Femspot: Sex on Roller Skates
I’m a huge fan of the silliness which can easily find it’s way into over-literal analysis from a feminist viewpoint.
This is what “Joanna Allan”, the blogger at Your Daughters Will Be Next, had to say about the cover pictured above after spelunking through the Style Section of the Sunday Times for January 13th:
Cover: Photo of a skinny woman who is posing as if she is expecting to be penetrated from behind, penetrated orally and penetrated in her visible cleavage, and who, implicitly, is presently on “the fasting diet”
There is a notable absence of any images of the cover from Joanna’s post. It takes about 45 seconds to find one, and my copy is above.
Could it be because the poor girl on the cover is on roller-skates, thereby making the allegation that she is presenting herself for oral, doggy-style or boobjob sex slightly untenable?
I’ve never tried having sex in these circumstances, but I’m sure it would be an experience.
There’s also this:
p. 37: advert for a car whose seats mimic the curves of an attractive woman
If anyone has the paper, I’d love to know what kind of car it was, as I imagine a pair of foam boobs in my back while driving would hardly help with comfort.
The only car part I’ve ever seen regarded as copying a woman’s anatomy were the headlight covers on a Fiat Coupe, as noted over at fiatcoupe20v.co.uk:
This is going back almost (Ye Gods!) 25 years.
You can read the rest of the ‘snarky and sarcastic’ piece here.
Warning: there are 1100 words of feminist lucubrations.
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February 5, 2013 at 11:39
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The mass-media seems obsessed with cultivating insecurity amongst their
viewers/readership. The fear mongering about crime and infantilisation really
annoy me and perhaps I become so sensitive to it that I see nuances of it
everywhere in the media. This blogger seems overly conscious of the beauty
anxiety (and linked sexual objectification) promoted in the media, and perhaps
comes to see a little too much. Having said that the cover picture is sexually
suggestive, and the tagline does sound like a how-to guide to developing a
serious eating disorder. So the line “Photo of a skinny woman who is posing as
if she is expecting to be penetrated from behind, penetrated orally and
penetrated in her visible cleavage” is over the top, but the general thrust
(fnar) of the piece is valid and a fine thing to be complaining about.
- February 6, 2013 at 11:11
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February 7, 2013 at 10:24
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“Don’t let them call you skinny”
I can only dream if what that problem must be like…
- February 4, 2013 at 20:51
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“Cover: Photo of a skinny woman who is posing as if she is expecting to be
penetrated from behind, penetrated orally and penetrated in her visible
cleavage, and who, implicitly, is presently on “the fasting diet””
Right. So how are we to negotiate the young lady’s shorts in order to
effect penetration? Also, her knee is rather dangerously located for any chap
athletic enough to access her cleavage, and those teeth look to be in very
good condition…
No, feminists. This is a picture of a pretty girl tying the lace of her
roller skate. Reading more than that into it suggests you have a rather
unhealthy obsession with copulation. Try a cold shower, or if that doesn’t
work, a good J. Arthur Rank.
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February 3, 2013 at 16:16
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”One suspects like beauty, sexually deviant thoughts are in the eyes of the
beholder.”
Indeedy. Methinks they doth protest too much.
I’m no fan of
much of the over-sexualised hype that passes for women’s media but there are
far worse examples than this on every news stand.
- February 3, 2013 at 14:51
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Sorry to come back for ‘A third bite at the cherry’ (can I say
that?)
2Mac said \\maybe our outraged blogger assumes men are walking about
with steps on the off chance they need to ‘diddyride’ tall women \\
The
concept was outlined in Terry Pratchett’s Discworld story “Witches
Abroad”.-
Giamo Casanunda’ is a dwarf, His card reads “The World’s second
greatest lover – I try harder” – and he always carries a step-ladder.
- February 3, 2013 at 19:07
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Sir Terry is the most inventive of the current crop of authors and an
absolute joy to read. A complete tonic in literary form to ward off the
horrors of modern life.
