Argggh! The Foodie’s Night Mare…the Galloping Gourmet Burger!
The doe-eyed equine substitue-husband that the righteous have no objection to having boiled up to glue their dinning chair together has turned up on their dinner plate.
They are aghast! Knackered horses have their uses in death – the righteous were happy to queue to see the money Damian Hirst made out of tastefully disposing of a horse carcass; they queue up in the local zoo to see the wonderful animals that are being saved from extinction – and fed on large chunks of horse meat; they lovingly fondle that first edition of Oscar Wilde, bound together with glue made from horses hooves – but in their Tesco Value Added burger it is beyond the pale!
I can’t understand how it could have happened – after all the French pay dearly for horse meat, as do the Dutch; why would an Irish burger maker waste good horse-meat on the sort of people who buy Tesco’s Value Added Burgers? Is anybody enquiring what the other 71% was – or do they prefer not to know? It’s not just Tesco’s either, there’s My Lidl Pony…
The poor loves can’t even retreat into vegetarianism with a clear conscience; it seems they are responsible for a famine in Bolivia. The muncher with a conscience has driven the world price of Quinoa so high that Bolivian farmers are selling all their crop to the European market and the Andean peasants are starving as a consequence; they can’t compete with the prices that Jeremy and Henrietta’s Mum can afford to pay rather than risk them eating horse meat.
It’s so hard to be righteous these days – there are hurdles at every turn…
Ms Raccoon apologises for her unaccustomed silence over the past few days, she’s got the bluddy flu…back to normal soon!