Education secretary Michael Gove has announced cuts to government sending on school sports

In “The Telegraph” Miss Leah Ward, a student at a Macclesfield College wrote a piece about it HERE from which I extract the following:

“The day of the spending cuts was a tense day for many of us. Nobody knew quite what was going to happen. When the cuts were announced there was mayhem at Macclesfield School Sport Partnership as they had cut our funding. No one could believe it….

The last Government had said they wanted all children to be doing 5 hours physical exercise a week. Before the [School Sports Partnership], some schools were doing less than half an hour of exercise a week and only 25 per cent of 5 -16 year-olds were taking part in 2 hours a week of physical activity, in and out of school.

Now you see at least 2 hours of timetabled Physical Education each week with out of school activities going on all the time, and 67 per cent of young people doing 3 hours a week of PE and School Sport.”

Miss Ward then goes on to argue, correctly, that “Government” (of all colours)   relentlessly bangs on about the virtues of being fit and the dangers of alcohol, tobacco and of obesity. She might have added that this is a bit hypocritical, since “Government” makes an awful lot of money out of smokers and drinkers, and with a looming pensions crisis has a vested interest in making sure as many of us shuttle off the moral coil A.S.A.P. However, well done to Miss Ward for cogently expressing her views.

Both Michael Gove and Shadow Education Secretary Andy Burnham appeared upon the radio this morning by banging on about sport in schools and cuts. As usual, it was difficult to decipher any real information save that a lot of money has been spent and now there is less money to spend, which we all knew. It did seem to me however that assuming that a lot of money has been spent (Mr Burnham kept going on about £2.2. billion) we have not got a lot of bang for our buck. 3 hours a week of PE?

That much!  I grumbled to myself about how PE lessons at school were always rubbish anyway, and how when I was a boy we got about three hours exercise a day with mass self organised games of football.

As it happened, later I enjoyed a light lunch of Beef Wellington, welsh rarebit and stilton all washed down with a couple of pints of port with my pal Gildas the Monk at the Nun and Firkin. After lunch we reclined in armchairs by the fire sipping our metaxas whilst Gildas was holding forth with observations on the education system. So pithy that very I soon fell into a slumber. Wherein I had a strange dream…

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The year was 2013.  In a shock election result the National Cenobite Party swept to power with a 300 seat majority.

Its enigmatic leader Gildas the Monk and his second in command Sister Eva Longoria-Peron (whom some say was the true “Power Behind the Throne”) were cheered into Downing Street by adoring crowds.

What followed was as brutal as it was swift. Money grasping and incompetent bankers: assets seized. Profligate and corrupt politicians: surcharged with the cost of their idiocy and imprisoned. Simon Cowell: in the Tower. Speed cameras: cut down. Pubs: de-regularised and left alone. Quangos: axed.  Nasty little teenage hoodies: put in the stocks.

Education received special attention.

First, by law, children up to the age of 16 had to be referred to as “children”.  Not “kids” (those being the spawn of goats) or “young learners”, or “customers.”  After 16 they were allowed to be called young men and women and, in appropriate circumstances, students.

Gildas argued that a decent breakfast is essential for all children and those poor children who didn’t get it were being adversely affected in behaviour and concentration.

He thus ordered that all State Schools start their day with a decent breakfast of bacon and eggs, porridge and toast for their pupils at 8.30, before an Assembly at which the children were instructed on their obligations on a topic such as manners or cleanliness and respect for their elders, and an inspection for tidiness and cleanliness took place.

Allowances and adjustments in respect of food were made for the Islamic and Jewish faiths, but Islamic only faith schools were closed because they encouraged segregation and discourage integration. This proved quite controversial, and did cause some slight unrest.

At lunch time a similar policy was adopted. Children were offered a limited choice of basic decent meals. Crisps and Pepsi et cetera were banned. In came the old cabbage, carrots, shepherds’ pie and indeed chips. Being involved in the preparation or the possession of quiche was made a criminal offence.

