Fantasy government
So we know that the current government are a shower of numbnuts by their handling of the tanker driver’s dispute and subsequent fuel shortages. We also know that the previous lot were worse seeing as we are now in a recession and they didn’t plan ahead and save for the rainy day.
Most of the visitors to Anna Raccoon are of a Libertarian bent. That can cover Anarchists (in the classic sense) through Minicharists to Social Libertarians and NeoLiberals. But we do allow anyone to enter the bar so we have Socialists as well as Capitalists in the building too. A lot of the customers are single males over middle age who are either uneducated or highly educated (with nothing in between) but we do encourage women to visit too. So we have a wide range of customer profiles then.
So bearing in mind that many of you readers would like none or little goverment because any government is likely to cock things up, who would you like to replace them? Who would be in your ideal Cabinet?
As a starter for ten, I would propose Tim Worstall as Economics Minister, Dick Puddlecote as Transport Minister, Andrew Montford (Bishop Hill) as Environment Minister, Paul Staines (Guido) as Prime Minister, JuliaM (Ambush Predator) as Communities and Local Government Minister, David Allen Green (Jack of Kent) for Justice Minister, CJ Snowdon for Health.
But I’m sure you can add more and also come up with better alternatives.
SBML
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March 29, 2012 at 10:30 -
Pretty sure that pompous windbag JREF skeptic David Allen Green would fall out with Bishop Hill quite quickly.
And can we have Richard North as defence or foriegn minister?
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March 29, 2012 at 21:11 -
“pompous windbag JREF skeptic”
Charming
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March 29, 2012 at 10:35 -
Saddy,
As nice as (most of) those people are, this new government is already swollen. It is top heavy.
I would have just two ministers: one for foreign affairs and one for defence. That way we can dump 648 troughers and the six million support staff they say they need. We would level our debt in no time at all.
Suggestions for the posts? Obo the Clown for foreign affairs, and, erm, Obo the Clown for defence.
Please note that this is not a love-in for Obo, I just happen to really, really like his views on those two subjects.
Everything else is fluff. It is make-work for those who cannot successfully be employed elsewhere.
CR.
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March 29, 2012 at 11:50 -
And lets call the two ministers King & Queen while we are it.
Scrapping democracy because it costs to much is a ludicrous suggestion. I’m all for making government cheaper, but we should be striving for better democracy not worse.
Making ministers accountable for their actions would change behaviours in a more positive way.
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March 29, 2012 at 11:52 -
Er, pointing out that the list is bloated isn’t reducing democracy. Not that democracy is anything to write home about – it’s merely the least worst option available.
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March 29, 2012 at 11:57 -
One minister representing half the population? The population is far more diverse and would not be represented fairly.
The list is not bloated. The bureaucracy behind the scenes is.
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March 29, 2012 at 12:09 -
We don’t need multiple government departments to represent the people. That’s what MPs are supposed to do. We need government to be much smaller. Radically reducing unnecessary government departments will also reduce the bureaucracy.
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March 29, 2012 at 12:25 -
Longrider.
I absolutely agree that we have far, far too much government bloat and you could probably cull 50% of the civil service and get just as much done.
An MP’s job is to represent the people who voted for them, not to run government departments. Culling unneeded government departments is a completely separate issue.
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March 29, 2012 at 21:36 -
“Not that democracy is anything to write home about – it’s merely the least worst option available.”
How would we know? We’ve only ever had a sham illusion of democracy in this country.
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March 29, 2012 at 12:04 -
Alan,
I’m not exactly a fan of royalty either, so I reject your suggestion out of hand.
Do you seriously judge a democracy by how much it costs? I tend to judge them by their efficiency.
If the new lot cost the same but did the job a thousand times better I would be happier. Not satisfied, but a little happier.
CR.
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March 29, 2012 at 12:17 -
….We would level our debt in no time at all.Sorry. It was your suggestion that ministers cost too much.
I judge then on their actions. Yes their actions have lead to insane inefficiencies. They get away with it because government is opaque and ministers are not held accountable for their actions.
