The Miller's Tale (with apologies to Chaucer!)
“Now herkneth,” quod the Millere, “alle and some”!
But shorte I make an apoligacion
That I am breiv; I knowe it by my soun.
And therfore if that I mysspeke or seye,
Wyte it the Speakere of the House, I you preye.
For I wol telle a legende and a lyf
Bothe of my fathere and of his wyf,
How that a clerk hath set the refunde righte.”
The PM answerde and seyde, “Stynt thy clappe!
Lat be thy lewed thievin’ harlotrye.
It is a synne and eek a greet folye
To repayen any votere, or hym placate,
And eek to bryngen MPs in swich fame.
Thou mayst ynogh of othere thynges seyn.”
This thievin’ Millere spak ful soone ageyn
And seyde, “Leve brother Cameron”,
Who hath no honoure, thou iste no guardiane.
But I sey nat therfore that thou art oon;
Ther been ful goode voters many oon,
And evere a thousand goode ayeyns oon badde.
That knowestow wel thyself, but if thou madde.
Why artow angry with my tale now?
I have honoure, pardee, as wel as thow;
Yet nolde I, for the expenses in my trough,
Take upon me moore than ynogh,
As demen of myself that I were oon;
I wol bileve wel that I am noon thiefe
A committee shal nat been inquisityf
Of MPs pryvetee, nor of her golde.
So her may fynde Goddes foyson there,
Of the remenant nedeth nat enquere.”
What sholde I moore seyn, but this Millere
She nolde her resignatione for no man forbere,
But tolde her cherles tale in this manere.
M’athynketh that I shal reherce it heere.
- Ghost of Chaucer
April 7, 2014 at 4:13 pm -
Art thoud’st bored Mistress Raccoon,
Hast thou nowt else to do but disturb my slumber? - Frankie
April 7, 2014 at 4:26 pm -
Milliere sy sum þéofende stéor…. hwa scolde bist hangede.
- The Blocked Dwarf
April 7, 2014 at 4:29 pm -
*awaits the first comment from some Middle English Grammar Nazi*
- macheath
April 7, 2014 at 5:50 pm -
Superb work, Mme Raccoon!
Oddly enough, the word ‘churlish’ seems to be the general journalistic epithet of choice for describing Mrs Miller (guardian, BBC, ITV and Mail); there are clearly occasions when only Anglo-Saxon will do.
- macheath
April 8, 2014 at 6:17 pm -
Even the redoubtable Baroness Boothroyd is getting in on the act:
Baroness Boothroyd, who was Speaker between 1992 and 2000, accused Mrs Miller of “bringing Parliament into disrepute”. The culture secretary’s apology to MPs had not been “very fulsome” and she had dealt with the commissioner in a “churlish” and “legalistic” manner, she told BBC Radio 4’s PM programme.
BBC News(Get well soon – and best regards to Mr G.)
- macheath
- M
April 7, 2014 at 7:32 pm -
Good luck and get well soon! Xxx
- Joe Public
April 7, 2014 at 7:41 pm -
Well Anna, you’ve stumped “Google Translate”
- The Slog
April 7, 2014 at 8:01 pm -
My only offering here is what an ageing Zummzet Scrumpy zealot said to me a few years ago:
“Oi likes me zider but it makes I fart”.
Very Chaucerian in its own way.
And to you Ms Raccoon-Hatte, I wish many a long an’ sadizfyin’ post-operative fart
Sloggo xxxx - JimmyGiro
April 7, 2014 at 8:11 pm -
The MP and the Frog
An MP and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the
MP asks the frog to carry him across on his back. The
frog asks, “How do I know you won’t tax me?” The MP
says, “Because if I do, I will also suffer the collapse of the economy.”The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream,
the MP fleeces the frog. The frog feels the onset of economic
paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will starve,
but has just enough time to gasp “Why?”Replies the MP: “Its my nature…”
- Caedmon’s Cat
April 7, 2014 at 8:42 pm -
Sheer brilliance, Mme Raccoon! So glad you’re out of the woods with your illness.
- Cascadian
April 8, 2014 at 4:49 am -
Will someone put a brass ring through Camoron’s nose so that he can be led to the right decision with ease, he is never able to discern the correct way himself. It is painful watching him.
Syria, gay rights, windmills, MP expenses, he is a disaster.
A wonderful retelling of the Millers Tale landlady, your talents are endless it would seem. And congratulations to you and Mr G on your recent good news.
- Ms Mildred
April 8, 2014 at 8:44 am -
No where near as bad as Blair and Brown Cascadian. Just a limp whimp. Not good for the country either. I managed to decipher some of the Miller’s Tale. You are very clever Anna. I hope you are soon trumpeting your good news with gusto soon.
- Talwin
April 8, 2014 at 10:01 am -
‘Stynt thy clappe’. Oh, if only there may be the opportunity to use that.
Delighted by the most recent medico news, Anna.
- General Mayhem
April 8, 2014 at 2:51 pm -
A quite brilliant retelling of the Millers Tale. Rather better than the original, if the truth be known.
And fantastic news on the medical front. Long may you reign.
GM
- Dioclese
April 9, 2014 at 11:47 am -
But did she let out a mighty fart?…..
- Ms Mildred
April 9, 2014 at 3:42 pm -
The miller has stopped grinding out the excuses at long last. Rather unfair, in a way, as a finding was in her favour. Her mistake was to be evasive, and not make a good offer to pay a more substantial sum. She was ground to a powder on the grindstone of public distrust of politicians; that has come about since the first expenses grist was put in the mill.
- macheath
April 9, 2014 at 5:15 pm -
She may not have broken the rules but her conduct has been that of a woman who, on being told someone else is treating her to dinner, immediately orders the most expensive things on the menu.
It should be written up in large letters over the entrance to Parliament: Just because you can claim, doesn’t mean you should.
- macheath
- Gloria Smudd
April 9, 2014 at 6:18 pm -
Only a quick post to say that I have just spoken Ms Raccoon and she asked me to let you all know that she is recovering well from this morning’s operation, although she’d give anything for a cup of proper Yorkshire Tea!
- Mudplugger
April 9, 2014 at 7:07 pm -
Thanks for the update, Gloria. Any more progress notes during the involuntary omerta will be appreciated by all, I’m sure.
- Mudplugger
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