Mrs Murrell Goes to Brussels.
Off she went with a trumpety-trump; trump, trump, trump…
When Nicky was leading the big parade,
She looked so proud and grand,
No more tricks for Nicky to perform,
They taught her how to take a bow,
And she took the crowd by storm.
The head of the EU was calling,
Far, far away,
They met one night, by the silvery light,
On the road to……
Er, nowhere. ‘Cos the first thing he said was ‘Are you the head of a nation state’. ‘No’ she said, ‘but I could be if you’d let me join the EU, I’d have a referendum and everything…’. ‘Come back in five years, little girl’, said Juncker. ‘Your wee country needs to be independent for five years – and have its finances in order before we could even consider it – we did explain that to you last time you asked’.
See, wee Nicola has been very careful to talk about ‘preserving Scotland’s relationship with the EU’. Relationship, not marriage. She is not the first lassie to misunderstand the difference between a marriage and being the EUs ‘bit on the side’. Still, she got some nice photographs and her more excitable supporters will have been impressed seeing her in a bear hug with her proposed new sugar daddy.
Talking of her more excitable supporters – what joy they gave us yesterday!
They have been camped out on the grass outside the Scottish Parliament for months. There is no running water there, nor sanitation, which possibly explains how some of them look, though they may have looked like that since they arrived.
Still, mustn’t judge a supporter by how he smells; rather what he says…
The #indycamp as they refer to themselves, would like to see Scottish independance. A perfectly laudable aim. However, Parliament has become disenchanted with having their ‘tanks’ parked on its lawn since last winter, and has been seeking their removal. The ensuing court case has rumbled on for months.
Now the #indycamp believe that the second Christ has arrived on this earth, and lo! he supports Scottish independence. There’s a thing! In fact they believe that the second Christ is inhabiting the body of a man called John. A. Hill – popularly believed to be the individual in kilt and camouflage jacket fast asleep in the public gallery yesterday. Who’da’thought Christ 2.0 would sleep through his first encounter with the Scottish justice system?
Afore he fell asleep, he penned an affidavit to the judge, helpfully signed ‘Christ’ which claimed that ‘pretend judges & fraudulent queen are guilty of capital crimes & should be executed’ which caused Lord Turnbull (only the finest legal brains exercised on this matter) to mutter ‘This witness statement is signed with the single word ‘Christ’ – can we talk about that for a moment?’ The witness reaffirming that Christ was indeed in court, believed that he was the rightful King of Scotland, and demanded that the Queen be brought to the witness stand, and the Stone of Scone returned to Holyrood so he could be properly ensconced on it, explained that this was indeed ‘his position’ and he expected the court to affirm it…earning the immortal response from Lord Turnbull of:
‘So part of your position is that this court has no authority, I am a fraud and I and my colleagues should be executed?”
The last time this lot were in court for a hearing on this matter, they invoked the 1707 Treaty of Union, the Declaration of Arbroath, and the UN Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples to no avail – but they were representing themselves at that time. Lord Turnball threw out all those claims, but strongly advised them to get legal representation before yesterday’s hearing on the question of ‘proportionality’.
Meanwhile, supporters of independence for Scotland who had wandered over to the malodorous camp, possibly seeking Christ, found themselves in conversation with ernest activists who asked them to sign a document ‘supporting independence’. The document, written in Blackadder font, seemed innocuous enough, so they signed. Which is how 238 people are being held accountable for the cost of this court case:
“I didn’t sign anything to say I was an active member of ‘indy’ camp. Yes, I had visited and I do support what they are doing, but it came as a huge surprise to most of us in court that our names were being put forward as those prepared to take legal responsibility. It was a massive shock to hear the Scottish Parliament want our names in order to recoup their costs.”
