Fiends, Homo’s, Councilmen!

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for opportunist hypocrisy in the history of our nation. 1 year ago, a great socialist, in whose shambolic shadow we stand today, signed the European Financial Stability Facility.

This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to free billions of pounds from the taxpaying slaves, those same slaves who are now being seared in the flames of withering recession. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long captivity of wealth by capitalist people but our work is still not completed.

One Trillion Pounds later all the tax payers money is still is not free. One Trillion Pounds later the taxpayer is still not totally crippled by the manacles of multiculturalism and the chains of the disability discrimination act. One Trillion Pounds later, the taxpayer lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One Trillion Pounds later, the taxpayer is still languishing in the corners of British society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatise a shameful condition, a condition called mock outrage.

In a sense we have come to our nation’s capital to cash a cheque that we have no idea how to repay. When the architects of our New Labour wrote the magnificent words of the Labour Party Manifesto and the Pledge Card they were signing a promissory note to which every Brit was to fall heir for several generations. Our great leaders have spent the money of people who have not even been born yet.

It is obvious today that the evil Coalition has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as the public sector is concerned. Instead of honouring this sacred obligation of pay rises every year regardless of performance and need, Britain’s government has given the public sector a reality “cheque” which has come back marked “insufficient funds.” But we refuse to believe that the bank of idealism is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of this nation. We refuse to admit the Gordon sold all the Gold at a historic low to empty the vaults of this nation.

So we have come to cash this cheque — a cheque that will give us upon demand the riches of job security and pension entitlement unknown in the real world, unknown in the private sector and totally unfunded and unsustainable. We come here today for self interest.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind Britain that there is no fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cutting spending off or to take the tranquillizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of our Union backers that everyone can get everything without having to repay any part. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of reality to the sunlit path of Labours Plan, a plan of communist era philosophy or economic imaginations. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of financial stability to the solid rock of our new system called Edconomics. Now is the time to make dreaming a reality for all of the people at the treasury. We shall always refer to cuts in investment when in reality we are talking about reducing borrowing. We will talk about rights and never consider the public sector wrongs.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Public Sectors legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of pay rises and overtime payments for all. We want the taxpayer to provide us with a better deal than they receive themselves and we want them to pay for services nobody needs nor wants. We want them to pay a lot of money for the right to be endowed with more bureaucratic red tape.

This is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the public sector needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to relying on businesses, innovation and enterprise, as is usual in every other nation.

There will be no transgender equality coordinators working in Britain until the Public Sector is granted its unfunded Protected rights Superannuated pension scheme. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of retirement on 50% of their final salary plus a tax free lump sum.

In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not feel guilty for destroying our country. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for money by drinking from the cup of efficiency and prudence. We are the public sector and we deserve all our rewards for years of sitting in a warm council office doing nothing but shuffling paper and making up unworkable rules.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of idealism and trade unionism. We must not allow our protest to degenerate into economic reality and financial necessity.

The marvellous new militancy which has engulfed the Public Sector since labour left power must not lead us to a distrust of all Private Sector Tax Payers,their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their winning Public Sector Tenders is inextricably bound to our Union Membership rules.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always spend money in advance of generating it, We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of public sector, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Tax Payer can be taxed more.

We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel expenses and three course meals at council HQ, as long as we cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highway and the hotels of the cities for less than £150 B&B.

We cannot be satisfied as long as the basic job progression is from a smaller department to a senior management is based on length of service not ability. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are employed by our friends in other departments.

We cannot be satisfied as long as we can submit multiple postal vote forms to control elections. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until money rolls down like waters and political correctness like a mighty stream.
I am not unmindful that you have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned pension contributions is your right.

Go back to Liverpool, go back to Glasgow, go back to South Glamorgan, go back to London, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will continue as long as we keep wasting money and providing the same shit services.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the white guilt ridden middle class socialist imagination.

I have a dream that one day this Trade Union will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all public sector pension schemes are created equal and unfunded based on final salary not contribution regardless of the damage it will do to the country and future generations.”

I have a dream that one day the sons of former bankers and the sons of former bank account owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the civil service, a state organisation sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an unelected labour supporting quango.

