Competition – Write the Rules. – The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on August 1, 2011

Post image for Competition – Write the Rules.

This will be fun!

NUJ members at the BBC have today started a second 24 hour strike action against compulsory redundancies.

A work to rule will start when the BBC journalists return to work on Tuesday.

We can engage in a little speculation as to what ‘the Rules’ actually are.

1. Thou shalt automatically provide repeat showings of any ‘suicide bomber’s’ last thoughts on video as to how its all our fault that they decided to kill innocents, whilst repeating like a mantra that it is quite right that the Norwegian authorities protect us from the thoughts of any ‘right wing nutters’ like Anders Breivik.

2. Viewers should be exhorted to remember the ‘wider issues’, accompanied by pictures of Gaza flotillas, if it is absolutely necessary to discuss honourable terrorists who happen to be Muslim.

3. Breivik however, may be described as ‘one of a number of right wing nutters’, part of the right wing conspiracy, special bonus to the researcher who dug up footage of Norwegian Muslims who are now terrified of more ‘right wing nutters’ coming out of the woodwork.

4. Please remember that ‘Savage-cuts’ is one word. You should not pause for breath at the hyphen.

Would you care to add to the list?

A special bonus to any reader who scores eight out of ten (accompanied by video clips please) of the rules in action tomorrow.

{ 28 comments }

LJHills August 2, 2011 at 10:03

Abandon any sceptical thought when any CP functionary/ Obama/ Hamas/
Hizbollah holds forth. Scepticism does not become a post-modern
journalist.
Belief trumps reality. A fatter salary will be your
reward.
Always trumpet extreme predictions without giving the predictive
value, probability is a right-wing construct.

Gildas the Monk August 2, 2011 at 09:30

Has Robert Peston been on strike? I hope so. I did feel much better than
usual yesterday. Perhaps he can be permanently decommissioned? (Hint!)

Châtelaine August 1, 2011 at 22:27

‘ evening, Sir Saul. As always thou hittest the proverbial nail on the
proverbial head. Jest thy not. Cordialement, Châtelaine.

Saul August 1, 2011 at 20:00

All reporters must have a degree in …

“Asking the bleeding obvious”

Thedux August 1, 2011 at 18:40

Always deliver reports in chatty ‘Blue Peter’ style so that the audience
can feel ‘engaged’ and jolly rather than realise they are being
brainwashed.

SadButMadLad August 1, 2011 at 23:52: Worst one at this style is Charlie Stayt. His questions are so long and
rambling that he answers most of them himself. He should go back to being a
barman where he can bore the pants off drunks.

Robert Edwards August 1, 2011 at 17:42

Curses, Moriarty – a spelling mistake! Seniour, indeed…

Dave H August 1, 2011 at 19:34: I thought ‘seniour’ meant “in charge but actually one of us”. He’s the
guy that gets the brazier and coal organised and works out the rota.

Robert Edwards August 1, 2011 at 17:38

And just to be on the safe side, all BBC personnel will, of course be
subject to the bloc vote rules as laid down by the enlightened and
‘progressive TUC.’ Seniour management will deliver the votes…

And Mark Mardell is not a fat, lying git…

Caedmon’s Cat August 1, 2011 at 16:56

Thou shalt wheel out the usual ‘experts’ on Newsnight from Chatham House,
Demos, The (Doesn’t) Work Foundation, The Royal Untied (sic) Services
Institute, and every other Fabian-controlled quango in existence in order to
drip-feed distilled droplets of wisdom to the bovine and impressionable
masses..

ReefKnot August 1, 2011 at 16:49

Call everybody on the right ‘ Far Right ‘. Recognise that nobody, but
nobody is on the left or, God Forbid, the Far Left. In fact the Far Left does
not exist. None of our friends are on the far left – we all exist in the
centre.

Wigner’s Friend August 1, 2011 at 16:42

1. As often as possible we must interview other “journalists” from within
the corporatioln to ensure as many as possible are “gainfully employed”. If
one cannot be found at the source of the story, find one as near as possible
and get him/her to relay what real journalists are reporting.
2. If Peston
has an opinion it must be transmitted regardless.
3. Balance Balls with
Cooper.
4. If it’s in the Grauniad it must be gospel.