Gildas argued that children are eating machines, but that provided they eat at least half decent food and are allowed burn it off, they will all look like racing snakes. Jamie Oliver was appointed School Meal Commissar with a team of agents with powers of inspection and arrest at his disposal. Head teachers or councillors found responsible for serving food of insufficient plain and yet wholesome quality were summarily arrested and sent to specially constructed prison ships on the Medway, the Humber and the Mersey.  There was no right of appeal.

Anyone found selling junk food to school children between the hours of 8.00 am and 5.00 pm was liable to the same penalty. The agent’s, or “Oliver’s Army” as they became known, were highly effective.  Sales of Ritalin declined.

The curriculum was ripped up and entirely re-written.

At Primary School mornings were dedicated to reading and writing (with proper spelling and grammar) and mathematics with an emphasis on the four basics: addition, subtraction long division and multiplication. There were also one or two sessions per week on British history: Kings, Queens, battles and dates.  In these lessons teachers were banned from setting children damn fool open ended questions like “What it might feel like to be a peasant?”[1]

No child was allowed to leave Primary School without having basic literacy and numeracy skills.  If this carried on for too long (over the age of 14) children were give a choice; if they were willing but had genuine learning difficulties, care was lavished on them in special regional focus centres. But if they were being lazy-arses that “couldn’t be bovvered” or displayed a general poor attitude they were released from the State System with immediate effect. In all senses. They were free to work but were never again permitted benefits of any kind.  Ever.

However, once children reach the prescribed basic standard they were streamed and encouraged to progress as far as possible in each subject. Private study and reading time were encouraged and rewarded. Prizes were given for excellence in study, timekeeping, appearance, effort and result in the form of stars or badges or framed commendations – not money or gift tokens.

In the afternoons the children’s principle activity was sport. Lots of it. Football, netball, running, swimming and rounders – anything and everything.  Competitive and team sports were encouraged. Gildas expressed his understanding that some children don’t like sport because they physically weak or fat and just don’t enjoy it. Others are bookish. That was OK, but a heavy investment was made to extend the range of sports to assist them find something they did enjoy. ALL children were encouraged to participate in whatever they enjoy and at whatever standard was appropriate to them. Regional centres for alternative sports – aikido, judo, mountain climbing, cycling, free running and dance – were immediately established and transport provided.

However, children who failed to make an effort could also be expelled from the system with the Draconian consequences set out above.

In addition at least three afternoons a week children received one hour lessons in home economics. In this they learned how to cook basic good meals from fresh materials, that junk food is poison, how to balance a budget for a household for a week and how to sew.

Homework was banned for Primary School children. However, after school clubs for sports and academic or cerebral activities such as chess, spelling, maths, reading singing and computer studies were promoted.

In Secondary School the old O level system and standard was re-established. Teachers unable or unwilling to teach to that standard were sacked on the spot. Course work was largely abandoned except as a module of the history and geography O-levels, where a research project was allowed.

A new introduction was a Lifetime Vision module. Children were expected to aim for a career which did not involve being on X Factor. Each school was given a dedicated team of mentors whose sole function was to establish a culture of expectation of success in every child. Children of all backgrounds were expected to establish high life time ideals and career goals and aim for them.

Children from poor backgrounds but displaying potential were assigned special extra tuition. If a child’s home circumstances were found to be interfering with their progress (such as where the child was acting as carer for a parent of parents, as was sadly not uncommon) specially appointed Local Commissioners stepped in with aid to relieve the child’s burden. If parents were just getting in the way generally, they were given a written warning. Parents who then violated it were sent to specially constructed regional Prison ships on the Medway, the Humber and the Mersey. There was no right of appeal.

Teachers were encouraged to teach and not hit targets. Children were encouraged to learn, but not to take on too many subjects and cram. Instead the aim was to master a core bundle of subjects to a good standard and balance their academic and physical skills. Once again, the afternoons were devoted to sports on the same basis as above.

Children were not allowed to take the newly re-established O-Levels early, except for mathematics. Gildas declared that he did not like hot-housing. It had detrimental effects in the long term.

