You’ve Got Male
To the Choose Life shopping-list that opens ‘Trainspotting’, one could add subsequent creature comforts – choose an iPad, choose an iPhone, choose an Apple Watch, choose Twitter, choose Facebook, choose every bloody online appliance and gadget to have appeared on the market since the middle of the 1990s. Do they give you a sense of eternal wonderment with the world that was once so beloved of families on Corn Flakes commercials?
My mother can’t compute why people younger than her take drugs. When I tell her heroin is a painkiller, she equates a painkiller with a medically approved killer of pain in the physical sense. She doesn’t realise not all pain is physical or why anyone not prescribed medication by their GP would have any pain to kill. Some arguments are lost before they’ve even begun. As someone who has sampled the non-NHS syringe, I didn’t know anyone who indulged in ‘digging’ more regular than me who didn’t have a demon sitting on their shoulders. A simple soul who takes everything at face value and sees all in black & white cannot fathom why this capitalist system and its accompanying material delights is not enough for some. But it isn’t. Transient gratification, whether mental or physical, is what this system deals in; and there’s nothing in reserve when that moment has passed.
Generalising is inevitable and individual cases with their myriad of causes are too complex to summarise; but the worrying rise in male suicides could be viewed as a response to the vapid vacuum at the centre of our culture. At the same time, it’s also easy to slip into the lazy belief that men are too ‘proud’ to ask for help in the way that women might, too wary of appearing incapable of coping when the macho guidebook suggests they should be a Real Man. But we’re no longer in the age of the commonplace miner or steelworker, those broad-shouldered Goliaths of legend who only ever shed a tear when they heard a Jim Reeves ballad after a few jars at Christmas. Masculine professions are thinner on the ground now and most men are to be found behind a desk, marooned in unisex work environments where wearing one’s heart on one’s sleeve is no longer seen as a sign of weakness or effeminacy.
When the last available statistics for male suicides in Britain appeared, they only took the grim roll-call up to and including 2013, but they make for a sober read. There was a 4% increase in overall suicides from the previous stats, with the increase in male suicides being a cause for concern – a fifteen percent rise from 63% in 1981 to 78% in 2013. These statistics also recorded that the greatest increase amongst men was in the 45-59 age group, one that I guess covers a sizeable chunk of this blog’s readership; the 30-44 age group had held sway before.
It goes without saying that a number of factors comprise this change. Economic ones could figure, especially since 2008. There is also the midlife factor – reaching an age where one may have to reluctantly subsidise the further education of adolescent children; stuck in a miserable marriage of twenty years-plus vintage or already onto one’s second or third; struggling to recognise sagging jowls, thinning hair and an expanding waistline as belonging to one’s body; trapped in a dead-end job that just about covers the mortgage but offers little in the way of intellectual stimulation; haunted by the girl we lost or the opportunities missed – all play their part in the ‘Is this it?’ despondency that afflicts middle-age. If our fathers coped, why can’t we? Perhaps they couldn’t, but kept quiet on account of their archaic conditioning, one that clearly specified what a man could and couldn’t complain about.
Interestingly, the female suicide rate has barely altered since the last survey, remaining constant and experiencing no significant increase. Perhaps that too says something about the loss of direction the male has undergone over the last twenty-odd years. Even a seemingly insignificant aspect of cross-gender interaction such as whether or not opening a door for a woman is now condescending and sexist plays its part and can affect a sense of not knowing where anyone stands anymore; I personally play the gentleman – to the point whereby I still walk on the outside of the pavement if I see a member of the fairer sex approaching (sword on standby for any blackguards seeking to dishonour the lady) – a gesture, as with the aforementioned opening of doors, I actually find most women appreciate, oddly enough. But maybe the decline of the old industries and the certainties they provided has played a part in the male of the species no longer knowing what his role within society is – that and the branding of him as a potential paedophile/rapist in the popular imagination, of course.
On the other hand, if you’ve never strolled through the consumerist Disneyland that constitutes an average city centre and felt utterly detached from the acquisitive free-for-all, then perhaps the bottom line of these dispiriting statistics could be lost on you. Loath as I am to bring personal anecdotes into this, I have nonetheless often been swallowed by the shadows and have recently been tempted by what ‘my own hand’ can do (and I’m not talking about dependable old Mother Fist); but I am still here, for good or ill, and at least I won’t be added to the stats for now.
In many cases, dissatisfaction is born of expectation. Every young man – if he has anything about him – hankers after greatness and something other than what his father settled for. To reach a certain age and find that someone emptied the gold from the pot before you got to it, and then pissed in it, can be a bitter pill indeed; and whilst such a scenario is nothing new where fathers and sons are concerned, these statistics suggest those men delivered during the 60s and 70s have had to deal with new challenges on the road to middle-age that have left them exceptionally dejected.