The costs are mounting. After consulting 144 different law firms. (I am not making this up, honest, it’s in the court papers, one of the respondents ‘told Lord Turnbull that he had contacted 144 lawyers and firms, who all told him they were ‘too busy.’) (12 x 12 – Book of Revelations?) they finally arrived at the offices of Solicitor John Flanagan. Quite what Jamie Gardiner might have done to upset Mr Flanagan we will never know – but Gardiner found himself appointed to defend this unholy case – on legal aid. Which will take at least six weeks to approve – and he was in court yesterday! He may never get paid…
The final joke is that Jamie Gardiner is famous for one thing (two actually, he was also one of the Scottish Conservative candidates for the European Parliament) – knowing where English law can be brought in to patch up lacunas in Scottish law.
Right, have you got that now? Nicola, who isn’t a Head of State is demanding a seat at a table of Heads of State which, if she can have, she can then be a Head of State (possibly) whilst her supporters are occupying a bevy of QCs to argue that the court has no authority, but before it accepts that, (and executes itself for Treason) could it please call the Queen as a witness to allow Christ to be crowned King of Scotland, using English law which they say has no authority over them…
If you have nothing better to do today, I do suggest you follow the Twitter feed of one Philip Sim who is manfully trying to maintain the BBCs commitment to impartial reporting(!!!)…he is in court again today. Keeping a straight face. Which is really above and beyond the call of duty. Give that man a medal.
The latest is:
Meanwhile I’ve been shown another affidavit saying God has made himself known in code through case number of this hearing as it adds up to 7
— Philip Sim (@BBCPhilipSim) June 30, 2016
Affidavit: Satan sends “people to get in your way, or by sending women (Nicola Sturgeon) to seduce you and prevent you from doing God’s Will”
— Philip Sim (@BBCPhilipSim) June 30, 2016
Noooo! Nicola’s supporters believe she was sent to them by the Devil?
- John Galt
June 30, 2016 at 12:48 pm -
Scotland’s budget deficit is (depending on how you allocate the oil revenues) between 6% and 9% of Scottish GDP, so far in excess of what the EU would allow an incoming member to hold.
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/mar/24/ifs-scotland-debts-three-times-greater-uk
That would mean that between winning a successful Indyref 2 and actually joining (or re-joining the EU), Nicola would have to have several years of austerity and spending cuts. While the Scots would quite like to be rid of the shackles of Westminster, they do like the money they get, so they might where the tartan and shout “Freedom”, but they will vote in the economic self interest for remaining within the UK.
- John Galt
June 30, 2016 at 1:17 pm -
Forgot about the mandatory signing up to the Euro for all new members. That works really well when 64% of your exports are to the UK and denominated in £’s sterling. Enjoy your currency risk Nicola!
- Rossa
June 30, 2016 at 5:48 pm -
She’s already touting the ‘new’ Scottish currency. Hmm….current one is the Scottish Pound (just different ink on the same paper) and the new one she wants is the Euro. Same again. So what’s new?
- Rossa
- Rossa
June 30, 2016 at 5:45 pm -
Well she could always ask the ‘Vampire Squid’ who helped the Greek Govt get in! They seem to be the world experts for ‘cooking the books’. This time for haggis rather than calamari?
- John Galt
- windsock
June 30, 2016 at 12:52 pm -
The world has truly gone mad – in Scotland, in England, in USA… let’s have party and sod ’em all.
- John Galt
June 30, 2016 at 1:00 pm -
BRExit – the gift that keeps on giving!
Advance, Britannia! Long live the cause of freedom! God save the Queen!
- Michael Massey
June 30, 2016 at 1:14 pm -
As Nicola Sturgeon knows full well, Spain will block any suggestion of Scotland becoming an EU Member State in any circumstances. And others like Belgium will as necessary join them were there any risk of anything providing aid/comfort/precedent for bits of their territories splitting off.
When will her “Named Person” step in?
- John Galt
June 30, 2016 at 1:16 pm -
Don’t forget that France has the same problem with the Basque region and Corsica wanting to split off.
Italy too, with the whole North / South divide being proposed.
