Daily Mail journalist discovers that sex isn’t illegal…read on…

Melissa Kite, well known Daily Mail journalist, is in the habit of of taking her dog for a daily walk in a well known ‘gay’ cruising area. We know it is daily because she tells us so. We know it is a well known ’gay’ cruising area because the Daily Mail has run frequent stories campaigning to close the cafe down there on the grounds that it is used regularly by gay men…

In fact, I come across men seeking partners for sex in these woods more and more often. It used to be a well-known spot among men cruising for gay sex…

So I cautiously assume that Melissa Kite has no objection to stumbling across two gay men having sex. Surely she would have changed her dog walking venue by now if she did have?

But today is different. Today is different, because shock, horror, Melissa thinks she has discovered the awful truth that some men persist in looking for opportunities to have heterosexual sex. She knows this, because as she and her dog were walking through this well known open air gay sex arena, a man shouted out behind the disappearing figures of Melissa and her faithful companion Cydney – ‘Nice legs’!

Cydney wagged her tail, preened herself and assumed they were referring to her stumpy furry legs.  A dog would, in a dogging area, wouldn’t it?

But Melissa isn’t a Daily Mail journalist for nothing. She told Cydney not to be so stupid. Obviously this was a potential two page example of how she, Melissa Kite, owner of a mere two stumpy furry legs, was being hassled for sex. Whoa! This is not the sort of deviant behaviour you expect to come across when you walk your dog in a well known gay cruising area. Something must be done. Lessons must be learnt.

Well, Melissa rushed home, phoned her editor, said ‘I’ve got a hot story’, and then phoned the police…

She asked them to look out for a man in his 40s, short and balding with a pot belly…

They said they might send an officer ‘if they had one spare’ – but Melissa had ‘little expectation’ of this happening. I don’t know why, because last time this particular car park cropped up in the Daily Mail, they were nearly hysterical at finding that Police were indeed sending officers down there – and the officers were armed, not with Taser guns, but with a £120 budget to provide tea and coffee to the gay cruisers they met there….

Melissa seems to have a bit of a thing about watching gay men – her book, which was liberally promoted in the Daily Wail, ‘One Woman’s Guide to Love, Men and Other Everyday Disasters’ memorably described how:

When her friends seat her next to a splendidly eligible man at dinner, she blanks the poor chap and spends the whole evening talking to a dazzlingly good-looking (but gay) food writer.

Halfway through Melissa’s prose, we discover that having sex out of doors is not illegal. Despite the plethora of articles penned by Daily Mail journalists on the subject of Dogging, they had not realized this. Naturally they are shocked. Even though possibly half of them were themselves conceived on the back seat of a Ford Cortina. Parents of 30 and 40 years ago not being noted for their accommodating attitude to single offspring fornicating with other people’s single offspring in the family home.

Perhaps we should not be surprised that in our increasingly inclusive, anything-goes society, there is very little censorship of open-air sex acts. The Sexual Offences Act 2003 outlaws flashing and sex in public toilets — but sex behind a tree is not illegal, per se.

I wondered what the point of this 1,500 or so words (around £3,000 worth, or have rates gone up?) until I came to the end paragraph – “Meanwhile, tonight’s Channel 4 documentary about ‘this intriguing and unusual’ pastime will doubtless appeal to viewers who pride themselves on being non-judgmental”.

224 articles on Dogging in the Daily Mail – and guess what, the Mail are promoting Melissa’s article on the #doggingtales Twitter feed. The #Savile tag must be slowing down for them.

m.barnes April 8, 2013 at 08:29

Fabulous Limericks as usual from Mudplugger, Gloria and Moor Larkin……. and
lets face it, this journo is simply crying out for it!

charlotte April 8, 2013 at 01:00

Someone once pointed out a secluded area that was used for ‘dogging’. We
were in a car with the radio on, it was around 11.30pm. There were lots of
people about and cars parked as we drove past. I must have mis- heard and said
‘It’s rather late to walk a dog isn’t it?’