The alarming rate of suicide among men in this country says something about what it offers males and how ultimately unfulfilling it all is. Why do they drink and take drugs to excess? Why do they engage in loveless sex with strangers (or spouses)? And why do they kill themselves? Questions that require answers we can only speculate on. As I said, each individual case can be inspired by just one of the factors I’ve mentioned – or all of them. Either way, it’s a sad indictment of the creature comforts that offer nothing but the momentary filling of the brief attention span they engender. As 80s Indie sirens We’ve Got A Fuzzbox And We’re Going To Use It once sang, ‘There must be more to life than this.’ Quite. A shame so few seem to know what.
Petunia Winegum
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June 26, 2015 at 9:30 am -
I was always curious as to why the Christian Church labelled Suicide as a mortal sin that would damn the perpetrator to hell. It always seemed a bit of an over-reaction of dogmatic Theists, but it probably just developed over the ages as an attempt to give folk a reason not to do away with themselves even when they no longer had a desire to be alive. Thus this “dogma” just gave them that “edge” – a reason from Unreason if you like – to get past their temporary moments of depression and survive until the next one.
Is all this just a bureaucratic illusion however? from your reference:
“…. To clarify: the Office for National Statistics figures show that 6,233 suicides were registered in 2013 but many of the deaths occurred before 2013 because of the time it takes to register a suicide. In England 51% of the deaths occurred before 2013; in Wales 38%; in Northern Ireland 48%; and in Scotland 3.3% because of much shorter registration delays.”The mind can only boggle why the wheels of government grind so slow that merely “registering” a death can take years, when in the event of an earthquake in some far-off land we immediately know how many and how much cash we must to donate to take away the pain…
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June 26, 2015 at 11:36 am -
I suspect registering a death as ‘suicide’ is dependent on the outcome of an inquest, which often only occurs many months after the event – up to that point the cause of death is technically unconfirmed. So, in this case, I’d absolve the government on the reporting issue – although not from allowing inquests to be so long delayed.
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June 26, 2015 at 10:19 am -
I think that the relatively high male suicide rate can be directly linked to the rise of feminism. The feminist agenda has quite effectively managed to emasculate the male population. As they see it anyone with a set of testicles is automatically a monster. Added to which, we live in a world where we are constantly bombarded by images and messages from the marketing people that work on an almost subliminal level, telling us that unless we have the best, most expensive, latest whizz-bang doodah and are dating a super-model, then we are somehow miserable failures. Some of that applies to the fairer sex of course, for example the problems young girls have with eating disorders from being told that unless they look like Victoria Beckham they have failed. Certainly, the disappearance of the old heavy industries has played a part, then again, “equality” in the workplace must also have had an impact, another manifestation of the feminist movement.
I admit that there have been occasions in my life where I contemplated “doing myself in”. I’ve met quite a few men over the years who did “end it all”. They no doubt had their own reasons, and each person probably had a different reason. Whenever I considered it I always thought of that final scene in the movie “Papillon” where Henri Charrière is once again attempting to escape, and he shouts “I’m still here you bastards”.
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June 26, 2015 at 11:55 am -
I suspect much of the true source could be under the heading of ‘media’. The same media which delivers those images of products and services which we apparently ‘must have’, also delivers images of the lifestyles of others in a way which portrays those high-achievers as ‘normal’, be that financial success, material acquisitions or romantic activities.
Our fathers and grandfathers didn’t have any of that, their lives were lived out locally in real-time, within a very restricted panorama of aspiration, in the limited confines of which they generally ‘succeeded’.
Perception is reality, as they say, and if you perceive that you have failed because you cannot match up to the media’s ‘norm’, then you risk considering your whole life to be a failure.-
June 26, 2015 at 12:14 pm -
That’s a good point. The media does shape designs for life today in a greater way than it ever has before. The young are especially susceptible to this in that they’ve never known any differently. But as I once pointed out to a female friend who bemoaned the pressures on women over-40 to submit to certain physical ideals, a man the same age who sees the impossibly handsome George Clooney staring at him from the newsstands can be made to feel just as inadequate.
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June 26, 2015 at 8:30 pm -
An extension of the ‘media’ issue is the consequential responsibility which that same media has for the flood of migrants now fleeing conflict zones and failed states. In past generations, any conflict or disaster would cause the uninvolved locals just to stay out of it, hunker down, let it pass, then get on with rebuilding their lives, homes, villages, herds, businesses etc., however long it took them – ’twas ever thus.
But now those suffering folk anywhere in the world have instant access to Google, to Street View, to on-line imagery, to Skype, to news broadcasts and video showing developed, attractive and peaceful ‘real life’ going on elsewhere, and it all looks so much better than anything they could ever envisage developing in their own wretched place. Hence they are prepared to take life-threatening risks to get to it – I suspect we would too. Without the pull-effect of the evidence they have seen ‘with their own eyes’, albeit only through this media, they would never have known anything else, thus not even taken the chance, but would have stayed home, rebuilt and carried on. A price we are all now starting to pay as an unintended, and unanticipated, consequence of our inter-connected planet.
