It was this photograph that tipped me over the edge.

Mr and Mrs Marks and Spencer modelling the conference ‘limited edition’ special.

The Halfords’ Area Manager arriving for the Chairman’s annual garden party.

Just about any middle of the road, desperately trying to fit in, don’t want to frighten the horses, ‘we had our local GP for dinner last week’ aspiring suburbanite.

Enough already!

Britain is a country on the edge of disaster. It matters not one jot whose fault that is, should we, shouldn’t we be in Europe? It is as relevant as discussing the impoverished background of Archduke Franz Ferdinand’s assassin. It has happened, we are there now, and the guns are trained on us.

What we need now is a Winston Churchill. A leader. A character. A personality. Someone the cartoonists can get their teeth into. Someone to make stirring speeches on the radio – persuade us to give up our iron railings so they can be buried in a field in Bletchely, but at least make us feel that we can do something, not sit like tethered goats waiting for the doodle banking bomb to land on our heads.

Politics? I can’t see that it matters a jot whether they come from the left or the right of the great ideological divide – the only difference between them is when one or other is out of office and then they can spout rhetorical nonsense as to what they would do if in power – once in power, their hands are tied – they can only do what is necessary regardless of their political background.

The EU? We are in the bloody thing and nothing is going to change that for now, discussion is fringe theatre. They do have the unelected power over us, they do force most of our law making – the whys and the wherefores are for a later date. Whoever is in power is not going to change that right now.

What we need right now is leadership – a bloody great charismatic, persuasive, inclusive, leadership. A larger than life figure who can lecture us on sharing baths and growing turnips; distract us, entertain us, talk to us, lecture us, encourage us, demand of us, that we all pull together to survive the greatest economic upheaval we will ever experience.

Ed Miliband? Whinging, whinnying, adenoidal, divisive, Ed, who sees a class struggle round every corner? Not in a month of Sundays.

David Blanderon and his simpering wife? The corporate ‘I am doing something really, but behind closed doors’? Nowhere near good enough.

I’d vote for Boris Johnson. Not for his politics, not for his EU stance, but for sheer force of personality.

Yes, flawed Boris, ‘don’t I know he was unfaithful to his wife’, ‘haven’t I heard he once threw a flower pot through a restaurant window’ Johnson.

That one.

Give the man a cigar and a felt trilby. Make him Mayor and Prime Minister of the whole country. It’s not unknown here in France, Alain Juppe was Prime Minister and Mayor of Bordeaux, Chirac was Prime Minister and Mayor; I believe that I am correct in saying that Ken Livingstone was an MP and Mayor of London. If you can be an MP, you can be Prime Minister.

Send him out round the factories and call centres. Talking to people. Put him on telly every Friday night instead of X-Factor or whatever. Let the Buffoon knock a few heads together, and tell us about it.

At least we wouldn’t feel helpless in the face of the coming fire fight. We’d be out there double digging the turnip patch for Victory; and clutching our BoJo mojo for good luck.

Have you a better suggestion?

Edited to add: Whilst dripping anger over my keyboard writing this, Gildas has burst forth with this piece in a similar vein.

john malpas October 7, 2011 at 05:10

Probably more in tune with the UK love of control might be the man with the
bushy moustache who also did not mess around.
And who had a liking for
moving population about but on a rather wholesale manner. He was a warlord too
and never voted out of office.

Zaphod October 7, 2011 at 07:11

john malpas is right!
We don’t need to follow anybody! We’re all
individuals!

Let’s follow john malpas!

right_writes
October 7, 2011 at 08:41

…He IS the messiah!

john malpas October 6, 2011 at 22:49

It rather sounds as if you are all yearning for a man with a neat moustache
and a good turn at oratory who stands for no nonsense and gets things
organised. Oh and who puts on a good show for the cameras.

Gloria Smudd
October 6, 2011 at 23:23

That’d be Bob Ainsworth then. Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot he wasn’t good at
oratory, stood for nonsense and didn’t get things organised. And he didn’t
exactly put on a good show for the cameras. So not him then.

And Frank Zappa’s long dead. So it won’t be him either.

Gloria Smudd
October 6, 2011 at 23:28

How about these two with their fine moustaches?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bq7DGvfnr3U&feature=related

Zaphod October 6, 2011 at 22:37

My instinct always rejected the EU experiment, but I didn’t entirely trust
that instinct.

It’s now painfully clear the the EU is institutionally corrupt and
unaccountable. And it will get much worse. UKIP is the only place to go.
Escaping from the EU is going to be difficult, but it is worth any price.

My conversion to UKIP took a long time, for various reasons. There may be a
lot like me, who will suddenly transfer their allegience. That 8% really could
increase very quickly.

Optimism costs nothing.

right_writes
October 6, 2011 at 07:49

Actually Zaphod, as things currently stand, the real contest is between the
UKIP and the LibLabCON…

The odds are against the UKIP, but things are changing they are now
regularly polling 8% across the board and 15% of 18-30 year olds…

So keep voting labour, Lib-Dim or CONservative and you split the LibLabCON
vote… Vote UKIP and you get what is currently the only opposition to the EU
anti-democratic fascist dictatorship that we have become used to.

