The Jubilee Line?
Technically, I cannot really endorse the Royal Family. However, this is not because I a radical Republican and radical democrat. Far from it!
The trouble is that in my admittedly somewhat eccentric World view, they are not really “Royal” at all. You see, as far as I am concerned the last legitimate king of England (and Overlord of most of Wales) was Harold Godwinson (Harold Gōdwines sunu) who lost his life on 14th October 1066 defending this fair realm from the cruel, tyrannical William the Bastard and his Normans, ruthless and humourless Nazi prototypes who snuffed out much of the rich and artistic Anglo-Danish culture of the island.
It is true that the Godwine clan were not altogether paragons of virtue. There was a fair bit of murder, eyes being gouged out, nun raping (that was quite a scandal, almost bigger than phone hacking in its day) and general chicanery carried on by Harold’s father, Old Man Godwine (the Earl of Wessex), and Harold’s younger brothers. But Harold himself seems a decent cove, and a bloody good warrior too. He was endorsed by the Witan (Counsel of Wise Men) so there was actually a bit of democracy going on. OK, not perfect but better than under what followed for a long, long time. And if his stupid, greedy and feckless little brother Tostig had not tried to betray him and thrown in his lot with the Danes (causing Harold to have to fight two battles in less than three weeks) he would have won at Hastings and we would all be talking like the Swedish chef from the Muppets.
Anyway, since then there has been a motley collection of usurpers, carpet baggers, puppets, the occasional hero and super villain, and even some utterly mad Germans (not just the present lot).
Apparently, one monarch was an orange. How does that work?
In fact, my attitude to the Jubilee can be summed up by a brief anecdote. Someone spoke to me last Thursday about wanting to come and see me about a spot of business. They wanted to come and see me next Wednesday. As it happened I was already booked in for a meeting elsewhere, so I suggested we meet on Tuesday instead. A blank look ensued. That is a Bank Holiday, they told me. The extra one.
Oh really? Yes, something to do with the Diamond Jubilee. It had not really registered. I understand there are some celebrations going on, somewhere. I was not really aware of any of that. [Ed: You’re not the only one]
Now don’t get me wrong, I am quite impressed by “Brenda”. Doing what she has done, sitting there at the endless dinners, the droning speeches, the humdrum, banal garden parties, making small talk with the great and the good and idiots and the sycophants, the dictators and murderers with whom we have to do business, and putting up with the (is it weekly?) audiences with the retarded, greasy-pole-climbing talking monkeys who (with a few honourable exceptions) pass for Prime Ministers. That can’t have been easy. It has its perks, I can see that, but I can imagine a lifetime of never being able to kick loose, living in a gilded cage, has its downsides too. Imagine having to actually meet Gordon Brown and be civil. It makes me shiver.
I am a bit indifferent to the big event. It’s just that in my world what matters is the bills at the end of the month, getting enough work in, the relentless grind at chipping away at the colossal debts my now ex-wife left me with, and trying not to be sent to prison by the tax man. That is the real world of many of the self employed who plod on, day in, day with no prospect of an index liked, final salary scheme. Weekends and Bank Holidays don’t really count for people like me; if the work is there to be done, you do it. Doesn’t matter what day it is. If it isn’t there, you are in trouble. Either way, it’s not that easy.
So when I hear the B.M.A. or teachers moan on about pensions, I get a bit testy, by the way.
But I digress…
I suppose I shall raise a glass to “Brenda” and watch people marching about and so forth. It’s not her fault her family are German imports. And what of these people who moan about the cost?
Curiously, even in these cash strapped days, I don’t mind. Compared to the shameful hubris surrounding the Olympics, the industrialised incompetence of most central and local government procurement, or the scandals that are the deficit and government borrowing or MP’s expenses, it is a small price for a bit of pageantry, a bit of style and a bit of panache. Britain does it so well. Better than anyone else. It is part of our national fabric. Or rather, these days, the national fabric of some of us.
And Her Majesty has done that greatest and most selfless of jobs. In an age of “personalities” (definition: a person with no visible talent or personality at all ) she has remained an impersonal symbol, above the political, a living link to the public and private history of a nation, a tribe, a people. That demands skill, discipline and watchfulness.