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June 26, 2015 at 10:22 am -
The ‘social changes’ of the past 10/15 years have left men – particularly men who are intelligent and sensitive – increasingly at odds with many females.. not for tradition ‘macho’ reasons but the inverse sexism & belligerence now in place.
Females are wired to breed, which is fair enough, but men are wired to protect & to sense danger – and the collapse of civilsed society means the two genders are increasingly at odds with each other. It seems to be we are in the midst of another very ‘baby boom’ and for what? None of these babies stand a chance of having much of a life if they are raised in the UK. Having a baby has become another extension of the consumer culture, up there with the latest iPhone – and it’s all about the women of course, as it everything.
Many friends I associated with 3, 4, 5 years ago I now feel completely estranged from (including people I was very close to) – whereas once we were all on a similar wavelength, everyone of a certain age has now been ‘groomed’ and – even worse – so to have most of the middle-aged mums, aunties & potential grandma’s who, wired to want the best for little Logan/Felix/Sophia and to see narcisstic avarice as ‘progress’, are not inclined to think logically as to what they hell is really going on. Are these people dead, in terms of who they really are/were? Not physically dead, but spiritually – dead souls? The glazed expressions, infantile narcissism and inability to look at who they were and who they are tells me this is so.-
June 26, 2015 at 12:17 pm -
Nobody’s mentioned religion yet, but when you said ‘spiritually dead’, it did occur to me that the decline of Christianity as a support network within communities may be a factor. Only this week I noticed what had once been a relatively central church in my neighbourhood had closed its doors for good.
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June 26, 2015 at 12:28 pm -
Only this week I noticed what had once been a relatively central church in my neighbourhood had closed its doors for good.
and the Smoking Verbot means it won’t get to be rededicated as a Mecca…Bingo Hall.
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June 26, 2015 at 12:33 pm -
‘Luxury Flats’, I suspect. Non-smoking, of course…
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June 26, 2015 at 12:44 pm -
‘Luxury Flats’, I suspect. Non-smoking, of course
True…but handy for visiting VIP paedophile rings I guess. You know, the sort that journey up from London between Affairs Of State to abduct and abuse little Northern Boys and Girls, whilst no doubt claiming travel allowance….?
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June 26, 2015 at 4:06 pm -
* The glazed expressions, infantile narcissism *
I was quite non-plussed to see the “new Chief Executive of Ofcom”, who is now also going to be de-facto uber-Head Honcho of the BBC apparently. Here she is: http://www.scotsman.com/webimage/1.3800167.1434059724!/image/2230217939.jpg Twenty years ago one would have remarked that she’s a nice-looking girl and I’m sure she’ll go far one day. It turns out she is 47. I confess to having had a similar reaction when I first saw Marissa at yahoo. For all her faults, at least Alison Saunders looks the part…
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June 26, 2015 at 4:14 pm -
Wasn’t she once the lead singer in M People?
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June 26, 2015 at 4:25 pm -
Who? Marissa?
http://2m3uzwjwmfw1ts9ks45ndc0qhc.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/marissa-mayer-yahoo.png-
June 26, 2015 at 4:27 pm -
No, the black girl ‘Chief Executive of Ofcon’. Mind you, the Yahoo lady is rather fetching…
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June 26, 2015 at 4:31 pm -
Not the best PR idea to sit atop an Apple perhaps.
Here’s the new Apple Head Honcho, looking suitably inane.
http://theseattlelesbian.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/5402974_G.jpg-
June 26, 2015 at 4:35 pm -
Hmmm, he doesn’t quite stir the same feelings, alas!
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June 26, 2015 at 4:40 pm -
Looking at these young Turks shows how hopelessly outdated the likes of Rupert Murdoch must have become in the new corporate world. One does wonder if they’re all sort of like the Dauphin of Davos, but perhaps it’s just a Conspiracy Theory that demands that we should feel nervous of the top of the pyramid of power. My dad always said the real bastards were the ones in the middle…
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June 26, 2015 at 10:32 am -
I live in central London. In my nine-household social housing block are five single occupancy households – four are male. My friend lives in the tower block at the end of the road and there is another just across the road from me. From visiting him and people watching from my window, I notice that the vast majority of people on their own coming and going from the flats, are men, often older (50+ for the purposes of this comment). Older women either seem to be accompanied by partners (male and female) or children.
Speaking from my own experience there are times when I become isolated/isolate myself and it occurs to me from my observations that this is true more for other men I know than women. Is that simply part of the male psyche as he gets older? Women have traditionally been more involved in rearing their own children and also grandchildren. Maybe women have more social bonds to fall back on to prevent isolation while some of us males don’t.
I know that it is always, always social contact that gives me the boot up the arse I need to escape this isolation and the thoughts that go with it I have experienced that may be similar to your own, Petunia.
Weirdly, it was often my volunteer work with mentally unwell or other socially marginalised people that gave me strength sometimes. Maybe it’s the recognition other people have it worse, the sense I am doing something for others or simple human interaction that helps. I am looking forward to when I am well enough to resume similar work. Anna has spoken of how writing this blog has helped her cope with her medical progress. We forget sometimes that we evolved as social animals and when we lose social involvement, a part of either goes missing or stops working.
Keep on keeping out of the shadows, Petunia. Your writing is much appreciated.
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June 26, 2015 at 11:47 am -
Agreed. Although it’s dangerous to generalise, women do tend to be more gregarious, whether through child-related contacts or not, whilst men often find ‘breaking the ice’ into new contact areas more difficult – they only tend to have ‘job’ and ‘sport’ as their starting-point vehicles.
I know I fit into that category – completely comfortable with a small established circle, bizarrely sometimes even life-and-soul of the party, but in contrast quite reluctant to embark into any new social groupings – but at least I recognise it. If I was so deeply troubled, I know that I could overcome that and throw myself into any scene – well, I think I could – and so would be less likely to take the ultimate exit. But I understand those who do and regret their choice – an old school friend took that choice, aged only 30, and it hurt me that he hadn’t raised his concerns/issues with me or other ‘good friends’, but maybe we weren’t the good friends we thought we were.
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June 26, 2015 at 12:03 pm -
but maybe we weren’t the good friends we thought we were.
And there’s the rub. There are ‘things’ which are never (or very seldom) discussed even between friends. We were brought up not to pry or intrude into the affairs of others. Perhaps it’s the failing of British society – but I rather doubt that we are unique in this.
Lord Chesterfield’s book ‘Dear Boy’ contains advice for his illegitimate son that wouldn’t be spoken today. More’s the pity?
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June 26, 2015 at 12:12 pm -
Keep on keeping out of the shadows, Petunia. Your writing is much appreciated.
Not much to add to that.
Weirdly, it was often my volunteer work with mentally unwell or other socially marginalised people that gave me strength sometimes
I said something similar to someone online the other day; “Now I shall go cook The Bestes Frau In The World her dinner. Living with a Paranoid Psychotic probably keeps me sane. Regards The Dwarf “. Living with, and caring for someone who is seldom on the same Planet let alone in the same 1 bedroom flat teaches one many things -like how to duck and cover if she’s found something heavy enough to do real damage when thrown and a working knowledge of atemi strikes to nerve endings . It also forces one to make sure that one’s stance, both combatively and figuratively is on solid ground “I may be devilishly handsome, and demonically good in bed, but NO dear, I am NOT Satan”.
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June 26, 2015 at 12:15 pm -
Thanks for the kind words, Windsock. I only have one foot in the shade today, so that’s an improvement of sorts.
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June 26, 2015 at 3:43 pm -
Windsock and TBD are not alone in appreciating what you do here. Equally, what you do here should have helped you realise that you have a range of people around who care about you, just because you’re here. They may not physically ‘know’ you or even be geographically close to you (although some of us may be very close), but I’m pretty sure that any of the Snug’s regulars would be there for you if ever that other foot gets a tad too close to the shade, whatever the cause. Stay in the light and keep spreading it, Pet.
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June 26, 2015 at 3:47 pm -
Again, kind regards for the words of encouragement. I paid a visit to my new GP today, so I am doing my best to rectify the problem. You don’t get rid of me that easily!
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June 26, 2015 at 8:11 pm -
You managed to get an appointment with a GP ! See, you are a success !
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June 26, 2015 at 12:45 pm -
Ditto. I fall roughly into that profile. When my mother developed Parkinson’s I helped my aging father to care for her in their own home, that was for five years. About a year ago her condition worsened to the point that she needs 24/7/365 care, which she now gets in a rather nice nursing home. From vesting her there on a daily basis I have seen a lot of people with far more problems than I’ve got.
I finally faced up to the reality that I was like to remain single about 20 years ago. I also realised that material possessions do not in themselves necessarily bring happiness. Since recognising those two things I’ve not felt bad about it, and am fairly content with my way of life.
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June 26, 2015 at 10:41 am -
Factual information seems to suggest a middle-aged peak… nothing new there I wouldn’t have thought as youthful hopes are dashed. There has been a decline in all suicides since 1992 and basically male suicide has always been an order of magnitude over female. Don’t worry. Be happy.
http://www.samaritans.org/sites/default/files/kcfinder/files/research/Samaritans%20Suicide%20Statistics%20Report%202014.pdf -
June 26, 2015 at 12:24 pm -
I personally play the gentleman – to the point whereby I still walk on the outside of the pavement if I see a member of the fairer sex approaching (sword on standby for any blackguards seeking to dishonour the lady)
“Dwarfysnookeybaby why oh Beau of mine , when we are out walking, do you sometimes tell me to switch over to holding your left hand?”
