Voodoo maths and post-race betting……
Good morning Happy Taxpayers! This is your leader speaking, I’ve finished saving the world and I’m turning my attention to you!
Yes, today I have set up a new business for you, today you are going to be book-makers, I have created hundreds and thousands of new jobs for you to toil at – as Book-makers. (Gordon, you can’t say that, you boss-eyed dork, some of them are Sun readers and even they will understand that being a Book-maker who only takes bets after the race has been run is on a hiding to nothing. Start again – Alistair!)
Good morning Happy Taxpayers! This is your leader speaking, I’ve finished saving the world and I’m turning my attention to you!
Yes, today I have set up a new business for you, today you are going to be insurers, I have created hundreds and thousands of new jobs for you to toil at – as Insurers. (for God’s sake Gordon! Some of them are home owners and they will know that no sane Insurer would take on a theft policy after the house has been burgled. Start again – Alistair)
Good morning Happy Taxpayers! This is your leader speaking, I’ve finished saving the world and I’m turning my attention to you!
Yes, today I have set up a new business for you, today you are going to toil away as owners of the government asset protection scheme. (That’s better Gordon, even the financial experts won’t really understand what that means. Alistair) You will be just like that giant American company called AIG, they were experts in insuring loans and mortgages (and those so called experts went spectacularly bust, remember? some of the people reading this will be financial experts and they will know that those loans have been renamed ‘toxic assets’. Start again – Alistair.)
Good morning Happy Taxpayers! This is your leader speaking, I’ve finished saving the world and I’m turning my attention to you!
Yes, today I have set up a new business for you, I’m not going to explain to you what it is all about because scientists say this is the most depressing day of the year, and it is better that you don’t realise that the Royal Bank of Scotland is the world’s most asset rich company and its share price just dropped by 68%. Now I was going to nationalise it as I did Northern Rock, but Northern Rock was just a minnow, if I nationalise RBS it will mean that instead of being an average £20,000 in debt you will all be an average of £738,000 in debt. I think that’s right.
Anyway, it didn’t sound very good to me either, so I shall just tell you that I’ve made you all part owners of RBS’s debt, and Alistair has thought up a wonderful new name for it – it’s called the government asset protection scheme, so it doesn’t sound as though it is anything to do with all you hard working families, and by the way, RBS has £1.9 trillion of assets, and £1.8 trillion of liabilities and that is such a huge figure your eyes will just glaze over and you’ll not realise what is happening to you and your children, and your children’s children, and ………..(Shut up, I’ll do the press release. Alistair)
January 20, 2009 at 19:53
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There has to be an alternative to Communism and Capitalism – now what did I
think would be better all round ………..?
Slavery would help in the short term! My life-style would scarcely change
– and it would give me time to come up with a new way of creating a new
monetary system …….. Give me a minute
- January 20, 2009 at 19:49
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You scramble me up when you talk like this – and I end up feeling fried and
beaten!
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January 20, 2009 at 14:14
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You must be yolking!
- January 20, 2009 at 14:01
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I’m really tempted to mention Cool Hand Luke but that would be just egging
you on.
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January 20, 2009 at 13:39
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Oooh. The BEAUTIFUL Paul Newman. Swoon. Joanne Woodward said “He never had
an ugly day in his life.”
- January 20, 2009 at 13:23
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I just had a vision of Terry Thomas and Peter Sellers divvying up the money
in the scene from Tom Thumb. “One for you, and two for me”
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January 20, 2009 at 13:28
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January 20, 2009 at 11:56
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Well, thou hast comforted me marvellous much.
Thanks a
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