Of course, logically Monarch cannot be justified, can it? How can a mere accident of birth grant status, great wealth, and privilege? Perhaps because it works. It just does, and like an old car or trustee vacuum cleaner that just keeps rattling along, the worst thing one can do is try to fix it. It is a system which although bizarre, is the least worst. It keeps us in touch with our history and past, and most importantly it keeps THEM away from yet more status and away from the pinnacle of the constitution and power.
THEM?
Yes, THEM. Go for an elected Head of State (or more likely in my view, one appointed from within the ranks of the so called “Great and the Good”), what would we get? Some shifty retired career politico, ever greedy for yet more freeloading, venality and consumption and utterly hostile to the traditions and freedoms of the Land? Some token – ist playing the Establishment game? Or even worse and increasingly likely, some facile minded Luvvie who despises everything about the history and culture of the country that raised and fed it?
Just to illustrate my point, consider the following appalling possibilities:
President George Michael
President Sayeeda Warsi
President Stephen Bercow
President Stephen Fry
President Suzi Leather
President John Prescott
President Cherie Blair (2 terms, refuses to leave even then, and all the silver goes missing and turns up at Cash Converter)
President José Manuel Barroso
President Ken Livingstone
President Manzila Uddin
President Harriet Harman
President Keith Vaz
President Simon Cowell
I suppose to be even handed, I could almost see the potential in a President Boris (fun and games at the Palace there!), a President David Beckham or a President Helen Mirren. The last one is a bit debatable because she is a Luvvie, but she did such a good job playing the Queen, maybe she could reprise the role for real?
But on reflection, no. Her Majesty has sailed a pretty steady ship on the whole. At the price of producing a largely dysfunctional family, and with the odd wobble along the way as the Family Firm confronted the celebrity fixated culture of modern Britain after the death of Diana.
And luck has stepped in in the form of William and Kate, and there is the prospect of a new and re-invented, stylish Monarchy which remains the emblem of impartiality, the link to the collective heritage of many (but by no means all) of the inhabitants of this Isle, and is impossibly glamorous.
All free from the taint of the second rate, the partial, the self aggrandising and the temporary.
So well done, Ma’am. I won’t be celebrating much, but better you than anyone else. A grudging Huzzah! You have done a lot better than the politicians that served you and us, in my book. Now back to work for me.
Sigillum
-
1
June 5, 2012 at 06:43 -
On the legitimacy thing, I’ve met Cornishmen who are still a little pissed off about the Saxons and Angles piling in and pushing the ‘real’ Brits into the bottom left hand corner, and who might well want to argue Harold Godwinson. Personally I think anything beyond the scope of living memory isn’t worth arguing about and we might as well accept history as being just that. For that matter I don’t even think it’s worth talking legitimacy when it’s as short term as, say, Obama and the birther movement – the guy won and it’s probably better to focus on what he’s done or not done since than whether he was eligible to compete in the first place. Same applies to Betsy.
On the alternative to the monarchy, why does everyone immediately think of Presidents and look for examples of presidencies that cost their nations more than the monarchy costs the UK? Why does it need to be replaced with anything at all? There’s a PM and cabinet including foreign minister which already do the majority of meeting dignitaries from other nations and blowing smoke up each others’ arses, so what do we need a hereditary and effectively powerless head of state for? And in the case of my adopted country, why the hell do we need one that lives ten thousand miles away?
That said the growing power of central governments is a far more pressing issue for me, which is why I’ve always been a very small ‘r’ republican, and even all the expense of the Jubilee celebrations in the middle of a recession are small beer when compared to government waste.
-
2
June 5, 2012 at 08:41 -
In these straitened times, couldn’t the State privatize the Monarchy? Just open the whole shooting match to a public auction once every decade. Final purchaser gets all privileges and entitlements, all the properties, even gets to wear the pretty baubles. Should be worth a few billion. Nice little earner for the Treasury. Might have to bump off the winner at the end of the decade, of course, to leave title free and clear for the next auction. But that can be factored into the bid price, can’t it?