Let free money drip from the gold capped supperannuation pension schemes!
Let free money drip from the curvaceous slopes of Council Halls!
But not only that; let free money drip from expense accounts of all left leaning Thinktanks and Quangos
Let free money drip from the wallet of our media luvvies at the BBC!
Let free money drip from every hill and molehill in the third world who have never been to the UK. From every mountainside, Let free money drip.

And when this happens, when we allow free money to drip, when we let it drip from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old socialist ideology,

“We are Skint at last! Skint at last! Thank the lefty works shy middle aged students who have never worked a day in a tax generating environment, we are skint at last! and so is the next two generations.

Scandalousbill
April 2, 2011 at 11:20

SadButMaLad,

As a smoker, there are many aspects of the Nanny State that I find truly
objectionable. I would be one of the last to say that government intrusion
into my privacy is a good thing. However, using authoritarianism as a basis to
attack multiculturalism to me badly confuses authoritarianism with
tolerance.

2Mac,
You giant of jocularity, you.

First off, I could not care less if you were “inspired” by Miliband’s
speech or by your mother. It is the drivel you have published which is
sickening. The “homos” reference in your introduction, isn’t funny either
Shakespeare.
I also could not give a toss whether you feel that distorting
the words of a great man, who paid the ultimate price for his convictions and
whose actions and deeds have paved the way to better the lives of millions,
gives you a chuckle or makes you feel good about yourself. Indeed, I suppose
it has been the height of injustice that nobody has declared a national
holiday in your honour. By the way, on the topic of checking original sources,
Miliband’s speech had nothing to do with multiculturalism, that aspect was
introduced by you, presumably to make things a little jollier.

In explaining your “witticisms” you say:
“I simply reversed
“Segregation” for its policy opposite, “Multiculturalism” for COMEDY VALUE.
You know laughing? Funny! Ha! Ha!”

So, applying your comedy “method”, to get a few laughs, we can describe a
holocaust victims recollection of this tragedy as “what I did on my summer
vacation”, “for COMEDY VALUE. You know laughing? Funny! Ha! Ha!” We can also
refer to the packing of the victims in box cars to ship to Auschwitz as “Great
Train Adventures” or borrowing from the many Foody type programs a la Jamie
Oliver 30 minute meals, we can use “bake at gas mark 5”. Moving on to more
contemporary events, we can describe the 911 tragedy in the context of a movie
review of “The Towering Inferno”. Again, all “for COMEDY VALUE. You know
laughing? Funny! Ha! Ha!”

Suffice to say that most people, other than you, can distinguish between
tragedies and a Pratt fall. There is also a world of difference for
individuals to relish their heritage, as SadButMaLad alludes, “within the
bounds of the libertarian principle of not causing anyone harm”, without
having to be the brunt of the mindless scorn you take such pride in dishing
out.

Get a life.

Anna
Raccoon April 2, 2011 at 11:22

“without having to be the brunt of the mindless scorn you take such pride
in dishing out”

You would be an expert on mindless scorn, you take such pride in dishing
it out?

Scandalousbill April
2, 2011 at 11:40

And no doubt, in the Oxford Dictionay, your picture is beside their
definition of Mindless.

2Mac April 2, 2011 at 01:52

Scandalousbill,

This is becoming tiresome but being the generous fellow that I am, I shall
humor you this one last time. In the hope that you finally get what was
supposed to be a joke. A little bit of FUN. I really did not give it more than
45 minutes thought and I did not proof read it or plan any massive offense. I
just reworded part of a speech with the first words that came into my head. I
chose Martin Luther King because that dick Miliband chose to equate what he
said with one of histories greatest speeches.

You asked” Kindly explain how you or any of the conservative right has been
“totally crippled by the manacles of multiculturalism” and made “an exile in
his own land”

PAY ATTENTION

Original Speech delivered 28 August 1963, at the Lincoln
Memorial,Washington D.C Martin Luther King, said “One hundred years later, the
life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and
the chains of discrimination. ”

I simply reversed “Segregation” for its policy opposite, “Multiculturalism”
for COMEDY VALUE. You know laughing? Funny! Ha! Ha!

“…finds himself an exile in his own land.” – Original Text. Unchanged. You
will need to take that complaint with the ghost of MLK when you are both in
Socialist Heaven together.

Now please, take a tissue and dry your eyes.