Zaphod October 6, 2011 at 07:21

Wouldn’t it be good if General Elections consisted of choosing between
Boris and Nigel Farage?

right_writes
October 6, 2011 at 06:44

Certainly not Bozzer… He’s pro-EU, and anti-democracy.

Despite what the person named Jabba says, which is bullshit…

It is actually Nigel Farage.

As a riposte to the Jabba contribution… In 1995 Nigel Farage was making
more than £250,000 per year and he owned his own city trading company, and we
all know what happened in the city between then and 2008.

If he had kept ding that rather than becoming a professional politician, he
would be minting cash…. So Jabba’s contention is eyewash.

The party that he leads by no means has whole hearted support for him,
however I think that most realise that he has the charisma and chutzpa of
which Anna talks, he is not afraid to call a spade, a digging implement
either.

Finally and more importantly they have a policy, which is far more
important than the EU thing, which is a significant barrier to self rule and
frankly is doomed anyway. This is their policy of Swiss style local and
national direct (issue based) democracy, this forever changes the balance
between those who rule (or seek to rule) and the ruled.

” Introduce ‘Direct Democracy’ whereby 5% of the national or local
electorate can demand a binding referendum on any issue. At national level,
people will have to sign up for the referendum within six months, at local
level, within three months”

There it is, and it’s been there almost since the beginning of UKIP.

Jabba the Cat October 6, 2011 at 09:34

Ah yes, the great Farage, who couldn’t even take down that little scumbag
Bercow. Seems the electors of Buckingham were unconvinced by the great man
and his rhetoric. It could even be said the plane crash is the perfect
metaphor for the Farage and the kippered pygmies…

right_writes
October 7, 2011 at 08:38

So Jabba, your only riposte is a personal attack on the character of
the man…

Incidentally, just like Churchill and for that matter, every other
human being, Farage is flawed, which is why I pointed out that he is not
universally liked (as a man) in UKIP, but recognised as head and shoulders
above what is rapidly becoming a very talented team when it comes to
oratory.

Everyone has talents, and when he resigned as leader to face Bercow,
many in UKIP thought it a mistake, we needed his talents to fight every
constituency, not just Mr. Speaker’s, and the result was fairly
predictable.

saul October 5, 2011 at 21:39

Calm down, they are all a bunch of To**ers. The days of political “shall I
do the right thing” are long gone.

Michael October 5, 2011 at 20:35

The problem is that the Conservative Party voted for the Blair lookalike
just as the rest of the country were beginning to see though his fake tan.

Jeremy Poynton
October 5, 2011 at 14:41

Not being Ken seems to me to be a HUGE plus. Livingstone is a rank
humanoid, as unpalatable as Bogey Brown. Frankly, they are all fucking
useless, so if Bojo could provide some laughs whilst SS Great Britain sinks to
the ocean bottom, I’d go with that. Bottom line is that they are all useless
and the UK is totally fucked, FUBAR as our totally fucked friends over the
water say.

If we had the dosh we’d head for Ireland. They may be 3rd world, but the
politicians aren’t in your face all the time, and the people are a delight to
be amongst. And property is dirt cheap at the moment. Certainly, if there’s a
sniff of Labour getting back in – as the very worst by a long way of a bunch
of useless losers- we’ll up sticks ASAP.

nonomad October 5, 2011 at 17:11

I’ll go with your first paragraph,the mere fact that Boris is is in the
frame so to speak shows what a paucity of leadership we have ,Boris amusing
as he can be ,has u-turned and lied with the rest of them,and choice of
management hasn’t been exactly exemplary,with the country going down the
plug hole none of them are funny ,i certainly don’t want a bad joke in
power,as my old east end friends used to say “doing a Dunkirk” is the
favoured option.

JuliaM October 5,
2011 at 14:30

Boris Johnson? Whose main advantage is that he’s not Ken?

The Boris Johnson who was all over this little storm in a teacup, huffing impotently at this
‘slur on multicultural London’?

No thanks.

Mark October 5,
2011 at 14:19

I happened across a video of Boris via Cranmer this morning. It struck me
that Boris would make a good PM, too.

Mudplugger October 5, 2011 at 14:01

It’s a close-call between Boris and Clarkson……

GildasTheMonk
October 5, 2011 at 14:16

Clarkson all the way

Lerxst October 7, 2011 at 00:17

Absolutely. Reasonable analysis by our hostess, but wrong character.
Has to be Clarkson.

(The only politician I’d give half a shot at it would be Dan Hannan,
but he’s not well enough known yet).

Donatus October 5,
2011 at 13:49

A woman so pissed about politics. Seeeexxxxy

ComfortablyNumb
October 5, 2011 at 13:47

I totally and utterly agree. Boris for PM. He will make mistakes and fuck
up. But I’m pretty sure he will admit it unlike the shower we have in power
now.

