Welcome to both regulars and those new to The Raccoon Arms. Pick a pint of your favourite tipple (unless that happens to be wine or single malt in which case that might be a tad over the top) and pull up a seat in our virtual Snug or Saloon bar.

This is a cosmopolitan place, and as our landlady has put down her roots in semi rural France, I feel it is only right and proper that I open our dialogue by me drinking to the utter chaos that is the Euro Zone with a glass of light, cold and refreshing bière à la pression such as one finds in a classic French bar or café.

Apparently we have had the 20^th Euro Summit since the Euro crisis began this week. I am a bit lost with all the different crises (which event goes in which crisis box? I dunno, all these crises look alike to me…)

Thank God we didn’t join, though the PIGS may pull us down with them in the end. And am I alone in finding the whole thing a horrific farce? One currency means one government, one tax regime, one state. And that was the purpose of the Euro, or so I assumed. And so now Europe faces a choice: a centrally imposed Super State without any democratic authority, or the break up of the zone. Isn’t it that simple, or am I missing something? Please put me right if you know better. This is a pub, and in the pub people should discuss these matters…     

And what other earth shattering events will catch the attention of the customers this weekend?

How about the Olympic Torch? Last Sunday I had a chance encounter with it. I did not mean this to happen. I was heading off in pursuit of a decent latte and pain au chocololat when it turned out that the route passed but 500 yards from the my home and I was entangled in the so called “celebrations” like a fly in a spider’s web.

Now, you may have spotted that this lack of awareness indicates a certain disengagement with the Olympics and the hoopla that goes with it, but nevertheless I decided I might as well see what all the fuss was about, and so I waited alongside a dreary “A” road for the spectacle our Lords and Masters had put on for us, together with lots of chavvy little Units of Consumption (forgive me Lord, for being a snob. But I am so good at it).

It was late, of course, and it was preceded by a rather naff cavalcade of buses or tarted up lorries blasting out “music” and advertising the wares of the various “sponsors”. There was one from McDonalds of course, which as others have observed seems ironic. I thought it gloriously appropriate given the obese state of many of the lumpenproletariat gathered to worship the Torch and the Flame.

Do you know who invented the concept of the Olympic Torch by the way? I understand it was the Nazis, for the 1936 Olympics. Just throwing that out there, you know.

Anyway, the next “float” to come along was from Lloyds bank, which got me quite excited because that was the bank that tried to screw me with about £500 worth of unjustified interest charges a couple of years ago. So if any of the “dancing” PR girls on the float should by some chance of fortune read this, you know that bloke amid the cheering throng who was shouting “bastards!” and giving you the traditional two fingered salute? Yes, that was me. Sorry. Actually, no I’m not…

It was corporate whoredom at its worst.

Eventually a man in rubbish shell suit carrying a gold stick jogged past. Was that it? Apparently so. I can’t wait for the “Hunger Games” to begin….!

Speaking of which, did you see that film by the way? “The Hunger Games”, I mean. I thought it was excellent. If you haven’t, then I would recommend it when it comes out on DVD. It is very derivative of one or two films, notably The Running Man, Lord of the Flies and also a Japanese film called Battle Royale, but with deft acting from a strong cast, in particular Woody Harrelson and Stanley Tucci, who has always been one of America’s finest actors. But crucially there is a stand out performance from the leading young actress whom I think is called Jennifer Lawrence. At times it is compelling and moving stuff.

For example, there is one bit where the young heroine Katniss Everdine (Lawrence) simply completely looses it, and breaks down in tears of grief, shock, frustration and rage, and for good reason. I cried with her. I saw it twice, and I cried the second time too.

But back to banks. It has not been a good week for banks’ publicity, what with NatWest’s computer system breaking down leaving goodness knows how many thousands with no money and not able to eat or pay their bills, and Barclays being fined just shy of £300 million for rigging the markets and creating a little cartel over interest rates – which affects all our mortgages. And word is there is more of this to come. There are 19 more banks under investigation. But no surprise there to see that they are exposed as (a) incompetent and (b) bent as nine pound notes.

