The Green Party and the new DUMBYâs.
The Green Party conference in Bristol is turning into the gift that keeps on giving.
On Friday we heard that the Party of just ONE MP (fielded 300 candidates, just one elected) was the new opposition. All one of them. The entire Labour benches usurped by just one MP? If you say so Caroline!
âThe Greens now represent the only Party offering genuine opposition to the governmentâs austerity agendaâ¦We are the opposition. We can do it because we have the vision of a better, more equal, healthier Britain, and we know how to get there.â
Yesterday they unveiled their ideas to solve the countries economic crisis. Turnips. Or it could be Tatties. Anyway, Dig Up My Back Yard is going to revolutionise the country. D.U.M.B.Yâs wondering whether they should have taken up Cameronâs offer of cheap finance for a Conserve-a-Tory transformed into rows of happily smiling peasants smoking their pipes, whoops, scrub that, leaning on their sustainable wooden fences, feet clad in recycled tyres, swapping recipes for Woolton Pie whilst waiting for the Carrot Fly to arrive and demonstrate its own unerring sustainability.
Talking of Sustainability. They want Fred the Shredâs old empire of hungry capitalist banking sharks to be renamed as the cuddly âRoyal Bank of Sustainabilityâ. Preferential loans given to lentil eaters. Preferably those with daft ideas involving welding bicycles to parachutes in order to harness wind power.
Along the way, they want to renationalise the Railways (someone has to convey the city dwelling cycling mafia to the leafy green lanesâ¦) institute a Personal Carbon Trading Scheme (If you pick Jemima up from school in your Chelsea Tractor for the next six months, I can go to the Seychelles on holiday this year) bring in a 20mph speed limit in cities and towns (do you hear that cyclists, will apply to you too) and decimate the house building sector by forcing everyone to grow turnips in their back garden instead of sensibly selling it off as a building plot.
Oh, and they want to display their new âpro-businessâ stance by forcing employers to up the minimum wage to a âliving wageâ whatever that is. Wonât be much once weâre all living on Turnips.
Thereâs enough hot air coming out of this conference to power 25% of the national grid. Harness it. You know it makes sense.
More installments from the Neeps to Tatties Conference as they come in.
September 14, 2012 at 11:17
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Thereâs a vignetted in the Alan Clark Diaries; he is seated next to a
German woman at a dinner, when she sends her food back. âI am a
vegetarian!â
âAh,â says Clark, softly; âJust like the Fuhrerâ¦â
September 13, 2012 at 08:19
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The so-called âGreenâ party are a disaster, especially if you realise that
really âgreenâ policies are desperately needed.
Meanwhile these nasty
little control-freaks are:
Proposing to close all nuclear power stations â
as opposed to building LOTS more.
Proposing to abolish the Corporation of
London (which is political suicide â I hope) ⦠Menwhile, who will look after
Epping Forest, if the Corpration is not there to protect it from greedy
developers?
September 12, 2012 at 08:50
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Just a thought â âThe Greensâ parliamentary meetings are guaranteed 100%
attendance â adhere to the âOne man-one voteâ principle â and all decisions
will be âCarried- nem conâ
September 12, 2012 at 08:24
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Iâm not coming back here, I nearly peed myself reading the comments (and I
am in the office)
September 12, 2012 at
10:21
September 11, 2012 at 22:59
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âIt says much for Wooltonâs personal charm that he was remarkably popular
with the public, even when singing the praises of rissoles without beef, cakes
without sugar and tea without tea leaves.â
Tea without tea leaves? Would that be hot water with a drop of milk or,
perhaps, a squeeze of lemming?
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September 12, 2012 at 08:45
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TEA without leaves? â there was a machine in âHitch Hikers Guide to the
Galaxyâ that dispensed âa liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely
unlike tea.âprobably made that way? (And a running joke in âAsterixâ
cartoons was that âThe Britishâ stopped fighting a IV in the afternoon to
drink hot water.
âWoolton Pieâ didnât make it â but remarkably many
âfoodsâ(?) are now marketed on the basis they areâGood for youâ because of
what they do NOT contain.
September 11, 2012 at 22:27
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Where have you bean all my life, donât do a runner now, lettuce carry
on.
September 11, 2012 at 22:53
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Oh gourd, pulses are racing â¦
- September 11, 2012 at 23:09
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Oh, my meloncauli baby.
- September 11, 2012 at 23:32
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That beets me! Time to plant myself in a freshly dug bed now but
yucca call me sometime â¦
- September 11, 2012 at 21:01
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I thought you might turnip when you heard this..
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September 11, 2012 at 21:13
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How swede of you to think of meâ¦
- September 11, 2012 at 22:07
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You know I have a squash on you..
- September 11, 2012 at 22:09
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Oh donât talk radish, you know how bashful I yam.
- September 11, 2012 at 20:07
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We need to neep this in the bud before it goes any further..
