In praise of real women. – The Anna Raccoon Archives

by Anna Raccoon on August 28, 2010

Spare a thought for Mrs Blunt today, and the little Blunts. Whatever she feels like, whatever she really thinks, despite the public utterances to friends and family, despite the carefully chosen expression, she starts today firmly in a closet that her husband fashioned for her.

There is no self determination for her. No expression of a hard won freedom to be the person she always thought she should be. There are no ‘Rejection Pride’ marches snaking through city centres in celebration of her new lifestyle, no Fireman will be threatened with the sack for not handing out leaflets admiring her ‘choice’ in life – for she did not make a choice.

However good and supportive her circle of close friends are, and I sincerely hope they are the most supportive circle of friends that ever existed, they will not be inside her head as she examines her thoughts in the early hours. They can only suggest what would be best for them in her position as she wrestles with the thorny question of how best to protect her children. She must now live with the fear and loathing that we are told was the ‘unbearable’ lot of homosexuals in another age.

The media and the blogs are full of supportive messages for the ‘agony’ experienced by dear Crispin, as he steps out into the brave new world of elegant soirees hosted by dual income partnerships, of ‘inspiring’ week-ends in Morocco, perhaps even a civil partnership celebrated in the august surroundings of Westminster, attended by the immaculately groomed people of his brave new world. Yes, even Westminster has a document specially commissioned to market the opportunites of this brave new world.

Meanwhile, Victoria Blunt must wrestle with the knowledge that her husband does not believe himself to have been driven to this decision by ‘nature’, for in his own words:

Mr. Bradshaw: The hon. Gentleman perpetuates the myth that being gay is a life style choice. It is no more a life style choice than is his sexual orientation.

Mr. Blunt: I am afraid that I cannot accept that.

It is not just men who make Crispin’s acknowledged ‘lifestyle’ choices. I knew a woman once who made a similar decision to leave her husband. She too had teen-age children. If they were surprised by the new presence in their household of their Mother’s muscular female friend, they did not discuss it publicly. It was indeed a private matter, as it should be.

However, their Mother was quite a little celebrity, and one night was invited to appear alongside the ‘sisterhood’ on national television. The opportunity was too tempting to resist; a chance to outdo the sisterhood in their age old rejection of men – she ‘came out’ to much acclaim. What a brave soul she was! How the sisterhood eagerly clasped her to their ample bosoms as evidence of their hard won freedom to be ‘themselves’.

The next day her daughter had to face her school friends, alive with the gossip. Too many sentences started ‘My Mum says’, ‘My Dad reckons’. Children haven‘t yet grasped the intricacies of politically correct thinking. Her daughter turned to the village Doctor, the one person she could trust and let be known her real feelings about all this. The Doctor did their best to alleviate the pain she felt, but to no avail,; one day she returned home and hung herself from the stair rails.

We were all supportive of that woman in her tragedy, it is a terrible thing to come home and find your daughter dead. She, however, spent years campaigning against that Doctor, trying to get them struck off for ‘failing’ her daughter, I never once heard her express any remorse for her public declaration of homosexuality and the effect it had on a teen-age child. Her son went on to become a drug addict – that too was apparently the Doctor’s fault, he turned to drugs because he was ‘devastated over his sister’s death’ – he probably was, but I would have respected her more if she had ever acknowledged the damage she had done to her children at a vulnerable age.

Mrs Blunt will know all this, and it is she who will find the strength to support her children, she who will feed them several times a day when she would much rather stay hidden under a duvet, she who will listen to her son’s fears that perhaps ‘Dad’ is not right, perhaps homosexuality is not a life style choice, perhaps Dad had used his entire family to protect himself from the difficulties he would have faced in the military and politics if he had been man enough to face up to his proclivities. She who will listen to her daughter express her fears that perhaps she too is not feminine enough to keep the attention of a man.

She will do so whilst trying to retain faith in her own femininity, perhaps in learning to trust another man when he says he loves her. I hope so. If she succeeds, it will be because she is a real woman, a woman who puts her family and the youngsters she is responsible for before ‘choice’.

As we celebrate the right of all individuals to make their own choice, to ‘come out’, to have that transgender operation, to take up that same sex partner, to wear the gender based clothes that they feel most appropriate in, we must not forget that for every one of them who is married, there is another married person who has had that choice thrust upon them – that so many do and manage to retain love for the person they married and support them in their choice, and continue to keep their family together, is a source of amazement to me.

They are the people whom we should truly be celebrating, and supporting with love and admiration – yeah – and column inches too, an unsung army of unselfish real men and women.

Edited to add: For anyone reading this in a similar position, whilst there are many organisations and pressure groups in existance to support Crispin and his colleagues, the Beaumont Society appears to be the one and only body which has a section devoted to supporting the partners of people currently making drastic lifestyle choices. They don’t seem to attract any government funding in this work.

{ 30 comments }

Bob August 30, 2010 at 19:36

Whether Tory, LibDem or Labour, the last decade or so, shows beyond doubt
that advancement in the ranks of government is only available for those who
haven’t a clue what God properly created the various bits between their legs
for.

Oh buggery! Is there room for a simple ordinary traditional person in
government any more?

formertory August 30, 2010 at 11:57

All very well suggesting that it shouldn

g1lgam3sh August 29, 2010 at 10:21

Very well said…again.

Biffo August 28, 2010 at 22:22

Yes, best of luck to Mrs Blunt & the family. Excellent &
thought-provoking post Anna.

GreatScot August 28, 2010 at 18:54

Thank you Anna, it is too easy to forget the other parties and the hurt and
devastation thrust upon them.