However, in addition by 16 all children had to pass a Financial Comprehension Test at which they had to show a basic understanding of matters such as debt, interest rates, a balanced budget, and financial instruments as such as a mortgage.

From 16 onwards A levels of a proper standard were re-introduced (with the supplemental S or “Special Level”) and children were allowed to specialise in arts or maths, ditching the subjects they disliked. The International “bit-of-this-and-bit-of- that” Baccalaureate system was declared illegal and its promoters who did not recant were hunted down, arrested and imprisoned.

Those of a less sporting and more academic bias were allowed to drop a couple of afternoons a week.

On the other hand those who genuinely disliked the academic experience and did not wish to progress to A levels were given a range of vocational training, paid for by the state for the next two years with additional sporting activities.

Gildas banned sex education. He explained that this is not because he is a prude, but because it had not produced any significant benefit and wasted resources. He added that teaching 8 year olds to put condoms on bananas was faintly obnoxious and a desecration of childhood, and that the time the little bastards were 14 they knew more about it than him anyway.

Discipline was restored. At all stages children were to address staff as Sir, Mrs, Miss, or at a pinch, Ms. All children had to wear school uniform and to an acceptable standard, with appropriate relaxation in the sixth form. Poor families received help with the cost, and anyone attempting to profiteer from the law was put in the stocks and pelted with cabbage.

Abuse of teachers, chatting back, laziness and any hint of disruption, insolence, drug use or violence was no longer tolerated. Head teachers were given extensive freedom to exclude troublesome children for whatever period they wish. Any child excluded three times or for a total of more than three months was ejected from the system with the same consequences as above.

Any parent who improperly interfered with the teacher’s job and right to impose discipline was arrested and sent to specially constructed prison ships on the Medway, the Humber and the Mersey. There was no right of appeal.

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After I awoke in a cold sweat I did recount the extraordinary dream, or perhaps nightmare, to Gildas, and asked for his views. He merely smiled.

“Ah!” he said “So you were listening after all!”

Randy Hack November 26, 2010 at 19:38

Just a bit of fun
Sorry to bang on!
Thanks for the
comments
Randy

ivan November 25, 2010 at 22:59

What is this obsession with sport? To me it is just following totalitarian
regimes in finding something for the slaves to do – for example, Germany under
Nazi rule.

That being said, some like sport, others find it an intrusion into studies.

In my case the Wednesday afternoon sports was an excellent excuse for
visiting the town library. A few of us used to jog off to the nearest bus stop
and get the bus to the library for an afternoon of study. The sports master
was predictable enough to allow us to appear where we expected to be on the
odd times he checked up on us.

Joe Public November 25, 2010 at 20:21

Pedant alert:

“…… mornings were dedicated to ……… writing (with proper ……. grammar) ……… on
the four basics: addition, subtraction long division and multiplication.”

With a prize given for the correct placement of the ‘missing’ comma.

Anna
Raccoon November 25, 2010 at
20:30

“addition, subtraction, long division and multiplication.”

So what’s the prize then?

Obligato November 25, 2010 at 17:40

Too slack Gildas – I did my schooling in pre-independence Afica in the 60s
and 70s – and the regime was actually pure 50s – (and probably
indistinguishable from education at any time back to about 1920)

Mum taught me to read at home at age about4 1/2 – when I went to school (at
5) I could read the newspaper, this was normal though – few couldn’t

Assembly at 8.30, school till 4.30 house games till 5.30 then serious (i.e
representing the school team) games, or the things you were actually good at (
trivialties like tennis, squash, athletics, swimming etc) , till 6.30 (at
which time it got dark) – 6 days a week

Everybody did CSE (remember them!) at 14, O levels at 15 (typically in 8 or
9 subjects) local board A levels at 16 and London Board A levels and/or S
levels at 17. The school was not selective but GOOD teachers put in extra time
on those that needed it and worked every single boy and girl as hard at they
were capable of working – EVERYBODY passed

Now the kicker – primary school was free, but secondary school was not –
you were aware that parents were paying for your schooling – you worked hard
because they expected you to work hard adn you saw teh sacrifice they were
making for you.

