Try to imagine a Labour Government Minister waxing lyrical about an attempt to instill extreme discipline in a group of young Hoodie’s in deepest Hackney by induction into the art of square bashing – or ‘bring back National Service’ as the knee jerkers like to say.

Syncronised movement, hours of back breaking precision and structure training designed to make sure that the arms are just so, the feet perfectly in line: hip sockets and muscles stretched by years of dutiful exercise; the routine humiliation of raised voices from those in charge pouring scorn on the feeble attempts of new comers to emulate the results of years of unnatural manipulation of the body; the isolation from your fellow Hoodie’s as you emerge onto the street again dressed in unfamiliar regulation clothing.

Impossible you say?

You just need to change one little word, from square bashing to the politically correct and gender bending ballet, to hear Home Office Minister Alan Campbell heaping praise and promises of further funding on 16 year old ‘Wacky’ Rymel who has cracked the code necessary to fill out an application for a toe hold in the £100 million ‘Youth Crime in Action Plan’ – Voila! he is going to have them all doing the Frappé instead of hanging around outside Starbuck’s drinking the stuff whilst waiting for a suitable little old lady to rappé over the head.

‘Wacky’ will soon be holding free classes teaching dance moves to young people on his Hackney estate. He will be provided with audio equipment, outfits and funding to hire a venue for the next six months with the help of MTV. He will then be given details of ways to get further funding and advice on applying so he can carry on his dance classes. He won the chance after coming first in the Government-backed MTV competition ‘Good 4 The Hood’, which saw entries from more than 300 young people across the UK.

There is a 20 week Army Development Course held at Bassingbourne, specifically designed for 16 year olds – what chance would someone called John Smith have to persude the Government to wax lyrical about his attempts to get Hackney’s Hoodie’s on that course?