Cut-Price Justice.
âRoll-up, roll-up, get yer lovely ASBOs here â George, give that lady an ASBO and an extra one for her husband, hurry up there lad! â and a conditional discharge for the lady in blue.â
âRight mâduck, one community service coming up and an easy-over fine on top.â
âOnly cash here, no credit, pay yer fine to the lady at the till.â
âLet that little lad through, ah, youth offender, put a bag over his head George, canât have him identified â is there an appropriate adult in the house? â Thank-you madam, step forward, just take him into the ladies changing room, next to the outsize jeans, you can interview him in there.â
âFour pound of Tomâââââs for the lady in red.â
âWhatâs that? Youâre looking for the Custody Officer? In the gents changing room Madam, in the Greeting Cards and Sundries aisle.â
âLovely ripe Bananas and a Victim Compensation Surcharge for the Toby, no rush Sir, weâre open 24 hours.â
âCase adjourned lady? Come back next week, canât promise to have any cheap Tatties then though, sure youâd rather not plead guilty?â
Yes! The caring, sharing, oh-so-accessible, weâve got nineteen year olds, black, pink and yellow, all diversities catered for, wheelchair friendly, Magistrates Association has come up with their latest nothing-to-be-frightened of, transparent justice, no need to be inconvenienced, pay us at 30p a week, scheme.
They want to hold court in Tescoâsâ¦..
âWhy not use a unit in a shopping centre with a glass front where everyone can see what is going on? Summary justice should be about dealing people where they actually are,â he said.
âWe could have a court in the Westfield shopping centre, for instance, so that instead of a shoplifter being taken to the police station and it taking hours to build a file even if they are going to plead guilty, they could be dealt with far more quickly.â
Defendants and Witnesses browsing the shelves companionably side by side, at Lidl â whoâs going to sort out the punch-up? The hatchet faced store security officer who just nicked the culprit?
Justice! â Pile it high, sell it cheap. I donât know whether to laugh or cry!
August 18,
2010 at 17:57
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âThen we would just be warlords effectivelyâ¦
And warladies..?
August 18, 2010 at 18:46
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Your quite right I do apologize.
I realise now my anarchist concerns are institutionally sexist.
August 18,
2010 at 13:06
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The phrase âsummary justiceâ smacks of populism, of bypassing the judicial
system. A quick look on Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Summary_justice#See_also) didnât
help, especially the See Also section.
I reckon they might try to get PCSOs involved here, in some kind of Judge
Dredd role. The way their powers have been expanded, it seems a logical
conclusion. Citizenâs arrest, up in front of Westfield court, given powers to
fine/community service/up to 6 months jail time, no need for real police
involvement, job done.
Also, think of the sentencing cross-selling opportunities. Community
service? 100 hours in Burger King. Bit of jail time for a white collar
criminal? Lock him up in âThe Villageâ. ATMs all over the place to sort the
fines out.
August 18, 2010 at 13:39
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You know Timdog I
August 18, 2010 at 19:32
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The Old Testament restrictions on what can and cannot be done on the
Sabbath, or any other âspecialâ day for that matter, have been scrapped by
New Testament teaching. As have dietary restrictions, with the exception
of food which contains blood or which has been sacrificed to an idol (no
black pudding or halal for me, but I wouldnât eat that muck anyway) Roman
14 vv 5, 6. With this in mind, you do me a disservice by painting me the
Witch-Finder General.
You want to shoot people in the face for littering, and Iâm not of
sound judgement?
August 18, 2010 at 12:27
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What?
Am I reading the Daily Mash or something, you canât be serious!
August 18, 2010 at 11:58
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Well, look at what happens when they âdo it properlyâ :
Listen to :
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p009b6ch/The_Paul_Franks_Show_David_Seaman/
1hr 33 mins 40 seconds in.
Man arrested in 1996, accused of rape. Not picked out of a lineup by the
victim or her friends. No forensic evidence given. 13 years with a minimum 7
year term. He constantly protests his innocence, and as such, does not
âprogressâ in prison, so doesnât get out after 7 years. His appeal failed, and
he canât then re-appeal without apparently going to the Criminal Cases Review
Board. Now it appears there was forensic evidence, which doesnât link him to
the crime, and wasnât disclosed.
I got a speeding ticket, and was informed that pleading guilty early by
post would probably result in a lower fine, or alternately I could go to court
and risk a bigger fine, followed by the text âNOTHING IN THIS LETTER IS
INTENDED TO MAKE YOU PLEAD GUILTYâ.
This chap apparently gets sent down for something he denied doing, on
bugger all evidence. He doesnât play along (read: show regret/remorse and
attempt to reform, mainly as he sticks to his denial) and therefore isnât
given possibility of parole, as heâs still probably considered dangerous. The
message is the same â consider coughing to something and it wonât be as
bad.
Then of course there is the CRB system, which makes a mockery of the
Rehabilitation of Offenders Act, which should allow someone to have a clean
slate, but if a company requires any form of CRB check, then the previous
arrest/charge/jail term will show up â even if someone is subsequently cleared
(if theyâre lucky, a ânoteâ maybe put on the system).
You canât do right for doing wrong, or in fact, do wrong for doing right,
it seems? And of course, donât forget the court of public opinion, who mostly
read The Sunâ¦
August 18,
2010 at 11:54
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âJustice!
August 18, 2010 at 11:49
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Maybe Tescos will sell âDo it yourself defence kit â¦. all you need to know
in 5 minsâ. Oops, silly me, ânot guiltyâ pleas are not allowed.
{ 11 comments }