- February 3, 2013 at 14:28
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\\ The only car part I’ve ever seen regarded as copying a woman’s anatomy
\\
Obviously never seen the Ford Edsel – or heard of the ‘somewhat adverse
comments’ (about a certain aspect of the front grille) that accompanied its
launch
http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1658545_1657867_1657781,00.html
- February 3, 2013 at 12:33
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“The only car part I’ve ever seen regarded as copying a woman’s anatomy
were the headlight covers on a Fiat Coupe, ”
C’mon Matt, every car has got an exhaust pipe. Some are even equipped for group sex
- February 3, 2013 at 12:36
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February 3, 2013 at 12:28
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…expecting to be penetrated from behind…
No, but clearly the intention is to imply that if you take this diet, you
will look more sexy. The way the model is posed, it is clear that she is not
just adjusting her roller skate, and this picture would look out of place in a
skating magazine. You would not see Jessica Ennis posed like that.
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02299/ennis2_2299090b.jpg
- February 4, 2013 at 01:16
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Jonathan Mason,
You’d of thought anyone could deduce that if you fast for long enough
you’ll loose weight, lol
I never would have thought much about her pose before reading that but
now, after reading that, I think I can kind of see what the woman is talking
about.
Perhaps that’s what the photographer had in mind when they asked her to
pose like that…?
- February 3, 2013 at 11:56
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There was an American psychologist who expounded a theory about high
functioning psychopaths who were utterly devoid of any logic, who could sound
normal and even intelligent on the right subject but were utter loons in
reality. He stated that people with this condition could attain high office
and it would go unnoticed because they sounded plausible, however they could
easily be spotted if asked a simple logic question, ie Captain Cook
circumnavigated the globe three times and he was killed on one of his voyages,
which one? I have known this question catch people so it isn’t as stupid as it
sounds, apparently an extremely high ranking member of the current US
administration couldn’t answer it. This woman writing here might be one
too.
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February 3, 2013 at 12:21
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“Captain Cook circumnavigated the globe three times and he was killed on
one of his voyages, which one?”
One is tempted to say the fourth voyage, but based strictly on the
information given, all you can really say is that he was killed on his last
voyage. Not as simple as it sounds, since he may also have made local
voyages that didn’t go round the world.
[In the real world he was actually killed on the third of his epic
voyages, having circumnavigated the world two times, once in each direction,
on prior voyages. (His wife complained he was not much help around the
house.) His crew completed the third circumnavigation without him.]
- February 3, 2013 at 13:33
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Having given above the off-the-top-of-my-head response to this, I spent
a few minutes doing a bit of research and found another version of the
question as below
Captain James Cook made three trips around the world, and died
during one of them. In which trip did he
die?
Answer
The third.
Note the slight difference of “trips around the world”, a less precise
measure than “circumnavigations”.
The question seem unfair as a test of logic for a number of reasons.
Firstly it is not clear if this is a puzzler or a test of general
knowledge. Cook actually made 2 circumnavigations of the globe. I wondered
if there was a catch and perhaps he had circumnavigated the globe two
times on one voyage, but not so. Here is a list of circumnavigations that
puts that one to rest:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_circumnavigations
Secondly, whether we call it a circumnavigation or a trip round the
world, we must conclude that it is not such until it is completed, that is
a return to the point of origin in England. For all we know, on the last
voyage in which he died in Hawaii, he might have returned home by
retracing his steps rather than by circumnavigation. Hence at the time of
his death he had only made two “trips around the world”. What was left of
his remains was buried at sea, too, so you cannot really argue that he
completed the third trip while dead.
Hence this is not a very fair test of logic, because the premises are
ambiguous and can reasonably be interpreted in different ways. For
example, if we accept the premise that he circumnavigated the globe three
times and made no other voyages, then he died on his fourth (uncompleted)
voyage. However if we accept the general historical sense that Cook just
made three voyages, the last of which would probably have been a
circumnavigation, and just ignore previous voyages he had made when
exploring North America with the British Navy, then we could say he died
on the third voyage, but that is not really very satisfactory.
