The Parish of Puttenham is palpitating with prurient paraunia. You don’t get many opportunities in life to write a sentence like that. I’m grabbing it whilst I still can.
The children at Puttenham Scool are having their enforced sex education classes disturbed by copulating couples outside the windows enlivening the boring diagrams and displays of condoms stretched over bananas provided by the teachers inside.
As one Mother said:
“Our children are at the most innocent time of their lives and we don’t want them to be exposed to this.”
Quite right Madam, they should be out in the fresh air, learning by example.
200 local people have written to the Guildford Borough Council demanding that they install recordable CCTV at the Hog’s Back Dogging site, since some of them are at work during the day and miss all the excitement……
Others have demanded that the Hog’s Back Café which employs six people (that is a busy café for a lay-by!) be closed with the loss of employment to lessen the appeal of the area.
On Friday, Surrey County Council voted against a motion to shut the café and lay-by on the A31 between Puttenham and Seale.
The decision was made on the grounds that they did not want to put a man out of business and did not believe it would necessarily solve the problem of people visiting the countryside for outdoor sex.
Instead, the committee have decided to put a number of Bulls in the field behind the cafe, a thoroughly green and ecologically sound solution.
Local Sarah Green, 32, said today: “How the council can sit there with straight faces and suggest putting a herd of bulls in a field to stop people having sex in it is almost too ridiculous to contemplate. Do they really think a bunch of perverts are going to be put off by a few bulls in a field? It will probably make them even more excited.”
I give it all of five minutes before it’s renamed the Hog’s Back Bull-Dogging Café, and doubles its take on energy giving sports drinks as exhausted contestants triumphantly vault the field gate safely……some of them anyway.
The inimitable Fascinating Aida on Dogging…..