Parents are now under attack from all sides. The battle-lines have been drawn.
Robert Buckland, the Conservative MP for Swindon South, is elated at the news that his proposal to make ‘failing to love your children’ a criminal offence, punishable by ten years in prison, is to be enshrined in the Queen’s Speech. No, it’s not April Fool’s Day yet.
This will set off a maelstrom of judicial activity, trying to define what exactly is ‘love’. Mr Buckland, who is, of course, a Barrister, would have known that. Jobs for British workers eh?
Over on the other side of the pond, more depressing news for parents. Some parents who have been trying to at least give the impression to their children that they love them, by doing their home work for them, are to be told to desist forthwith. Not, as you might imagine because this is against the ‘spirit’ of the task, nor because it isn’t actually helping the little horrors to learn anything – but because learned academic analysis has uncovered the startling fact that the parent’s efforts are lowering the overall ‘stats’ results, with damning effect on the school’s advertised performance…whoops!
Combine the two and little Johnny will shortly be able to sue his parents for not loving him enough to get his homework right….
Mr Buckland calls his law the ‘Cinderella Law’ and states, possibly for the purpose of the required media sound-bite, that his target is the proverbial wicked Step-mother, which makes his proposal all the more nonsensical. Society has never yet found a way of forcing genetic parents to actually ‘love’ the brawling, squalling, mucus covered, little git that God blessed them with; nor to show overt interest into what goes in one end nor out the other. They either do or they don’t, and the threat of ten years peace and quiet at Her Majesty’s Pleasure, far, far, away from the trials and tribulations of dealing with the end result of that unwise coupling isn’t going to seem like much of a deterrent.
Nobody takes on the role of step-parent out of positive choice, they do it because it is part of the package – love me: wash, feed and clean my brat too. If you are now going to face criminal prosecution if you are unable to
grovel gratuitously act appropriately to keep said little brat away from the doors of the local chain of ‘sue-merchants’, who in their right mind would ever take on the task? A generation of newly divorced singletons will take refuge on the back seat of the Corsair, rather than co-habit or do anything that might be construed by junior as being held responsible for having to ‘love’ them.
‘Scape-goating’ a child is also to be made a criminal offence. Now ‘scape-goating’, for the benefit of Mr Buckand, is helpfully defined as the practice of singling out a person for ‘unmerited blame’. T’would be wise to only have one child in future – for to tell little Johnny that you don’t actually care which of his siblings left all the bingo balls at the bottom of the stairs, he WILL go and pick them all up before Grand-ma breaks her flippin’ neck, is likely to result in a swift call to Slater & “are you being scape-goated, we can help” Moron.
Very shortly I can see an entire junior generation being handed over to the State for safe-keeping in wired compounds. Only a few brave enthusiasts will want a live specimen in their household; they will be viewed with the same enthusiasm we reserve for those who persist in giving house room to a fully grown Python or Siberian Tiger.
I can now see why they legalised homosexual marriage – there has to be some outlet for sexual urges that doesn’t carry with it the possibility of a lethal end result.
Your suggestions for a legal definition of ‘Love’? Over to you.