- Rossa
June 30, 2016 at 5:51 pm -
Gibraltar, Channel Islands, Isle of Man.
Anyone see the Falkland Islands leaving us to join the EU to escape Argentina……
- Rossa
- windsock
June 30, 2016 at 1:16 pm -
Alex is busy in London…
- John Galt
- Joe Public
June 30, 2016 at 1:17 pm -
Can anyone explain why the Jimmy Krankie lookalike – https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/ad_165828585.jpg – wants to leave the UK so Scotland has more control over itself, yet campaigns to be in the EU so Scotland has less control over itself.
- John Galt
June 30, 2016 at 1:31 pm -
Because everything that goes wrong in Scotland is the fault of the English government in Westminster, so after Indy Ref 2 she would need a new scapegoat in the form of the EU in Brussels.
This sort of hypocrisy is exactly why between 30% and 40% of SNP members voted for BRExit.
- Pud
July 1, 2016 at 12:35 pm -
That’s exactly the question I posed to my wife’s relatives before the independence referendum. My wife’s dad was Scottish and we were in Scotland talking about the referendum with her two uncles, two cousins and a cousin’s son who all explained why they wanted independence from England, which in a nutshell came down to they felt Scottish taxes went towards funding a far away government which didn’t represent Scottish interests and in which Scotland was regularly outvoted, so Scotland didn’t get the policies it wanted. I explained that I understood their position, but couldn’t understand why the SNP wanted Scotland to stay in the EU, because their argument for leaving the UK was the same as my feelings about the EU. None of them (all graduates) could explain this contradiction.
- John Galt
- JimS
June 30, 2016 at 1:23 pm -
I hope Nicola paid her own fare and used up some of her annual leave allowance.
As all of her government powers are delegated to her by Westminster and foreign affairs aren’t on the list she is breaking the law if she used public funds for the trip. Perhaps the Auditor General should cast an eye over her claim forms?
- Doonhamer
June 30, 2016 at 2:17 pm -
144 lawyers?
A bit gross, Shirley.- Juliet46
June 30, 2016 at 4:06 pm -
Gross, yes – but don’t call me Shirley…
- Juliet46
- The Blocked Dwarf
June 30, 2016 at 3:17 pm -
Heaven forfend I might accuse the Landlady of any kind of sloppy research but I have to ask, what is she basing her reading of what JCJ said to Nicky Fish on? Not British MSM ‘reports’ by any chance? Firstly ,Nicky didn’t just get a hug off JCJ but also met with Schultz so 2 out of the 3 people who really matter in the EU…not bad for a lass from Irvine..who isn’t even a HoS.
I don’t know if there was any official press statement after the meeting ,indeed I think it was planned for there not to be? But let’s have a glance at what JCJ said, or is reported to have said by the German MSM (and bear in mind it is important that it is the German speaking MSM-the language JCJ plots all his dastardly schemes in) :Juncker sagte dazu: “Schottland muss seine Stimme in Brüssel geltend machen.” Die EU werde sich aber nicht “in interne britische Verfahren” einmischen-http://diepresse.com/home/politik/eu/5039736/EUSpitze_Kein-a-la-carteZugang-zum-Binnenmarkt
So, a Quick N Dirty translation : “Scotland must make it’s voice felt in Brussels” (Lit: Must give it’s voice value in Brussels)” and “the EU will however not get involved in internal british affairs”.
One doesn’t need to be any kind of EU watcher to understand exactly what JCJ meant. The clue is in the ‘internal British’. If Scotland is suddenly no longer a member of the UK then Nicky need not worry (if she has prep’d Brussels right ie neutralizes the Spanish) about 5 year waiting times and pesky ‘stabile economies’.
- Rossa
June 30, 2016 at 5:56 pm -
JCJ welcomed Farage with a hug and kiss, saying “what are you doing here”, allegedly. Did the same with our Dave on Tuesday, minus the alleged words. Oh, the tangled web is weaved.
