Give me your Nokia!
I've broken mine, so give me yours!
It seems that the man rapidly becoming known as “a one-man Nokia sales machine” or, somewhat less flatteringly, as “the Prime Mentalist” is becoming more and more out of control.
Sensational claims that Gordon Brown has physically attacked his staff in a series of outbursts in Downing Street – and once in America – have rocked the Government.
Well-placed sources say the Prime Minister has been accused of hitting a senior adviser, pulling a secretary out of her chair and hurling foul-mouthed abuse at aides while distraught over an alleged snub by President Barack Obama.
The problem that the Labour Party face in this regard is the increasing frequency and range of these stories. Not long ago, we had an article highlighting the Prime Minister’s alleged social awkwardness with dinner guests and stories about a potential mental illness have circulated for ages now, a story broken by fellow wearer of the Raccoon hat, John Ward. Photographs of Brown show a surprising proportion of gawky postures and awkward expressions, many photographs have looked to me like they were taken from a stage version of Rain Man, with Gordon Brown far too skilfully reprising the Dustin Hoffman role.
Mr Brown does seem to be slightly disconnected from reality, even to the most impartial observer. It’s hard to blame him though, for the last 12 years, he has watched his colleagues behave in a manner entirely unbecoming a member of the mother of all parliaments, entirely without any sanction falling upon them, without recrimination or regret and so why should he be any different? In perhaps the most convincing display of his dissociation from what we would call reality was the recent announcement that he intends to remain on as leader of the Labour Party if the Tories manage a majority of less than 20.
And why not? It would seem to me that this would give us the delightful pleasure of being able to continue to mock him on a regular basis without having to bear the weight of his catastrophic lack of acumen and ability. I am certain that he would also continue to drive the Labour Party further and more completely into oblivion, hopefully shattering it into a thousand shards to be spread across the four corners of the Kingdom and never again to be resurrected to enslave the population. If there was ever an incentive for a hung Parliament, this must surely be it?
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1
February 1, 2010 at 16:52 -
2
February 1, 2010 at 18:22 -
Nokia-Nokia!
Who’s there?
Harry!
Harry who?
Harry up and let me be Leader of the Labour Party…. -
3
February 1, 2010 at 18:50 -
Nokia-Nokia
Who’s there?
Gordon!
Gordon who?
That’s politics for you…. -
4
February 1, 2010 at 18:57 -
Nokia-Nokia!
“Pessss orff! Ah’m in thu muddle o’ beatun’ thu luvun dee-layts ooota thu laaaast baaa*taarrd hwhuu treed tu stutch mah up!” -
5
February 1, 2010 at 19:26 -
Nokia-Nokia
Who’s there?
Gordon
Gordon Who?
Gordon Bennett, the bloke’s bonkers.
Nokia-Nokia
Who’s there?
Gordon
Gordon Who?
Well, there’s Gordon the caring socialist, Gordon the leaker, Gordon the Smear-merchant, Gordon the gold-seller, Gordon the sleaze revealer, Gordon the planet-saviour, Gordon the secretary-thrower, Gordon the poverty-lifter, and as we always suspected……
Gordon the Blair-blackmailer. Read the latest on this last (one of his many) personalities at http://nbyslog.blogspot.com/
xx -
6
February 1, 2010 at 19:41 -
Nokia Nokia
Who’s there?
Gay Gordon
Gay Gordon who?
Oooh, shut that door. -
7
February 1, 2010 at 19:59 -
Nokia-Nokia!
Who’s there?
Cherie!
Cherie who?
Cheries nice to have someone worse than Tony as face of the Labour Party … -
8
February 1, 2010 at 20:03 -
Nokia-nokia
Who’s there?
Gordon.
Oh do fuck off, Gordon. -
9
February 1, 2010 at 20:04 -
Nokia-Nokia!
Who’s there?
Vera!
Vera who?
Vera right behind you, Oh Illustrious Leader…. -
10
February 1, 2010 at 20:04 -
Nokia-nokia
Who’s there?
Gordon.
Oh do fuck off, Gordon.
……….
So good, they played the joke twice… -
11
February 1, 2010 at 21:41 -
12
February 1, 2010 at 21:43 -
Nokia-Nokia!
Who’s there?
Some people filing a report commissioned by Lord Mandelson’s Department for Business, Innovation and Skills!
Oooh Good! Where would we be without reports from Lord Mandelson’s Department for Business, Skills and Innovation? I (behind this door) can hardly wait to hear how Lord Mandelson’s Department for Business, Innovation and Skills is spending hard-to-come-by-money and, if His Department has already published a report, then I am all ears! Tell me more!
OK! Lord Mandelson’s Department for Business, Innovation and Skills hasn’t been wasting money at all commissioning a report on what sort of jobs may or may not exist in the future! It’s true and the report identifies practical solutions to possible future problems by suggesting that we have ‘weather-modification police’ (water spies), ‘memory-surgeons’ (chosen doctors who will implant ‘extra brain capacity’) and ‘vertical farmers’ who are to be charged with growing the UK’s crops on the sides of high-rise buildings! Hah! That’s a good idea, since there won’t be any UK farmers left soon now that it’s much, much cheaper to buy in wheat from other EU countries! Ha! Ha! What fun!
?? This is a strange report – who in their right minds would be spending money on such a thing in the present climate??
Lord Mandelson’s Department for Business, Innovation and Skills, that’s who!
From whence has the money come to fund such an bonkers study?
Oooh! We don’t know! What a question to ask! Our guess is that it’s taken from the annual EU grant to all European Farmers – those dratted farmers are all so rich they can all blow their heads off with their own shotguns rather than give their overdraft-promised farms back to the failing banks! No matter that the UK supermarkets are feeding the pyjama-wearing fatties with loaves made with Eastern EU wheat to the UK’s faithful white-sliced toast-lovers. It’s an open market and UK farmers don’t matter. In fact, the UK government has a history of preferring to be fined for late payment to UK farmers; apparently, it’s better for the UK government to take the annual payment for their farmers and sit on it for years (spending it on other things) until the EU enforces a routine fine plus interest – after all, the Government can do a lot more with the money (buy banks with it perhaps?) AND afford to pay the fine with taxpayers’ money rather than support the country’s farmers. We don’t need domestic farmers anyway, do we? Lord Mandelson’s Department for Business, Innovation and Skills hasn’t bothered to point out that wheat can’t be grown on a vertical surface but that doesn’t really seem to matter, since by the time vertical crops are a likelihood, chances are we won’t have the fuss and bother of any arable land messing up the rambling ranges of our erstwhile bread-baket.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article7009699.ece -
13
February 1, 2010 at 21:44 -
Nokia-Nokia,
Who’s there?
Vera!
Vera who?
Vera Baird her backside!………………
Mme Raccoon – so very good they played the joke twice! Brava! -
14
February 1, 2010 at 22:09 -
15
February 1, 2010 at 22:28 -
Nokie-Nokia!
Who’s there?
Wullya!
Wullya who?
Wullya no come back agin ? -
16
February 3, 2010 at 15:19 -
How to make money in the recession – buy Nokia shares.
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