“Well Honey Bunny, you’re a gorgeous café au lait and I’m white, we live in London… it’s force of habit , I can’t draw with my left.”
Was pretty sure she didn’t appreciate my honesty….but she was strangely naive at times, ‘naive’ as in walking arm in arm past a group of ‘Skins’, the local offering of the NF, whilst gazing lovingly up into the face of her Lord & Master.
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June 26, 2015 at 12:28 pm -
Add to all the factors you have adduced the rise in taking prescription drugs, especially those that your doctor prescribes for the side effects of another drug. So, high blood pressure – causes changes in cholesterol – so he prescribes statins – which cause blood sugar changes – so now you have type 2 diabetes and need something to lower it. Trust me, this route contains a raft of other side effects I won’t go into. Eventually, one or other combination will give you mood swings, and if you aren’t lucky, one of the downswings will come at a time when you can’t handle it.
If you are Peter Hitchens, you would add to this the taking of certain recreational drugs. Said Hitchens also believes that drugs to combat behavioural problems in children might have long term consequences. Just because the man is an obnoxious self-opinionated twat doesn’t mean that he’s always wrong.
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June 26, 2015 at 12:38 pm -
adduced the rise in taking prescription drugs
THIS! Particularly in combination with Stella or other refreshments favoured by young men. Phone call from a friend , some years back: “Dwarf, your crippled kid just tried to top himself by crawling over the beach and into the sea”. Now you might think that a young male spastic might have every reason to end it all but actually those born disabled tend not to ‘miss’ what they never had (to put it very simply).
The reason was a drug that his GP had, quite correctly, prescribed. GP had even warned Crippled Son not to drink while on it (HAH! you think any young dwarf will heed sage advice, Doc?!).Couple of years back, and even with no alcohol involved, I became seriously suicidally depressed within the matter of days…3 days to be exact…the 3 days since I had started taking a certain anti-biotic for a dental abscess. It was almost a compulsion to kill myself.
Also artificial sweetener makes me depressed but that, my doctor assures me is purely me, purely psychosomatic….
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June 26, 2015 at 9:27 pm -
“Just because the man is an obnoxious self-opinionated twat doesn’t mean that he’s always wrong.” I imagine that he doesn’t have any opinion whatsoever about you.
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June 26, 2015 at 12:37 pm -
Dwarf,
If she is “café au lait”, then surely you aren’t white, but a sort of browny-pink?
(Note that the Citadel paint range – for painting those Warhammer miniatures – has substituted its ‘Dwarf Flesh’ colour with ‘Ratskin Flesh’. Dwarves everywhere should complain!)
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June 26, 2015 at 12:44 pm -
“Every young man – if he has anything about him – hankers after greatness and something other than what his father settled for.”
“Transient gratification, whether mental or physical, is what this system deals in; and there’s nothing in reserve when that moment has passed.”
I suspect one needs to look no further to explain the teenage jihadists too. Not equating you with a jihadist, obviously, but the fact that our post-Christian, post-idealist, post-everything-but-me society has nothing more to offer than various inane ‘opiums of the people’ does leave us completely ill-equipped to provide any kind of answer to a youngster who wants to know what he’s here for.
Personally I believe seeking God (not easy), and serving others (not easy either) provides a modicum of meaning.
Not that I’m very good at either.
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June 26, 2015 at 12:47 pm -
I know a lot of men that rarely go to the doctor with medical problems unless it’s an absolute emergency because they can’t get the time off work – pity the doctor’s couldn’t be open later in the evening a few nights a week to make it easier for people….
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June 26, 2015 at 12:53 pm -
It would be interesting to see a table of male suicide rates by age. Do they still (just?) peak around mid-life crisis time?
Those of us past that momentous point (when you wake up in the morning, look around, and say to yourself: “Is this it?”, or even: “Was that it?”) can well remember the awful dawning realistion that we were not after all going to be the next Prime Minister, CEO, Managing Partner, [insert your own dream outcome here], whatever. Personally, it didn’t make me feel suicidal, though like many idiotic males I ended up “driving my mid-life crisis” around for a while, before selling it for a more realistic automobile.
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June 26, 2015 at 2:27 pm -
Do they still (just?) peak around mid-life crisis time?
http://mra-uk.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Fig1.jpg
Not sure if that’s a 2012 savilisation peak in the male over-80’s line.
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June 26, 2015 at 2:27 pm -
I recall listening many years ago to a programme on Radio 4 in which the link between free-market capitalist consumerism & depression was made: basically, as consumerism spread – to those former communist states, for example – depression rates would increase also.
This may seem a little simplistic, as one might argue that the access to a medical diagnosis is also widened by the march of the West; pharmaceutical companies suddenly finding previously closed-to-them markets opened no doubt played a part as they pushed their own products (and hence the diagnoses necessary to see them prescribed by doctors).
