Waspish Sensibilities.
Venom courses through the veins and arteries of the main stream media today, venom, fear and loathing, of the Blogosphere. Ironically, most of the poison laden words appear in the on-line versions as well as the dead tree press – they may despise the Blogosphere, but they are too frightened of being left behind to really treat it with the lofty disdain they feign to adopt in their words.
Longrider has already perfectly skewered Yasmin Alibhai-Brown long diatribe on ‘the stench from the blogosphere’ with aplomb; not to minimise Longrider’s skill, but it was a task made too easy by someone who writes such on-line pearlers as: “They can’t write, can’t think beyond the fix of a scandal, have no interest in the havoc they cause” whilst rushing to the defence of the ‘approved’ bloggers – ‘Iranian and Chinese dissidents, those who write for ‘not stick thin’ women, teachers and academics’. Apparently there is no stench that arises from people whose views Yasmin approves of and whoever heard of an Iranian dissident who could write like a dream, thinks way beyond the fix of a scandal, and is mortified by the havoc his words can cause……
Yesterday, the Liddle Piddle was out of his pram and dissecting Guido’s private life as a way of justifying his belief that the world should not be subjected to the ‘semi-literate’ words of convicted criminals such as Guido….interestingly, when Liddle was censured by the Press Complaints Committee for his racist comments, the BBC took care to describe him as a ‘Blogger’ at that time. We couldn’t have a ‘journalist’ so censured could we?
It reminded me of the old Fleet Street tradition whereby if journalists were ever reluctantly forced to describe the court appearance of one of their number for some misdeed, they always, always, prefaced the obligatory mention of employment just so – ‘Pervy O’ Brian, who described himself as a journalist, was charged with 72 counts of bestiality – not a real journalist you see, just another of the goat lover’s fantasies, not like us real journalists reporting this.
Judging by the BBCs reporting of Liddle’s misdeeds, ‘Blogger’ has replaced the ubiquitous ‘described himself as a journalist’ as a way of putting clear blue water between the inhabitants of the high moral ground and those of us who are not paid.
The question of payment is also used to create the mental ha-ha protecting those on the front lawn from the savages in the undergrowth.
Polly-off-her-trolley’s other half is at it too. The on-line version of ‘Public Finance’ (if you are in paid employment, then you write ‘on-line’, the inhabitants of the sewer merely ‘blog’ – terminology is important in these things) carries a lengthy argument from David-oh-God-the-lobbying-didn’t-work-Walker, soon to be ex-boss of the Audit Commission. His argument is that the Audit commission is qualified, professional, passed all its exams, and thus is infinitely preferable to the ‘armchair mavens’ proposed by Pickles – an interesting choice of words ‘maven’ – Jewish readers are free to correct me, but I understood it to mean an expert in a subject?
“Who needs to pass the CIPFA exam? In this post-bureaucratic age, we’ve no need for inspectors and qualifications. Instead, ordinary people will sit at home, poring over the ledgers online, gesticulating wildly when they spot an anomaly – or even a spending item they don’t like.”
Spotted the anomaly? Waved your arms madly?
Abolish the paid employment at the Audit Commission and the only people scrutinising the spending of their tax pennies will be ‘ordinary people’. Unprofessional, unqualified, given to gesticulating wildly. Do unemployed former members of the Audit Commission not sit in armchairs too? Will they not continue to take an interest in their specialist subject once they are unemployed, without the need to ‘gesticulate wildly’? They can’t all lounge on a poltrona in Tuscany with Polly telepathically ferrying the Gin and Tonics as required.
One of the great strengths of the Blogosphere is the extraordinary range of skills and expertise that lurk behind the comical usernames. I never cease to be amazed.
When I wrote of Sheila Martin and her struggles with Sandwell council– and I will have more news very shortly, I promise, we are almost there! – I ended the piece with an invitation to any lawyers who happened to be reading to make contact if they thought they could help.
Within a couple of hours I had more e-mails than I had comments – and the comments were at that time running around the 50 mark, a figure now way out of date.
I had e-mails from Barristers and Academics, Solicitors and Local Authority Legal Advisors – all willing and able to pitch up with their specialist knowledge on Sheila’s behalf – free of charge. Detailed information on the legal technicalities behind her offence positively poured out of them. By the end of that first night we had a legal team that would not have disgraced the defence team for a major conspiracy trial at the Old Bailey.
