Listen with Mother.
Are you sitting comfortably boys and girls? Then I’ll begin.
Once upon a time, my husband and I hoped that this year’s speech might contain something about cleaning up this den of iniquity before we had to sit here spouting nonsense once again, but such is life……
Here we are again, happy as can be, tra la la, la la, la la…..
The bunch of lunatics that currently comprise my government want me to introduce a Fiscal Responsibility Bill, hilarious! They want to bind whoever has the misfortune to take over from them to halve the national deficit in four years. They don’t mean halve the national debt in four years, ‘deficit’ means halve the rate at which it is currently increasing. Fiscal Responsibility! I’m surprised they even know how to spell that – wait a minute, they can’t, which one-eyed moron wrote this rubbish, who uses black felt tip pen?
What is this? The Flood and Water Management Bill? Local councils are to be given the power to prevent Global Warming and turn back the rising Stour from flooding Bewdley, my, my, I do declare that one of my illustrious ancestors came a cropper in the Wash on a similar mission. Phillip! Didn’t that son of the manse say he was going to Copenhagen to save the world from all this?
A Digital Economy Bill? Hmnn, I see, a £6 a year levy for not switching to a mobile phone so that the Government can track you wherever you are, I can see that that will be popular; and this Crime and Security Bill – tackling mobile phones in prisons? Phillip, did you see that piece on the news last night about the strike at Walton Jail? All those prison officers outside, the men all locked in their cells, and there is the BBC talking to a prisoner in his cell – I thought they weren’t allowed to have mobile phones? Very odd.
Oh, look here Phillip, they are going to guarantee that you will get an appointment with a specialist 5 months after you need one, I wonder how long after you see the specialist will your treatment start? Do you think that will stop them all moving to France? I’ve heard that the Doctors there apologise to you if you have to wait three days.
What’s that you say Dear, I can’t hear you over that infernal machine. Hey! You girl, you with the vacuum thingy, have you got a work permit? Now, what did you say dear? They’ve all gone home? I thought I was supposed to be saying something about cleaning up Parliament? Oh, I see, that’s what you’re doing is it.
Did Billy say we had crumpets for tea? Good show, I do like crumpets. Where’s that ridiculous carriage?
-
1
November 18, 2009 at 17:45 -
I’m surprised they even know how to spell that – wait a minute, they can’t, which one-eyed moron wrote this rubbish, who uses black felt tip pen?
//Um, I think that might be me Ma’am.
-
2
November 18, 2009 at 17:47 -
3
November 18, 2009 at 18:08 -
It sounds as if someone might have been p*ssed as Canute when it comes to The Flood and Water Management Bill..
-
4
November 18, 2009 at 18:34 -
I think a Nice Weather at Weekends and on Holiday Bill should have been introduced. A Bill to guarantee at least one lottery jackpot win for everyone would be popular as well.
-
5
November 18, 2009 at 20:17 -
“They want to bind whoever has the misfortune to take over from them to halve the national deficit in four years.”
I was under the impression that no Parliament can bind successive Parliaments. Consequently, no Government can bind successive Governments. Whatever is done in Parliament today can be undone in Parliament tomorrow if there are enough willing MPs to make it happen. They have largely abandoned us and abandoned their duties. They represent the EU, quangos and corporations. They flex their authority when it suits them not when it suits us. They abuse that authority to cement their position in Westminster. They have changed the job of MP so that they have as little work to do as is possible. Yet there is much work to be done and far too few MPs actually doing it.
Why do we keep electing shits?
How few people can Parliament represent and still wield authority over the rest of us?
-
6
November 18, 2009 at 20:27 -
Listen with Mother, Gordon the Gopher – what’s going on here???
Couldn’t , just couldn’t listen to Gordon – what a…., I mean how the hell……, oh never mind. Maybe he could digitally reverse the flow of rivers, thereby decreasing the likelihood of climate change whilst using criminals (charged or otherwise) to act as building blocks for a new economy devoid of all corrupt politicians and political desires to become the best of all bestest worlds – amen.
Can I go and have me tea now Miss?
-
7
November 18, 2009 at 20:46 -
I do find it hysterically funny that our leaders are so bereft of things to put into Brenda’s speech, they add one effectively saying “My Government having been complete spendthrifts for eight years will now pass a Bill stopping themselves from doing it again”.
New Labour used to shoot itself in the foot; now it tags itself on the leg. I love it: let’s name and shame them with an ASBO – Anti Solvency Ballsup Order.
Anyway, when I’m Supreme Ruler, I shall propose as follows:
“My Government will be paid entirely on results, and punished entirely according to the crime”
The possibilities from this would be both entertaining and endless.
YM x -
8
November 18, 2009 at 22:18 -
” my government will now pass wind for the final time before they are sent to the tower” – well, would have been better…
still, had me tea now – a luxurious homemade lamb curry with saffron rice and dressings and nan bread. waiting for the apple pie and custard now. all glugged down with a fine chateauneuf – du-pape. listening to a concert by Bonnie Raitt on dvd in the kitchen, what class compared to the tv offering of low life celebrity trying to perform carpenters songs – trying being the operative word – how can girls aloud be seen as celebrity???? – a sure sign of the decline in the uk over the last 30 years or so.
I’d just like to say that I wsh Gordon Brown every success in his fight to appear credible for the next six months – hahahahahahahahaha – didn’t swear or noffink!!
-
9
November 18, 2009 at 22:22 -
I thought we had sorted Monarchs talking bollocks in January 1649 !
-
10
November 18, 2009 at 23:40 -
Guthrum – The other Queen was on the Today programme on Radio 4 this morning and began his response to Evan Davis with the words “with the greatest love and respect” when challenged by Evan to justify introducing stitch-up Bills for the next Government rather than just DOING right away what the Government was announcing as the moves that need to be made. To my mind, any sentence which includes the phrase “with the greatest love and respect” translates as nothing more than “I wish to spit on you” and for a split-second I think I heard the resentful gasp of a Government in the throes of Cheyne-Stoke-suffocation. The legitimate Monarch has to sit there and spout the twaddle written by her but the would-be Monarch has to answer questions on the Today programme. Nuff said (with the greatest love and respect)
-
11
November 18, 2009 at 23:45 -
Oooer – I didn’t finish that post properly – I’m not saying WTGL&R to you Guthrum… honest I’m not. Oooer.
-
12
November 19, 2009 at 15:09 -
Gordon the Gopher? Gordon the Gopherkyerself more like.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }