A SECURITY guard from South Yorkshire shot himself in the hand to try to remove a wart from his finger.
No point in aiming at his foot when the wart was on his finger, was there?
Sean Murphy, 38, lost most of his left middle finger after using the stolen 12-bore Beretta shotgun at a garden centre in Doncaster.
Does the name give us a clue? Not more Irishmen with guns?
But he said: “The best thing is that the wart has gone. It was giving me lot of trouble.”
Yes dear, but it was still attached to your finger when it took off – but always look on the bright side of life.
Murphy, a security officer at Markham Grange Nurseries, Brodsworth, at the time of the incident in March, has since lost his job. He had suffered with the wart on the joint closest to the tip of his middle finger for more than five years.
Lost his job as well. Was it his trigger finger?
“I didn’t expect to lose my finger as well when I shot it but the gun recoiled and that was it. The wart was gone and so was most of my finger. There was nothing left, so no chance to re-attach it.”
He wanted to re-attach the wart? Surely not!
Police were called to Markham Grange Nurseries on the afternoon of March 13 to discover an injured man with a missing finger. He told them he had used a shotgun he had found in a hedge bottom near the nursery three months earlier. An investigation showed it was taken during a burglary in 2009 but Murphy said he had no knowledge of that.
Nor of safety catches, apparently.
Martin Ward, prosecuting, said: “On the afternoon in question he had some drink.”
How much drink does it take to summon up the courage to fire a gun at your wart? I suppose it depends on where the wart is, genital warts would take several bottles.
District Judge Jonathan Bennett told the defendant: “I don’t know what was going on in your mind.”
We still don’t.
Murphy was also ordered to complete 100 hours of unpaid community work and pay costs of £100.
Anyone care to speculate on suitable ‘unpaid community work’ for this offence?