I thought one of the most pity and appropriate comments on the scandal was (inevitably) on Twitter. I draw your attention to my tweet of the week, a pithy one from “post cromwell ‏@houseofcromwell”. It was as follows:  

“#Barclays made my life hell in 2007-8 with charges. Even though I was earning very good money, I was made poor to the point of hunger.”

Short and sweet, poignant and somehow neatly summing up the lack of equity between these huge and rapacious corporations on the one hand, and we, the humble serfs on the other. And what is to become of this fine, I wonder?  Passed on as charges to someone, I shouldn’t wonder.

And my own views?  The prevailing culture is of greedy young men making vast amounts of money by gambling using large amounts of other people’s money. Our money, probably. And rigging the market to boot. I will leave the macro economic structural issues to others, but the banks may have gone too far. I will add only one observation, a very personal one. I had the joys of working in the City for a little while post Big Bang.

As to the traders, I did not know many. But the ones I did know struck me as follows. On the plus side, they were full of energy, and possessed the ability to get to their desks early in the morning and take pressure in the sense of working at speed, with some basic mathematical skill, like your average bookie can.

Apart from that I found them greedy, facile, intellectually and spiritually vacant, amoral, sexually aggressive, arrogant, shallow, self obsessed, loud, and utterly dull. You know who you are, Tim. I have waited 20 years to say that. It felt good….

That such people indirectly rule our lives is as much a sad commentary on our foolishness as their chronic want of redeeming qualities.

The only thing one can do with corporations like this is to take one’s business away. But that is easier said than done. Where can one put one’s money which is sensible and ethical? Under the bed?

It is not part of my brief to advertise anyone, but I use the Co-Op Bank and have found their service pretty decent. So far they seem not to have been caught up in the general shenanigans of the banking crisis, perhaps because I understand they operate an ethical investment policy, and perhaps because they come from a more prudent, more principled background than the Oxbridge and Ivy League educated spivs, con men and thieves in the City. Any other suggestions? Maybe local credit unions?

Apparently, cooperatives of all forms are one of the few really growing areas of the economy, and this has to be a good thing, wresting control away from the faceless corporations and back to local support networks.

And what else diverted nation this week? Naturally, those two staples of conversation, sport and the weather!

Ok, Ok, I know. Now I am not going to go on at length about the Euros now England have been rightly bundled out – I know a lot of our readers don’t care about them anyway, but I offer you three statistics about Ing-Er-Land’s exit at the hands of The Borgias (a.k.a the Italian national team).

First, England had 32 per cent of possession, and The Borgias had 68 per cent.

Second, Steven Gerrard, England’s best player by a country mile, completed 32 passes. The Borgias’ playmaker Andrea Pirlo made 131.

Finally, the most effective pass for England statistically was the goal keeper Joe Hart to the centre forward who came on as a substitute, Andy Carroll.

In those three statistics is proof of England’s technical inferiority.

More interesting, and much less predictable, has been Wimbledon, whereat some guy nobody has ever heard of overpowered one of the odds on favourites, Rafa Nadal, on Thursday night. My Twitter time line lit up with ladies united in grief at the loss of further sightings of Nadal’s incredibly toned and muscled torso! I found it quite hilarious. I am above such things, of course.

But speaking of sport, I have a new crush! She is Australian! She has hair black as night, big wide expressive eyes, and the longest legs you can ever have seen. Some say she is not beautiful, but I think she is. It has to be admitted that she does have rather a big arse. And quite big teeth too. But they suit her.

According to her official website her hobbies include going to the beach and swimming, and she enjoys a boiled egg every day. She has a huge following on Facebook. Some people say she is a bit fast….and she is. Very.

She is, of course, Black Caviar (stable name “Nellie”), the Australian filly who may well be the fastest horse in the world. She is unusually big (16.2 hands is not a huge height for a horse but she is very heavily built for flat racer – she is more than 700 kg I think, and is heavier than the champion steeplechaser Denman) and in particular she has unusually long rear legs which give her an incredibly powerful stride pattern. She has won all twenty two of her races so far. She was flown over from Oz for Ascot and duly won her race last Saturday by just a nose, partly because she was out of sorts with jet lag and partly because her jockey wrongly eased off in the final furlong and had to ask her “go” again, which I think meant she tore some muscles. Brave girl.

