It must be Christmas – guilt inducing adverts and press releases have increased dramatically.

In between Fedosi starving in the arms of her well fed Mother, (only £2 a month) and saving Ayesha from marrying at an age which would not be legal in the UK (quite expensive) and Sanaa, paraded hourly in all her hare-lipped glory for us to recoil from and reach for our cheque books, we learn this morning that we, and our reluctance to dig deep, are the sole reason that ‘Ben and Matt’ are homeless and are likely to die at a mere 47 years old.

‘Ben’, 25 years old and begging on the streets of London ‘lost’ his family. We are not told how, though I suspect if it was through accident rather than negligence we would have been treated to the full details. It is only the ‘loss’ of his family that resulted in Ben begging for handouts in a street doorway. We can put this right, we can be Ben’s family and put a roof over his head. Are we not a community? Are we not duty bound to step in where Ben’s family have so miserably failed to support this fine young man at sucgh a tender age? Hmmn.

Then there is ‘Matt’. ‘Matt’ lost his council accommodation. Misplaced? Put somewhere safe and couldn’t remember where it was? Was there no friend to help him search for it again? I presume, though we are not told, that Matt also managed to ‘lose’ the wife and children that had enabled him to qualify for council accommodation in the first place – have we not just been told that social housing is not available for the single man? No matter, it is not Matt’s responsibility, at Christmas it is ours to give generously and put a roof over Matt’s head.

Leslie Morphy, chief executive of Crisis, said: “It is shocking … homeless people are dying much younger than the general population. Life on the streets is harsh and the stress of being homeless is clearly taking its toll. This report paints a bleak picture of the consequences homelessness has on people’s health and wellbeing. Ultimately, it shows that homelessness is killing people.”

Killing people? I must give money quickly. What does Crisis do with my money?

Three young ladies trip down the road, part of the army of 10,000 volunteers, to give Matt and Ben a sandwich each and a cup of tea. They even have to assist in unwrapping the sandwich for them…no, Ben and Matt are not one armed service veterans, it’s just that they are both chain smoking and obviously can’t be expected to put down the cigarette they prioritised over food in order to unwrap our generosity. Perhaps there is another Charity that provides cigarettes for the homeless. As a smoker myself, I’d be glad of the address if you know it. I’ve always had to buy food ahead of cigarettes in order to keep myself alive to work for the cigarettes.

Before I reached for my cheque book to give Matt and Ben what they deserve – how could I think of feeding myself when these poor mites were sleeping in shop doorways and likely to die at 47? – I took a look at Crisis at Christmas to see what they had done with the 14 million quid we gave them last year…..

First of all they had to give 2 million quid back to David Gilmour. You know, the rock star, sold his house in Holland Park and gave all the money to Shelter, famous for helping the homeless, yes, him. That wasn’t the sum total of what he had given Crisis, it was the amount they had agreed to give back because they never did get round to building the shelter in the Elephant and Castle that Matt and Ben could have lain their weary heads in. That must have been an interesting negotiation. I wonder if I can get my tenner back?

Then they gave 5.3 million quid to the army of ‘fundraisers’, all those people who host art gallery openings and balls in London hotels and the like.

They gave 233 homeless people £2,500 each to change their lives. Unfortunately they don’t know what they did with it, because the 14 million quid we gave them didn’t stretch to figuring out what happens when you give a person of no fixed abode 2,500 quid to change his life…..no really, I am not making it up, its all there in the accounts.

Crisis Changing Lives programme continued to grow, with 233 grants of up to £2,500 awarded to homeless people across the UK. totalling £220,000 We awarded 18 more Crisis Changing Lives grants than our target and average awards were higher than anticipated. The number of people we know of who progressed into paid employment was significantly below our target as unfortunately limited resources didn’t allow us to chase up the outcomes of all previous grant recipients.

It’s not all doom and gloom though – one of the previous years recipients of 2,500 quid grew wheatgrass with it…

We were delighted, however, to learn that a previous award recipient – Brian Chamberlin – has now won contracts to supply his wheatgrass to major high street chain Lush.

Did they use the money to put a roof over anybody’s head though? Well, yes, with a little help from their friends at Dolphin Square…

Crisis, in partnership with the Dolphin Square Foundation, also directly funds and supports Westminster SmartMove. This helped 60 homeless people to move into their own accommodation.

I make that around £100,000 a head – perhaps they could have found cheaper accommodation outside London, after all, Ben mislaid his family somewhere in Birmingham, he doesn’t have any ties in London other than that shop doorway.

They did spend a lot of time and money ‘empire building’ running training courses, teaching local authorities how to put a roof over someone’s head, and lobbying MPs for more funds.

This year we expanded our national advisory service in partnership with the Department of Communities and Local Government and the Scottish Government, assisting local authorities and voluntary sector agencies to develop new services to help homeless people find and keep a home in the private rented sector (PRS).