We also had e-mail addresses and mobile phone numbers for virtually everyone on the staff at Sandwell Council, home addresses, photographs of their houses for heavens sake, even, in one case, a photograph of the aluminium wheels on their BMW that were for sale on e-bay – the cuttings library at the Old Mirror building was famed for the ability with which it could come up with a cornucopia of information on any obscure subject; I would pitch the wit and wisdom of the Blogosphere against their sleuthing skills any day.
The old days of being able to distinguish who is competent and who is not by labels such as ‘professional’ or ‘journalist’ are long gone.
Extinguished partly by another of the great strengths of the Blogosphere – their willingness to work together, rather than in tribal loyalty to any particular employer. Where professional auditors apparently only do their job when they get paid to do so, bloggers would be more inclined to pool their knowledge to get through the task quicker. Where journalists compete to buy and sell endangered donkeys to prevent their rival getting the story, bloggers would be more inclined to link arms to carry the donkey home.
Hence the venomous stingers lashing through our ranks in the last few days. The death throes of the dozy autumn waspish crawling over the carcass of their rotten apple. The winter frosts of economic reality will deal with them soon enough.
September
7, 2010 at 10:38
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Saul, Gloria, Gildas, Sr Eva et al, did all your comments get out of
order or have you just exceeded my my prophecy and developed telepathy?
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September 7, 2010 at 09:21
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I used to scour old newspapers for pictures of people who I didn’t like in
order to line the bottom of my parrot’s cage.
There you are Polly (name changed to protect innocent psittacine), says I.
I’ve done my searching, the rest is down to your bodily functions.
With the invention of the internet however, I no longer need to purchase
newspapers for this task, I just do a google search for those I wish to heap
opprobrium (and a good lot of guano) on to, print it off and, Hey Presto!
Hurrah for the web!
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September 6, 2010 at 22:47
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Have you ever thought about simply having Faith, Saul? I gather that Sister
Faith spends her out-of-cloister-time making the most delicious jams and flaky
pastries and, of an evening, is an enjoyably-challenging Cribbage partner if
Sister Eva Longoria is otherwise detained flinging sweaty SAS men from the
combat-mat…
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September 6, 2010 at 21:55
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Gildas the Monk September 6, 2010 at 21:23
I am sorry, everyone. Sister
Eva has been a bit over emotional. She has done the Close Quarter Combat
training with the SAS again, and it is indeed quite stressful for her. She
finds training them quite hard work.
Gildas
***
Sorry to hear this,
Gildas, but could you have a quiet WORD in Sister E. L.’s ear because Close
Quarter Combat training with the SAS doesn’t necessarily mean she is equipped
to wade into one of our long-standing PUNch-ups and ask that the punny-stuff
be left to her. I’d hate for it to get NASTY.
- September 6, 2010 at 22:08
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Calm down Glo, she’s not worth it. Put your teeth back in.
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September 6, 2010 at 21:33
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That snot so bad.
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September 6, 2010 at 21:35
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All the replies are out of order! This was supposed to comfort Saul in
case he was suffering from the dreaded liturgy! Aaargh!
- September 6, 2010 at 21:21
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Producing high quality writing like this post pretty much proves your point
about blogs and MSM Anna.
I loved the part about the response to your call for help for Sheila. It
restores some of your faith in ordinary people to do the right thing in
contradiction to the lousy example set by our country’s “leaders”
Cheers, Bert.
- September 6, 2010 at 21:16
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Thousandsofmilesaway has hit the nail on the head. The industry that grew
out of people wanting to know what is going on uses a business model that has
a rapacious appetite. Where there is no real news they print opinions or make
it up and tomorrow they print the exact opposite. (Look through back issues of
any national and see how often they switch from predicting boom to bust in
house prices.)
The discerning have always had to sift the truth from the overwhelming
nonsense printed to sell copy. Now the cost of publishing is virtually nil and
talented and intelligent writers enjoy expressing themselves on almost any
subject, there cannot be much future for anyone trying to sell poorly
researched articles. IMO the only things people will continue to pay for is
entertainment and specialist writing by experts in their field. Entertainment
includes gossip, sport and titillation.
I seriously cannot remember the last time I bought a newspaper and even
on-line I tend to avoid the MSM other than the headlines.