Nevertheless, it makes sense to me as the death of belief has largely arrived at the same time – the vacuous is rammed down our throats by the media/state as being ‘that to which we must aspire’ whilst the spiritual safety-rail is simultaneously removed from the wall at each station-platform along our passage through life (so that one more pop-up shop selling rubbish can be squeezed in to take advantage of those exciting retail possibilities).Why this might affect the male more than the female has already been mentioned above; I offer no solution. As someone who has also ‘walked in the shadows’ – or rather, as someone who does so every day to a lesser or greater degree – I can only repeat what others have already said, namely that your work here is appreciated, Petunia. It’s a topsy-turvy world when someone penning poison daily in the MSM can be rewarded handsomely financially & socially but that someone aiming a little higher can’t. So long as you are around you may get to see that change (a little).
P.S. On the subject of loneliness & as someone who has experienced long periods of isolation & ‘being a singleton’ (10+ years at a time, for example) I can only say that which we all know to be true – that we never know what is ‘just around the corner’. I’d more or less written myself off when I was lucky enough to find someone who disagreed with my stark self-appraisal… so keep on keeping on, eh?
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June 26, 2015 at 3:06 pm -
Hah! Will do.
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June 26, 2015 at 3:16 pm -
The general theory seems to be that men top themselves because of relationship issues, so be careful what you wish for.
What I was particularly interested in was the issue of suicide rates in men following partnership break-up. There is a degree of recognition of this in Ref.[5], as the following extracts illustrate,
Stressful life events can also play a part. These include…..family breakdown and conflict including divorce…
Factors associated with suicide in men include…..family and relationship problems including marital breakup and divorce….
http://mra-uk.co.uk/?p=133
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June 26, 2015 at 3:14 pm -
The disproportionate stats between male and female suicides is not something that the feminists seem keen to correct.
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June 26, 2015 at 3:17 pm -
Any more than the jail stats.
at the end of January 2014 there were 81,045 men and 3,932 women in prison in England and Wales
http://mra-uk.co.uk/?p=215-
June 26, 2015 at 3:52 pm -
The jail figures originate from the courts handing out grossly unfair sentences based on gender differences. A fraud case only a couple of weeks ago featured a conspiracy of three men and one woman, all seemingly equally involved. The men got sentences of 8, 7 and 5 years – the woman got 8 months. Worth burning your bra for !
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June 26, 2015 at 3:27 pm -
It would seem to me that 6,000 suicides from roughly 30 million males is, fortunately, such a small percentage that few conclusions can be drawn regarding causes. There may be all kinds of reasons, from ennui to poverty to illness – I agree with Blocked Dwarf, certain conditions and their treatment can reduce quality of life to the point where there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, and do so devastatingly quickly. But there is not enough data to suggest any trends or patterns.
Petunia, well written as ever. Another, better reason for men to walk kerbside was to protect their ladies against getting splashed with horse manure (and worse) from passing traffic.
Kind regards, Peter
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June 26, 2015 at 3:34 pm -
I was always told it was because folk used to tip their chamber pots out of the upper windows before plumbing was invented and this was why Tudor upper floors over hung the path, so the slop landed in the street-way, so if you MUST walk two abreast then be it on the man’s own head. Quite how being covered in ordure left you with any chance with the damsel anyway, regardless of your previous gallantry, remains one of those great historical conundrums.
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June 26, 2015 at 3:45 pm -
June 26, 2015 at 3:56 pm -
Our friends in Islam clearly sussed this, hence their common practice of the woman always walking a few paces behind the man, saving him from any faux-demonstration of caring a jot about her safety, comfort or hygiene.
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June 26, 2015 at 4:08 pm -
Well to be fair, they always had plenty of spares, and both parties knew it…
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June 26, 2015 at 6:13 pm -
I thought that they let their wives walk in front after WW2, because of the minefields.
As for being splashed, consider the millefeuille of snow and dog waste laid down in Scandinavian streets through the winter. When that melts, you definitely don’t want to be splashed …
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June 26, 2015 at 3:47 pm -
You surprised me with the line “I didn’t know anyone who indulged in ‘digging’ more regular than me who didn’t have a demon sitting on their shoulders”
I recall an evening waiting with a friend for “the man” to arrive, naturally he was late and my fried was becoming more and more distraught.