Having 2 ministers is the same as having royalty. Doesn’t matter if they get the power through blood lines or the vote. Far too much power would be given to a single person.
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March 29, 2012 at 16:29 -
It’s not the ministers that cost too much, it’s their departments and all that goes with it.
Government should be no more than the basics; defence, foreign affairs and home affairs (criminal justice and policing for example). I could live with education and health, but that’s about it. The rest should be well outside the remit of government.
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March 29, 2012 at 11:50 -
Agree – although I would have a home sec/justice sec, so make that three.
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March 29, 2012 at 10:40 -
I wish we could have a supreme jury.
Its members would be chosen at random from the electorate, possibly a third at a time so as to give some continuity. The jury would be full-time and salaried with a supporting full-time secretariat. The jury would be unable to initiate new laws but would have absolute power to strike down any legislation or attempt by courts to set law. In many ways it would operate as a super select committee.
Certainly we need something that breaks the present system of identi-kit marxists. That was something that the old House of Lords did, filled with people who were NOT elected, who were NOT part of the same system. Heaven help us if we have an elected upper house, more of the same with ermine.
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March 29, 2012 at 10:49 -
I wholeheartedly agree with your second paragraph, though it’s not too late to re-appoint the hereditaries and request Lords appointed since 1997 stand down. That, I think, would give the quickest solution – the experience exists already, so no ‘settling-in’ period would be needed.
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March 29, 2012 at 13:06 -
Actually I think the opposite.
I believe the old house of lords was all the better for a large number being out of touch with the daily grind (both left and right) as it allowed them to not have the slightest clue about the daily politic or requirement to make money (from the state for doing the job), which in my opinion allowed them to make far more impartial and considered judgements. If the legislation failed to make it through then there was obviously something seriously wrong with it.
I also think the change to allow the government of the day to override the lords was a big mistake, in fact if the government can override it then it becomes ineffectual as a break water to bad or knee jerk legislation as it will always try to come to a compromise which then creates ill formed legislation with so many loopholes and/or compromises that its just paper legislation that either catches to many who should not be entangled with it, or it becomes so useless that it is rarely applied, or is applied inconsistently.
As we see now with the current changed system, its no longer a chamber for debate its become political and is compromised all the more for it.
It also is, as would any replacement, no longer able to debate huge swathes of legislation that are either applied as directives from the EUSSR or are made on the fly by the high court applying, as is currently required by law, consideration of the echr which in statute must be used to test the validity of any UK law and where found not to comply must be used as precedent. This can, and does, make a lot of laws volatile instead of inviolate so further reduces the rule of law and the makers of law both in the house and the lords.
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March 29, 2012 at 10:44 -
Given Guido’s noted familiarity with the Westminster Arms (especially during and after lunchtime) it may be wise to appoint a teetotal Deputy Prime Minister. (So not Neo Guido then….)
Perhaps we might appoint Christopher Booker and James Delingpole as joint Science Ministers, and George Monbiot as Minister for Fun.
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March 29, 2012 at 11:37 -
George as Court Jester, surely?
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March 29, 2012 at 15:31 -
“and George Monbiot as Minister for Fun”
You’re are joking, right??? – Bloody hell, I think I could do a far better job…
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March 29, 2012 at 10:48 -
How about Mark Wadsworth for Treasurer?
Can I please be in charge of Education?
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March 29, 2012 at 11:26 -
“May I”.
Back of the class, please.
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March 29, 2012 at 13:31 -
Thanks Mr Frost, that gave me the perfect belly laugh over lunch.
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March 29, 2012 at 10:54 -
I volunteer myself for the office of Secretary of Partying Down. In fact, no, make that Under-Secretary. mmmmm Underrrr…
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March 29, 2012 at 10:55 -
Whilst we are at it perhaps we could make a joint appointment of Alistair Campbell and Fiona miller as life appointment ambassadors to Afghanistan.
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March 29, 2012 at 11:31 -
Gordon Brown can become the first Scottish astronaut on the next Moon mission…with just enough fuel to get him there.