- September 6, 2010 at 21:16
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Listen babe, I’ll do the puns! OK!??
- September 6, 2010 at 21:18
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I bow to your superior power..
- September 6, 2010 at 21:14
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Mind you on this site it is important that you get the apostilnik in the
right place..
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September 6, 2010 at 19:02
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I really must protest at the way newspapers receive a bad press here.
Throughout my life they have been invaluable, the very fabric of my existence.
One of my earliest memories was sitting in the kitchen making paper sticks
with my Father, a practical man because he had to be. (Even after serving 6
years in the Marines, the Government didn’t shovel money at him for doing eff
all). Crumpled stuff lined the bean trenches on the allotment. A little later,
the rabbit hutch and budgie cage were adorned with such famous titles as The
Sketch and The Daily Mirror. My bunk bed in winter (ex-army) had insulation
under the mattress using this resource. The chip shops around encouraged
patrons to donate previously read, nearly new, one careful owner versions in
the days when everybody understood what recycling meant. North facing windows
in winter were double unglazed with this material. I could go on. Enough of
the past!
Fast forward and I have now had to buy a shredder. This provides
me with enough barbecue lighting material to last the summer with the
assistance of junk mail.
I wonder what people DO with newspapers these
days.
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September 6, 2010 at 18:14
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Brilliant as always!
I shall be pleases to see the return of “Cranmer” and “The Devils’s
Advocate”
Anna keep up the good work
- September 6, 2010 at 17:42
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Why on earth would anybody want to pay to access an on-line newspaper when
you can find informative, thought provoking and extremely well written blogs
like this free of charge?
It may well be that the blogosphere is about to face a concerted campaign
to discredit it by the MSM in order for more publications to charge for access
to content. The implication being that if you want quality content, you’ll
have to pay for it – the free stuff is low quality drivel written by those
with an axe to grind or are of dubious standing.
If this is indeed the case, they are really out of touch with the real
world.
- September 6, 2010 at 17:53
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I’m not sure I like the idea that this may be the opening salvo in an
all-out war, but I think you are probably right – we’ll have to brace
ourselves for the coming storm.
- September 6, 2010 at 17:31
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Amazing, isn’t it, how the proponents of democracy so despise the people
who are supposed to be sovereign?
- September 6, 2010 at 16:44
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“Polly-off-her-trolley”
Brilliant – worth it just for that.
- September 6, 2010 at 16:39
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An excellent post of infinitely higher quality writing than the mulch the
MSM churns out (and expects to be paid for).
Many thanks to you and all your wonderful contributors and
commentators.
- September 6, 2010 at 15:57
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This is I think the internet’s greatest legacy: it has reduced the marginal
cost of communication and thereby association to zero – and in so doing has
brought about a little bit of a cooperative revolution.
Sound of Darwin perhaps falling on his arse right there…
- September 6, 2010 at 15:40
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Love it Saul, there may be a few brass monkeys left out in the cold when
the dust settles that may require your services!
Excellent post Anna, Dale got up my nose the other day for tarring all
bloggers with the same brush, looks like its open season on us all at the
minute, maybe we are actually being taken too much notice of for their liking
eh!
- September 6, 2010 at 15:08
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I’m afraid I can’t help Sheila Martin in any legal matters; however if she
should happen to have any welding that requires doing…….
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September 6, 2010 at 16:01
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You brazing hussy!
- September 6, 2010 at 16:29
- September 6, 2010 at 16:30
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You seem to be keen to forge new alliances, here, Saul!
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September 6, 2010 at 16:39
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… light fuse and retire …
- September 6, 2010 at
16:44
- September 6, 2010 at 19:26
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It is essential to keep your rods dry and always preheat just to be
sure you get good penetration and no inclusions.
- September 6, 2010 at
16:41
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Saul’s just been in a bit of a flux, Thaddeus.
- September 6, 2010 at 18:11
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If you think I am here just to fabricate a few puns…..then you are
probably wright.
I’ll have to be on my mettle with you lot around. A
couple of old Boilersmaking wheezing noises and an old iron angling for
comments. I bet you smelt that one coming.
- September 6, 2010 at
18:39
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Ow. That Hertz. You seem to have all the wright (s)patter and I
can’t hold a torch to you.