It was a revelation to me that as soon as the door bell rang he returned to his usual affable self before he even got his spoon into action.-
June 26, 2015 at 3:50 pm -
It was a relatively brief period of my roller-coaster ride – chronicled in far greater detail here…
http://www.soundspheremag.com/reviews/book/book-review-johnny-monroe-season-of-the-needle/-
June 26, 2015 at 6:28 pm -
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00IJISRCI?ref_=docs-os-doi_0
I read the first couple of pages in the Amazon preview and there seemed to be enough Oomparation in it to make it worth my time so I bought one….that and because which ever model you got to do the pic reminds me of the ‘goth’ heroes of my youth, that’d be ’80s goths ie who had actually read Byron and Shelley whilst chasing the dragon, sleeping their way through college classes-in both meanings of the word-and keeping Colonel Merridown in business …and that’s just the girls
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June 26, 2015 at 5:45 pm -
I don’t want to go lady-bashing – perhaps it is not their fault and suicide rates have other causes.
A friend of mine was on the industrial estate; he is an ordinary bloke: he had just gone through the door of one of the shops and saw that there was someone coming along behind him, so he held the door until that person, a female, arrived. For his trouble he received a mouthful of vitriol. As he said, he would have done the same for anyone, man or woman. We discussed things further and I asked him whether as he were driving along in his car he would stop were he to see a female hitch-hiker. He said that he would not. I asked him, whether, say, thirty years ago, he would have stopped. He said he would have.
It is not however just the ladies. I was with a friend on a sunny weekday afternoon in an attractive part of town with people milling about. A couple of school-boys in their uniforms and aged about twelve were there, and my friend engaged them in conversation. Almost immediately a very red-faced man stormed-up and started to berate my friend. My friend (far calmer than I would have been) merely explained that he was an old boy of the school and was wondering whether Bloggins still taught Physics.
I have had some unpleasant experiences myself though not always at the hands of females – but those who try it these days get a barrage of four letter words form me in response.
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June 26, 2015 at 6:40 pm -
I’ve never had it really badly, but I’ve had one or two periods of depression in life; enough to know that it isn’t funny. I lost one colleague at work to suicide, and the shock-waves that went through the place are etched very clearly on the memory. Several other workmates had their battles with depression, too. Some to the point of breakdown.
One thing I’m a bit suspicious of is the supposed link between ‘consumerism’ and depression. It seems a bit too pat an explanation to me. Depression isn’t new at all – Churchill referred to his ‘Black Dog’ days in his diaries, and he was a man who most certainly didn’t have an empty life – Like a lot of medical matters, it ‘wasn’t talked about’ back in Victorian and Edwardian days, which doesn’t mean it wasn’t there; the aftermath of WW1 and ‘shell-shock’ perhaps began a change to public attitudes. The Victorians also had their chemical escapes; use of laudanum was rife, and Arthur Conan Doyle had his detective hero using heroin (quite legally, at the time), and wrote of the crack-dens of old London. I’m not sure I can prove this, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if depression has been a part of some humans’ existence for millenia. Maybe these days we have more time to reflect on things, instead of having to get on with the gruelling grind of just staying alive that characterised so much of human history for most people.
None of that, of course, is the slightest help to anybody suffering now. What to do about it? Well, at least – thank the Lord – we can talk about it a bit more openly these days. That’s a start. I don’t suppose for one moment that blogging about it will cure anything, but I hope it’s at least helped a bit, Petunia, if only by demonstrating that you’re not the only one.
What helped me? A couple of things. Firstly, giving up a very lucrative but utterly ghastly job. Then, involvement in a volunteer organisation, and a small group of very decent mates I had there. Then, just time; five years on, I still had the occasional ‘bad day’, but now (about twelve years on), things are much more settled. But that’s just me; it’ll be different circumstances and a different solution for anybody else.
And therein lies part of the problem – it’s different for everybody. One size fits all solutions just won’t work, be they prescription drugs or (ahem) off-prescription. No easy answers to this one, I’m afraid; just try to find what works for you. Good luck, and keep trying – it is worth it.
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June 26, 2015 at 7:31 pm -
I’ve calculated there are three things keeping me going at the mo – one is this very blog (and the lady who saw fit to entrust it to me); the other is a project concerning a woman I loved dearly who is no longer here to appreciate the gesture; and finally, another lady in feline form who has been my constant companion for 18 years, to whom I owe every excuse for not bailing out during that time. As Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart once said, ‘We must be thankful for small mercies’. At least I have three!
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June 26, 2015 at 10:57 pm -
An outstanding post Pet, even by your own very high standards. I am quite at a loss for words, suffice to say that I connect with what you are describing in so very many respects. I’ve struggled with Bipolar, or Manic Depression in old money, for most of my adult life and have spent much time in and out of “Secure” and indeed some very unsecure, for both patients and staff, Psychiatric Units. I could go on, at great length, but I’m rather too moved by your post to compose anything worth reading at the moment.
Someone mentioned Churchill and his description of his “Black Dog”. My own description of it would be more akin to something from the pen of H.P. Lovecraft! Churchill, of course, had many a great turn of phrase. Of relevance to us here might be “When you are going through Hell… keep going!” and my favorite “K.B.O” “Keep buggering on!”
Oh the good old Brigadier. “Jenkins, chap with the wings there, five rounds rapid.”