Maybe you should familiarise yourselve with the original speech before
getting all butt-hurt over what was essentially a ‘Drunken Piss Take’ of that
Tosser Miliband for daring to equate the selfishness of public sector workers
with the freedom aspirations of a race enslaved for over a millennium because
of the colour of their skin.

However, I really do think that refusing to take the same medicine as the
rest of the country is selfish of the public sector. The country needs to
reduce the 14 Billion Net borrowing Requirement we incur each month before be
end up needing bailed out.

No we are not all bankers in the private sector, do not bother with that
argument, We did not cause the problem either. We are the people that pay the
Taxes, the plumbers, the joiners, the taxi drivers, the shop workers, the
accountants, the financial advisors. Very few are Investment Bankers. Our
Taxes are paid to the government, then the government re-routes taxes. Those
taxes are what gets paid,to the Public Sector who then return some of this via
another Public Sector department.

The public sector DO NOT GENERATE ANY TAX. They simply return some of what
has been paid to them.

I worked as a financial advisor for 10 years. I know the intricate details
of every pension scheme available and authorised by the Pension Schemes Office
of HM Revenue. I know as a matter of FACT the Public Sector scheme pays far
more than in ever justified than by the contributions made. I know that
incrimental pay rises are provided regardless of value or skills.

I witnessed first hand the full renumeration of private and public sector
workers, 8 times a day, 5 days a week for 10 years. I saw payslips, credit
card payments, holiday entitlement, sick days taken. The full details.

I never met anyone in private sector who had three months off for Stress
either. I met dozens in public sector. All because it is paid.

I know what I witnessed, I saw the evidence, I saw the employment
conditions, I saw the hours worked, the holidays paid, the hours worked, the
ability and quality.

I know there is room for improvement in the public sector. I know there is
room for cuts in public sector! Labour know they need to CUT they are just
being opportunistic and anyone who believes they would do any different should
be working for the BBC or housed in a secure unit.

Snaptophobic April 2, 2011 at 14:36

“The public sector DO NOT GENERATE ANY TAX. They simply return some of
what has been paid to them.”

Hang on… Every public sector worker has to buy goods and services, and
therefore pays VAT at the very least. Is that not generating a tax?

SadButMadLad April
1, 2011 at 12:20

@Scandalousbill, you are right in one aspect. We are not Tories. But
Tacitcus was right too in a round about way – we are not Labour.

Libertarians are neither. What we want, what we really really want, is a
small government. Thats because we don’t want to be overtly taxed and neither
do we want to be overtly controlled.

We want a low tax country so that the government isn’t spending loads of
someone else’s money on lots of things that small groups of people want. The
small groups are different depending on which government is in power. Now
because the government isn’t paying for everything we also recognise that
society has to do the jobs that Tory and Labour governments usually do. And
no, it doesn’t mean volunteer, it means JFDI.

We want a less authoritarian government (both Labour and Tory are
authoritarian) because we want to be left alone to do the things that we want
to do (within the bounds of the libertarian principle of not causing anyone
harm). We don’t want to be nannied. People are quite intelligent given a
chance to think and can decide quite rationally what’s best for themselves.
It’s when people are nannied and lose responsiblity for their own actions that
they act like spoilt children.

Scandalousbill
March 31, 2011 at 10:25

Raccoon,

You say:

“One Trillion Pounds later all the tax payers money is still is not free.
One Trillion Pounds later the taxpayer is still not totally crippled by the
manacles of multiculturalism and the chains of the disability discrimination
act. One Trillion Pounds later, the taxpayer lives on a lonely island of
poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One Trillion
Pounds later, the taxpayer is still languishing in the corners of British
society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today
to dramatise a shameful condition, a condition called mock outrage.”

Tacitcus got it wrong, you are not a Tory, although I have no doubt that
they would loudly applaud your bile. The above paragraph paraphrases positions
advocated on the BNP website. I have no doubt that you and your collection of
trolls take no end of satisfaction from that.

Anna
Raccoon March 31, 2011 at 11:00

Sense of humour failure, petal? Have you tried talking to someone about
it?

scandalousbill March
31, 2011 at 15:40

No, I don’t think your sense of humour, or lack of it is the problem,
cupcake. Who knows, maybe you are sincere about becoming the Forrest Gump
of the Blogspher. Maybe it is just that Raccoons are vermin. Maybe you
really should get out more. Really, who cares?

g1lgam3sh
March 31, 2011 at 19:02

Well you obviously do, you came here.