And as to weather, the drought continues with heavy rain and flash floods, and a man being drowned in the Midlands.

Roads and rail lines have been blocked and thousands left without power as torrential rain flooded parts of the UK. Two storms, which began in Wales, grew stronger with one heading across the Midlands, the other heading northwards to Newcastle and into Scotland. The Environment Agency has 10 flood warnings and 47 alerts in place. Both main rail lines between Scotland and England were blocked by landslides.

Thursday evening was particular fun, and at one point it seemed that Newcastle was likely to be entirely washed or blasted away by the rain and lightning. I will leave it to our regular correspondents to debate whether this would be a good thing or not. I couldn’t possibly comment (over to you, Saul).

Round my neck of the woods the big story has been a tragic one of a huge blast in a house in Shaw, Oldham, which killed one poor toddler aged two and badly injured a man in his thirties. Gas seems to be the cause, but whether there has been foul play or not is unclear.

Now, tragic as the death of the poor toddler is, the usual “shrine” has started to grow up with Teddy bears and stuffed giraffes and flowers and general tawdry “tat” being left at the scene. I cannot understand this behaviour, which I regard as mawkish and a tad weird. On the other hand, since penning the original draft of this blog, I have seen the grieving parents of the little mite visiting the scene and they seemed genuinely moved the flowers and tributes, so perhaps in that sense they provide a function?

Still, there have been various lampoons about this form of behaviour on the internet in the past along the line of “Port-a-Shrine” and “Port-a-Grief”. I found this one from “The Daily Mash”:

“A BRITISH inventor has developed an all-in-one council estate tragedy shrine that can be erected within seconds of something ‘sad’ happening. Sympathise with strangers using wax and tin. The “Portagrief” weighs just two kilograms and comes pre-loaded with decaying tulips, a poorly-composed sympathy poem and a tatty-looking teddy bear.

Inventor, Martin Bishop, said: “Within moments of something happening to somebody you’ve never met, you can share your fake sadness with friends, neighbours and the audience of Sky News. It’s the indispensable item for the childish, mal-educated grief-vampire who wants to appear really upset in as public a way as possible.”

The Portagrief will be offered in three basic models – the Executed Gangsta, the Teenage Traffic Accident and the Little Angel, which will include a card with the message ‘yoos in hevin now’.

Bishop added: “I was watching a Sky News reporter standing outside some council estate sh*t-igloo and the question suddenly occurred to me – where would the average ghoul in the street get their hands on an elaborate tea light holder at four o’clock in the morning?”

Nikki Hollis, a grade six untermensch from Carlisle, said: “When that toddler went missing from down the road, I had my Portagrief Little Angel outside the family’s door before the police had turned up.

“Unfortunately they found her the next day so she’s not in hevin, which is a shame for her.””

And on that not particularly PC note, I finish my glass and bid you a good weekend! I am off for a proper ramble for real!

Gildas the Monk

anon July 5, 2012 at 00:02

Hi Gildas, just a quick question; why should one currency mean one
government, one tax regime and one state? If we were to adopt a currency (for
example, gold) that governments have no control over and are unable to print
more of, why would that be a problem?
It’s a genuine question, it’s not
rhetorical and I don’t know the answer.

SagaxSenex July 2, 2012 at 08:13

I rather incline to a Stalinist resolution of the bankers’ “misbehavior”:
Call in Lavrenti Beria and have him execute 24 of the so-and-so’s at random.
Repeat as necessary until poor behavior is corrected.

Crikey ! July 2, 2012 at 08:46

Egad ! Why not the Christian way, as shown to us by Big G’s lad, JC. A
few upturned boardroom tables and a knotted rope thwacking the mercurial
merchants. The press would have a great old time reporting it.

SagaxSenex
July 2, 2012 at 09:51

Perhaps if they were dragged on hurdles in public at noon through the
streets of the City. Perhaps if the old-time costermongers were still
permitted to ply their trade. Perhaps if the costers had stocked up with
rotten fruit and veg. And perhaps if it were shewn live on TV and for ever
after on YouTube. But we know this is a closed club, incorrigible and
shameless. Maybe branding on the forehead with a large B (or W according
to choice)?

drsolly
July 1, 2012 at 20:50

I had a junk snail mail from a bank I’ve never used, based about 100 miles
away, inviting me to use their services.