- The Blocked Dwarf
June 30, 2016 at 6:26 pm -
I could easily believe JCJ & The Farage Smeagol get on well personally – if they know each other outside ‘work’, and I have no clue if they do. Both are politicians by nature and politicians tend to get on better with their opponents than members of their own party..strangely enough….et tu Boris?
I don’t know how JCJ + Nicky Fish was reported here (am trying to avoid reading The Bestes Frau In The World’s DM lest my fingers absorb , by some freaky form of osmosis, the mythology around Brexit) but the german MSM made it very clear that it was done for the symbolism and as a snub to Davy Boy.
- The Blocked Dwarf
- Andrew Duffin
July 1, 2016 at 2:43 pm -
Your last paragraph is right on the money, Mr. Dwarf.
The treaties may propose, but the commission disposes.
If it suits The Project ( and it very well may) to admit Scotland without any formalities or fuss about the numbers, then that is what they’ll do.
Just like Greece.
And once they’re in, just like Greece may be how they end up; much as they hate the English (and that’s what is behind ALL their schemes, policies, webs, and stratagems), they will find that Schauble and Draghi are somewhat less accommodating masters than Westminster. 50% youth unemployment in Scotland, anyone?
Be careful what you wish for.
- Rossa
- Dioclese
June 30, 2016 at 4:00 pm -
When I were in Scotland a wee while back this year, I was impressed by the number of self promoting signs everywhere proclaiming that “This project was partly funded by the European Union”
Trouble is that they forgot to mention that the rest was funded by the Scottish Parliament using money they got from England and that the part that was funded by the EU was actually funded by returning funds they’d originally got from the UK in the first place.
So – doesn’t quite mean what it says does it? Sounds good tho’
- JimS
June 30, 2016 at 5:21 pm -
That is similar to all the ‘good’ that is done in Scotland from ‘Assembly’ funds, it’s UK money that the SNP takes credit for. Of course when things are ‘bad’ it is all Westminster’s fault so it’s win-win for Nicola. This of course is the exact opposite of what happens in the UK as a whole, the EU gets to put up the ‘good’ flags while Westminster gets blamed for the ‘bad’, even though it might be from a EU directive.
As an aside I never could understand the idea that Scotland has no voice in Westminster. It gets more MPs per capita, its sons and daughters run the civil service and the last three prime ministers have been ethnic Scots!
- Joe Public
June 30, 2016 at 5:40 pm -
Dioclese – “I was impressed by the number of self promoting signs everywhere proclaiming that “This project was partly funded by the European Union””
No need to be impressed.
It is a compulsory requirement that recipients of EU largesse proclaim the fact to all & sundry.
An army of penpushers created the “Communication and Visibility Manual for EU External Actions”:
http://ec.europa.eu/europeaid/work/visibility/index_en.htm_en
- Rossa
June 30, 2016 at 6:04 pm -
One of the biggest issues was that all this EU money was spent on things that most people who voted Leave couldn’t afford to go to anyway. Made me laugh when Cornwall voted Leave but then wanted assurances they’d still get their promised £60 million. What for? Another Eden Project. As one person in Sunderland said “if you’ve got money you voted Remain, if you’ve got no money you voted Leave”.
When you’re at the bottom of the pile then there’s no place to go but up. All the economic scaremongering fell on deaf ears. Why should these people care if the millionaires and billionaires lose their money. It’s hardly going to affect you when you can’t lose what you don’t have in the first place.
- The Blocked Dwarf
June 30, 2016 at 6:30 pm -
Made me laugh when Cornwall voted Leave but then wanted assurances they’d still get their promised £60 million
Indeed, more front than a row of beach huts…oops sorry I mean ‘bijou rustic water front properties within easy walking distance of the surf school’
- The Blocked Dwarf
- Rossa
- JimS
- binao
June 30, 2016 at 4:24 pm -
I’m grateful to have had the chance to live and work in Scotland, admittedly some years ago, but it was a useful education.