2Mac April 1, 2011 at 10:27

Dry your eyes you little jessie. How about explaining how the points
are wrong rather than complaining. I have never been to the BNP website.
I certainly have never voted for them. Everyone fits into your
idealistic little world view. Good guys vs Bad Guys.

So typical of a lefty, you think that everyone who disagrees with you
is somehow a biggot. That my dear fellow is the first sign of biggoty
the fanatical failure to see the otherside of the argument.

ps. You do realise I was constrained by the original text of Dr Kings
speech. I could only change parts in certain ways and anyway I was drunk
when I did it.

Write your own and post it to Anna. That is what I do.

Scandalousbill April 1, 2011 at 12:03

“So typical of a lefty, you think that everyone who disagrees with
you is somehow a biggot. That my dear fellow is the first sign of
biggoty the fanatical failure to see the other side of the
argument.

OK, my dear fellow, you have my full attention.

Kindly explain how you or any of the conservative right has been
“totally crippled by the manacles of multiculturalism” and made “an
exile in his own land”

I would love to hear the other side of this argument. How do you
think that this does not have a racist undertone? Do tell.

Sue Marsh March
31, 2011 at 09:14

Saw this and thought of you Anna.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/8416962/Escaped-raccoon-gives-rescuers-the-runaround-in-Russia.html

Do keep giving them the run around won’t you?

Tacitus March 31, 2011 at 07:36

Dear me, such trite nonsense . I knew there was a reason for not bothering
to visit and I shan’t bother to come back. Perhaps your ‘humour’ would be
better placed defending the old, the poor, the sick and the weak. Citizen
Dave, the people’s toff is systematically tearing down our entire welfare
system by continuing the ideology created under Thatcher.

A bit like Nero, you laugh whilst Rome burns, but it will come back to
haunt you – when you need a doctor, a hospital, a school, a social worker, or
a job.

You describe yourselves as “libertarians’ – but let’s be honest, call
yourselves what you are – Tories!

2Mac March 31, 2011 at 09:50

You have confused those who run the welfare system and abused the public
purse with those who are recipients of the services.

If you can count you will realise it is not cuts in spending. It is
reductions in borrowing. We must fix what Labour Broke.

I am not a Tory Toff, I grew up in daily financial hardship but I also
understand economic reality. WE ARE NOT JUST SKINT WE ARE A TRILLION POUNDS
IN DEBT AND RISING at 15 billion per month.

We have a duty of care to many in society but also to future generations
who will be competing in a much tougher world than you or I. It is not
perfect. It is reality.

Livewire
March 31, 2011 at 10:41

It’s a personal choice whether to visit a blog, but the ‘About us’ at
the top does contain the guidelines; they do say “contrary views are
welcome”. I can’t speak for Anna but I suspect that a well-written spoof
on Cameron/Osborne would be welcomed.
I could certainly write one,
based on the difference between what they say and what they do; if it was
rejected it’s more likely to be on the grounds of ‘not well-enough
written’ rather than censorship.

SadButMadLad April 1, 2011 at 09:31

A similar spoof about Cameron/Osborne or any other politician of any
party is more than welcome. If it wasn’t written to our exacting
standards then we wouldn’t censor, we would help you edit it without
changing the point of your article.

Fred Thrung
March 31, 2011 at 12:39

For goodness sake Tacitus! Do you understand what the post is about? Red
Ed went all over-the-top equating a bunch of idiots with the travails of
which Martin Luther King spoke. Don’t you have a satire/irony switch?

Caedmon’s
Cat March 30, 2011 at 21:02

Let’s have a rousing chorus of the Bankruptcy Shanty – once more, with
feeling..

Gloria Smudd
March 30, 2011 at 21:09

You ‘um it Son, I’ll play it.

(shakes month-old spittle from trusty kazoo and buzzes a tuning note
…)

Dick
Puddlecote March 30, 2011 at 20:21

Superb!

Though you forgot to mention the vital work of council officers tasked with
getting the wedding and leaving cards signed by all departments, before
spending a weekday afternoon at the shops buying a tasteful present with the
whip-round. Worth anyone’s council tax, they are.