For the next month or so, I kept up a spirited email correspondence with
the bank manager, asking for various details about their charges, which he, of
course, was forced to respond to, until eventually I decided to end his misery
by suddenly noticing that his bank was 100 miles away from me, and that I
didn’t think it would really be convenient, but thanks for all the
information, and I’d be happy for him to contact me at some time in the future
if he should happen to move closer to where I am.

penseivat July 1, 2012 at 20:24

For 32 years I heard nothing from my bank apart from the odd letter stating
that the idea was that I leave MY money with THEM (and a PS that this reminder
would cost me £10). Phone calls I made once or twice resulted in someone in a
call centre on the far edge of the known universe telling me that they have no
record of any account I may hold in their bank. Then, sadly, a relative popped
their clogs and I found myself the recipient of a whole wodge of money, which,
in the short term, I deposited in my current account. This started the
overdrive mechanism and I received loads of letters, emails – yes, I sadly
gave them this information during a moment of weakness – and phone calls from
finanancial advidosrs telling me that I was their best friend and I could
sleep with their virgin daughters if I would attend a financial review. Being
a fairly decent sort, I agreed to the review on the proviso that it was only
the virgin daughters who were 18 years or older who would be offered as a
concubine. The ‘review’ went rather well (loads of coffee, nice office, comfy
chair, lots of genuflecting, etc) and the myriad of reasons why my money would
be safe in their hands. However, matters became rather darker when I brought
out the statistics of the financial mis-management of that bank and how much
money had to be obtained from the taxpayer to stop them going under. This was
followed by “After all this, you want ME to trust my money with YOU? Thanks
for the coffee.” The dosh is now in a (comparatively) safe place and my bank
has reverted to the usual ‘advice’ letters. No sense of humour some
people!

davidb July 1, 2012 at 19:11

Oh, I stuck much of the stash in an old fashioned mutual building society,
Leeds ( and Holbeck originally) BS. The Wonderful Life kind of thing. In their
statements they do point out that they have to stump up a share of the
guarantee money that the rich kids lost in the casino, but we’re all in this
together. Originally if Im honest I had a bit of carpetbagging marker in mind
when I first invested. But as the years have gone on I will never vote to
demutualise.

Whats wrong with people collectively putting up the money so that others
can buy their own homes? Was a few hundred or even thousands of pieces of
silver a good enough bribe for the Halifax, TSB, Abbey National, Scottish
Widows, Prudential, etc demutualisations – given hindsight?

Elena ‘andcart
July 1, 2012 at 19:41

Do you remember Leeds Skyrack and Morely? Never my Bank because I am a
Londoner, but I did love the name, much as it made me laugh. I originally
Banked with Williams and Glyn because it was a bit up market, but that got
sucked in eventually. I think that was the last time I actually spoke to a
Bank Manager in England.

As for my Government Protected Account, you have to trust someone, and I
hardly have a fortune. And France doesn’t look much like toppling at the
moment. I would fear for Germany sooner. Everything will come to good and
The Euro will survive, even if it loses a couple of Countries that it
doesn’t need, and should never have entertained anyway.

Michael July 1, 2012 at 20:06

I have fuzzy memories of the Skyrack in Headingley. Primarily due to
the quaff therein.

GildasTheMonk July
1, 2012 at 21:35

I used to drink in the Skyrack! And the Royal Oak opposite!

gladiolys July 1, 2012 at 18:25

I left LloydsTSB and joined up with Metro, a new start-up bank who are,I
think, London only at the moment. They’re small, friendly and open on Sundays
and until 8 p.m. on Saturdays. So far they seem decent and to be working hard
for custom, so I’ll stick with them unless they become another bunch of
tossers.

Michael July 1, 2012 at 14:25

“Apart from that I found them greedy, facile, intellectually and
spiritually vacant, amoral, sexually aggressive, arrogant, shallow, self
obsessed, loud, and utterly dull.”