Our steward ( domestic servant ) had 3 wives and 26 children, the wives ran
the farm and fed everybody, his wages were the education money – he paid for
all his kids to go to secondary school. He himself ( an ex Kings African
Rifles corporal) was functionally illiterate – but two of his sons went to
university. When you see such a strong example set by people who really value
education, it’s a lesson for life.

Patrick November 25, 2010 at 16:44

I only ever drink coffee during the day and alcohol during the evening. If
go to the gym I drink water to replace sweat, same in hot countries. It is a
myth that we all need to drink x litres of water a day – in fact people have
died of overhydration – makes the brain swell

Simon Cooke November 25, 2010 at 12:59

Seems young Gildas was at my school!

woodsy42 November 25, 2010 at 12:43

Back in secondary school days I had a bus ride of almost an hour and a 5
min + 15 minute walk each end to get to school. On ‘sports’ afternoon and the
two days with PE lessons this journey – and indeed the entire day as lockers
were not provided – had to be undertaken dragging round a large bag containg
sports gear, shower stuff, football boots, pumps for cross country running in
case the pitch was wet etc. This in addition to the usual books, homework,
notes etc that filled one’s normal bag or satchel.
You have no conception
how I loathed, hated and despised those sports parts of the curriculum. To
make me travel 2 hours a day to get to a decent education is an accident of
geography. But to make me carry a huge bag on half of them, then waste
virtually one whole day a week of my valuable education timetable on prancing
about doing sports was simply intollerable.
And it wasn’t that I got no
excercise. Sometimes when older I cycled an hour to school – but not on days
requiring the sports bag as it couldn’t be caried on a bike! I was in the
village lads football team, but of course time was a problem because of the
school commuting. Can you imagine how I resented wasting school time on
running which prevented me having time for the leisure sports or going to the
village training sessions that I wanted to do?
To my mind sport should be a
private choice not a regulation part of a school curriulum. Anything else is
coercion.

SadButMadLad November 25, 2010 at 16:36

I too loathed sports. I was a brainy kid and preferred to be spending my
lunches or evenings playing with electronics, wood working, metal working
and in 6th form playing with computers. I still got lots of exercise though
because I cycled everywhere. Thin as a rake most of my life.

Derek Reynolds
November 25, 2010 at 12:35

Oh Lor! Sports – no, cross country, football, running – no – no — unless –
‘I’ was batting!

So sad to be able to remember such times that were . . .

lenko November 25, 2010 at 12:25

Sir! Sir!! Not cross-country running Sir! My Mum sent you a note…

The Penguin November 25, 2010 at 12:20

“shuttle off the moral coil ”

Marvellous Freudian slip!!!

The
Penguin

PT November 25, 2010 at 11:57

Good morning, Mr? Hack, Sir. All pigs fed, watered, and ready to fly,
Sir.

Derek Reynolds
November 25, 2010 at 09:37

‘You had a dream’.

It sounded very well, though spoilt for me by the words; ‘draconian’, &
‘arrest’ and the phrase: ‘no right to appeal’.

Compliments to both.

Derek Reynolds
November 25, 2010 at 09:43

PS: I quite like quiche, my wife makes an excellent one.

Woman on a
Raft November 25, 2010 at 09:35

Did I miss the bit about lunch being at least one hour? The reason for this
is that the school day has gradually been shrunk to fit the needs of teachers
wanting to clock off, where ever possible, at 3pm.

This means that part of the bad eating practices are simply that in a 4o
minute lunch break, at least 20 minutes will be lost trudging from a to b and
struggling in the over-long queues where a money-grubbing identity firm will
want to subtract too much money from a pre-paid account on which they pay the
parents no interest.