They spend a huge proportion of their income working ‘in partnership’ with local authorities providing ‘education’ and ‘support’ to people who haven’t worked for years. A noble aim – but aren’t there already a number of commercial companies getting a ‘bounty’ for getting people back into work? Fair play to them, they managed to help 195 people to get a job. This includes, according to their accounts:

People from the 10 countries of Eastern Europe that joined the European Union since 2004 have unfortunately formed a growing proportion of the homeless population when their employment has ended or work did not materialise in the first place. The majority of them still want to work and with funding from the Oak Foundation Crisis established a specialist programme. We have met with 128 clients and supported 58 of these into employment.

Oh dear, sympathy is running very low – I started off feeling totally guilty thanks to their press release about Matt and Ben sleeping in a doorway and now find that I’m donating money to get Polish plumbers back in work, and pay society hostesses for inviting their friends round for a shindig, and giving Charlie Gilmour’s Dad his money back …

And this isn’t even a ‘fake charity’. It’ll have to be Sanaa’s hare lip then, at least I can feel decently guilty about that.

Marjorine
Welshman January 13, 2012 at 16:28

This website makes me sad for humanity. Andrew pretty much hit the nail on
the head.

Andrew December 26, 2011 at 10:05

Are you telling me that the time I just spent helping out at Crisis was a
waste as well, or that I should have kept the money I raised for them?
If,
as you allege, charities are poorly run, are you prepared to get off your arse
and do a better job, given that you can apparently earn more money that way
and don’t have to work very hard for it? Or, and correct me if I’m wrong, are
you just a lazy cynical misanthropist who is sitting in your nice warm house
at your nice warm laptop and has decided out of some misguided sense of
justice to bitch about something instead of improving it?

Anna
Raccoon December 26, 2011 at
10:34

If you had bothered to read the site in more depth you would know the
answer to your question, Andrew! Or did you just feel like having a
bitch?

Andrew December 27, 2011 at 00:18

mostly the latter. think i might have been a little harsh.

Michael
Fowke December 22, 2011 at 12:31

Are there any charities these days that aren’t a complete scam?

binao December 22, 2011 at 19:03

Oh yes there are.
Check out West Sussex Community Minibus- funded from
members contributions, fund raising, and some very nice
legacies.
Drivers, escorts, organisers, anybody, all absolutely unpaid.
Money is spent on vehicles, fuel, maintenance, and that’s about it. There
are about 80 volunteers working for our village group alone.
The
Charities Commission website is a good place to check out any iffy
organisations, and its free.

M Barnes December 22, 2011 at 09:33

Well impressed that you went and looked up how a charity would spend any
donation before handing over the dosh. Am inspired and will do the same! New
year resolution no 5,231….. suspect I will need to prioritise the ole new year
ressies.
More seriously, I only have a finite amount of spare resource –
whether time or money. I spend it on the charities I feel a connection to and
try not to feel too bad about not fixing all humanities bleeding wounds. Think
2mac is being a bit harsh on charities and NGO’s comparing them to Glasgow
City Councillors – wurs yer christian charity 2mac???

In case I don’thave time to check in before C-Day – Merry
Christmas!!!!!

excess of exclamation marks and questions marks, apologies, terrible
grammer should know better. New Year resolution no 5,232….. oh dear.

2mac December 22, 2011 at 00:00

I have been in many 3rd sector organizations as outside contractor. I have
been impressed a couple if times but most often disappointed to see same old
useless do-gooders with no idea spending large amounts on IT & Admin. They
always have overly complex IT that nobody uses correctly nor really
understands. Have often noted Boards of Trustees being shareholders in major
suppliers of goods & services.

The pay is way above average in management for comparative work in profit
making organizations. The staff skill levels are way below with Director level
people who have been their longest and promoted into jobs far beyond their
abilities.

The inefficiency, self serving & self profiting would shame a Glasgow
Labour Councillor.

Mick Turatian
December 21, 2011 at 19:17

If you’ve heard of a charity, it’s probably not worth supporting.

JuliaM December
22, 2011 at 09:36

Great minds…

Dick
Puddlecote December 22, 2011 at
14:00

Excellent motto, Mick

uk Fred December 26, 2011 at 10:56

I would except the RNLI (Royal National Lifeboat Institution),
Mick.

These guys genuinely do everything they do supported by voluntary
donations. The wonder is that they have not been stripped of their
charitable status because of their independence.

Iain December 21, 2011 at 18:19

It’s not exactly a lean organisation.

Payroll and related costs £5.774 million (average salary nearly
£30,000)
Support costs £1.818 million

Executives pay is not too bad one £60k – £70k and one £70k to £80k, I’ve
seen a lot worse.

Spiral
Architect December 21, 2011 at 18:53

Q.E.D.

Mjolinir December 21, 2011 at 13:01

How much to the ‘Chugger’?

“Wesser” [http://www.wesser.co.uk/] is one of the leading companies –

They offer (Self employed) positions for ‘face-to-face’ (door-stepper)
fundraisers
\\
Based on a fundraiser gaining support from 4 members of
public per day [6 days a week] throughout the 4 weekly pay period earnings
would be around £1400-£1500.
Wesser also provides an excellent bonus and
benefits scheme that includes, free accommodation, paid travel, food and
drink.

http://www.thedoortodoorjob.co.uk/job-information/

Spiral
Architect December 21, 2011 at 18:13

Don’t give homeless people a penny – buy then a sandwich &
coffee.

