Educating children is a delicate affair, not for the feint hearted.

The Lord Mayor of Leicester did his best at a ‘Global Educational Summer Showcase for Schoolchildren’.

The decidedly ‘global’ Lord Mayor – he is currently trying to lose 3 stone – unintentionally gave them an unforgettable educational showcase.

In a statement, Colin Hall, 46, said:

“Whilst giving a vote of thanks, I suffered a problem with my trousers.

“Unfortunately, I had chosen not to wear a belt and the trousers came loose and fell.

“I would like to offer my deepest apologies to anyone who was offended by the accident.”

Come on then, bottle of wine for the best limerick!

MacheathJuly 3,
2010 at 11:14

Thank you – I suppose this counts as a professional debut (always a good
thing for an aspiring writer – if not quite how I’d like it to be remembered
by posterity).

It’s been a most entertaining business all round and great fun to be part
of it; if the creative powers of this blog’s readers were collectively
harnessed, who knows what Anna could achieve?

PericlesJuly 2, 2010 at 22:59

Well, excellent work all around and congratulations to Macheath.  I
can foresee this event

Mick Turatian
July 2, 2010 at 16:31

P

Anna
RaccoonJuly 2, 2010 at 16:28

This is worse than judging the ‘best Victoria Sponge’ at the Women’s
Institute.
You just know that you are going to make 33 enemies in judging
one to be best……..
By popular aclaim of Mr G, Thaddeus and myself, we have
all voted for Macheath @ 9 and 11 – Macheath if you would like to e-mail annaraccoon@gmail.com and give me an
address, plus whether you would like our excellent local red or equally
excellent local white, I shall oblige…….
I will defintiely do this again –
the quality has been superb.

Gloria Smudd
July 2, 2010 at 21:23

I’d like to congratulate Macheath on a well-deserved win! His one about
no prayers made my daughter laugh out loud (or LOL as she would put it) and
since she has a finely-tuned sense of humour (or SOH as the lonely-hearts
ads would abbreviate it) I think she’s right.

Normal Smudd service may or may not resume after the barbeque (BBQ)
weather has broken: never has a family of hippos cracked as many snaggled
teeth on charred chipolatas and yet still found plenty to smile about!

Chin-chin!

Mick Turatian
July 2, 2010 at 16:20

Mrs Racoon please adjudicate
And apprise us all of our fate.
Which
bit of twattle
Deserves just one bottle
And which one merits a
crate?

EleanorJuly 2, 2010 at 00:22

But who is to blame,
For this crying shame?
I’ll give you one
guess,
No more or no less.
The McCanns have been at it again.

Gloria Smudd
July 1, 2010 at 21:49

We’d all do well to remember
That shame burns hot as an ember,
And
despite his mishap
Col’s a wonderful chap
And a fine, upstanding
member.

Gloria Smudd
July 1, 2010 at 23:04

of local government.

DerekPJuly 1, 2010 at 15:28

The Mayor said “This sort of limerick
seems to poke fun at my balls and
dick.
It’s a glorious day
when they’re out on display.
Do you think
I’ll end up in the nick?

Nick
DrewJuly 1, 2010 at 12:00

While the Mayor did his best to explain
The kids shouted

MacheathJuly 1,
2010 at 11:56

The Lord Mayor’s speech was a failure
And he blushed a deep shade of
azalea
As a voice said, ‘Please Miss,
Can you tell us if this
Is
what’s meant by Mayoral regalia?’

Mick Turatian
July 1, 2010 at 10:30

We all of us rightly detest a
Fellow who shows us his vest: a
Boxer
or Brief
Should be hid underneath.
Not so in the City of Leicester!

Richard BJuly 1,
2010 at 00:22

Fnarr

Richard BJune 30,
2010 at 21:45

The wonderful Lord Mayor of Leicester
Was a bit of a show-off and
jeicester;
In front of some kids
He took down his skids
And grabbed
his wife’s tits to moleicester.

Gloria Smudd
June 30, 2010 at 22:13

I cannot let this rumour fester!
I never would young children
pester!
I just wanted my show
I’ve got ‘get up and go’
To my missus
– you know, just to test ‘er.