Best of luck to Mrs Blunt and family.

Potential alpha male August 28, 2010 at 17:46

Another excellent post Anna. Victoria Blunt could be seen as a victim but
because she does not tick any politically correct boxes the lefty media will
not support her. She is indeed a Real Woman in every sense and I wish her all
the very best for the future. As an aside is this a clear example of
Victimhood Poker? e.g. women’s rights always come before men’s rights unless
the man is Muslim or Homosexual????

Ed P August 28, 2010 at 16:33

I’m sorry for the Blunt family too.

Will we ever be rid of these old-fashioned prejudices? Schoolchildren ape
their parents attitudes and can be very cruel to their classmates in such
cases.
And the daily diet of divisiveness and hate spewed out by the vile
tabloids, such as the Mail & Express, perpetuates this awfulness.

Brian August 28, 2010 at 16:16

It’s in Crispin Blunt’s character to be selfish. He betrayed Ian
Duncan-Smith in a particularly spiteful manner. I have no sympathy for him.
Contrary to the PC line gays are not all sainted victims as some are utter
bastards who can’t be trusted. Just like straight people.

electro-kevin August 28, 2010 at 16:01

In praise of real women indeed !

Sarbanes Oxley August 28, 2010 at 15:57

I don

Kate August 28, 2010 at 15:26

A partnership splitting up is a common everyday occurrence. It should make
no difference what the reason for the breakup is – she smokes/he drinks/she
likes to spend too much/he is an anarchist/she believes in the flying
spaghetti monster …. blah

The fact that it does make a difference when homosexuality is involved says
more about the people making it an issue than it does about the people
involved.

Smoker abuse of families next I expect will be all the fashion.

Anna Raccoon August 28, 2010 at 15:41

Kate,
I don’t believe I have ever heard of children being mercilessly
teased at school becasue their father is an anarchist – I shall ask Obnoxio,
he should know.

Kate August 28, 2010 at 16:24

Lol.

The point is that whatever group you’re in you can be marginalised.
Being marginalised doesn’t mean you’re selfish, it means you’re not in the
top of the pops.

Sister Eva Longoria August 28, 2010 at 17:07: Wise words, Sister

The Grim Reaper August 28, 2010 at 15:25

I really don’t understand why Blunt is getting such an easy ride over this.
It’s perfectly expected from the likes of Iain Dale, who forgives anyone of
any wrongdoing if they’re gay as a matter of course. But not elsewhere. It’s
claimed that Blunt has “decided to come to terms with his homosexuality”. This
is a completely disingenuous line that nobody should believe. It, of course,
has nothing to do with the fact a Sunday newspaper is all over the story and
about to do an expos

Richard B August 28, 2010 at 15:23

Excellent post, Anna, and well said.

Rob August 28, 2010 at 14:43

A very good and accurate post. I have some personal experience of this from
the “wrong” side. I was brought up in a very religious environment and with
hindsight I would say that I knew that I was gay from about ten years old. I
did not know what “gay” was, I just felt more attracted to men than women. I
remember the jokes about poofs (ironically alongside the appreciation of the
humour) that surrounded Larry Grayson & Ken Williams. I honestly didn’t
realise that it was possible for a same-sex couple to have a relationship.

I had my first girlfriend at 16 – nothing sexual, just good friends. My
second at 18 lasted, we bought a house together and got engaged – thank God no
children (& I loved her – just not in a sexual way). I just reached a
point at about 23 when I realised that I was living a lie and explained to her
that I had to move on for the sake of my sanity. That was 20 years ago and I
am now happily in a Civil Partnership. However, I will never forget the hurt
that I caused to that woman, I live with the guilt of it every day.
Fortunately, she is now in a successful marriage with several children – I
like to think that she thinks about me a damn sight less than I think of
her.

It is a terrible situation and one that fortunately will become less common
as children learn that same-sex relationships are acceptable. Blunt and indeed
I, made the decisions that we did, largely because of the attitudes prevalent
during our childhoods, but the hurt caused is truly terrible.

Rob

Dick the Prick August 28, 2010 at 18:15

There’s a dude over on Iain Dale’s blog – calling himself Treacle, whose
story didn’t exactly turn out alright. Very sad indeed, very sad.

None of my business, really it’s not – but ‘the hurt that I caused that
woman’!! – Whoa, feminazis can get a bit tetchy sometimes – something to do
with their hormones or something. Taxi, pour moi?

backwoodsman August 29, 2010 at 14:09

The one social advantage of public shool , is that you get the oportunity
to bat for the other side, before you get a crack at the home team .
One
would assume that someone named Crispin James had this opportunity !
The
post that points out that his damascene conversion is probably not unlinked
to an expose in the news of the screws, is probably depressingly
accurate.

Subrosa August 28, 2010 at 14:41

Well said Anna. I do hope the true meaning of the media’s headline ‘Mr
Blunt has left his wife’ is that she kicked him out the door while she wielded
a frying pan. My sympathy lies with his wife. She has a great deal of work to
do with her children although I have no doubt she’ll manage and hopefully find
contentment in years to come. Her soon to be ex-husband is nothing more than a
liar.

Bluebell August 28, 2010 at 14:15

Thank you for highlighting the pain that so often gets overlooked when
someone in a marriage or long term partnership decides to come out, break free
or whatever, and take on a different sexuality, or change gender and
lifestyle. For both the adults and children left behind, it can be mortifying
yet in today’s society the sympathy tends to be with the one who has broken
free, not those who have been deceived foryears.

JuliaM August 28, 2010 at 14:12