These types of charities do nothing except provide work for lazy,
left-leaning layabouts.

Service to society? Nope, just propagating weak thinking and suffocating
statism

Peter
MacFarlane December 22, 2011 at
11:43

Yes. Don’t give money, give useful goods.

Usually, they throw them back in your face, which tells you something I
think.

Spiral
Architect December 22, 2011 at
15:43

Funnily enough – earlier today I bought two hot pasties and a bottle
of orange juice for some poor bugger in Stratford-upon-Avon.

Tattooed Scots bloke – long way from home.

uk Fred December 21, 2011 at 12:36

I do a little work for a charity which helps homeless young people.
Homelessness is not the root problem, but a symptom of a deeper malaise in our
society. Most of the young homeless are drug users. Often they steal to get
money for their next fix. Some of the young women (girls really) are being
groomed for a career in prostitution by older men who are the only people to
give them any attention at all. These older men often give them drugs – crack
cocaine and herion- as well so that they are less likely to be received back
into their families. Most come from broken homes. But until our social workers
start to see the benefits of marriage and lobbying politicians using their
expert authority, they will just be picking up the pieces.

I would not ask you to stop giving, but make it planned giving, to
charities that really do make a difference, and do not follow Julia’s train of
thought in this case. Far more effective to ask the chugger all sorts of
details questions about how much of the charity’s income goes on
administration, and how much goes in commissions to the fund-raiser for whom
the chugger is working. The longer you keep them talking, the fewer people
they will be able to chug.

JuliaM December
21, 2011 at 13:38

I’ve actually done that, ukFred, to an unfortunate young man who thought
I might like to give some money to, of all charities, the RSPCA!

Needless to say, he couldn’t answer any questions and could only bluster
and pout when told a few home truths about them.

It did indeed tie him up for a while, but a good hard punch would have
been more satisfying. For me, anyway.

uk Fred December 21, 2011 at 13:57

In the short term it would be satisfying, Julia, but unfortunately it
usually gets you an opportunity to see the inside of a cop shop. Then
again, maybe you could use one of Captain Ranty’s ideas and point out that
under common law he is a lawbreadker to detain you.

talwin December 22, 2011 at 08:44

JuliaM. Speaking of the RSPCA*; I’m pretty sure my memory is not
letting me down when I say it was them who, about 12/18 months ago, took
out a full page advert in Private Eye to bring to our attention, not the
plight of some poor, furry animals, but……………. the evil Tory cuts then
being proposed! I’m not sure what the Eye’s full-page rates are, but when
you add them to what must be the whopping cost to the RSPCA of those fancy
TV ads showing, rain-soaked labradors looking forlornly at the camera,
there’s a real question about tactics and priorities.

In November, 2009 there was an article in The Independent about charity
bosses pay. If it’s out of date it can only be that the personalities have
changed and that the amounts are now likely to be greater. The Independent
found there were 50 charity chief executives earning between £100,000 and
£210,000.

* RSPCA Chief Executive Mark Watts, £105,500
Barnardo’s, Martin
Narey, £166,532
Action for Children, Clare Tickell,
£130-140,000
Guide Dogs for the Blind, Bridget War £120-130,000
Age
Concern, Gordon Lishman, £117,488
NSPCC, highest earner,
£110-120,000.

We’ve come a long way from the rain-soaked volunteer rattling a
collecting box in the high street.

It’s now almost a cliche that the only charities worth our attention
are RNLI and Salvation Army. That just about nails it for me.

JuliaM December 22, 2011 at 09:35

There’s a lot of little charities worth the help; if you’ve never
heard of them, then it’s a fair bet that they are worth supporting,
because they clearly aren’t spending it on advertising!

Peter
MacFarlane December 22, 2011 at
11:42

The RSPCA is just an arm of the state, like Oxfam, the RSPB, and
(especially) Barnado’s.

Give them nothing – starve the beast.

Dembones
December 25, 2011 at 20:01

Unfortunately, many big corporations adopt a charity, e.g. Royal
Mail = Barnado’s: dig deeper and you will see the extent of the rot;
however, most of us cannot boycott Royal Mail despite what we may
think of Barnado’s and their wish to take children from ‘problem’
families at an earlier age, rather than charities like Barnado’s being
the problem. Ever harder to starve the beast.

JuliaM December
21, 2011 at 11:20

Inspired by this, I’m going to punch the next chugger that dares to
approach me soliciting funds for this worthless organisation!

Ed P December 21, 2011 at 11:05

Fake or not, it’s not an efficient use of donations. When real austerity
hits very soon (as necessarily must happen with the appalling state of the
UK’s finances), proper charities will be needed. Meanwhile these
joke/fake/cosmetic ones will have absorbed all the public’s donations and
sympathy to little avail.