that statist corporation so named to bring to mind images of Runnymede and the hard won rights to the Barons to preserve some semblance of dignity against the encroachment of the state, has announced that by virtue of the powers invested in Defra, they are reversing the 1936 Act which allowed you to keep control of your sh*t until it left your property â and henceforth, all those pipes â and contents – which lay under your land and connected with the âpublicâ sewer system, will belong to them.
Some 125,000 km of private pipes on private land, owned by 10 million property owners, will, after the 1st October 2011, belong to the government.
The justification for this is that â occasionally â some of these private property owners chose to block their private sewers with objects belonging to them, and must then personally bear the cost of unblocking them.
âUnfair, unfairâ, cries the Nanny state.
âEverybody, every last one of you must pay up to Â£14 a year extra to ensure that if Mrs Woods at No 18 chooses to flush her unloved cactus plant down the loo, thus blocking her own drain and no one elseâs, that she doesnât bear the cost of this action personally â we will all pay for her fool hardy actionâ.
Naturally, extending the reach of the Water Companies from the present 67,000 km to 192,000 km of previously âprivateâ pipe work will result in âadditional repair and maintenance workâ.
âFor example, we currently clear 55,000 blockages a year on our pipes. We expect this to increase to 250,000 a year.â
I expect it will too â for remove the fear of a massive bill for righting her own wrongs from Mrs Woods, and she wonât give a sh*t what she flushes down the loo â not her problem any longer.
It can only be a matter of time before the state installs sh*t meters to monitor your protein intake and take DNA samples â and remember, âcareless talk costs livesâ, and some of us are more than capable of talking out of our backsidesâ¦â¦