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March 29, 2012 at 20:20 -
I hesitate to say anything good about Brown, but wasn’t he credited with delaying the UK entry into the Euro until 5 things were satisfied, which they never were, which is a good thing.
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March 31, 2012 at 08:30 -
Don’t you find it strange that he never mentioned what those “5 things” were?
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March 29, 2012 at 10:58 -
Inspector Gadget for Home Sec..?
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March 29, 2012 at 11:29 -
JuliaM for Minister of Justice
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March 29, 2012 at 13:00 -
Policing Minister: Inspector Gadget.
Prisons Minister (inc the probation service): Thodore Dalrymple.
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March 29, 2012 at 11:00 -
For my taste- too many political bloggers in your selection – aren’t they just the same as the saddos in power – but without the power?
Go radical – have a committee of say seven artists, musicians, authors, film-makers with a rotating chairmanship. My nominations would include Johnny Rotten, David Attenborough, Brian Eno, Jennifer Saunders, Chris Morris, Linton Kwesi Johnson and Philip Pullman.
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March 29, 2012 at 11:21 -
The rotating chairmanship sounds like fun. I’m sure I could knock up a suitable device with nice frictionless roller bearings. I could even motorise it if you like. With variable speed.
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March 29, 2012 at 15:33 -
“with nice frictionless roller bearings”
I see you’ve discovered the secret of perpetual motion! -
March 29, 2012 at 20:17 -
Don’t worry, the friction comes with the jobs.
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March 29, 2012 at 11:56 -
“..Linton Kwesi Johnson..”
Yes, what says ‘sensible government’ like a dub poet. With a chip on his shoulder.
/facepalm
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March 29, 2012 at 12:11 -
More like a cod supper.
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March 29, 2012 at 12:13 -
I see no mention of the word “sensible” in SBML’s post calling for suggestions.
And I nominate LKJ because he’d be a good agent provocateur to stop the others becoming too smug with their power.
Mr Engineer: nice idea. To whom would we give the remote?
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March 29, 2012 at 13:37 -
Take it in turns?
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March 29, 2012 at 14:03 -
Boom boom!
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March 29, 2012 at 11:00 -
Oh boy, I get to have a bash at those, err, nice folks at VOSA? Get in! The fiscal cutting blade is being sharpened, I can tell you.
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March 29, 2012 at 11:16 -
See I thought they handled the tanker driver dispute well… in that they got lots of people to spend money just when the OBR was declaring -0.3% growth.
But I’m a fan of the theory conspiratorial.-
March 29, 2012 at 12:04 -
On the old conspiracy front…
The UK became a net oil importer (we imported more oil than exported) and we had the fuel protests the next year (2000).
The last 12 months North Sea oil & gas production has taken a nosedive. And suddenly we have the prospect of another fuel stoppage.
Coincidence?
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March 29, 2012 at 21:46 -
“theory conspiratorial”?
Methinks Hanlon’s Razor is better applied…
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March 29, 2012 at 11:31 -
Wasn’t there a petition a while back for Jeremy Clarkson as PM? Let him be the populist figurehead, and then we can appoint a range of libertarian bloggers to sit behind the scenes and stop government doing anything.
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March 29, 2012 at 11:40 -
How about getting government to eat its own dogfood?
The government has huge amounts of data available about it citizens used in the justification of tackling crime.
How about the government release all its data so citizens can better monitor the state?
A good first start would be to publish detailed accounts down to the last penny about everything government spends; both local and central.
It wasn’t possible before the internet, just like cameras scanning license plates and checking MOT/Insurance/Criminal databases in real time was not possible.
Government should be as transparent to its citizens as the lives of citizens are to the government.
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March 29, 2012 at 11:42 -
PM – Dan Hannan
Chancellor – John Redwood
Home Secretary – Old Holborn
Foreign Secretary – Prince Philip
Environment Secretary – James Delingpole
Deputy PM – Ed Miliband – he could be the tea-bitch-
March 29, 2012 at 16:40 -
Must try to find a space for Douglas Carswell (I know he’s currently an MP – but I forgive him) where he can keep the Civil Service under control. Lets have him as Cabinet Secretary instead of another Whitehall seat warmer.
