Week one of your Baird investment…
Good morning Northumbria! The temperature is just hovering above freezing, you have a North Easterly wind blowing in from Siberia at 21 km an hour, and it might get as high as 2 degrees this afternoon. So just to cheer you up, I bring you news of your Baird investment and how you will all sleep easier in your beds this week…
Thursday November 22nd. Our Vera was at Gateshead Civic Centre ‘at about’ 9am for her first day as your new Police Commissioner. She is now in charge of several hundred civilian police workers who will have been clocked into work at precisely 8am, not ‘about 9am’. Then again, Our Vera doesn’t have to worry about formal warnings and having her wages docked. Equality eh?
She has now ‘owns’ several police stations and a number of police cars. If your ageing chequered Panda refuses to start this frosty morning, young Master Plod, you know who to complain to now – its owner.
She holds a press conference and nominates a retired Chief Superintendent, Mark Dennett, as her deputy to get on with the boring stuff like finding out what the people of Northumbria want from their police force. Then they both drive over to Ponteland to say Hello to Sue Sim, the Chief Constable.
People give her lots of paper briefings on what the problems are, she stuffs them in her briefcase – and goes home.
Ker-ching. £400 + expenses.
Friday 23rd November. At work at 10pm at night, accompanied by a local councillor to see policing in action. Watches as two drunks ‘nearly” fall into the path of a car; hears that two women have had their mobile phones stolen; meets the Street Pastors, busy handing out slippers to young ladies who have gone out in 4″ heels and find they cannot balance on them after 9 vodka and cokes – is most impressed. Goes home again. It’s all go as a police commissioner.
Ker-ching. £400 + expenses.
Saturday 24th and Sunday 25th November.
Working at the week-ends is for the plebs/police. Had to rest after exhausting two days.
Monday 26th November. She has decided that the Police Commissioner should attend each and every Police Strategic Management Board meeting – quite right too, this is the nitty gritty of the job.
So she sends Mark Dennett….someones got to do the work around here.
Ker-ching. £400 + expenses.
Tuesday 27th November. Had a ‘semi-formal’ meeting with Sue Sim, and brought up the matter of the latest two IPCC reports. Resolved to look into anti-social behaviour, like not clearing up dog poo at railway stations….
Ker-ching. £400 + expenses.
Wednesday 28th November. Spent day on train to and from London. Addressed Local Government Association meeting. Too much like hard work, even on expenses.
Ker-ching. £400 + expenses. Edited: We didn’t pay her to sit on the train….probably still copped the expenses though….
Meanwhile, those of the 4,000 strong Northumbria Police who actually pound the streets, most of whom, in a week, will be taking home less than a day’s pay for Vera, will be out in the cold saving social workers from their enraged clients, housing mentally disturbed patients over the week-end when no one else wants them, sorting out Kylie and Sharon’s Facebook argument, tracking down paedophiles who have abused children this week, and putting their life on the line when the Raoul Moat’s of this world come out of prison to find that ‘er indoors has legged it with the aerobics teacher – and finding time to buy their own Christmas decorations out of their own money.
That’s it folks, that’s your first £1,600 quids worth. Plus expenses. Has that improved policing in your area?
h/t to Adrian Pearson.
December 9, 2012 at 13:10
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Vera on 4 inch heels?
That’s like a cat stuck up a tree.
December
6, 2012 at 20:10
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Anna could I place this report on the website?
December 6, 2012 at 20:40
December 6, 2012 at 17:07
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Hi Anna,
Sorry to put this here as it is off topic, but your chum Mark
Williams-Thomas seems to be up to more of his old tricks.
http://theneedleblog.wordpress.com/2012/11/29/rolf-harris-interviewed-under-caution/
December 6, 2012 at 16:14
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Anna? “She has now ‘owns’ several police stations “? Did you
really want to say it that way?
- December 6, 2012 at 17:04
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Those were her words, not mine! Mind boggling…..
- December 7, 2012 at
01:26
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Good grief! I blame the parents you know.
December 6, 2012 at 12:13
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December 6, 2012 at 16:56
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“This video has been removed by the user. ”
Gloria, Any clues as to the content of said video?
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December 6, 2012 at 18:25
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Try this (it’s completely off-topic but it made me cry with
laughter)
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/12/06/singing-baby-upstages-busker_n_2249259.html
- December 6, 2012 at
20:01
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Is it a spoof…?
December 6, 2012 at 07:39
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Please see ‘ the rest is silence’ by serving Police Officer James Patrick
.It lifts he lid on the policy and corruption behind PCC ‘s and privatisation
of the Police. He is now subject of a misconduct charge and maybe sacked. The
country is sleepwalking into the privatisation of its Police.