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September 11, 2012 at 20:11
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Neep this in the spud, surely?
September 11, 2012 at 18:14
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I have no doubt that the watermelon party is a conglomeration of earnest
idiots, but therein lies itâs utility. Let them thrive and attract the likes
of Zacboy and the camoron away from liblabcon and fragment the leftish vote,
perhaps then a real Conservative party could emerge.
As for their policies I can see great promise in some of them, indeed, lets
revive a modern day land-girl corps of muffin-topped welfare spongers to grow
household vegetables and lets draft a cohort of male layabouts to build
barrack-like buildings adjacent the farms for the girls. And whats wrong with
nationalizing a bank or two? They are already owned by the public, but you
seem to have no director level input, nor do they seem to be performing the
traditional business of banks. Again, nationalized railways, could they really
be worse than the current agglomeration of poorly-run businesses?
I support these initiatives, not least because amongst Bristolâs finest, I
hear Gloria and Noma Stitz are in attendance.
- September 11, 2012 at 20:09
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âearnest idiots..â
What a wonderful way to call the coalition that
would be.
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September 12, 2012 at 00:11
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Why thank you Saul, but I must confess I stole the description from the
present coalition.
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September 11, 2012 at 20:22
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I hear Gloria and Noma Stitz are in attendance.
â¦â¦â¦â¦â¦â¦â¦â¦â¦â¦â¦â¦
As you
well know, cascadian, Stitz was my maiden name and I do have an identical
twin sister called Norma. Neither of us are pleased to be reminded of the
time when our names caused relentless and unseemly mirth so Iâd thank you
not to do so again! We were both lucky enough to marry, despite our
challenging appearance, and are to this day grateful to Mr Smudd and Mr
Sarse for freeing us from the curse of our comedy monikas.
September 11, 2012 at 17:57
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XX we heard that the Party of just ONE MP (fielded 300 candidates, just one
elected) was the new opposition. All one of them. The entire Labour benches
usurped by just one MP? XX
If it was not for the fact of how all the other partys appear to like
nothing better than bending over and taking it RIGHT where the greens like it
best, then I may agree with you.
As with muslims here, their influence in politics WAY outweighs their
apparant actual numbers.
September 14, 2012 at 15:52
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Spot on.
September 11, 2012 at 17:28
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Come on Anna, surely with the way AGW is going we should be growing Olive
trees, citrus and Vines â not turnips. I do wish the watermelon party would
keep up with their own propoganda.
September 11, 2012 at 17:26
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going sane
)
September 11, 2012 at 16:53
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Itâs the overwhelming stench of righteousness that gets me!
September 11, 2012 at 19:54
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Thatâs not righteousness, thatâs rotting turnips!
September
11, 2012 at 15:07
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And to think we dubbed Gordon Brown the Prime Mentalist!
- September 11, 2012 at 15:06
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Dig for Victory, eh? Has anybody told them the warâs ended?
Still, I suppose when weâre huddled together for warmth in our Government
specification mud hut, at least weâll have a Govenment issue turnip each to
keep us cheerful. Mind you, it had better be a Halal turnip to avoid offending
our recent immigrants, assuming they havenât emigrated back to the better life
theyâre likely to have in Syriaâ¦.
- September 11, 2012 at
15:07
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Halal Turnips? Classy comment!
- September 14, 2012 at
15:50
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Where I live thereâs a Halal Grocery AND a Halal Fish & Chip Shop
(I kid you not, Allahsâ honest truth).
September 11, 2012 at 14:34
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Hysterical. Woolton Pie â that takes me back. Arrrrrrrrrggggh. Ugh. Thank
your lucky stars Anna that you never had to eat it. I donât which was worse.
Woolton Pie or the Luftwaffe â I experienced both. I bare the emotional scars
to this day. We can laugh at these idiots, but God help us if they ever
acquired even a modicum of power.
Blessings
Jez
- September 11, 2012 at
15:03
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Who never had to eat it? Moi? You jest Sir! My Nana continued making it â
and tripe and onions, to say nothing of lights, for the rest of her
daysâ¦..
- September 11, 2012 at 15:43
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My humble apologies. How weâve suffered!! Take note you younger
elements on this Blog. Leave a nasty Post and nemesis in the form of a
Woolton Pie a la Ms Raccoon wll haunt your kitchen.
Blessings
Jez
September 11, 2012 at 21:55
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but we ALREADY have idiots in powerâ¦
September 11, 2012 at 14:08
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Turnips? Didnât Roderick Spode, also Lord Sidcup have great plans for
turnips? I think Gloucestershire was scheduled to be given over to turnip
growing in his great national investment plan. The source is Jeeves and
Wooster, via PG Wodehouse. Spode was from another political wing given to
marching about, wearing shorts and funny salutes. Although on inspection some
of the policies he pronounced on bear similarites to those of some of the
Greens, one way or another.
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