Had we but cash enough, and time,
To print our names would be a crime;
Our lawyers would devise a way
To keep the media at bay.
Super-injunctions fit the bill
When we’ve embarrassments to kill.
For, Lady, you deserve a break
(And I’d be free to play the rake).

But at my back I clearly hear
That bastard Hislop hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast ignominy.
Your reputation turned to dust;
Revealed to Ashley, all my lust.
The Beeb’s a fine and private place,
But Private Eye is on my case.

So now, before our cover’s blown
Let’s claim the high ground for our own.
“I would not gag a fellow hack –
I wished to spare the lovely Jack !
Surely a man and family
May have a little privacy ?”
Thus, though we cannot thwart the Sun
We’ll still look out for Number One.

Nick Drew

Daedalus X. Parrot
April 29, 2011 at 17:55

Very good.

Gildas the Monk
April 29, 2011 at 14:42

very very clever
Marvell was one of my favourites too

backwoodsman
April 29, 2011 at 08:24

Claps.

Livewire
April 29, 2011 at 08:03

Magnum opus! A mere vignette-

They gag the world and Private Eye
To conning left the world’s a pie
They take the meat and leave the crust
Their lunchbreak means more carnal lust
The Brownshirts’ placemen stay in place
Can’t someone fire them in to space?

Lorenzo
April 29, 2011 at 03:47

Who is this Marr-charlatan, has he resorted to a Face Transplant to try and fool us Earthings or is that the result of some terrible accident?

Ancient and Tattered Airman
April 28, 2011 at 23:18

Well done, that poet there! From the photo it would appear that Lothario Marr is limbering up for the Ministry of Silly Walks semi-final.

Gloria Smudd
April 28, 2011 at 22:24

Hurrah! *applause*

Nick Drew
April 28, 2011 at 21:29

That’s kind.

Richard, are you familiar with Ms Raccoon’s Political Poetry button (at the top of the page) ? bit of a back-catalogue there you might like

Richard B
April 28, 2011 at 19:12

I don’t often say this about poetry on the Interwebs, but this is really good Marvell can take it; Marr, it appears, can not.

Bill Sikes’ Dog
April 28, 2011 at 19:12

Marvellous !

Macheath
April 28, 2011 at 17:18

A tour de force – just gets better every time you read it!

JuliaM
April 28, 2011 at 16:57

Excellent!