Open Thread – National Limerick Day.
This could be a day opportune,
To bring you the news from ‘Raccoon’,
She’s taken off for the pool,
Which she does as a rule,
On Thursdays she turns herself ‘prune’…
Do your worst in the comments! The wrinkled old bat will be back tonight.
- The Blocked Dwarf
May 12, 2016 at 8:26 am -
(with apologies to that Spike bloke)
There was a Raccoon
who,one afternoon,
said “I think I shall take on The Sun”
Against the Beeb did she rail
and the Daily Fail
Her paws remaining firmly on the ground.…oh bugger, that doesn’t quite scan, does it? Hope you’ve finished with all that swimming nonsense now and are relaxing on a sun lounger at the poolside, drink in hand. *is in the middle of planning the Invasion Of The Low Countries -or ‘this year’s holiday’ as it might also be called.*
- Mudplugger
May 12, 2016 at 8:50 am -
It’s a topical moment to say,
Whether straight or transgender or gay,
Make a noise, if you must,
It’s more fun if you just
Get your tits out, it’s Limerick Day.With a chick, it’s a challenge to sex it,
Any witch in Macbeth’s sure to hex it,
But in case you’ve not heard,
On June 23rd,
You’re expected to turn out for ‘Brexit’.On this site, there’s a very nice man,
Whose limericks never quite scan,
This dwarf may be blocked,
But his verses are cocked,
Trying to fit in as many words to the last line as he possibly can.- The Blocked Dwarf
May 12, 2016 at 6:33 pm -
This dwarf may be blocked,
But his verses are cocked,Indeed, I am reminded daily here that my O’level Eng.Lit & Lang are woefully, sorrowfully, inadequate. The erudition of my fellows is only surpassed by their almost Carrollesque abilities with pen…although one hopes that those Carrollian attributes do not extend to the bedroom.
No joke Mud, I have more than once considered taking a ‘writing’ course to be able to keep up with the standard here.- Mudplugger
May 12, 2016 at 8:26 pm -
Don’t do it, Dwarf.
A key delight of this place is the vast range of folk, from so many different backgrounds, making points, being honest, getting on and having a bit of fun along the way. If you set out to change your natural style for some cosmetic reason, it’s not you any more, it’s someone else and I for one wouldn’t want to take the chance that the new Dwarf could sound like a prat – the Dwarf we’ve got is the Dwarf we want, Dwarf-warts and all.
As I hope you realise, I wasn’t taking the personal piss, we don’t do that round here, but we can give and take a joke between us.- The Blocked Dwarf
May 13, 2016 at 12:15 am -
As I hope you realise, I wasn’t taking the personal piss, we don’t do that round here, but we can give and take a joke between us
Yes I did realise, I was and am, just somewhat in awe at your ability to knock up a limerick faster than a Norfolker his daughter.
- The Blocked Dwarf
- Mudplugger
- The Blocked Dwarf
- Michael Miller
May 12, 2016 at 9:21 am -
I pray each day
For the sceptical way
As it issues forth from the East
Your contrarian mind
Is the best of the kind
A stellographical feast! - Mzungu
May 12, 2016 at 9:32 am -
Do raccoons have more lives than a cat?
One wonders, but it is true that
Readers on tenterhooks
Sometimes don’t dare to look
But she keeps coming back to bat!Not great, but expresses what I wanted to say…
- Jim
May 12, 2016 at 9:43 am -
Raccoon is a blogging hard hitter
Who can raise both an eyebrow and titter
She’s a beacon of Truth
To our cosseted youth
Who think facts come from Facebook and Twitter - Pericles Xanthippou
May 12, 2016 at 10:03 am -
A procyon lotor named June
Would rather you not call her ‘coon’.
She says, “It’s demeaning,”
Goes on with her preening
And runs off to chow far too soon.A vulpes lagopus named Dare
Played golf in the snow with a bear.
They searched all the night
For the lost balls all white
And went back to the nineteenth quite leer.An old canis lupus named Rolf,
A really remarkable wolf,
Was fooled by young Dare
And his friend the ice bear,
Who stole his balls yellow of golf.Their balls safely held in a sack,
Fox and bear called their caddy named Jack.
“Now look out behind us,”
Said U. maritimus,
“That wolf’ll be wanting them back.”ΠΞ
- Ho Hum
May 12, 2016 at 11:15 pm -
That fox, and the wolf, indeed look trim
and the bear and troll are quite grim
but, like that wolf,
which acts so aloof,
They all die when I play in SkyrimDovahkiin Rules….