The result is that most children eat a piece of insulting carbo-garbage for
which the firm hopes to charge about £2 and pretend it is diner, which it is
not. It is at most a slice of pizza (bread and tomato sauce). They will also
whinge mightily about even having to provide this. Many children will cave in
and pay the £2 just to be left alone. The girls do the worst out of this as
they are given food which is actually very bad for them indeed, causing them
to bloat and feel even less intelligent or willing to move round. It isn’t
good for the boys either, but they seem physically able to hold out for longer
before being gradually poisoned by this slop, possibly due to different
hormonal development.

Growing girls – and boys – need good quality protein, vegetables and fruit,
with a modicum of starch and dairy. They need unlimited drinking water from
copious fountains. Much the same is true for adults. We haven’t been providing
this for the last 70 years as the post-war world was predicated on processing
food to suit the producer, not the consumer. There is no excuse for processed
Canadian cheese triangles and tinned pilchards which stink like catfood, even
if they technically contain protein.

Any school cook who uses ‘potato flakes’ and can’t even reconstitute them
to the standard of wallpaper past is to be taken out by me, personally, and
disembowelled with their own rusty ladle.

Derek Reynolds
November 25, 2010 at 10:05

My son-in-law to be is a teacher, history, with a degree in archaeology
and teaching year seven in Luton.
He may leave school around 3:30 or
4:00, but is generally marking at home until 10:00pm.
Each weekend he
stays with us, and Saturday afternoon is spent marking. During the school
Summer break, he spent a third of the six weeks marking and correcting exam
papers.

I don’t know the details of his daily routine, but he did mention some
pupils had no desire to learn, and one offered a composition which in total
was “There was this big bang. The end.” I do know he is conscientious which
may in part account for his ‘out of hours’ work. Not a job I would want.

I remember school dinners – C1953. The ‘erstaz’ cream on some deserts was
sublime. Never had it since, but the flavour and texture I have never
forgotten. I also remember a certain staff canteen at Rootes in Dunstable.
It was a fifteen minute walk across the site, with a fifteen minute queue
then ‘find a table’. The building site was better, but a long climb down the
tower crane (and back up with full stomache was worse). The best have always
been packed lunches, though when working for one specialist building
contractor, we lunched in a staff canteen – Rainbow Trout – it was
fabulous!

But during twenty years of despatch riding, lunch was a chocolate bar
eaten intermittently between ‘jobs’. 11 hour days continuous. Not
overweight, and none the worse healthwise for all the experiences.

Derek
Reynolds November 25, 2010 at 10:08

Errata: ersatz. Tch!

SadButMadLad November 25, 2010 at 16:33

But the marking is to allow the school to build up it’s leage table
performance. Very little to do with bettering the kids themselves. Do they
really need to have homework (or coursework) every day?

JimS November 25, 2010 at 13:23

Unlimited drinking water? Thinking about my school days I remember in
secondary school that we didn’t touch the free milk as it was kept so badly,
(frozen or sour), and we didn’t touch the drinking water on the tables in
the canteen because the metal tumblers stank.

There was only one drinking fountain for the boys in their ‘crush hall’,
(cloakroom), but I can’t think of it being used much. Somehow, without this
extra hydration we managed to run about before school, at 11.15 and at
luchtime. During the week we had two periods of PE and two of games.

I don’t understand why some africans can run for 30 miles across a desert
without water yet here in the UK a lot of people can’t even walk to the car
without having a bottle of water in their hands. Strange!

SadButMadLad November 25, 2010 at 16:31

Yep, a minor bug bear of mine. We don’t need to carry around bottles of
water. Nor do we need to be drinking every other minute.

I come from a middle eastern country and I don’t remember every
drinking when young unless I had played really hard, and this in
temperatures hardly ever below 30c. A seven-up or drink of milk would
satisfy any thrist.

We do need to drink a few litres of water a day, but a lot of come from
the food we eat. So it’s only a small amount of actual water that we need
to drink. And coffee (other beverages exist) count as water as well.

Basically only drink when you actually feel thirsty.

Gildas the Monk
November 26, 2010 at 19:37

I completely agree!