Ed P August 1, 2011 at 16:09

Any information on climate will be ignored unless it supports the Warmist
agenda (& therefore protects BBC pension investments).
E.g., NASA
recently released the results of satellite accurate temperature analyses,
showing a much reduced linkage between CO2 & warming. The BBC did not
report it at all. I emailed them to ask why – no reply. Quelle surprise!

Jeremy Poynton August 1, 2011 at 14:57

“Extreme right wing”, rather than just “right wing”. All right wingers are
now extreme right wingers, thanks to the BBC.

Spiral Architect August 1, 2011 at 14:52

The BBC Laws

“As a governor of the BBC I promise to do my best to ensure that the
British people are educated in the enlightened views of the liberal
metropolitan intelligentsia. For if we are to create the new Jerusalem in
Britain our way is the only way. In short I promise to do my best to keep
holding the British public in contempt, and in doing so to spend as much of
their cash as possible.”

“As a BBC head of department I promise to do my best to hire the odd person
with a kooky regional accent to let people know that we’re definitely in touch
with the shires. I promise to do my best to send as many of my staff as
possible to every decent ‘gig’ on the planet, and to bat away queries about
‘value for money’. I also promise to do my best to trouser a huge salary from
the public purse because the BBC needs to encourage my talents. I will also do
my best to never ever to sit in economy class or to take the bus, never ever
to pay for as much as a single sandwich and never ever to sleep in my own bed
when a ‘suitable’ hotel can be found within 18 miles of it.

“As a BBC producer I promise to do my best to make every studio audience
for Question Time and every guest on Newsnight 5% conservative and 95%
everyone else.”

“As a BBC journalist/interviewer/presenter, I promise to do my best to
never to ask a Labour politician any difficult questions whatsoever, I promise
never to challenge any statement made by a Labour politician and I promise to
give every Conservative figure (with the exception of Boris) a grilling as
severe as grated cheddar on a slice of Mother’s Pride.”

“As a BBC employee I promise to do my best to ensure that people are fully
aware that, in so many ways, homosexuals are far more equal than
heterosexuals. I will also promise to do my best to ensure that people are
constantly advised that women hold up far more than half the sky – even if
they need to work far less than men do during term-time”.

backwoodsman August 2, 2011 at 10:31: Very good, but you missed the bit about ensuring that Marcus Brigstock
and Billy Bragg are on air to provide inane left wing ‘balance’ , on
subjects about which they know nothing, at least once a week.

Dave Evans August 1, 2011 at 14:34

Repeatedly interview Ed Balls on his own with no one to refute his
points

Dave H August 1, 2011 at 19:31: That might be because no one wants to be seen on the same programme?

The Register has the answer to Ed Balls: Truck Nuts

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/07/29/truck_freedom_case/

Engineer August 1, 2011 at 14:04

Windmills = good.
Nuclear, coal, gas = bad.

Man-made carbon dioxide is causing the world to heat up alarmingly, and
we’re all going to fry.

Multiculturalism will save the world.

(P.S. Now the good news – the Test Match Special team are not on
strike.)

Dave H August 1, 2011 at 19:30: I think the TMS team were enjoying themselves over the past few days,
they wouldn’t want to strike until it’s over because of what it would
otherwise cost them to pay to watch. England were taking the piss a bit this
morning with the tail-enders putting on 80 in the first hour, after
yesterday’s Hokey Cokey session.

Gildas the Monk August 1, 2011 at 13:56

Just learned that Richard Bacon is not on strike. *Sad Face*

Gildas the Monk August 1, 2011 at 13:54

If thou art Richard Bacon, thou shall endless refer to your “celeb” friends
by their in crowd nicknames, quite improperly interrupt guests, just announce
everything with hyperbole, and allow thine own personal scepticism and beliefs
to come to the fore, thus causing me to SWITCH RIGHT OFF.

I am afraid this type of industrial action causes me massive inconvenience.
NOT. As Old Holborn might put it: “BBC Journalists! Media Consultants!
Diversity Managers! Please strike all you like! It saves the State money!”

Welcome back Anna

Anna Raccoon August 1, 2011 at 13:55