Roll up, roll up, roll up from the bottom.

Whilst you were asleep, Nanny’s found a nice new cavity for her to insert herself into.

“More modern interventions are selected from a palette of evidence-informed options to suit the needs of the local population. Such options should ensure a multilevel approach”.

Would you like me to translate that for you?

Hmmn, Nanny wants Government issue toothpaste for everyone……no really, I’m not joking….

“In the past much energy was directed towards educating children at school about the importance of keeping teeth healthy […] but it is the parents who have influence over food and diet choices, purchasing and use of toothpaste”.

And we all know that parents are adults who can’t possibly be trusted to look after the cheeeldren don’t we?

So what is the answer?

Take any element of choice away from the parents, and let the government professionals dictate which toothpaste you use……

“Families should receive free toothpaste and toothbrushes”.

Their recommendations draw on the success of the Manchester Smiles dental health campaign, which began last year 200,000 families in Manchester have received free toothpaste and toothbrushes since 1999 – now they want it to be national!

Yes, not just bath plugs that the tax payer pays for – but toothpaste and toothbrushes for Mancunians – is there no end to our generosity?

This is not all either – apparently 15% of privileged children have their teeth painted twice a year with ‘fluoride varnish’ – naturally this should be extended to all children.

“Cum ‘ere yer little varmint and let us varnish yer teeth for yer” Should go down well.

Nanny’s not finished yet.

She wants ‘an end to the practice of sharing birthday cakes at school’.

‘Giss us a bit o’ yer cake then’

‘Nah, yer didn’t varnish yer teeth’

‘Giss us a bit or I’ll knock yer teeth out’

‘Nanny says I can’t’

*Smack*

End of problem.

‘Ere Miss, can I get some of that Smoker’s toothpaste?

‘Miss, Miss…….talk to us Miss’.

Dominic Allkins
January 31, 2011 at 11:17

WTF???

Why on earth should I or anyone else have to pay for this?

As per PT Barnum’s comment, I wouldn’t be in the least bit surprised if
this initiative was based on the “research” (inverted commas entirely
intentional) of a large pharma company. Who? And is it perhaps one of their
toothpaste brands that will be the state-sponsored one in use?

dak January 31, 2011 at 01:33

Around 1967 someone (I think it was Lanarkshire County Council) gave every
school kid a free tube of toothpaste, toothbrush, tooth mug and a 45rpm record
of Larry Marshall singing “The Happy Smile”.

I think I still have the record somewhere, but not all of the teeth I had
then.

Scottish dental health was atrocious then: it’s much better now and the
idea of government supplied toothpaste and brushes in perpetuity is just
ludicrous.

JuliaM January 30,
2011 at 17:30

Silly me! I must have fallen asleep after my lunch and dreamed all that
stuff about the government having to cut back on unnecessary expense…

PT Barnum January 30, 2011 at 16:05

Presumably this G.I. toothpaste didn’t come in uniform grey tubes (in order
to prevent children developing an instant addiction to the stuff) but was the
product of one particular purveyor of pharmaceutical gunk. I think we should
be told which one and what the contract was worth and to whom.

And what the heck is ‘fluoride varnish’? Any kind of kin to yacht
varnish?

lenko January 30, 2011 at 15:09

Free bath-plugs? Why didn’t someone tell me this before?

Nanny!

Mike Litorus
January 30, 2011 at 15:33

* Offer only applicable to clueless Home Secretaries with porn loving
husbands.

lenko
January 30, 2011 at 18:19

How about free pornographic bath-plugs…

KWCook January 30, 2011 at 17:55

Could have made a fortune flogging em in Russia