Come on Baby, do the Local Motion with me!
Everybody’s doin’ a brand new walk now,
(Come on baby, do the local motion)
I know you’ll get to like it if you give it a chance now,
(Come on baby, do the local motion)
My little baby sister can do it with ease,
It’s easier than learning your A B Cs,
So come on, come on, do the local motion with me.
Sorry folks, couldn’t resist it. Darlington Borough Council have managed to squeeze a new grant out of hard pressed tax payers via the Department for Transport’s Local Sustainable Transport Fund – and they’re using it to fund a ‘Local Motion Adviser’.
What does a Local Motion adviser do to justify a ‘Sustainable Transport’ grant – well, it turns out they teach you how to walk to your destination. Be fair, what could be more sustainable than Shank’s Pony?
You have until 9th March to grab one of 8 opportunities to sound like Little Eva, going door to door singing ‘Come on Baby, do the local motion with me’ for £8 an hour…
37 hours per week (March – October)
Salary: Grade H (£8.00 – £8.32 per hour)
Post Ref Number: D12731
Number of Posts: up to 8
Temporary until 31/10/2014
Darlington Borough Council has been successful in its bid for funding through the Department for Transport’s Local Sustainable Transport Fund. Over the next three years we will be rolling out an extensive programme of events, activities and information in schools, workplaces and in the local community.
The Travel Advisors will provide information and advice on walking, cycling and using buses and trains. Much of this work will involve calling at houses within an area, engaging in a conversation about how people currently travel and identifying where there are opportunities to make changes to help people get fitter, save money or reduce their carbon footprint.
Tip of the Raccoon tail to TaxPayers Alliance.
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1
February 29, 2012 at 14:07 -
Isn’t ‘Local Motion’ when you crap on your own doorstep?
( I’ll get my coat…) -
6
February 29, 2012 at 14:12 -
Local motions are an everyday part of my feline existence – in fact, I’d find it particularly challenging to engage in more distant ones, although it has to be said that a previous day’s dodgy fish supper might possibly result in more er.. projectile displacements. I always feel so much better afterwards..
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7
February 29, 2012 at 14:14 -
a ‘Local Motion’ advisor… or ‘a bloke paid to tell people how to do the bleedin’ obvious!
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8
February 29, 2012 at 14:19 -
How very dare you! It might be a female woman of the opposite sex. We’ll split on you to Mad Hattie Harperson…..
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9
February 29, 2012 at 14:24 -
I was about to reply in the same vein, and then I thought that, from what I know of Darlington, any ‘advisor’ sent out to tell the natives to leave their cars at home should probably be a very big bloke indeed, preferably skilled in the art of self-defence.
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11
February 29, 2012 at 14:17 -
Presumably the Local Motion advisors are ‘best placed’ to feedback information to the council about ideal locations for new Public Conveniences?
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12
February 29, 2012 at 15:13 -
If a Local Motion Advisor came knocking at my door he/she/it would be travelling down the garden path a lot faster than they did when they travelled up it.
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13
February 29, 2012 at 15:37 -
Can we take it that the employees and members of the Borough Council will be making all of their own journeys by ‘sustainable transport’ or does it only apply to the proles?
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14
February 29, 2012 at 15:45
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15
February 29, 2012 at 15:38 -
Why Darlington, why not Royal Tunbridge Wells or Chipping Sodbury? Could it be more migration of cash from the productive to the non productive? Surely our magnificent leaders can come up with better job creation schemes than this drivel.
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16
February 29, 2012 at 15:50 -
My son Lives in Darlington. Maybe he can get a part time job as one of those “Advisers”.
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17
February 29, 2012 at 15:56 -
I live “Dahn Sarf” – but they would probably pay me to commute if I established my ethnic-diversity (= Daddy was from Huddersfield)?
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18
February 29, 2012 at 16:23 -
“According to Darlington Council, the ‘Local Motion’ scheme has caused a 9% reduction in car journeys. Of course, they can’t prove this. All of this could have happened naturally as frustrated drivers opt for quicker and easier ways of getting to work.”
Of course that would be entirely down to the ‘Local Motion’ scheme, and definitely not – in no way – due to the soaring costs of petrol / diesel.
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19
February 29, 2012 at 19:32 -
National Express has changed all the bus routes in Coventry because they have been unaltered for fifty years after “consultation”. To illustrate how easy the new routes are to remember they paid for the world memory champion to memorise the routes in five minutes. Patronising bastards! Still, National Express are a private sector company so by definition they can’t do wrong.
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20
February 29, 2012 at 19:36 -
Presumably the required qualification is that the candidate be fully familiar with the Bristol Stool Chart.
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25
February 29, 2012 at 20:05 -
Perhaps Darlington council might consider offering Local Authority Donkey Grants, and might also consider the current lamentable provision in the town for parking one’s rickshaw.
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26
February 29, 2012 at 20:42 -
Now I don’t want to get in a scrap
With some northener in a flat cap,
But I have a notion
This ‘ere local motion’s
A case for a pony and trap. -
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March 1, 2012 at 00:06 -
29
March 1, 2012 at 09:24 -
This Blog (and the comments) should be “required reading” for all Parliamentary Candidates. If they don’t “Get it” then don’t vote for them.
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