- Ho Hum
- Ken442
May 12, 2016 at 10:34 am -
The feisty young lady Raccoon
Was never mistook for a loon
With a masterly penchant
For comment quite trenchant
She’s simply the nation’s great boon. - Roderick
May 12, 2016 at 10:43 am -
There is a young lady called Anna
Whose life should be told on a banner
When diagnosed with C
She fights back with glee
And tirelessly jams works with her spanner. - Moor Larkin
May 12, 2016 at 11:13 am - jimbob McGintu
May 12, 2016 at 12:33 pm -
The landlady’s been on a mission
To inform with witty erudition
For the stupidity on Twitter
So hate-filled and bitter
Is long overdue for demolition - Alexander Baron
May 12, 2016 at 12:41 pm -
Best I can do at the moment:
Slater $ Gordon
There was a young lady named Dux,
Who said: “These imag’nary fux
Do not make my skin crawl –
When celebrities fall,
It’s us shysters who rake in the bux.” - Rickie
May 12, 2016 at 12:46 pm -
There was a young man with great lungs
Whose health good fortune had brung
But he made a mistake
Started smoking, at eight
Now to the oxygen tube he has clung- The Blocked Dwarf
May 12, 2016 at 5:48 pm -
Ahhh a capnophobe….allow me an edit suggestion:
started smoking at 18, at 80 his brain still pristine- Michael J. McFadden
May 13, 2016 at 1:41 pm -
LOL! Rickie ‘n Blocked, I think the two of you may have opened the realm for a wonderful contest (if we knew of a venue that attracted equal numbers from both camps!):
Limerick Contest:
The Capnophobes
vs.
The Fumophiles!The Capnophobes came out in style,
The Fumophiles arrived in a pile.
Watching agape,
Were those who would vape,
Preferring their own little game!- Michael J. McFadden
May 13, 2016 at 1:44 pm -
Whoops… I seem to have mixed lines from two limerick attempts. LOL! I’d had two first lines reading “The Fumophiles struck up their flame, which the Capnophobes thought a bit lame…”
Ahh welll.. it’s 8:30 AM here in Philly. Not my best time of day!
:>
MJM
- Michael J. McFadden
- Michael J. McFadden
- The Blocked Dwarf
- jimbob McGinty
May 12, 2016 at 1:04 pm -
While Titian was mixing rose madder
His subject reposed on a ladder
Her position, to Titian
Suggested coition
So he nipped up the ladder and ‘ad her! - Nessie
May 12, 2016 at 2:35 pm -
The journalists yelling “get down!”
Politicians turn their pants brown.
This wonderful noise,
The source of our joys,
As the Raccoon arrives back in town. - Michael Massey
May 12, 2016 at 3:31 pm -
There was a teen idol called Cliff
Still seeking a decentish riff
When the tongues started wagging
With tales of boy shagging
Yorkie bill went all steamy and stiff - Michael J. McFadden
May 12, 2016 at 5:01 pm -
::sigh:: My poetic muse seems to have walked out the front door m’lady.
But that picture of the raccoon *DID* recall a pleasant Springtime Afternoon music video about an intriguing movie:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksKhg8zIN58
(Note for the faint of heart: It’s the musical trailer for the 2014 movie “Zombeavers” — Definitely NSFW, and if you watch it around mealtime I will NOT be responsible!) ((VERY funny though… especially if you like Frank Sinatra of the 1970s…))
MJM
- missred
May 12, 2016 at 5:01 pm -
A lovely woman named Racoon
Challenged her readers for a tune
They couldn’t resist
They put to the wrist
And we all had a laugh until June - The Blocked Dwarf
May 12, 2016 at 5:04 pm -
- Oi you
May 12, 2016 at 5:45 pm -
The standard here is extremely high. Not sure I want to embarrass myself by submitting my own paltry efforts. Oh alright then, you’ve persuaded me…
There once was a blogger called Anna
Peeps thought was generally thick
In sight of some spammers
Who tried to be scammers
She rose up and gave them some stick:o)
- thelastfurlong
May 12, 2016 at 6:22 pm -
A Limerik’s a funny old thing,
It’s hard to get all the words in.
It’s rhythm and meter
Is hard to repeater
If you don’t get it right it’s just minging!- Jimbob McGinty
May 12, 2016 at 7:45 pm -
on a similar tip:
A limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space which is quite economical
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical
- Jimbob McGinty
- Jonathan King
May 12, 2016 at 7:46 pm -
A lady, tall, elegant, slim
Was determined to keep herself trim.