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March 30, 2012 at 00:12 -
You were on a roll there til you mentioned Phil The Greek…
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March 29, 2012 at 11:50 -
It occurs to this Cat that the majority of these Fantasy Cabinet posts – as with the real ones – are mere sinecures, designed to boost the political prestige and pocket money of the holders. As much as I would love to see Messrs Obo, Puddlecote, Delingpole et al in positions of influence, I’m sure with a good conscience they’d soon relinquish them. After all, they have real work to do – like blogging, for example…
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March 29, 2012 at 12:04 -
I would be happy to take on the role of Chancellor – especially as I don’t eat pies or pasties, don’t smoke and don’t drive a diesel car!! Sorted!….
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March 29, 2012 at 13:21 -
March 29, 2012 at 13:26 -
Transport, Education, “Communites”, DEFRA, Environment ministers are not needed.
All we need is:
– PM/Chancellor (to set indirect tax rate) and allocate money to:
– Policing, Courts and Prisons minster (to enforce the common law)
– Border Defence Forces minister (to protect from foreign armed invasion); and
– Foreign Secretary (to deal with other countries where essential)All can be directly elected by the people, who can also elect a 50-member chambers to debate matters once a week.
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March 29, 2012 at 14:01 -
Richard Black (BBC) green affairs.
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March 29, 2012 at 18:25 -
lol
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March 29, 2012 at 14:31 -
I want to be Minister for Middle East Diplomacy & Minister For Freedom Bombs as these would be overlapping remits in my cabinet.
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March 29, 2012 at 16:05 -
I’m a 33 year old Farmer and Ecologist, Christian and Libertarian although not in that order. Probably Farmer, Christian, Libetarian, Ecologist.
Amusing take on things with the fantasy Govt but I do think that the commentors are right that we should just limit what is done by Govt.
There is a problem though. The complete dismantleing of the extended family, then local community (which was intrinsically linked to the extended family) and finally the almost total subjugation of Civil society to the will, financing and agenda of the State has left an enormous hole. A hole that is bound to be filled by the state.
Realistically, only when we have a functioning extended family and civil society will we have functioning genuine charity, a social safety net that works through friendly societies and shared values.
There is no point pulling the rug out until these things are restored. In fact I believe that if we can restore “society” to one of shared values and natural justice/charity then the expenditure of the bloated state will be impossible to defend.
I’d go with a tag team of Churchill and Beveridge. I can’t wait to see Beveridge’s war on the “Idle” or how he might react when he sees people CHOOSING to live off the labour of the working poor despite being able to work themselves.
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March 29, 2012 at 16:58 -
Julia Neuberger for Archbishop of Canterbury
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March 29, 2012 at 18:12 -
Ian Paisley Snr. as Chief Rabbi?
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March 29, 2012 at 19:39 -
Sounds good to me.
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March 29, 2012 at 18:34 -
So little choice.
I’d start with
David Davis, Dan Hannan, Norm. Tebbit, Boris, Nigel Farage…
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March 29, 2012 at 19:00 -
Thats the wrong solution to your problem SBML, none of the people suggested believe that your style of democracy works, what the UK needs is a dictator (that also makes the selection easier).
My suggestion is Norman Tebbit. Immediate benefits would include a major drop in the population as socialists/trotskyists/marxists die-off in large numbers of heart failure, a rush to the ferries to the continent by the welfare recipients, and numerous toffs decamping to second homes on the continent because the gravy-train has ended. then the hard work starts to rebuild.
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March 29, 2012 at 20:02 -
The first task being the establishment of a bike factory in every county town…
Much as I respect Lord Tebbit for his commonsense and his ability to express himself clearly and concisely, I don’t think the poor chap could do it all on his own.