Ian R Thorpe March
30, 2011 at 20:16

You just about nailed it.

A few days ago an American blogger pointed me at an alleged draft bill of
rights for global governance which is said to have been drafted by George
Soros. Ed Miliband could have ghosted it for him.
Prepare for oligrachic
collectivism.

Sister Eva
Longoria March 30, 2011 at 20:01

Can we have one every week? If necessary convene more dinners. And can I
come?

Fred Thrung March 30, 2011 at 19:58

Excellent pastiche . . .but I’m a little conflicted here (as they say in
another version of English). The original has been described as “one of the
greatest of American political speeches”. And to have the inflated bullsh*t
spouted by our third rate opposition leader equated with the 1963 speech of
one of my heroes is disturbing.
Red Ed needs to find a new
speechwriter.

Gloria Smudd
March 30, 2011 at 20:01

It wouldn’t matter who he got to write the speeches, he’d still deliver
them sounding like he’d got a ten-ton tongue and a mouthful of dried cream
crackers stuck to his palate.

Ex-Liverpool
Docker March 30, 2011 at 22:19

4 pints of extra strong cider has the same effect……maybe he’s Bill
Werbenuik in disguise…..

Gildas theMonk
March 30, 2011 at 19:54

Bravissimo!

2Mac March 30, 2011 at 19:28

To be perfectly honest I had friends round for dinner last night and we
uncorked quite a few bottles of red wine. After they left I typed it up in a
haze and I thank the Editor for the corrections and improvements.

Gloria Smudd
March 30, 2011 at 19:39

Fine work, whatever the circumstances.

(Off-topic but to explain why I may soon down the last of the
cooking-sherry…. Mr Smudd has driven away into the sunset leaving me and
Smuddette to ‘re-tune’ our Freeview. Mayhem and squawking all round. And the
TV completely devoid of life. Why am I not surprised?)

SadButMadLad
March 30, 2011 at 20:24

Is there anything much worth watching on TV these days? Other than
Midsummer Murders, Morse/Lewis and a few others in similar vein, which
accurately reflect the makeup of the British rural scene (less the
murders) and the beautiful, both visually and auditory, Wonders of the
Universe the rest is utter utter crap. Somedays I am forced to watch
re-runs – of “How do they do it”.

Gloria
Smudd March 30, 2011 at 20:33

Oh, Smuddette and I love ‘One Born Every Minute’: I like to point out
that Mr Smudd’s single whispered ‘Push’ as I valiently squeezed out a
hefty infant registered v. low on the scale of ‘dad’ involvement. Mr
Smudd usually goes to bed at this point.

I punctuate the housework itinerary which is my solitary morning-off
by slamming myself down intermittently to see ‘Judge Judy’ telling a
good number of American numbskulls that they are liers, cheats and
no-hopers and that they have to pay 1200 dollars for stealing their best
friend’s inheritance! After watching JJ speak harshly and loudly to
various miscreants, I find I can scub up a downstairs lavvy with a real
spring in my oedemic-ankled step and hum a merry ditty to boot!

SadButMadLad March 30, 2011 at 22:32

My wife like JJ. Really puts her in a good mood after having a good
rant at the numbskulls who appear before The Judge.

Anna
Raccoon March 30, 2011 at 20:11

Remind me to send you a few more bottles….it does you the world of
good!

Gloria Smudd
March 30, 2011 at 20:24

I’m on the sherry vinegar now … good job my teeth are in a nice neutral
solution in a glass by the dustbins, or else they’d be fizzed into
tomorrow by the numerous acid-slugs, never to be lisped through again.

Grumpy Old Man
March 30, 2011 at 21:37

In vino veritas, dear boy. very well done.

Gloria Smudd
March 30, 2011 at 19:24

*Cheers*

Brilliant stuff!

Livewire March 30, 2011 at 19:09

Comedy gold. Everything Red has BS’d recently included.
It’s always good
to check the letters behind a politico, the dream is that with careful
cropping it could become – (ECONOMIC INS)..TIT..(UTE)

QM March 30, 2011
at 18:28

Bravo!

And who said political comedy was dead…

Lorenzo March 30, 2011 at 20:42

The sad thing is its not funny, its true!