In times of yore, Kelvin MacKenzie, then at the helm of the great ship âSunâ, was of the opinion that the answer to the question âwhat is a journalist forâ was âto put a ferret up the trousers of a politician and see how long he could stand the painâ. Sometimes, so it is rumoured, the victim would turn out to be shagging the daughter of a major advertiser in that great and honourable tome â and then the cry would go up from the editorial suite â âReverse Ferretâ, and henceforth all editorials would be sickening in their sycophancy towards said politician. The first rule of journalism has always been âput your mortgage firstâ.
The past couple of weeks has been an education into how fast the ferrets can be retrieved. There can never be any question that the journalists got it wrong in the first place, thus their âinvestigationsâ now centre on whoseÂ fault is it that they got it so wrong?
In the case of the VIP Paedophile Ring, their first port of call was, of course, Jimmy Savile. If only heâd had the decency to provide them with libel proof evidence that he was a Paedophile â perhaps a ghost written article; or a YouTube confession? But he didnât. In death, they had done their literary best, cherry picking allegations from the NHS reports into sightings of him walking harmlessly in a hospital car park, but it had been hard going grooming a nation into believing that they had done their best to expose Savile as a man that you couldnât even mention âhelped your careerâ in your autobiography. The Daily Mail article quoting Tom Jones: âTo me, he was a good man‘Â darenât accept comments…
Henceforth, all articles were to contain the phrase: âSince the failure of the [BBC/NHS/Police/Rival newspapers/Politicians/the Pope/the Archbishop of Canterbury â insert as appropriate] to expose Savileâ we have been understandably led astray by a series of allegations] by the Pied Pipers of Paedo Panic].
Mark Watts was the first to feel the furry embrace of the Ferret. It was all his fault. He should never have been fooled by the likes of Chris Fay. If heâd only read the media! He would have known that Fay was a convicted fraudster, with a reputation for dodgy tales.
Then the ferret dived up the ample trouser leg of Tom Watson. âWhat was he thinking, announcing to parliament that the tales of a dodgy character like Mark Watts could bear public scrutiny â why didnât he just quietly tell the police what he thought instead of putting it on the record in Hansard where we could all repeat it?â.
Yesterday, the bewildered ferret was set under the multi-coloured layers of Ms Batmanghelidjh. Hadnât she fed us a ânon-stop spiel of psychobabbleâ? Didnât she tell us that the streets would run with rivers of blood as Lambeth descended into rival savagery if we didnât help her persuade intellectual giants like Coldplay, wot give us free tickets to their shows anâ everything, to keep the drug dealers of that parish in good humour? Did she or didnât she say that âthe Police had caught a fully grown teenage lad in mid-air, jumping from a bridgeâ to justify spending Â£73,000 on him because the mental health authorities âwouldnât help himâ? Did we ask âwhich police officerâ? âWas he injuredâ? âDid he get an awardâ? âWho got the Â£73,000â? Nah, we didnât even ask whether she had a qualification in psychobabble. [She hasnât, itâs in Theatre and Dramatic Arts , wouldnât you just know it?].
Today the ferret has been sighted heading for Peter McKelvieâs testicles. McKelvie is another Pied Piper of Paedo Panic, a Â£300 a day professional whistleblower for the Goddard Inquiry. He told Tom Watson that âa cabinet minister was linked to child molestersâ â not Tom Watsonâs fault then….he was just doing his civic duty, spreading the gossip. Gossip it was too:
Mike Hames, respected ex head of the Metâs paedophile squad, added: âMr Watsonâs claims about the Downing Street-linked paedophile ring set the hare running on the VIP sex ring scandal. But there has never been any substance to these claims, which originated from Mr McKelvie.â
Mr McKelvie has close links to a man known as âNickâ, who claims to have witnessed the murder of three boys by a gang of elite figures including former premier Edward Heath and ex- Home Secretary Leon Brittan. But police now have âgrave doubtsâ about Nickâs claims.
Thatâs a relief â up the leg of the Deputy Leader of the Labour party is no place to store your ferret when you have column inches to fill. âMortgage firstâ Remember?
The ferret hasnât yet ventured up any uniformed legs â but give it time. The Metropolitan Police has much to answer for. Chronically short of funds, it found Â£30 million to spend investigating journalists for listening into unprotected celebrity cell phone messages; another Â£30 million to write down allegations against Jimmy Savile; but a mere Â£200,000 to investigate London gangs responsible for 40 per cent of all shootings and 20 per cent of all recorded violent crime! Today the MPS have pre- empted any ferreting by declaring in respect of the Brittan debacle:
âA decision to take no further action in respect of this allegation would undoubtedly have resulted in media criticismâ
An astounding admission of the media wagging the Met tail â worth reading the linked report in full. No evidence, they knew they had no evidence, but were scared of the consequences of saying so…
Years ago, many of us watched âThe Wireâ, set in Baltimore. With forensic accuracy, it exposed the interdependency of the wrong doers, the law, the police, the media, and the politicians, and how their actions were dictated by the need to maintain their position within their particular tribe. Attempts to âdo the right thingâ for society in general, by any of the players, invariably resulted in them slipping down the greasy ladder. We marvelled at this insight into the corruption, intentional or otherwise, by American institutions. Will any documentary maker have the courage to make a London version of âThe Wireâ?
All the players, the Pied Pipers of Paedo-Panic, from the Poundshop Gumshoe â Mark Williams-Thomas, to Witchfinder General Tom Watson, along with Camilla Batman and the footsoldiers of the #CSAÂ movement, Mark Watts and Peter MacKelvie, claim to be âholding the establishment to accountâ.
In truth, the Pied Pipers are the new establishment, calling the tune, protecting their own, dictating who is victim and who is to be denounced. It is they who leak information to the media, they who ensure that allegations against Cliff Richard receive prime time exposure and helicopter coverage. They have become the red guards of the Chinese revolution. They are the VIPs.
Have fun watching them ferret out who is to be Head Honcho.
The dominant groups in society and their customs or institutions.