- September 6, 2010 at 18:53
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Oh dear – here I am trying to convince the world that the
blogosphere represents the birth of ‘Homo Superior’ as a result of our
vast collective intellect…
- September 6, 2010 at
20:12
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Macheath! It seams you’re suggesting we’re wrecking this joint!
- September 6, 2010 at
20:30
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My Dear Children!
Blessings!
Consider the words sung by
Louise Armstrong, and, having done so, consider further how each of
us, in our way, may meditate quietly and solemnly upon life, and
NATURE in all its BEAUTY and find peace in all its solemnity. These
are words that have helped me through the darkest moments, when there
seemed no way forward. And through them I did find SOLACE!
“I see fields of green.. red roses too
I see them bloom..for me
and you
AND I think to myself…
what a wonderful WELD”
In love and light. Pass the Sambuca
Sister Eva
- September 6, 2010 at 20:44
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Ah! The Arc Angel herself……..
- September 6, 2010 at
20:59
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My Dear Children
Woe is me indeed!
Please do not tease me
at this emotional moment, for I have in my hand this big CONTRACT
from AGENT PROVOCATEUR!
For whilst modelling was my former
life, I have some reservations about being the “FACE” of the new
NUN LOOK range.
GILDAS is keen that I sign up, but he is not
always WISE!
On the other hand sisters -quite like the
FIT!
Most tearfully yours
Sister Eva Longoria
- September 6, 2010 at 21:11
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In the Great Schema of things it matters not my child.
- September 6, 2010 at 21:16
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Or even in the right order…
- September 6, 2010 at
21:17
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Sometimes you have to speculate to agglutinate.
- September 6, 2010 at 21:23
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I have a bit of a sore throat, could be tonsurelitis
coming on..
- September 6, 2010 at
21:45
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I hear Gildas has joined a Martial Arts club.
He’s practicing Nunchucks.
[A bit like the Highland Games Toss-the-Caber event]
- September 6, 2010 at
21:58
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Gildas forgives you your sins, my Son, for you are in fact,
one of the righteous (have I not read thee before!?) and also
very funny!
- September 6, 2010 at 22:11
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I was sort of hoping for a bit of one to one forgiveness
from the good sister…
- September 6, 2010 at
21:14
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Very, very good! You’re a right bright spark, aren’t you?!
- September 6, 2010 at
21:23
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I am sorry, everyone. Sister Eva has been a bit over
emotional. She has done the Close Quarter Combat training with
the SAS again, and it is indeed quite stressful for her. She
finds training them quite hard work.
Gildas
- September 6, 2010 at
20:40
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That sounds like another inspired short verse from your Order’s
best-loved scribbler of contemplative/comic ditties, Sister Fay
Weldon.
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September 6, 2010 at 20:11
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She’s probably in a state of flux at the moment.
- September
6, 2010 at 14:38
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Brilliant – and true!
A while ago, someone commented here on the collective intelligence of your
readership – against the onslaught of wasps, we have the potential for an
as-yet untapped cooperative force. In fact, this could be the beginning of an
evolutionary leap; the sum of knowledge has long since outstripped the
capacity of the lone individual but, with virtually instantaneous
communication, we can now pool our collective knowledge at a stroke.
Welcome to the hive.
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September 6, 2010 at 21:30
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You’ll need to keep a cool head if it is, Saul.
- September 6, 2010 at 21:31
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Or maybe even the dreaded liturgy
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September 6, 2010 at 21:53
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Saul !
Word to the wise (y’know- bloke thing)
Don’t F*** about with
Eva.
She may have the body of a roll top desk. but I s*** you not, she is a
senior SAS CQB instructor, plus she is a 7th Dan in Aikido – I
promise!
Looks good in the habit tho’
Gildas the Scared
- September 6, 2010 at 21:39
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Need to stop this, it could be habit forming…
- September 6, 2010 at 21:42
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I thought you might have called me a wimpel Glo..
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September 6, 2010 at 21:45
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I wouldn’t know where to beguine.
- September 6, 2010 at 22:15
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Is that ‘good’ as in ‘skilful’, or, ‘good’ as in ‘righteous’ ?
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September 6, 2010 at 22:19
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She’s a novice, Joe. So whaddooyoo think?
- September 6, 2010 at 22:30
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Hopefully “right good”
{ 57 comments }