Woman on a Raft
October 5, 2011 at 16:23

“Oh dear, I really shouldn’t have let 20m Turks in to Britain. Still,
dreadfully sorry, spilt milk, whatever. ”

The point is: on the only major point which matters, Boris is as left as
Ed Balls, and maybe even lefter and barmier. I wish he wasn’t, but he is,
and if he had dark hair and a moustache instead of looking like a Saxon, it
would be much more obvious why he’s unsuitable.

He’s no Pericles, even though he’d like to be. Pericles was loyal to
Athens whereas Boris is only really loyal to himself – he couldn’t even
manage loyalty to his wife, not even for the sake of his own children and
the party which needed him to behave. (Although he was very good about
Hefferlump and the Liverpool affair).

He’s doing a reasonable job in the city state of London, and when the
Olympics have chucked a load more money down a hole, Boris will have
achieved public works like his hero did. Except I can’t see anyone carting
our Olympo-tat off to a major museum and admiring it for the next 3,000
years.

gladiolys October 5, 2011 at 13:42

OK, I’m preparing for the hail of brickbats – but I’m sorry, (no I’m not),
I’ll take Ken Clarke any day over Boris.

Single Acts of
Tyranny October 5, 2011 at 13:26

“the great ideological divide”

Eh? what divide? they are united on

– Nationalised health
– Nationalised education
– Government at 40% +
of the economy
– Foreign pointless wars
– Fiat money
– EU
membership
– Foreign sovereign bailouts
– Bank bailouts
– Disarming
the populace and not allowing self-defence
– Income taxes
– Vast welfare
ghettos

Honestly, once you take all this off the table, what is there really to
talk about?

I don’t need someone chewing a cigar, making speeches or doing back-flips.
I just need the bums to get out of the way and stop taking so much of my money
at the point of a gun.

Incidentally, if you are interested, I could end unemployment in about, oh,
ten minutes or so with some modest and cheap proposals.

Ancient + Tattered
Airman October 5, 2011 at 19:27

I would like to read what you have to say.

Single Acts of
Tyranny October 5, 2011 at 20:46

I can never resist. Okay simple and cheap.

– Abolish employers national insurance, thus reducing salary bills by
11% and making it cheaper to employ people.
– Abolish business rates,
they are insane expensive
– Have a corporation tax exemption for the
first million
– Time limit welfare

So jobs become available as welfare dimishes

Cascadian October 5, 2011 at 19:59

“I just need the bums to get out of the way and stop taking so much of my
money”…………Indeed, well said, but who could do it?

I tend to think that resolution of the problem will not be achieved by a
personality but by force of circumstances. In a bizarre way a severe
financial crisis with a run on several currencies may eventually arouse the
population enough to seize control from the present numpties pretending to
“govern” the country.

Single Acts of
Tyranny October 5, 2011 at 20:43

They have the guns. With the willingness to use them, you can (and
should) forget any kind of violent revolution. I prefer Ghandi’s
model.

Cascadian
October 5, 2011 at 21:41

I never mentioned guns or violence-think Iceland.

Single Acts of
Tyranny October 6, 2011 at
06:29

My apologies, I misunderstood.

GildasTheMonk
October 5, 2011 at 12:45

This is a sort of variation on the theme of my earlier post (better
written,of course). It is exactly the point. There are no real leaders amongst
them. Maybe leadership doesnt count for much in the world of the soundbite and
the accountant, but I think that is too cynical a message.
I was thinking
about this a lote lately. Many years ago I did an Officer Selection course for
the Roal Marines. First question in interview was snappy and to the point:
“what makes you think you can be a leader of men?”
Exactly. Are Ed or
Cleggy the types of bloke you would follow into danger? It would just be
silly. Idave seems sincere and well meaning, but somewhow I just don’t buy
into him. Osborne strikes me as the kind of sneaky school prefect. Balls is
insane. Boris stands out because of his flamboyance. He shags around. He
probably drinks too much. He makes risque jokes. He has some recognisable
personality, but whether it is the right personality is another
question.
What this country needs is a PM who goes by the name of a furry
animal and a cabinet packed with ecentrics who use names such as Sad,
Thaddeus, Gloria…..
Now that would provide some leadership!
Here endeth
the rant
G the M

Daz Pearce October 5, 2011 at 12:42

Best current political leader has to be Farage, surely? Surprised more
people haven’t turned to UKIP when it’s really counted…

Jabba the Cat October 5, 2011 at 14:49

Sigh…not the kippered Farage whimper. When are you kippered pygmies going
to realise that all Farage is interested in is prolonging the time he has to
keep his hands in the EUSSR petty cash box?

Cascadian October 5, 2011 at 19:50

When the country is presented with choices as unvaried as Camoron,
Milibland and Clunk, none of whom has any semblance of practical managerial
or budgetary ability the condition is indeed dire. As the various party
conferences have shown there are NO ideas out there that can prevent yUK’s
inevitable decline.

I’m with Daz here. If the qualifications required by a future “leader” is
being a blowhard with a bit of political experience then Farage fits the
bill as well as anybody and his party at least espouses the semblance of a
policy to improve Britain.

To mistake Boris as a leader in the mould of Churchill is beyond
unfortunate.