Regardless of the muddled posturing of Mrs Sturgeon, it would be extremely discourteous if the eu were to interfere in internal matters in the UK; perhaps not as dangerous as in Russia’s backyard.
Still, no opportunity can be missed by the SNP to divert attention from reality.
Just a view. - Bill Sticker
June 30, 2016 at 4:27 pm -
“I didn’t sign anything to say I was an active member of ‘indy’ camp. Yes, I had visited and I do support what they are doing, but it came as a huge surprise to most of us in court that our names were being put forward as those prepared to take legal responsibility. It was a massive shock to hear the Scottish Parliament want our names in order to recoup their costs.”
That is sooo precious and a good reason never to sign petitions unless you know exactly what you’re signing for. Thank you for putting a smile on my face this morning Anna.
- Ho Hum
June 30, 2016 at 5:45 pm -
Well, with Boris the Last having swanned off, the English contribution to this tragi-comedy is now down to St Theresa the Snoop and the Blessed Andrea who, it must be admitted, may turn out to be a bit of a banker
Otherwise, maybe you should be thankful that Scotland has thrown in Christ the Second, Laird Liam Fuxup o’ East Kilbride, Yon Loon Gove fae Aberdein, and, albeit with a sideways detour through Wales, the Invernesian Crabb.
And if worst comes to worst, and it’s finally realised that Brexile is a self imposed catastrophe, I’m sure the SuperNaturalPowers Quine will help out as best she can by voting the country back to some form of normality. Assuming of course that by that time the Corbynites have finished smiting each other into oblivion and can agree not to go into different lobbies 2 by 2 just to spite themselves
- windsock
June 30, 2016 at 6:05 pm -
Minor quibble – don’t you mean the Labour Party rather than the Corbynites?
- Ho Hum
June 30, 2016 at 10:24 pm -
- Ho Hum
June 30, 2016 at 10:26 pm -
But a term with -ites or -istas in it sounds so much more exciting, doesn’t it? LOL
- windsock
July 1, 2016 at 8:02 am -
“-ites”, in keeping with Anna’s post “Mensheviks v. Leninists.” works.
I’m getting a bit tired of the spread of “-istas” . USA now has “Clintonistas”. Like she’s some radical insurgent. OK.
I’ll accept historical use as in Sandinista, or possibly as a description of the young person who serves me coffee – barista (but even that is pushing it). It is true, I am a linguistic sourpuss. Other things that are annoying: EUSSR, Liebour/ZaNuLabour, LimpDems, Camoron/Gidiot, all funny the first time, and lazy smartarse cliches thereafter- but as the turmoil continues, I do notice a decrease in these terms (or perhaps it’s because a lot of newspapers and magazines are restricting access to comment these days – and hence there is little reason to read them; the comments on the Telegraph were often more interesting than the articles).
- windsock
- Ho Hum
- Ho Hum
- windsock
- Stewart Cowan
June 30, 2016 at 6:03 pm -
“Satan sends “people to get in your way, or by sending women (Nicola Sturgeon) to seduce you and prevent you from doing Gods Will””
I see nothing wrong with this statement.
But this ‘christ’ fellow has a problem. I have a feeling he’s not the real deal, for the real Christ will return in power and great glory and everyone will be able to see Him. This camp doesn’t seem to fit the bill!
If the Stone of Scone/Destiny, currently in hiding, presumably somewhere in Scotland after having been reportedly replaced by a fake after it was stolen from Westminster Abbey in 1950 by Scots Nats, is really Jacob’s pillow/pillar as some claim, then he might gather a large cult following if he can be crowned on it.
A false christ to go with a fake Queen Nicki. I may be moving back to England quite soon…
- Rossa
June 30, 2016 at 6:07 pm -
Um, Binao….the EU has been meddling in our affairs for at least 40 years. What makes you believe they will stop now. Unfortunately, manners don’t come into it any more, sadly.
