There is no part of a millionaire’s anatomy quite as delicate as his ego.
Lord Ashcroft’s ego was severely dented when David Cameron failed to give him a prestigious job in his new government. Possibly related, ever so distantly, to his non-dom status, a financial syndrome only marginally less toxic than paedophilia these days.
He has retaliated by joining forces with Isobel Oakshott, a journalist renown for her ability to home in on hurt feelings – pace Vicky Pryce and her collapsing marriage – and use them to maximum journalistic advantage. We may be post-Leveson, but post-Levity is yet to occur.
Thus this morning, we have the extraordinary spectacle of Eamonn Holmes and Joey Jones on Sky news, desperately trying to discuss Lord Ashcroft’s book ‘Call me Dave’ – as ghost written by Isobel Oakshott – with a straight face and without mentioning Cameron’s non-Halal member as stuffed into a deceased porker.
Arghh! Necrophilia and non-Sharia compliant historic sexual abuse! Jeremy Corbyn’s antics with his porcine pillion passenger Diane Abbott paled into insignificance. Ed Miliband was forgiven for stuffing a bacon sandwich. That was only slices of indiscretion – Cameron had gone the whole Hog….
One can only feel sympathy for SamCam (henceforth to be known as SpamCam) this morning, taking second place to a porker will require more than a bunch of flowers to be ameliorated. Will she be at PMQs on Wednesday as the House predictably roars ‘oink, oink‘ when the Prime Minister rises?
In the book, both Ashcroft and Oakeshott consider whether the alleged pig incident is a case of mistaken identity. They write: “Perhaps it is a case of mistaken identity. Yet it is an elaborate story for an otherwise credible figure to invent. “Furthermore, there are a number of accounts of pigs’ heads at debauched parties in Cameron’s day.” However, the owner of the alleged photographic evidence of ‘HamCam’ has refused all
entreaties to produce it – probably just as well, an image of oral sex with a deceased pig probably does contravene The Criminal Justice Act and that is making the assumption that Percy the Pulled Porker was of age and not a succulent piglet.
This has shades of the possibly apocryphal story attributed to Lyndon B. Johnson in the USA. He wanted one of his spin-meisters to float a story in the media that his opponent in a forthcoming election had engaged in bestiality with farmyard animals. ‘But we can’t prove that story’ said his pressman – ‘I know’, LBJ said, ‘but it will be worth it just to hear the denial’…..
So, I suspect, this story will prove to be just such a ‘floater’, designed to humiliate and embarrass…and sell books. It will have a sequel of course, as all these stories of VIP sexual abuse do – more ‘victims’ will come forward.
…and the little piggy cried ‘Me, Me, Me too’ all the way to $later and Gordon’s front door.