Though it may have been hot
She might well have forgot
That raccoons famously cannot swim.- The Blocked Dwarf
May 12, 2016 at 7:53 pm -
au contraire, as I was informed last time the topic came up, Raccoons are very adept keeping their heads above water.
- The Blocked Dwarf
- Alexander Baron
May 12, 2016 at 8:53 pm -
Jimmy So Vile?
There once was a fellow named Jim,
A national treasure, was him,
But now he’s long dead,
Hatred spewed on his head
Makes his legacy murky and grim. - Alexander Baron
May 12, 2016 at 8:59 pm -
Ted Heath
There once was a fellow named Heath,
Was renowned for his Cheshire Cat teeth,
But when he passed away
They said: “Ted Heath was gay
And his buggering boys makes us seethe.” - Alexander Baron
May 12, 2016 at 9:09 pm -
Chris Fay
There was an odd fellow Chris Fay,
Who said of Elm Guest House one day:
The things they did there
I was never aware,
But this scandal I love to purvey. - Michael
May 12, 2016 at 10:43 pm -
I could never get mine to rhyme:
There once was a man called O’Brian
Who was mauled half to death by a tiger
When fully recovered
Looked down and discovered
His left leg was made out of titanium. - Ho Hum
May 12, 2016 at 10:56 pm -
There once was a man named Savile
Whose life after death did unravel
But an old bugger called Moor
And a Raccoon to adore
Shot his critics like ducks in a barrel - Michael
May 12, 2016 at 10:58 pm -
Our landlady’s wisdom and wit
Experience, research and grit
Gets under the skin
Of the media spin
And many’n establishment shyster - Richard
May 12, 2016 at 11:10 pm -
There was a pugnacious Raccoon
muppets did she lampoon
Poor investigation
worse legislation
All exposed before noonObstreperous in the extreme
Cutting like a trireme
through stormy seas
full of apologees
for the latest victims’ memeWith her alternative approach to the news
I now shout at the telly “J’accuse!”
She provokes me to insight
Such a wonderful delight
Finally: the truth, not a ruse. - neil
May 12, 2016 at 11:36 pm -
There was ayoung lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in the lake
A man in a punt
Put his hand on her shoulder
And said you can’t swim here it’s privateCan’t seem to make it scan.
8o)
- Ho Hum
May 12, 2016 at 11:45 pm - The Blocked Dwarf
May 13, 2016 at 12:28 am -
A young Lady of 7 Dials
Swam naked the Thames for miles
Until a man in a punt
put his hand up her Jeremy……Nope, doesn’t scan either.
- Ho Hum
- ivan
May 13, 2016 at 12:47 am -
Not good at poetry but I did find this amusing.
- Chris Templer
May 13, 2016 at 7:09 am -
I will have my woman clean!
And just in case. JOKE! - Michael Miller
May 13, 2016 at 10:50 am -
There was a young woman from Ealing
Who wanted to paint her front door
A previous verse
Was a bit too perverse
To her achieving this chore- Alexander Baron
May 13, 2016 at 1:45 pm -
Talking of Ealing, anyone remember this?
The Clergyman’s Daughter
Said a clergyman’s daughter from Ealing,
“Being raped was a horrible feeling,
But the acts of the press
Caused me mental distress
Of a kind that was no more appealing.”- Mudplugger
May 13, 2016 at 7:47 pm -
What is it about Ealing that brings out the Limerickers ?
There was a pole-dancer in Ealing,
Who performed with such amorous feeling.
There was never a sound
For ten miles around,
Save the fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
- Mudplugger
- Alexander Baron
- tdf
May 13, 2016 at 4:47 pm -
I myself am a published poet, and I am proud to say that I have also recently been (self-) nominated in the category of Most Ludicrous Peedofile Story of the Year, a newly introduced category in the 2016 Press Awards (fingers crossed, guys!!).
I will treat you all to an extract from one of my pomes:
“Bleem miserable venchit! Bleem forever mestinglish asunder frapt.
Gashee morphousite, thou expungiest quoopisk!
Fripping lyshus wimbgunts, awhilst moongrovenly kormzibs.
Gerond withoutitude form into formless bloit, why not then? Moose.”(with apologies to the late Douglas Adams).
- Mudplugger
May 13, 2016 at 7:43 pm -
I suspect the late ‘Professor’ Stanley Unwin’s sitting on his verse-cloud awaiting an apology too, or am I the only one old enough to remember him ?
- Mudplugger
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