- Carol42
June 30, 2016 at 6:07 pm -
I am a Scot living in England but my grandchildren are in Scotland and I do find the SNP worrying and wish they would get on with trying to be a decent government and forget independence at least until they can figure out how they would find a currency to use!
- tdf
June 30, 2016 at 8:14 pm -
Carol42,
Read John Galt’s post above. Mandatory signing up to the euro for new EU members. If Scotland secceded from the UK and joined the EU in its own right as an independent country, then it would be treated as a new member.
If it wasn’t for that, the currency issue would be easy. They could simply print a new currency, call it the Scots pound (it doesn’t matter what it’s called or which monarch’s or leader’s head is on it, that part of the issue is a sidetrack) and track a basket of currencies based on which countries they traded with.
- carol42
June 30, 2016 at 10:13 pm -
As I understand it of course they could use the pound but it would not be backed by a central bank as the Bank of England would not support it and without central bank backing it is not possible to join the Euro? be glad if anyone can put me right on this.
- tdf
June 30, 2016 at 10:31 pm -
They could set up their own central bank, print their own bank notes, and ‘track’ the pound, much like Denmark does with the Euro, or Ireland did with the punt between 1979 and 1992. As I understand it, that wouldn’t be the economically optimal thing to do though. It would make more sense to start their own currency and track a basket of currencies which would include, say, the pound sterling, the euro, the US dollar, and others. But seemingly Brussels wouldn’t let them to do that. Hence, Catch 22.
“All Member States of the European Union, except Denmark and the United Kingdom, are required to adopt the euro and join the euro area. To do this they must meet certain conditions known as ‘convergence criteria’.”
http://ec.europa.eu/economy_finance/euro/adoption/who_can_join/index_en.htm
- Don Cox
July 1, 2016 at 8:41 am -
An independent Scotland doesn’t have to have its own currency. They can use any mixture of the pound, dollar, Euro, or Rand that they like.
Zimbabwe has been using the dollar for several years. The only problem there is that the ruling class have been taking all the dollar notes out of the country and paying them into overseas bank accounts, so the country has run out of cash. That would probably not happen in Scotland.
- tdf
- carol42
- tdf
- tdf
June 30, 2016 at 8:04 pm -
I’ll all out of opinions and analysis so here is a comedy sketch I prepared earlier:
- tdf
June 30, 2016 at 8:18 pm -
I am sympathetic to the idea of Scottish independence on principle, to the SNP, less so, partially for the kinds of reasons mentioned by John Galt above.
Plus the fact I found out only recently that one of the SNP’s main online propagandists apparently doesn’t even live in Scotland.
- Stuart
July 2, 2016 at 6:18 pm -
Ah that’ll be the fake ‘Reverend’ Stuart Campbell of ‘Wings over Scotland’ infamy, a man who blamed Hillsborough on the Liverpool fans, among other things.
However the ‘Rev’, has been raking it in from his ‘Alert readers’ with a series of fund raisers, enabling him to live in a smart luxury townhouse in Bath.
- Stuart
- Mudplugger
June 30, 2016 at 8:56 pm -
I suspect the best phrase to encapsulate the nature of Ms Sturgeon would be ‘delusions of adequacy’. But in her chosen profession, she will not stand out, as she is but one of many.
- The Blocked Dwarf
July 1, 2016 at 8:19 am -
I see from the front page of The Bestes Frau In The World’s Daily Xenophobe that Boris has , to put it in the parlance of his former city. been ‘well stitched up, turned over, done good and proper, Guv’ner’
Oh dear, Clinton-Merkel-May The 3 Horsewomen of the Menopausalypse.
- sally stevens
July 2, 2016 at 1:52 am -
Holy tampons, Dwarf! Those women are already done with that menopause thing long ago. Btw, did anyone notice that Trump has a suit for child molestation filed against him in State court this last week or so? Raped a 13 year old back in 94 – in front of a witness. Both were threatened with death if they talked. The judge that heard the petition to toll the statute agreed to do so, allowing this woman to bring suit.
- sally stevens
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