You know, Gildas, you’ve almost lifted that from the first bit of 2 Timothy
3.

I do recognise your description of the Olympic torch relay. Seems to me
that it is a great big advertising jamboree, with some sport thrown in as an
afterthought.

GildasTheMonk
July 1, 2012 at 17:08

Quite!

Elena ‘andcart
July 1, 2012 at 14:09

That is indeed a Ramble. However, I am getting a bit tired of all this
knocking of The Euro. It still looks fine to me. In fact it still has a long
way to fall before it reaches the level of it’s value at inception, which
incidentally was perfectly acceptable to everyone at the time.
I also have
been ripped off by a couple of British Banks, but I have never been ripped off
by a French Bank. And I can borrow money at a lower rate of Interest than they
are paying me on one type of Account. Presuming that I wanted to, which I
don’t. At least, not at the moment.
And I still get to talk to my Bank
Manager. She doesn’t actually speak English, but we get by with the most awful
Franglais, and my French is better than her English, although this doesn’t say
much for my French. But do you know what? I think they actually care about me
as a Customer.

Ted Treen July 1, 2012 at 16:41

My Dear Elena,
All this knocking of the Euro stems at least in part
from the fact that those of us who are older than mid-fifties or so, voted
approx. 40 years ago in a referendum enquiring as to whether or not we would
like to join in a tariff-free free trade area. At no time was a federal
concept of Europe mentioned, or even hinted at.

Since then, the concept has changed (or at least become overt rather than
covert) from the aforesaid free-trade area to a Federal United States of
Europe, without as much as a “by your leave” to us, the people.

As a single currency indeed requires – nay, demands – “one government,
one tax regime, one state” as Gildas so eloquently puts it, and said state
is to be run and controlled by a vast unelected bureaucracy, I am only
surprised that the people of Europe – who appear to be overwhelmingly
against such federalisation – have so far refrained from emphasising their
point of view with things which go “BANG!”, and with things with a sharp
pointy end.

It is the realisation of this aim of the federalists, together with the
fact that at least 80% of Europeans have no desire to follow the “One
people, one state, one leader” flag, since many remember it once being
expressed colloquially as “Ein Volk, win Reich, win Führer.”

If our misgivings irritate you, then I’m sorry: but the more the clamour
grows, the greater the likelihood that this “EU” pipe dream will not come to
fruition.

Ted Treen
July 1, 2012 at 16:43

***That should, of course, have read ““Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein
Führer.”

A plague on these auto spelling correctors, which one doesn’t always
notice

Ted Treen
July 1, 2012 at 16:51

P.S.

Also, you say “…And I can borrow money at a lower rate of Interest than
they are paying me on one type of Account. Presuming that I wanted
to…”

Forgive me for saying so, but whilst we all despise rapacious immoral
bankers, we would like to believe that those to whom we entrust our meagre
pittances, have a degree of stability and security.

For a bank to lend out money at x%, yet pay its depositors MORE than x%
doesn’t appear to be a sound business basis. From where are they paying
running costs, salaries etc., etc?

If this business model is universal in France, it might go some way to
explain the parlous state of many French banks…

Elena
‘andcart July 1, 2012 at 17:49

I invest what little money I have in a Government supported Account.
I cannot freely access it as it is a long term investment, but they will
lend me money against it. But I would still have to pay that interest,
so I don’t see the problem with this.

The Parlous state of what French Banks? There is nothing wrong with
my Bank. It is perfectly stable. The Banque Populaire Atlantique. And I
have no fears for my money.

davidb
July 1, 2012 at 18:57

Fractional reserve banking. They only need to keep 7% of their
capital, so if you lend them a tenner at 5%, they could keep that in a
safe and lend £140 at 4%. You get back 10.50 next year and they get back
145.60. So they get 5.10 and you get 50 pence. Then the government takes
21% of that off you in tax but they ship their cut into some offshore
fund where they dont need to pay tax. Money is just a fiction. It relies
on faith to exist at all. A bit like a skypixie for the modern age.

