Itâs Party Conference time again and the politicians and policy makers are sound-biting and persuading, flag-waving and chest-beating, egotistically eulogising and Iâm afraid I just cannot take it seriously.
I tried to listen as Tessa Jowell âbigged-upâ the looming 2012 London Olympics with her assurances that the event would employ gerzillions of people and bring trilligerzillionsâ worth of investment, interesting and financially-rewarding tourists, pan-cultural benefits and glittering success to this tiny island of ours.
As she spoke I remembered with awe the vivid and professional pageant that was Sydneyâs 2000 offering; I recalled Athens in 2004 at which the organisers achieved the unachievable and bettered Australiaâs show; better still was Beijingâs jaw-droppingly spectacular display (marred only by the bit at the end when a rubbish London Bus carrying a helium-voiced Footyballer trundled round the stadium and some lumpen groovesters hopped about with brollies).
Even as Tessaâs emotive and persuasive words rang in my ears, I soon found my rheumy eyes had glazed over and I pondered how we might expect to see Great Britain championed at our own Opening Ceremonyâ¦.
A pogo-stick display by The Cirque du Solihull? Â Dog-fights in a Lidl car park? Â Â Concentric circles of youngsters queuing at the Job Centre?Â Morris Dancers? Â A display of synchronised stabbings?Â Â Politicians helping themselves to fistfuls of money from the public purse as Royal Mint canons fire Quantitatively Eased monopoly money into the crowd? Â Speed cameras?Â Tony Blair?
I have a sneaking suspicion that the grand procession of athletes will be held up by extensive roadworks half way round the stadium and I shouldnât be surprised if the ubiquitous Myleene Klass gets asked to plonk smugly away on the piano while the equally over-promoted Katherine Jenkins warbles a medley of Rice/Lloyd-Webber numbers.Â Weâll probably get a whole day put aside to celebrate The Beatles…..
Suggestions on a postcard please, before it’s too late ….