Bill
Sticker April 6, 2013 at 20:54

How did she know he was talking to her and not someone else when he called
out “Nice legs!” How could she know if he was some distance away?

Just a thought.

Brentfordian
April 6, 2013 at 19:10

Kite’s usually pretty good in the Speccie. I’m unfamiliar with her Mail
stuff with the exception of this article which I checked – and the force of it
is rather different from your selective quotes.

OK Anna, you don’t like the woman, but you’re spinning the thing very far
from her points (and very far from the unpleasant experience she reported,
which wasn’t just a cheery-chappie’s “nice legs”).

Do you really think that the local residents (whom I suspect include Kite)
should be unable to walk, ride or send their kids out without this stuff? Knee
deep in discarded condoms? Sure there’s a hilarious limerick there, which’ll
make the thing OK yeah? God help us.

Moor
Larkin April 6, 2013 at 20:32

This area was in the news several years ago. I can’t immediately find a
UK reference, but it made the NYT.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/08/world/europe/08puttenham.html
““There
were two blokes sitting side by side, watching a man and a woman having
sex,” Ms. Perkins said, describing what happened as she strolled with her
dog on the hill between her house and the Hog’s Back ridge. “Nearby, there
were two men sunbathing together, wearing nothing but tight little white
underpants.” Later, she found a pink vibrator in the bushes. “I gave it to
the police,” she said. “They said, ‘What should we do with it?’ I said, ‘Put
it in Lost Property.’ ”

GildasTheMonk
April 6, 2013 at 12:00

There was a programme about “Dogging” on Channel 4 this week. i didnt watch
it. However my Twitter time line went absolutely bonkers! I wonder what this
says about me, or the people I follow, or the British!?

Mjolinir April 6, 2013 at 10:41

Anna- I live locally – and think this ISN’T about mature ladies being
harassed by pot-bellied ( and possibly gay) men It’s about “Won’t anyone THINK
OF THE KIDDIES? ”
\\Concerns include that fact the site is so close to the
local school, and the campaign for closure is supported by Anne Milton, the
Conservative MP for Guildford and Tony Rooth, leader of Guildford Borough
Council. \\
http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/surrey/hi/people_and_places/newsid_8904000/8904496.stm

rabbitaway
April 6, 2013 at 11:25

@Mjolinir
You should contact the famous ‘child protection expert’ –
he’s on for ‘saving’ children ……if there’s anything in it for him that is
!

Anna
Raccoon April 6, 2013 at 11:30

Not only that, Mjolinir – he lives in that exact area…..!

Friend of Dog
April 6, 2013 at 09:31

I am all in favour of al fresco sex as long as it doesn’t frighten the
wildlife – DM journos.

Roy
Fernley April 6, 2013 at 01:08

I thought the article had been prompted by the disclosure of the Philpott’s
dogging activities until I got to the end and saw it was an advert for a C4
programme.

Moor
Larkin April 6, 2013 at 00:28

The dog and the journalist went to pee
In a beautiful sea-green
coat
They needed some money and thought it quite funny
To walk where the
sheep might be goat

The journo looked up at the sky above
And listened to a strange fat
voice
Oh lovely legs, Oh lovely legs
What beautiful legs you have, you
have
What beautiful legs, you have

The dog said to the journo
Is he talkin’ to you?
How charmingly sweet
he calls
But the journo she said
I’m alarmed not so calmed
So take me
away, please Dog

So the dog and journo ran to the cops
And said there’s a man who
sings
In the woods in the snow
And he frightens the girls
Yes he
does, and he’s fat you know

So the cops and the law
They got very sore
And so to the woods they
ran
With truncheons upraised in a terrible rage
And the fat guy he ran
and he ran

But the law is too fast
If you talk like an ass
And so the poor man
was done
And the cops and the journos they laughed and they laughed
And
even the good dog thought it fun

And the man making the pass
Was found terribly crass
And so bars are
now his ugly fate
So the moral of this tale is that
If you chase
tail
Then the tail may well put you in jail.

Gloria Smudd
April 5, 2013 at 23:29

If you’ve prize-winning puppies, then show
Them off in the rain and the
snow:
Get them out in the park
Before it gets dark
Because exercise
might help them grow.

But stick to the well-trodden way –
Don’t venture from it one foggy day
–
For there may be a shout
From someone about
That you really should
put them away …

It’s something that’s quite hard to bear,
When giving your puppies some
air,
That some twit should beg
For a show of a leg,
Ignoring your
“Best in Show” pair!

Mudplugger April 5, 2013 at 20:28

The dog-walking journo, Ms Kite,
Took her pooch for a stroll every
night.
After dogging and jogging
And later some ‘logging’,
Her shoes
were all covered in shite.

Ms Kite is a dog-walking hussy,
Whose habits are really quite
fussy.
If the weather’s too grim,
She’ll just stay in and trim
Any
stray hairs she finds on her pussy.

Furor Teutonicus
April 5, 2013 at 20:09

XX Melissa Kite, well known Daily Mail journalist, is in the habit of of
taking her dog for a daily walk in a well known ‘gay’ cruising area.XX

So…. she has a gay dog. Should we worry?

Engineer April 5, 2013 at 19:42

Is there supposed to be any subliminal message in the lovely Melissa’s
choice of canine companion; a Cocker Spaniel?

Mark April 5, 2013 at 18:40

I can’t help but think that if I was walking my dog and some woman called
out “nice bum” and I responded positively in the belief that she was hassling
me for sex, it would be me that was nicked for sexual aggression.

Ed P April 5, 2013 at 17:55

While walking her dog in the park
Melissa Kite heard a remark.
“Nice
legs!” was uttered,
But whose? she muttered.
Perhaps it was just getting
dark.

m.barnes April 5, 2013 at 16:55

There was a young doggy called Cydney
Whose owner thought her quite
pretty.
One day in park,
a fat man remarked
Oi Cydney, you fancy some
nookie?.

It’s not my best effort but with a bit of luck the professional limerick
folks will jump in!

Joe Public April 5, 2013 at 16:04

“……a man shouted out behind the disappearing figures of Melissa and her
faithful companion Cydney – ‘Nice legs’!”

Cue:- “Should have gone to Specsavers”

Ljh April 5, 2013 at 15:02

I agree it’s an overegged bit of writing but dogging and nasty dogs are not
confined to Wisley Common. Until last year I lived in a cluster of homes in a
bluebell wood on the edge of one of Surrey’s market towns, about a mile down a
track from the main road on which there are two parking areas. I have two
teenaged daughters whose selfsufficiency has been encouraged by a distinct
lack of cottonwooling from parents. The girls were harassed to such an extent
by dogs and doggers, in broad daylight, persuaded us that they best be given a
ride to the road.

Ed P April 5, 2013 at 14:34

Cydney (sic) is a bitch.

Is “the hog’s back” a euphemism?

rabbitaway April 5, 2013 at 14:13

She might still be waiting for her copper ! As of mid day today 26 man
hours have been used ‘looking out’ for a ‘man in his forties, short and
balding with a pot belly’ !

Demtrius April 5,
2013 at 14:08

There was another story elsewhere in the media about the huge rise in dog
bites and the extent to which gang members etc. use and trade in the more
ferocious breeds of dogs. In the last decade, we who walk here and there, have
noticed a distinct shift from the former favoured breeds to those clearly of
fighting, hunting and guard dogs. In our local nature reserve, long since
cleared of “nature” by the unleashed dogs of this kind and all the feral cats
from the neighbouring estate, it is a real problem. Given the choice if the
“dog walkers” were cleared out and the sex visitors permitted we might begin
to see the return of other species, notably the birds and the bees.

Lucozade April 5, 2013 at 13:47

“a man shouted out behind the disappearing figures of Melissa and her
faithful companion Cydney – ‘Nice legs’!”

Is that all he done?

Moor
Larkin April 5, 2013 at 13:23

Looks far too bloody cold for man or beast to me……

Mark April 5, 2013 at 13:05

Nice legs? If the picture is accurate, the writer’s were covered so it must
have been the dog he was referring to.