Great Inventions of Our Time – Halogen Bulb Taker-Outer
We’ve all seen it; those kitchens where they’ve caved in to the idea of environmental friendliness by combining a half-arsed version of “but halogen bulbs are more earth-friendly than the ones that were banned” with “I wanna be like Grand Designs”, and come up with 16 “footlights” in the cupboard plinths.
(Flood-resilient kitchen – not)
So Boris and Jane have decided to install perhaps 48 bulbs – a good number in the Feng Shui system of vivid imagination – in their new low-energy kitchen in Peckham Rye, equivalent to many times the 100W tungsten bulb they used back in the 1990s.
Now, these bulbs are absolute sods to change. And should they ever be used as plinth-lights, they get hot enough to give an involuntary nose-job and whisker trim to curious cats, leaving Tibbles looking like Hercule Poirot. And then the instructions say we’re not allowed to touch the glass on pain of a future haunted by the ghost of Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, the human version of chintz.
Which all brings me back to Argos, and a recent light fitting purchase which came with a “thing”, but no explanation in the instructions:
It looks like a spare external stopper for a hot water bottle when La Raccoon moves from Central France to the Swiss Alps for skiing, a device used in some way in the turkey-masturbation industry for birds which are not well-equipped, or even a tool of the fluffer’s trade?
Or is it a love-aid which Sally Bercow uses to pick up John by his head when she wants a ‘Buckingham kiss’?
No. It’s actually a device to avoid interminable finger scrabbling when trying to extract a dead halogen bulb.
Brilliant.
Now, how do I avoid losing the damned thing?
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March 17, 2011 at 17:33 -
Usual advice put in on top of the wall cupboards or in a drawer, do not try to use the suction cup if the bulb is still hot.
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March 17, 2011 at 18:47 -
It’s got a hole in the handle – surely you can tie a bit of string and a label to it, or a VERY long bit of string with the other end secured inside a suitable drawer?
The lights in the picture are noticeably blue in colour – I suspect they may be LED’s which don’t use much power or get very hot. But the thought of 48 halogen bulbs is horrifying. Even if each one was only 20 watts, that’s a kilowatt of energy being used, and halogen bulbs are still very inefficient means of converting electricity into light.
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March 17, 2011 at 18:54 -
Saves on the central heating, though.
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March 17, 2011 at 18:59 -
They could be LED but they look (from the picture) a bit bright for their size. We have “warm white” LEDs now in the multi-light swirly/curvy fittings in the kitchen. They are 35 watt equivalent instead of 50w so not quite so bright. But at 6 x 1.8 watt (10.8 watt total) instead of 6 x 50 watt (300 watt total) they are very efficient!
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March 17, 2011 at 19:00 -
I have already lost mine anyone know where I can get another?
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March 17, 2011 at 19:51 -
Ebay
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March 17, 2011 at 19:00 -
Try storing the taker-outer in the same place that the spare bulbs are stored, so that you can save time by losing both together.
Or you could put it somewhere safe such as in a drawer. Use a thick, black marker pen to write “Somewhere Safe” on the drawer front, to remind you which drawer it’s in.
Or you could put a piece of insulation tape over the “on” switch, thus preventing the use of the low-level lights. This will prevent the bulbs blowing, so they won’t need replacing, so if you do lose the taker-outer it won’t matter.
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March 17, 2011 at 19:15 -
Rented a place with plinth lighting recently & found them one of the nastiest innovations going.. Basic problem is that a lot of the stuff one’s doing is below eye level & if these things get in the sight-line they leave areas of dazzle in the field of view. Transfer your gaze to the dark worktop the style is usually teamed with & items just vanish behind lozenges of afterimage. Knocked a couple of wine glasses over like that.
As I used to design & install kitchens & have put these things at customer’s request I now feel a personal responsibilty. At least I had the sense to put them on a separate switch. Whoever put in the rental kitchen hadn’t bothered.
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March 17, 2011 at 19:22 -
I thought this site was dedicated to “slightly better English” can we start calling it a remover? “taker-outer” Hmm…
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March 17, 2011 at 19:57 -
Do I mis-remember that these lights give off UV, and can damage the eyes’ outer membrane? I think that for use as a reading lamp, they needed some sort of filter.
However, if used as shown in the nice illustration, there might be a saving on fake tan for the feet.
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March 17, 2011 at 21:04 -
I have one of those taker-outerry thingamies too and had to change a bulb with it last week. But suction cups have virtually no friction when twisted so all that happens is they turn round and the bulb stays jammed in the base. Then after much fighting when you finally get the new bulb into the socket you can’t remove the stupid thing because the fitting prevents you sliding it off the bulb.
Why does progress go backwards? -
March 17, 2011 at 21:20 -
“Now, how do I avoid losing the damned thing?”
You can’t, no matter where you put it, it will be gone when needed. I believe they are quite sinister, either that or just irresistable to kids and pets, as mine are never found again.
I suggest hiring a smallish child(or bribing your own) to sit on your shoulders and change the bulb for you, after it cools and instuction obviously, but don’t tell social services or health and safety. Much less traumatic for them than seeing their mum take a hammer to the light after 1 hour of trying to get the bugger bulb out. -
March 17, 2011 at 22:21 -
An old boss of mine would have directed you to the gardening section if you’d have asked for bulbs.
“At my trade counter, they are called LAMPS”
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March 17, 2011 at 22:40 -
In France, at least in my corner, you cannot buy any incandescent bulbs anymore, none! And the LEDs are extremely expensive – up to 15 euros each if you want a real performant one for the investment to be amortised in the next 10-20-25 years [Deo volente & do you keep the purchase ticket that long?]. Halogene is expensive too but will be history soon. So WHAT can we buy here à la campagne?
Oh, these French … They sell the glass housing of the incandescent bulb with a halogene inside instead of a filament. You get 59W performance for 42W consumption at a mere 3.50 euros each. Big deal!
I just bought at an internet auction 96 incandescent bulbs for 30 cents each. These oldfashioned 60W consume 60W at a rate of 9 cents per KWh Châtelaine, living in a big house with many lamps, is a happy bunny for the moment. -
March 17, 2011 at 22:47 -
If you wish to removwe yourselves from the Nazi-clutches of the EU and their dread Regulations, and be able to read under a pleasant light, then simply follow the link, and then follow the link!
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March 17, 2011 at 22:50 -
Sorry, wrong post! Should read :-
If you wish to removwe yourselves from the Nazi-clutches of the EU and their dread Regulations, and be able to read under a pleasant light, then simply follow the link, and then follow the link!
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March 18, 2011 at 00:26 -
@TimofEngland
The site is definitely dedicated to better English, and I’ll be whipping Anna into shape (!), however this article is tagged “silliness” so I have some license. I’ve also been AWOL from blogs for a bit, so I’m ‘outer’ practice.
If it is any consolation, that is the improved title – it started out as Putter-Inner … and titles are allowed to be ‘tabloidal’.
@carol42 They are £1.35 free from Ebay, or apparently free from Argos with £10 light fittings.
@woodsy42 Do you perhaps need to be a little less Klingon-like when inserting bulbs?
I’ve decided to store my suction cup attached to the light fitting.
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March 18, 2011 at 13:08 -
Do you follow the line of lights to the emergency exit (aka backdoor) in the event the kitchen is filled with smoke?
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March 19, 2011 at 15:00 -
Ages ago I found an everyday equivalent: an absolutely bone dry sponge. This is useful for taking out screw-in lightbulbs, and also for taking the top of jars.
Doesn’t work if it’s even slightly damp, though.
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