Police are using helicopters at a cost of around £1m a year to move cash around Manchester in an effort to protect security drivers from attack and witnesses from ‘trauma’. 

The tax payers Alliance called it a ‘ridiculous’ allocation of resources – football clubs have to pay  for police resources, why not the banks. Other police forces have to pay Manchester £1,650 an hour for the use of this helicopter. 

A police source said ”What are we supposed to do? Leave security to the bank managers and their staff? Of course not. 

“Our whole society is underpinned by the use of money, so we need to protect it and protect the people who move it around. Unlike football, we are talking about a direct threat to the lives of people, namely the security guards who carry the money in and out of their vans.”

Will the helicopters be big enough when inflation really kicks in? 

Lesley
Dewar January 7, 2009 at 17:45

You write a great blog.

coco January 6, 2009 at 19:11

Without going into the various personality disorders of the people we
recruit to become police officers …… (because it would take too fucking long!)
……. Why is the UK Government training our coppers to do what the UK Army
should be doing?

Is it because the UK Army are too busy getting ready to go into Iran and
will be defending us from China and Russia???

coco January 6, 2009 at 02:32

By the way – I forgot to mention that the helicopter pays for itself over
and over again with it’s state of the art heat-seeking devices, cam-corders
and still-photography cameras.

There have been many more attics and lofts full of cannabis discovered by
the heat-seekers than the police have ever had a whiff of whilst patrolling
the streets eating meat and potato pie and chips from the chippy and having a
crafty cigarette – in their air-conditioned cars.

”Ello John! Gotta new motor? ‘Ello John! Gotta new motor?”

”No!” Said John, the pilot-policeman who just happened to have returned
from training with the RAF in the very recent past due to a Government
directive. ”It’s a helicopter shaped like a camera so that we can film all the
different factions when they start rioting all over the city.”

”Really!” Said the big burly policeman who had just recently come back from
a Government directed training session wherein he had just learned how to
disarm and disable rioters with his automatic rifle and cannisters of
poisonous gases.”

coco January 6, 2009 at 00:06

Weimar indeed! Is it worth messing about sewing all these gems into the hem
of my skirt? Should I just take a leaf out of Magda’s book and go straight for
the cyanide?

Anna
Raccoon January 5, 2009 at 22:53

Molesworth, how come you are so sure you’ll have a job by the end of the
month – do you know something we don’t?

The helicopters are so they can drop the dole money in an air lift – it’ll
be like scenes in Darfur , troops shoveling cash out of the side door, and the
shell suits scrabbling around on the floor fighting over who gets the bag of
coke……..

molesworth 1
January 5, 2009 at 22:43

Christ! I’d only banked on needing a wheelbarrow to get me wages home come
the end of the month! And now it seems I need a fucking helicopter?!Oi
Weimar!

coco January 5, 2009 at 21:45

Mmmmmm! Fucking typical example of the English way of getting our
priorities right! Protecting our monetary interests.

I am sure that many Generals are scratching their bollocks in disbelief
that the UK still cannot be arsed to provide safe and adequate helicopters for
our lads and gals out in the Afghanistani and Iraqi deserts but they can
protect the banks in the roughest areas of Manchester.

And why are they out there at all?

What a fucking thankless task that is! Trying to protect people who did not
ask for us to be there and still do not want us to be there – and who are at
this very moment wondering how to shoot down their helicopters.

These particular Manchester banks are only holding social security benefits
for hoodies and people with bad backs anyway! – Thanks to the Government
getting rid of the old Giro cheque system. So close the fucking things down
and save some money.

Saul January 5, 2009 at 18:54

I wonder if the police helicopter will track me into HBOS, to guard me from
the trauma of losing my cash on the next toxic debt they incur.

Ratty January 5,
2009 at 18:52

How long before the blaggers get helicopters? It will be like the Battle of
Britain all over again.