TimdogJuly 1,
2010 at 08:47

If your limerick isn’t a dud
And your rhyming is terribly
gud
Then you might win some wine
But don’t waste your time
For
you haven’t a chance ‘gainst the Smudd

GildasJune 30, 2010 at 21:43

Even tho’ I have I had a long hard day, I’m laughing. Well done one and
all!
Gildas the Monk

DerekPJune 30, 2010 at 21:20

“Fresh air is vital, you know”,
said the Mayor at the kid’s Summer
Show,
“So please do not frown
As I stand pants down
But something is
starting to grow.”

Joe PublicJune 30, 2010 at 20:43

The venue was Southfields li-brary
Where the kids saw the mayor was
quite hairy
With no belt at all
His trousers did fall
So the sight
was both shocking & scary.

Gloria Smudd
June 30, 2010 at 20:11

“I agree it was morally wrong
To address Leicester’s youth in my
thong,
But I think, to be fair,
My front-bits weren’t bare,
And my
trousers weren’t down very long.”

(and I’m not after the wine – after all, I don’t drink, smoke or tell lies
– I just can’t seem to stop now until Mr Smudd logs on to e-bay for the
night…)

Gloria Smudd
June 30, 2010 at 19:52

When asked to explain why and when
The Mayor showed his pants to
chil-dren,
He said he’d aired his balls
In many grand halls
But he’d
try not to do it again.

Gloria Smudd
June 30, 2010 at 18:45

There once was a Lord Mayor called Colin
Who had trouble keeping one
ball in
He said “I’ve no doubt
I should let them both out”
So he did.
And that’s what’s appallin’.

SaulJune 30, 2010 at 18:36

Whilst performing his duties de facto
The Mayor was caught flagrante
delicto
The kids thought him crackers
When he flashed them his
knackers
And stood there airing them alfresco

MacheathJune 30,
2010 at 17:32

Or, alternatively:

Children’s libraries are wonderful places,
All those happy and smiling
young faces,
But poor Lord Mayor Hall
Was not happy at all –
From now
on he’ll wear two belts and braces.

Anna
RaccoonJune 30, 2010 at 17:43

The quality is superb – it might cost me a bottle of wine each time, but
I reckon we should have more limerick competitions!
Keep ‘em coming.

Joe Public
June 30, 2010 at 20:01

I agree with both suggestions!

DemetriusJune 30,
2010 at 17:30

A large Lord Mayor Called Hall,
Was insufficiently tall,
When he
arose,
His pants went to his toes,
And opened The Municipal Ball

MacheathJune 30,
2010 at 17:11

‘Coun Hall recently hit the headlines after choosing to stop the
tradition of saying prayers before full council meetings, and choosing not to
attend a civic service at the city’s cathedral.’

“In our meetings”, said Councillor Hall
“There is no place for prayer at
all”.
“Is that so?” said the Lord,
“Well I won’t be ignored!”
As he
caused the man’s trousers to fall.

PericlesJune 30, 2010 at 16:55

The Lord Mayor thought himself wise as Nestor
But was really a bit of a
jester ;
Despite all his brags
He stood there with his bags

Billy
BlofeldJune 30, 2010 at 16:43

By christ you should have seen us
Kids staring at the Mayor

Joe PublicJune 30, 2010 at 16:40

The municipal leader of Leicester
Had a reputation from kids whom he’d
pester,
Down slipped his trousers
But did nowt to arouse us,
Hall’s
balls were beginning to fester.

GildasJune 30, 2010 at 21:42

ohahahaha!

Gloria Smudd
June 30, 2010 at 16:30

I doubt if the Lord Mayor’s wife’ll
Keep insisting he cuts out the
trifle:
She’d prefer he stays ‘global’
If it means he shows ‘no
ball’
And saves the mixed-infants an eyeful.

TimdogJune 30,
2010 at 16:37

hahahahahahahahaha, cracker

EdJune 30, 2010 at 15:33

There was a man from Leicester,
Who could have been a molester.
His
trousers came down,
The kids thought what a clown
Now he’s the Mayoral
Jester

Anna
RaccoonJune 30, 2010 at 15:57

We’re off to a flying start I see…….

TimdogJune 30,
2010 at 15:27

The venerable Lord Mayor of Leicester
Came across as a bit “Charlie
Chester”
His trousers came down
Showing his mayoral crown
So he
covered it with his sou’wester

Last bit isn’t true necessarily, but artistic licence has been taken…

GallimaufryJune
30, 2010 at 15:25

The Lord Mayor, in municipal regalia,
Suffered an embarrassing wardrobe
failure,
His loose trousers slipped down,
In front of the young of the
town,
Revealing his knees, inter alia.