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March 29, 2012 at 21:30 -
“I don’t think the poor chap could do it all on his own.”…….absolutely correct, he gets to chose the form of government and select (hopefully) a trusted few to get things done.
I do like the idea of a bike factory in every town, with a retail outlet next door to the jobcentre.
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March 30, 2012 at 09:46
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March 29, 2012 at 20:14 -
Would it be beyond the realms of your question (..ideal Cabinet?) to question the existence of many of the posts mentioned? Consider the following:-
Economics minister.
Why? Presumably Economics refers to the the production and consumption of goods and services and all other commercial activities of a society. Surely if we can achieve a free society, then economic activity will continue regardless of governments, so why need a government minister of economics at all?Environment minister.
What the ****?Local government minister.
Is not Cameron loosening the shackles which so unjustly bind all areas of local government. If this work is continued logically, so that people govern themselves in their cities, towns and villages, there is no need for a minister.Justice minister.
Isn’t that what parliament’s for?The Guardian recently had an article saying that there was at last count 119 ministers plus 46 aides. How can this number possibly be justified by any reasonable, as opposed to political, or weasel, argument? Consider the enormous support infrastructure for this crowd, salaries, benefits, pensions, building, staff, vehicles, office equipment, and, and, and…..
Surely before setting a single toe on the road of choosing our favourite for a new idealised cabinet, we should be questioning, from first principles, the reason for the existence of any of them. -
March 29, 2012 at 20:21 -
Angelina Jolie as Chancellor. Answers on a postcard!
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March 29, 2012 at 20:31 -
Well at least our politicians are just a bunch of clowns perpetually blowing their own foot off. Could be worse – they could be blowing our feet off, along with our arms and heads.
Do you think Osborne even knew Greggs existed as a business before this week?
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March 29, 2012 at 22:17 -
No minister of culture? I volunteer. Have experience, suitcase, wont’ travel …
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March 29, 2012 at 22:18 -
won’t …
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March 29, 2012 at 23:42 -
Bring back Queen Victoria or Julius Caesar.
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March 30, 2012 at 00:18 -
Here’s a few more to kick round…
Diane Abbott for Prime Minister – for her gravitas, suave sophistication and delicate and surefooted grasp of current affairs.
Ken Dodd for Chancellor of the Exchequer – for his scupulous honesty and intimate knowledge of the tax system. If Ken is unavailable, due to his many showbusiness commitments, I would substitute Fred Goodwin – for his firm grasp of financial matters and deft understanding of money markets.
Lord Alan Sugar for Foreign Secretary – for his evident bonhomie, limitless tact and superlative interpersonal skills.
Martin McGuinness for Defence Secretary – for his exemplary military background and unwavering loyal support for the Crown.
I would have nominated the late Jade Goody as Education Secretary, but unfortunately she had a prior engagement.
That will do for starters…
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March 30, 2012 at 11:33 -
Splendid!
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March 30, 2012 at 08:38 -
If it’s fantasy, I’d like to resurrect some of those very few officials and ministers who managed the global Victorian British empire.
And anybody prepared to mercilessly bait eu officials. Not for any practical purpose, just for pleasure. -
March 30, 2012 at 09:00 -
It would appear you can pencil George Galloway in for the top job.
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March 30, 2012 at 10:18 -
How about this:
Robert Reich: Business and Labour
Noam Chomsky: Foreign Sec
Nils Christie: Justice Sec
Joseph Stiglitz/Amartya Sen: International Development
Steve Keen: Chancellor -
March 30, 2012 at 13:52 -
Me for Economics Minister? Ooooh, no. The Economics Minister is what, number five in the Treasury team (actually, Economic Secretary but that’s the only ministerial position with “economic” in the title).
No, no, you want me as Dictator.
For I don’t actually like telling people what to do and I’m far too lazy to do so anyway. Minarchist government at its best, underpinned by all three of ideology, temperament and human failings.
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March 31, 2012 at 05:10 -
So sorry Tim. You didn’t run that past me first.
I am not so lazy and I would make a Splendid Dictator.
Really.
I would not even be bothered to ask you to trust me.
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