December 6, 2012 at 03:20
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I’m not in the least surprised.
I’m a nurse and I well remember the hope when both matrons and trusts were
touted. I naively assumed that, for example with matrons, that where before
there was ward sisters, ward mangers, directorate managers, divisional
mangers, interdivisional and interdepartmental mangers, ad infinitum, all with
secretaries and deputies, that the new matrons would be a return to the
original management structure (ie. ward sister – matron – God [with a possible
note to the chairman]). Oh how we laughed at our naivety – a measure brought
in to ‘save money’ and ‘streamline and reduce management’ had in fact cost
£50000 each – yes each, in the ‘old days’ one matron was sufficient, my
current small regional hospital has eight (*?!?) matrons. Reductions? Not a
one, they were simply added to the existing structure (with new offices,
secretaries, deputies, etc.). How was all this payed for, I hear you shout?
Well, obviously by ‘the new super efficiency of the matron led system’ – in
other words, by sacking almost a third of the front line qualified nurses
employed in the trust FFS
So Police Commissioners? SSDD!
December 5, 2012 at 23:36
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I like your title – take the ire (ir) out of Baird to leave BAD. Yeah
Anna!
December 5, 2012 at 21:15
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Spot on Anna. Can’t see I have noticed a shred of difference here in
deepest Sussex.
December 5, 2012 at 20:10
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I’m not allowed to but how about asking how the Deputies came to be
appointed? I don’t remember reading about PCC’s taking on extra staff at our
expense before the elections.
December 5, 2012 at 18:54
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‘… By method and discipline are to be understood the marshaling of the army
in its proper subdivisions, the graduations of rank among the officers, the
maintenance of roads by which supplies may reach the army, and the control of
military expenditure.’
Sun-Tzu on ‘The Art of War’.
December 5, 2012 at 16:36
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Ours has sent a cheery message to police on the Force’s intranet saying,
roughly, ‘What a frightful challenge this is going to be for me when I have
still to offload so many of you in the next two years. Boo hoo, poor me’.
I
kid you not.
December 5, 2012 at 12:58
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Oh dear, she won’t be unblocking you at this rate!
December
5, 2012 at 12:44
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If she was wearing 4″ heels, was she entitled to free slippers?
December 5, 2012 at 12:09
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You’re too hard on the lass, Anna.
“Saturday 24th and Sunday 25th November. Working at the week-ends is for
the plebs/police. Had to rest after exhausting two days.”
That’s 2 x (£400 + Expenses) saved.
December 5, 2012 at 11:42
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With the exception of a few independents the police have been politicised
over night. Luckily my service as a ‘pleb/plod’ is long in the past. I would
have hated to belong to a force, sorry service, that had to put political
dogma before effective policing. If anyone doubts the amount of political
pressures already placed on serving officers they should read the admirable
blog of ‘Inspector Gadget’. I fear the future.
December 5, 2012 at 12:13
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The Police ‘Service’ was politicised well before the PCCs. Ian Blair
being the most obvious example of recent times.
December 5, 2012 at 12:37
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Always “on the money”
December 6, 2012 at 06:51
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Acpo in action, common purposes’ storm troopers !
December 5, 2012 at 10:08
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My guess is that there will be infuriating, cringe stories a-plenty to come
from across the land regarding these latest, expensive but useless appendages
to local policing.
Here in Lancashire we are blessed by the appointment of one Clive Grunshaw
who tells the local rag, “I am the Labour candidate and clearly that means I
am bringing the party values with me”. I will leave you to react as you will
to this comforting gem.
Clive tells us further, “I want to offer reassurance to the people of
Lancashire that I have accepted this role as one of responsibility and
dedication”. This would perhaps be more convincing to the plebs were it not
for the fact that Mt G. remains both a Wyre Borough and a Lancashire County
councillor. Perhaps that is why already he gasps, “This week has been quite
the whirlwind for me”. Well, contemplating spending £85 grand a year and
filling in expense claims for three roles understandably will be
demanding.
December 5, 2012 at 10:04
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Trust that she has told ‘Sue’ that her uniform, paid for by us, includes a
hat and that this should be worn on official duties.
It was a disgrace to see her prancing round after the shooting improperly
dressed!
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December 5, 2012 at 09:23
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Rage! but then I suppose we get the politicians we deserve…*sigh*
December 5, 2012 at 09:09
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Much more of this and she will need a couple of weeks holiday to recover
from all the responsibility _ Ker-ching £400!
December 5, 2012 at 12:10
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If it was two weeks holiday it would be…… Ker-ching £3200 + expenses
knowing our Vera.
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