Corrupt Cops say Cheese…Limerick Competition.
The Canadian Mounties always get their man. In this case, one of their own.
After a nine month undercover operation – painstakingly taking plaster casts of tyre tracks, deploying the dog sniffer teams, forensic tents filled with scurrying officers in white overalls, arial photographs, fingerprints, statements, and guarding the ever helpful ‘whistleblowers’, they`ve busted the case – of the cheese mobsters.
A ring of corrupt cops had taken to cheese smuggling. A profitable business. Cheese accounts for 80% of the cost of a pizza, and in Canada, there is a 200 to 300% tax mark-up on imported cheese. The cops were making an average £1,200 a week, just for driving across the border to a downtown Washington supermarket and flashing their police badges as they returned undercover of darkness.
Constable Scott Heron of the Niagara Regional Police and his two partners were charged with conspiracy, smuggling and other customs violations for allegedly transporting over $200,000 of cheese into Canada from the United States without paying any taxes.
The Canadian government put this horrendous mark-up on imported cheeses to ‘protect their Dairy industry’. Instead of a few dairy farmers going to the wall because they can’t compete with US rivals – every Canadian citizen is forced to pay a levy every time they eat pizza – to financially support those Dairy farmers. Roll on minimum alcohol pricing in Scotland. The A.1. will be a continuous line of white vans heading North. Every little helps…
This story is full of holes – and ripe for the pun-masters on Anna Raccoon.
So – a fine Camembert to the winner. Ahhh, if only I could get Stinking Bishop over here, I miss it so.
September 30, 2012 at 08:24
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Happily, the EU has just stuck a spanner in the works of Scotland’s minimum
pricing nonsense.
Wee Eck says he’ll lobby Brussels to set aside the EU single market laws
“on health grounds” – good luck with that.
Independence? I think this isn’t it.
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September 29, 2012 at 00:13
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[delurking]
A parcel of RCMPs
Illicitly supplying cheese
From over the
border
(On spec, or to order?)
For profit. That was quite a wheeze!
But why should there be such a market?
I won’t keep you all in the dark,
it’s
Because of the rent
Of two hundred per cent
So Canadian farmers
don’t cark it.
Now hot on their trail were some guys
With plaster, dog sniffers and
spies
And no expense spared
To secure those who dared
Cheat the
taxman. A word to the wise:
That if you’re employed by The Man
And smuggling cheese in a van
The
gist of the facts is
You can’t avoid taxes
Without getting busted
enfin.
- September 28, 2012 at 22:52
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Some bootlegging cops bought a van
and filled it with Brie and
Edam
It was pretty Roumy
but their Manur turned gloomy
when caught by
the Fromage taxman
- September
28, 2012 at 21:13
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On the opposite side of the pond, you
Read of Mounties cheese-smuggling
for spondu-
licks; I’m sorry to say
They had quite lost their
whey
and ended up deep in the fondue.
- September 28, 2012 at 20:44
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I’d hate to be part of a dog sniffer team. Urgh
- September
28, 2012 at 20:07
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Robert W. Service wrote something along the lines of:
A bunch of the boys were making pizzas in the Niagara Pizzeria;
The kid
that scatters the cheese was cutting it fine ‘cos it was so dear;
On a
banquette, with a garlic bread, sat Constable Steve Heron, NRP,
And
watching him tear-n-share were his fromageurs, the guys known as Cheddar and
Brie.
etc, ad infinitum
The problem is due to the Canadian dairy industry’s reluctance to compete
internationally when faced with a shrinking home market. It knows that if it
tried, the subsidised American dairy industry would swamp it just like it did
to the Mexican industry. Agricultural products were excepted from NAFTA to
because the US agricultural lobby didn’t want to lose its subsidies (=
barriers to free trade).
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September 28, 2012 at 14:55
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Rocamadour (or Cabécou)
Is made quite locally to you.
Who in their
senses would prefer
A hackneyed Norman Camembert?
The Stinking Bishop that you’ve missed
Offends me as a
linguist.
Somebody had the brazen neck
To plagiarise a Pont
l’Evêque:
What English mongers tried to forge
Is still produced by E.
Graindorge.
To Carrefour or Leclerc please go
And don’t forget who told
you so.
You wanted limericks? Oh Pooh:
This is a sonnet -will that do?
- September 28, 2012 at 13:51
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Pizzas made with Monterey Jack
Are invariably sent straight back
It’s
tasteless like Kraft
(Their slices are daft)
But Canucks like ‘em for
the craic
- September 28, 2012 at 14:38
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10/10 for accuracy – Monterey Jack is an abomination that could be
stomached only by the nation that created Poutine (chips topped with gravy
and curd cheese, for those hitherto blissfully ignorant; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poutine, clearly written by an
enthusiast, will tell you more than you could possibly want to know about
it).
- September 28, 2012 at 13:45
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Some Mounties with a car full of cheese
Their countrymen they thought
they would please.
But the almighty stink
Made a border guard
think,
And the Mounties were brought to their knees.
- September 28, 2012 at 12:43
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They desperately recruited the worst of British plod and importation of the
UK’s de brie has proved damaging.
- September 28, 2012 at 14:08
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Predictable and tedious Melvin.Do they call them radiators in Canada?
- September 28, 2012 at 18:12
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You always do ‘Blue and Smelly’ very well but you forgot to state which
cheese you are impersonating, WPC Jaded.
Fromage de Cochon,
perchance?
- September 28, 2012 at 12:10
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For a Mountie to smuggle Caerphilly
Down his trousers seems frightfully
silly.
Apart from the mess
In his uniform dress,
Just imagine the
smell of his willy.
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September 28, 2012 at 12:29
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Bravo!
- September 28, 2012 at 10:10
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downtown Washington supermarket
Seems a long way to go when the border to New York state is just across the
bridge. The “Buffalo News” says the cheese was bought in New York, by which, I
presume, they mean New York, New York.
- September 28, 2012 at
10:14
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September 28, 2012 at 10:05
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Looks like a crisis!
This could be Mekkerbrek time…
I will ask my
friend Roderic what to do. I am looking after his cat at the moment, a
Tyrolean Gray….
- September 28, 2012 at 13:49
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I think you mean that the Tyrolean Grey is temporarily in charge of
you….
- September 28, 2012 at 09:34
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Pizza chefs right across Huron County
All welcome the sight of a
Mountie,
The cop’ll say, “Fella,
“You want mozzarella?
“I’ve plenty,
and at a discount, eh!”
- September 28, 2012 at 09:48
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If he’s wise he will offer piano;
Mozzarella and
parmeggiano
The Mafia runs those –
If you get up their nose,
You’ll
end up broke and singing soprano.
- September 28, 2012 at 09:04
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Maybe the Mounties should be checking out Constable Scott Heron, if he is
any relative of the well known singer Gil (Scott Heron), he might be into some
other type of smuggling… the sort that can give one a holey nose.
{ 22 comments }