-
3
June 5, 2012 at 08:59 -
The odd thing about these last few days is that the monarch (or president) is fulfilling a self fulfilling role…
The Queen is celebrating being Queen for a very long time, and I suppose anyone that does anything for a long time deserves a bit of an old gold watch or something. I mean, it’s not as if the days of a job for life have long gone for most of us, is it?
But surely, in the other role… opening stuff… cutting ribbons… blah… blah… I would have thought that a Coco the clown type would easily be the equal of a president or a monarch, and they only have to dress up for the day.
-
4
June 5, 2012 at 09:38 -
It will be interesting to see how many republicans there are amongst Raccoon readers! A grudging huzzah indeed. By the way, am I the only one who thought the water pageant was a bit too long and a bit, well, rubbish, really? And who recoiled in horror at the site of various drossy pop “stars” cavoring all over the Mall and (I am told) leaping about on the roof of Buck House? No wonder Phil the Greek produced a sick note and no doubt locked himself in a sound proof room with a video of Sink the Bismark and a bottle of gin!
-
7
June 5, 2012 at 09:40 -
Actually the garden parties are not banal at all – they are rather fun.
There’s just HM and a (fairly large) number of more-or-less ordinary people – no speechifying, no tedious politicians droning on, no party schmoozing, and absolutely no celebs. Even the service personnel present – and there are quite a few – are mostly from the lower levels, and wear their everyday uniforms with no medals or decorations.
It’s like a breath of fresh air, and like a brief trip back to a better time.
And the teas are pretty good, too.
God save the Queen!
-
8
June 5, 2012 at 09:48 -
Folk often argue against a republic by suggesting we would end up with President Blair, and the monarchy is good for tourism.
Well, we might have ended up with President Blair, but at least we could vote him out of office if he turned out to be rubbish. And I understand that Legoland outstrips Windsor Castle in the tourism stakes. Equally, the French haven’t had a monarchy for a couple of centuries now, and you can go and visit their former palaces.
I bear no ill will against Elizabeth. I just think it’s time, as a country, we had a rational discussion about whether we should continue to have a mediaeval institution as head of state.
-
9
June 6, 2012 at 16:52 -
Well said
-
10
June 6, 2012 at 20:51 -
With reference to the French. Have you actually visited France?
They end up with people like Sarko and narrowly avoid Jean-Marie Le Pen.
They are schooled on rails and find it VERY difficult to think outside the box or their comfort zone.
They are taxed to the hilt, protectionist policies stifle any new business and the the government are punitive against their own people with not just Police, but paramilitary forces like the Gendarmerie and the CS, ostensibly for “security”, but really for armed control.
The children are better mannered on the whole, but crime rates aren’t much different. And yes I live in France and enjoy it, but I don’t have rose coloured specs or use the “Grass is greener” card.
-
-
11
June 5, 2012 at 10:13 -
We tried republicanism. We didn’t like it, so we invented Constitutional Monarchy instead. It’ll take a while to bed in, but so far it seems have more in it’s favour than against.
Well, if it’s a choice between Her Majesty Queen Elisabeth II or Herman Van Rumpy-Pumpy or Jose Manuel Barroso, there’s no contest, is there?
There seem to be some that are remarkably blind to their own history and heritage, and what the constancy that gives us means to us. There were, it is reported, about 1.2 million people watching the river pageant (which despite the BBC’s abysmal coverage, was absolutely superb), in the pouring rain at the end. Very British – keep calm and carry on – so I’m not the only one to think so.
Wouldn’t get that for President Blair.
God save the Queen!
-
12
June 5, 2012 at 10:15 -
“Well, we might have ended up with President Blair, but at least we could vote him out of office if he turned out to be rubbish”
Well, we saw how well that worked, did’t we?
-
13
June 5, 2012 at 10:30 -
God save the Queen! Anything less than the ‘real’ thing is mere pastiche… She may, distantly, be a German import and many of her family let the side down (stand up Charles and Andrew) but on the whole it is a good day to be British!
Imagine any of the ghastly crew listed above as President… Yuck!