Elena
‘andcart July 1, 2012 at 17:38

Since you don’t appear to live within The EU, and I obviously do. And
since I am way, way past my mid fifties, I might actually know what I am
talking about in so far as my life within The EU is concerned, which has
been for nearly twenty years now. So what Britain thinks of this is of no
concern to me. No one is forcing Britain to join, or ever did. In fact
please don’t. We don’t want what has brought Britain to
ruin.
Personally, I believe that Germany used France, but has somehow
managed to make it look as though it was the other way around to people
who have very short memories. But how France will survive under a
Socialist Government remains to be seen. Hopefully Francois Hollande isn’t
as daft as he looks.
In the meantime, The Euro is doing fine. Still 15
Pence above the rate of 65 Pence that was the original value. It’s The
Pound you need to be looking at.

Anna
Raccoon July 1, 2012 at 17:57

Well said Elena!

Ted Treen
July 1, 2012 at 18:44

“Since you don’t appear to live within The EU…”

Would that that were true; Staffordshire however, is within the EU –
and although the vast majority of my acquaintances are strongly
anti-federalist, our present dear revered leader, whose role-model
appears to be one A C L Blair, will continue to issue populist
soundbites at will, varying totally in meaning from one day to the next,
but in reality, he does two thirds of bugger all.

Regarding the Euro, French banks, and their economic soundness, I
would suggest you peruse John Ward, at http://hat4uk.wordpress.com/

Ted Treen
July 1, 2012 at 19:03

Forgot to add that I too, am way past my mid fifties – AND I recall
voting in a referendum some thirty seven years ago on membership of a
tariff-free club, with nary a mention of federalisation at all. And
yet leaders since have insisted that this is a mandate for enforced
federalisation on a par with the creation of the old Soviet Union,
with “independent” governments which were actually somewhat less than
independent and somewhat less than autonomous.

Also I would consider your ‘government supported account” no more
secure than the government itself.

Hysteria
July 2, 2012 at 12:14

What Ted has been saying. And as an addendum – the LIBOR issue is
looking to be the tip of a very nasty, large and pointy iceberg. Now
we know why the markets nearly froze up on 2008, and why we were days
away from the ATMs doing likewise. Since then they (central banks and
governments) have been artificially suppressing the interest rates to
make it look like all is good. It’s all a bit of a mess really….

Elena – France – lovely place – worked and lived there and probably
will again – but don’t assume all is good in their banking
system….

Elena
‘andcart July 2, 2012 at
13:00

I don’t think I do trust them totally, but you have to put your
money somewhere, and so far I haven’t had a scrap of bother with
French Banks, unlike my experiences with British Banks over a
similar length of time. Everyone I speak to falls over themselves to
help me, and If I want to speak to my Bank Manager I just have to
pick up the phone and make an appointment. Where in UK can you do
that?

Wigner’s Friend
July 1, 2012 at 13:21

The actress in “The Hunger Games” was outstanding in “A Winters Bone” which
is also worth a view.

Brian July 1, 2012
at 10:35

I did the Lembit Opik (isn’t the O word copyrighted?) torch walk the other
week with a splendid thing called a Weed Wizard. It uses a small can of
butane/propane and I was able to frazzle all the weeds that had sprung up on
the drive and paths. Saved me going down on my knees with an old table knife
and getting the blighters out by hand. Of course, all the rain means that
weeds number 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 shoot up within a day or so to take their place.
But in the true Lembit Opik spirit it’s taking part, not winning that
counts.
As for mawkishness, what about the shrine that sprung up after a
dead chick was found in a back alley a few years ago? The news went around
that it was actually an abandoned baby so cue the candles, cards, teddies and
flowers at the spot where Baby X had gone to be with the Angels.

Crikey ! July 1, 2012 at 09:13

That’s a dickens of a sermon for a monk. I guess you are not in a ‘silent’
Order.

Anna
Raccoon July 1, 2012 at 09:16

Not when the Mead is flowing!

GildasTheMonk
July 1, 2012 at 09:56

Mead! Now there is a topic worth a sermon in itself……! Ah the pleasures
of the West Lulworth Country Wines Shop…

Single Acts of
Tyranny July 2, 2012 at 06:14

I passed on ‘the hunger games’ but since I reckon ‘Battle Royale’ to
be quite sensational I may give it a go on DVD.