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February 4, 2013 at 00:09
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Johnathan Mason,
I think the circumnavigated bit is just thrown in to trick us, and
the question is really which of his ‘voyages’ was he killed on?
Which would have had to have been the last, unless the person asking
the question requires more information than that? lol
- February 3, 2013 at 23:27
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Bunny,
Re: “Captain Cook circumnavigated the globe the times and he was killed
on one of his voyages, which one?”
I take they just want to know whether it was the 1st, 2nd or 3rd and
nothing else?
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February 4, 2013 at 00:01
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Bunny,
Re: “Captain Cook circumnavigated the globe three times and he was
killed on one of his voyages, which one?”
A: He was killed on his last voyage.
- February 3, 2013 at 11:38
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\\ I’ve never tried having sex in these circumstances, but I’m sure it
would be an experience.\\
Nor have I – but it seems probable that having
the simultaneous support of THREE gentlemen would reduce the risks of
“Slips,trips and falls” inherent in attempting any of the suggested activities
one-on-one on skates?
- February
3, 2013 at 13:04
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You’d need a sturdy pair of chocks, that’s for sure…
- February 3, 2013 at 14:37
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Gives new meaning to the phrase “Chocks Away.”
Probably leading to the equally impressive “Wizard Prang!”
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February 3, 2013 at 15:00
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I too cannot claim that experience – standing up in a hammock was enough
of a challenge.
- February 3, 2013 at 11:19
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If I, as a male, suggested that a woman in that position is necessarily
inviting penetration by any or all of the portals mentioned, I am sure the
feminists would be down on me like a ton of bricks.
That’s the point. THEY may say it and it’s incisive feminist analysis. YOU
say it and you’re a sexist and pervert.
Never thought we’d reach the point where a feminist is saying a girl’s
asking for it.
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February 3, 2013 at 11:18
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According to my SPECIAL friend Gildas the Monk, a woman should have curves,
and not look like a broomstick. I am pleased to say that my love of Bon Bons
and STEAK AND KIDNEY PUDDING ensures that I have some. Indeed, I he rather
ROMANTICALLY refers to me as his very own “1968 Jaguar Mark 3″. As a mere girl
I know nothing of cars, but I understand that THIS is a very curvy AND CLASSIC
machine!
- February 3, 2013 at 12:33
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February 3, 2013 at 10:48
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My Auntie Minnie ‘who lived to 103′, famously said to me, during a heart to
heart chat, many years ago, ‘I went to the altar the right way, after
courting(uncle) for 8 years!….WOW!! really? Advice from her mother was. ‘When
courting, keep walking….never sit down’. Her Mother did not take her own
advice. As my dad, her eldest son, Minnie’s older brother, was conceived in an
alley way in 1903. She was 18, so they were naughty then too!!!! Curiously in
the roaring twenties, my aunt was a model of rectitude…..whatever that means.
These family snippets were straight from the ‘horses mouth’ I have a feeling
we just talk about it more openly. The shame has been leeched out of of sexual
congress of whatever sort’……back/front /sideways. They love selling it to
nubile young girls because ….well they do.
- February 3, 2013 at 10:12
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And there I was thinking the mag-cover’s sub-slogan “It’s healthy, it’s
easy and it works” was a promotional ad for the featured lady skater and not
the fabled diet.
- February 3, 2013 at 10:43
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Nice one.
- February 3, 2013 at 10:01
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Maybe it’s just as interesting to ponder what the roller-skating chick
might be saying to the average Joe, approaching from behind, deluded into
thinking he might get to penetrate from behind.
But if ‘Joanna’ might be right in her interpretation, don’t the sisters
have things which might penetrate from behind, orally, or in cleavage; and
might it not be that the model is eagerly anticipating such?
Give me strength!
- February 3, 2013 at 09:19
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Fair enough, I agree the model is bending but to assume each time a women
bends is an invitation to be “penetrated from behind” is a bit Talibani in
outlook. As for assuming that everytime a women opens her mouth it is an
invitation for “penetrating her mouth” well I was not aware of this rule. One
suspects like beauty, sexually deviant thoughts are in the eyes of the
beholder.