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June 26, 2015 at 6:54 pm -
Well, if there are 750,000 would be paedophiles as they tell us, at least some of them might find their desires a torment (as they know how wrong it would be to act on them) . Additionally the despair and destruction caused by porn addiction could be another factor.
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June 26, 2015 at 7:00 pm -
The despair and destruction caused by porn addiction could be another factor in increased suicides. Also the whole paedo witch hunt thing means men who desire children, but would never act on it have nowhere safe to get help.
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June 26, 2015 at 7:39 pm -
“men who desire children, but would never act on it have nowhere safe to get help”
They do: http://www.stopitnow.org.uk/concerned_about_your_behaviour.htm
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June 26, 2015 at 8:03 pm -
Who the fuck is “Petunia Winegum”?
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June 26, 2015 at 8:07 pm -
A barkeeper at the Raccoon Arms, who writes provocative and interesting pieces and helps keep the blog running while Anna herself is ill with cancer and manages occasional equally perceptive pieces.
You haven’t kept up, have you? Who the fuck are you?
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June 26, 2015 at 9:48 pm -
That’s my helmet not a bar stool. Bloody Big’Uns coming in here like they owns the place…! Go on, long shanks, upset our bar lassie, why don’t ye …and then I can evict you? *inserts thumbs in broad belt and glowers up at Davd*.
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June 26, 2015 at 11:23 pm -
Quite. This is a local hostelry for local people. We’ll have no trouble here!
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June 27, 2015 at 2:26 am -
Hello Dave! Is that Dave? Oh OK Dave, is Dave there? My wife would like to use your toilet Dave. Don’t worry Dave, I’ve spoken to her about it, she won’t go in the sink again!!!
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June 26, 2015 at 9:15 pm -
No comment.
Just thank you very, very much.
Good luck. -
June 26, 2015 at 11:07 pm -
Double post, double Scotch! My bad!
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June 27, 2015 at 1:09 am -
All this talk that capitalism/free markets are doing this to us or the press is doing that to us or we are being driven to whatever by those clever marketing folk sounds to me like indulgence in the cult of victimhood. Since the general trend on this blog is to look askance at that sort of behaviour this comes as bit of a a shock. Just because society is trying to program, manipulate and control us that doesn’t mean we have to go along. My own tendency to depression lessened considerably when I began to look more sceptically at the world around me and decline that control, or much of it anyway.
I also think we tend to overrate life somewhat in the modern world; hold it as too important. A hundred years ago, in contrast, dishonour was worse than death for quite a lot of folk; witness the dealers and brokers hitting the Wall Street sidewalk during the crash. Nowadays we are encouraged to hang on to life until the very last possible minute and, in point of fact, this attitude is the only one that is really allowed. For those that subscribe to it, that’s fine, I’m not knocking it. It is presumably a hangover from Christianity. It is definitely not, however, the only possible attitude and, indeed, it is quite possible that some, maybe many, of the people committing suicide attach a much lesser value to their life and simply end it when they’re done with it, like folding a hand of cards. For these folks we shouldn’t weep, rather we should applaud their strength and their conscious control of their destiny.
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June 27, 2015 at 8:21 am -
I wonder if suicidal or depressive episodes are just a part of how we are; something we go through at different times in our lives as we we once did with measles. Regardless of the external pressures, some suffer more deeply & more often than others, indeed some seem to trundle along without too many worries.
I certainly know about real depression, had a very bad time, but I think with age we learn to cope. Certainly being aware of what’s happening & taking steps to avoid falling off the cliff has been a part of life for a long time.
I’m sure the lack of self esteem from the changed male role doesn’t help – it will be hard for some to accept that some women are just better than they are at work, at home, whatever. But we’d best just get used to it, being a victim isn’t an answer.
It seems most people are coping. -
June 27, 2015 at 8:50 am -
The last ten years with a depressed husband, now aged 85 or very near have been very revealing, hates being old with various ailments. I do my best to cope with his black dog. I get depressed when those close to me ignore us. I kind of talk/write/read/ garden myself out of it. As for feminism I abhor the strident extremists. Of course there lots of nasty strong, violent men but there are nasty tongued awful untruthful women too, who can do a lot of damage.I cannot see how their current screechy nastiness about men does anyone any favours. I find people very kind when I am out and about. I get some sort of offer of help more or less every time I am out, but I do know from life experience that there is risk an unpleasant encounter too. Usually from a woman!
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June 27, 2015 at 4:43 pm -
The rise of ‘bullshit jobs’ must have a lot to do with it. Old style male workers might have hated their jobs but they could see their use in the broader scale of things. Now we have a situation where so many people can’t even see what use the work they do is.
The second section of this article is quite good on this phenomenon and has a few more links:
emocracy.net/ourkingdom/matt-bolton/wealth-creators-hardworking-people-and-delusions-of-social-democracy
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