Daily Mail journalist discovers that sex isn’t illegal…read on…
Melissa Kite, well known Daily Mail journalist, is in the habit of of taking her dog for a daily walk in a well known ‘gay’ cruising area. We know it is daily because she tells us so. We know it is a well known ’gay’ cruising area because the Daily Mail has run frequent stories campaigning to close the cafe down there on the grounds that it is used regularly by gay men…
So I cautiously assume that Melissa Kite has no objection to stumbling across two gay men having sex. Surely she would have changed her dog walking venue by now if she did have?
But today is different. Today is different, because shock, horror, Melissa thinks she has discovered the awful truth that some men persist in looking for opportunities to have heterosexual sex. She knows this, because as she and her dog were walking through this well known open air gay sex arena, a man shouted out behind the disappearing figures of Melissa and her faithful companion Cydney – ‘Nice legs’!
Cydney wagged her tail, preened herself and assumed they were referring to her stumpy furry legs. A dog would, in a dogging area, wouldn’t it?
But Melissa isn’t a Daily Mail journalist for nothing. She told Cydney not to be so stupid. Obviously this was a potential two page example of how she, Melissa Kite, owner of a mere two stumpy furry legs, was being hassled for sex. Whoa! This is not the sort of deviant behaviour you expect to come across when you walk your dog in a well known gay cruising area. Something must be done. Lessons must be learnt.
Well, Melissa rushed home, phoned her editor, said ‘I’ve got a hot story’, and then phoned the police…
She asked them to look out for a man in his 40s, short and balding with a pot belly…
They said they might send an officer ‘if they had one spare’ – but Melissa had ‘little expectation’ of this happening. I don’t know why, because last time this particular car park cropped up in the Daily Mail, they were nearly hysterical at finding that Police were indeed sending officers down there – and the officers were armed, not with Taser guns, but with a £120 budget to provide tea and coffee to the gay cruisers they met there….
Melissa seems to have a bit of a thing about watching gay men – her book, which was liberally promoted in the Daily Wail, ‘One Woman’s Guide to Love, Men and Other Everyday Disasters’ memorably described how:
When her friends seat her next to a splendidly eligible man at dinner, she blanks the poor chap and spends the whole evening talking to a dazzlingly good-looking (but gay) food writer.
Halfway through Melissa’s prose, we discover that having sex out of doors is not illegal. Despite the plethora of articles penned by Daily Mail journalists on the subject of Dogging, they had not realized this. Naturally they are shocked. Even though possibly half of them were themselves conceived on the back seat of a Ford Cortina. Parents of 30 and 40 years ago not being noted for their accommodating attitude to single offspring fornicating with other people’s single offspring in the family home.
Perhaps we should not be surprised that in our increasingly inclusive, anything-goes society, there is very little censorship of open-air sex acts. The Sexual Offences Act 2003 outlaws flashing and sex in public toilets — but sex behind a tree is not illegal, per se.
I wondered what the point of this 1,500 or so words (around £3,000 worth, or have rates gone up?) until I came to the end paragraph – “Meanwhile, tonight’s Channel 4 documentary about ‘this intriguing and unusual’ pastime will doubtless appeal to viewers who pride themselves on being non-judgmental”.
224 articles on Dogging in the Daily Mail – and guess what, the Mail are promoting Melissa’s article on the #doggingtales Twitter feed. The #Savile tag must be slowing down for them.