I cannot see how one could penetrate the cleavage at this angle without
hampering the first 2 bloke already in positions 1 & 2 the girl seems too
tall, maybe our outraged blogger assumes men are walking about with steps on
the off chance they need to ‘diddyride’ tall women on roller scates. I suspect
our outraged blogger has been watching a lot of pornography or has first hand
experience of such matters from her private life as she has a better grasp of
complex positioning than innocent me. I suspect she is outraged on behalf of
women assuming all men to be hiding just out of sight ready to pounce on
unsuspecting tying laces. The choice of ‘Penetrate’ as her preferred verb is
possibly indicative of how she views men & sex. Surprised she did not say
‘violate’.
This blogger has got her dungerese in a twist over a picture I would have
at most thought “nice ass” but now thanks to her enlightening expose, I shall
now be calculating how many positions and men she might perceive appropriate
for penetration for all magazine covers.
This level of over zealous outrage about sex is worrying and possibly due
to some repressed emotion or feelings.
I would be concerned if a male friend made such comments from an innocent
magazine cover.
I hope the blogger gets help for her sexual obsessions and can start
viewing women on roller skates as just that and not see all this dirty sexual
stuff going on.
Good luck conquering your penetration phobia
- February 3, 2013 at 09:31
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“As for assuming that everytime a women opens her mouth it is an
invitation for “penetrating her mouth” well I was not aware of this rule”.
Speaking as a woman for a penchant for opening her mouth on sundry
subjects and several times a day, any male in the vicinity who took that as
an invitation to engage in penetration would be most unwise. Most, most,
unwise. I am equally liable to shut up suddenly and without warning….
- February 3, 2013 at 09:39
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Hi Anna,
In my home when a women opens her mouth it is usually followed by an
instruction or repetition of previous instruction due to inactivity on my
part.
nb. Published twice due to “fail” message. Please delete first as I
edited again. Cheers
- February 3, 2013 at 10:02
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Reminds me of the sage advice given to me by an old soldier, ‘try to
marry a girl with small hands and beware of epileptic girls with
hayfever’.
- February 3, 2013 at 10:20
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@Anna: Ha!! Ouch!
2Mac makes the point I would have made. If I, as a male, suggested that
a woman in that position is necessarily inviting penetration by any or all
of the portals mentioned, I am sure the feminists would be down on me like
a ton of bricks.
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February 3, 2013 at 15:03
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Always a favourite, when a bunch of feminists go down on me…….
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February 3, 2013 at 17:35
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Muddy old lads,
What if they were led by one Harridan Harperson?
Doesn’t bear (or bare) thinking about.
- February 3, 2013 at 21:22
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Ted, I’ve just lost the will to live.
- February 3,
2013 at 09:01
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“Could it be because the poor girl on the cover is on roller-skates,
thereby making the allegation that she is presenting herself for oral,
doggy-style or boobjob sex slightly untenable?”
You’ve not seen Boogie Nights, then?
“p. 37: advert for a car whose seats mimic the curves of an attractive
woman”
Unless there’s something in the text of the advert to allude to such an
association then it would appear that she’s simply referring to a car that has
a racing seats where the key design considerations will have been those
maximising support where its needed, i.e. the lower back back, neck and
shoulders, while keeping the weight of the seat to a minimum.
Could well be a bit of paradolia here.
- February
3, 2013 at 13:03
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“…posing as if she is expecting to be penetrated from behind,
penetrated orally and penetrated in her visible cleavage…”
Or she’s just got sex on the bloody brain? Maybe she needs to get
laid…
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February 3, 2013 at 17:33
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I always thought the sign of a true master/mistress was the ability to
manage it standing up in a hammock on roller-skates. And remain
(relatively) uninjured. Maybe I should get out more (or less).
- February 3, 2013 at 17:50
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I always thought “doggy style” was as follows:-
Husband – Sits up & begs…
Wife – Rolls over and plays dead
- February 6, 2013 at 10:42
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L O L !
{ 42 comments }