-
14
June 6, 2012 at 20:55 -
“It’s not her fault her family are German imports. ”
Just noting that the Anglo-Saxons came from Um! Germany-ish. Poor old Harold!
-
-
15
June 5, 2012 at 13:00 -
President Sarkozy
President Blair
President ObamaCase rested. I’ll stick to Brenda. At least she knows how to behave.
God Save The Queen! Death to the BBC! Death to the Guardian!
-
16
June 5, 2012 at 13:06 -
I absolutely agree with all of that, Sigillum. But I suspect that most of my generation do. And I have been known to make the odd disparaging remark about their German Ancestry.
But all in all The Queen has done a marvellous job, not least standing on a boat freezing half to death for four hours at the age of 86.
I almost missed Britain for a couple of hours yesterday. -
17
June 5, 2012 at 13:18 -
I thought the “jubilee line” was what the BBC creative types availed themselves of during their piss poor planning and preparation of the coverage of the River Pageant. What could have been interesting was turned into four years of moron speaks unto moron by slebs. Only Tom Cunliffe and Dan Cruickshank said anything worth listening to and they were mostlysidelined in favour of Sandi Toksvig and Clare Balding. In comparison, I watched ITV this morning and found David Starkey an erudite, witty joy.
-
18
June 5, 2012 at 14:28 -
Tom Cunliffe is a national treasure, he sure knows his boats, his was the most interesting commentary on the affair, but sadly underutilized on the day.
-
19
June 5, 2012 at 15:17 -
Sigillum, has Peter hain really been our monarch? Well who else could have been orange? And are you suggesting the heir apparent is a lemon? Surely not.
-
20
June 5, 2012 at 15:31 -
The comparisons to Blair or Obama are ridiculous. The fact is that the Queen never has to make an unpopular decision. She never sends troops to war, cuts budgets or raises taxes. She does a lot of things that no-one really has any objection to like opening hospitals and hosting dinners. It’s like comparing traffic wardens with sweet shop owners.
The fact is that we would not elect the same sort of people to a ceremonial role. The Presidency of Ireland is a ceremonial role like the Monarchy in the UK.
So, why not just keep the Monarchy? Well, for one simple reason: they have no legitimacy. I feel no affinity for a man who believes that homeopathy works, that believes things were better before the renaissance, as the figurehead of this nation. I have no connection with Charles Windsor and will never call him King, never call him Majesty, never stand for a national anthem with his name in it. While I might not agree with the choice of an elected head of state, they would be the choice of the country.
-
21
June 5, 2012 at 16:00 -
Write out 500 times,
it is not a bilateral choice
it is not a bilateral choiceNo President, no monarch, abolish the post, just think for yourself and live life free.
-
22
June 5, 2012 at 16:24 -
I don’t see why the queen can’t continue to exist, just without public funding? Satisfies both sides!
-
23
June 5, 2012 at 17:30 -
It is Crown Property that funds The Civil List. And there is a fair old wack left over after The Royals have been paid for.
-
-
24
June 5, 2012 at 18:57 -
I do like the idea of privatising the monarchy. You’d set up a corporation (Monarchy PLC), and the public would be invited to invest in shares. At the annual shareholders meeting, we could all vote for who should be the board members and, in particular, the CEO, or “Monarch” as they’d be called.
Revenue would come from the entry fees to the various castles, tickets to concerts in the various Royal Parks. Also, the various enterprises that take up space in those parks would be charged a market rent.
The company would copyright the Union Jack and other appropriate flags, the images of the Beefeaters and other stuff that tourists so love to buy, and charge a royalty for using the images.
Parliament would be charged an appropriate fee for reading the Monarch’s Speech and for the Opening of Parliament, and we wouldn’t allow Canada or Australia to have our Monarch as head of their countries unless they paid up for the privilege.
Since any law needs the assent of the Monarch, that would be another useful source of revenue, charging perhaps 100 million pounds per law would both enrich the company, and tend to reduce the number of new laws.
Then there’s the health angle – the touch of the Monarch could be promoted as curing various diseases – it’s just another Alternative, or Complementary, medicine. Not available on the NHS, y
Comments are closed.
{ 30 comments }