The Hunt for Red September
Being a starving artist in a garret and all that, social outings aren’t so abundant; but I do make a point of venturing out to my local parade of shops each morning and if there’s one thing guaranteed to raise a smile when I’m not in the best of moods to face the world, it’s the newspaper stand at Sainsbury’s. Oh, how the headlines on the Mail, Express and Sun have cheered me up over the years; even though the shock-horror scaremongering is intended to have the opposite effect, those headlines often provide me with the biggest laugh of the day. I’ve sometimes noticed grim-faced soothsayers gathered round the papers glaring at me when I let rip with a hearty chuckle, but I can’t help it. I hope all three papers keep going as long as I’m living, if only for the free entertainment value they provide, especially when the autumnal onset is slowly making mornings indistinguishable from evenings.
This week there have been encouraging signs that the Mail, Express and Sun have regained their mojo in a big way; they’ve been gifted with a new hate figure upon whom to project their ‘end of the world is nigh’ forecasts, and he’s not an Islamic terrorist or a dead Paedo; he’s the new leader of the Labour Party.
Seven days on from his astonishing election as Opposition Tsar, Jeremy Corbyn has excited the right side of Fleet Street like no Public Enemy No.1 since Arthur Scargill. Ed Miliband had a rough ride, true; but that was basically playground name-calling. His policies were largely superfluous to his comedy voice and geekiness as far as the press was concerned, for he did his best to court favour with Middle England and its promotional brochures as he munched his way through a bacon sandwich, all to no avail. So far, Corbyn has given no indication that he wishes to seduce Murdoch, Dacre and the rest of them; the impression is that he has nothing but scathing contempt for the barons.
The response of the barons has been a string of front cover horror stories that have honed in on Corbyn’s most extreme opinions, hurled from the safety of the backbenches when he never imagined he would be leading his party; just as Nick Clegg could confidently announce his intentions to scrap tuition fees without an inkling the promise would be put to the test in government, Corbyn has regularly tossed a series of cats into the Westminster pigeon loft, something backbench MPs routinely do as a means of making themselves heard above the Commons cacophony. But you have to hand it to the editors of these rags; they know what buttons to press. Corbyn is anti-monarchy, anti-nuclear deterrent and anti-rich; he’s pro-Palestine (which means pro-Hamas), pro-nationalisation and pro-republican. He once met Venezuela’s democratically elected President, the late Hugo Chavez, while Mr Cameron recently attended the funeral of a despot in a country poised to literally crucify a teenager. Corbyn’s absence of acceptable patriotism has also been seized upon this week by papers owned by tax-dodging nom-doms; but read their prophesies of doom ‘n’ gloom on a salt-free diet and the only alternative to the socialist holocaust on the horizon is to run to the hills and locate a cave to hide out in, playing ‘God Save the Queen’ on a loop (and singing along while you hack the mobiles of Her Majesty’s grandchildren, of course!) until the all-clear signal rings out across the ruins of Albion.
The reaction of the Government to Corbyn’s election was interesting. Like many, I assumed the Tories would be ordering fresh batches of St Michael’s underwear to compensate for all the pairs soiled by the hilarity that accompanied the possibility of a Corbyn victory. Defence Secretary Michael Fallon launched the first missive, preempting his Fleet Street friends by declaring Corbyn as a threat to the country’s safety; coming from a man who has overseen record redundancies in the armed forces and thinks replacing professional soldiers with part-time amateurs is a good way of securing the country’s safety, it was an odd remark to make. Anyone would think the Government was worried.
David Cameron’s first dispatch box confrontation with Corbyn must have been quite a challenge for the PM. He naturally expected to be crossing swords with yet another estate agent from the Spad conveyor belt and instead found himself face-to-face with the kind of politician his hero Tony was supposed to have rendered extinct. Cooper, Kendall or Burnham would have been a walkover; he spoke their language because they’re cut from the same cloth. But all, bar Burnham, have gone. The priceless stony-faced expressions of the Blairites when Corbyn was confirmed as leader reminded me of the losing nominees at an Oscars ceremony; that they then flounced out of the shadow cabinet as one was portrayed as a damaging body blow to Labour. But losing Tristram Hunt or Chukka Umunna a body blow? If Blair was Elvis, these second generation imitations were Vince Eager or Duffy Power (ask your gran) – crap tribute acts in the absence of the Real McCoy. They’ll be missed like a lanced boil.
The press, along with the Tories, are using a language to demonise Corbyn and his team that has an almost quaint, nostalgic feel to it. ‘Loony Left’ was a phrase most of us thought had disappeared around 1992, yet it’s been excavated from the lost lexicon of political lingo. References to the Winter of Discontent might mean something to those of us over-40, but for many under that landmark age, it’s about as relevant a reference as the General Strike or the Corn Laws. The election of Corbyn has given both the Government and Fleet Street an opportunity to recycle archaic insults because they’ve been so wrong-footed by this sudden and fairly dramatic resurgence of Old Labour that they haven’t have time to invent any new ones.
Imagine if one of the other contenders in the Labour leadership contest had won. We’d be exposed to endless vacuous spin-doctor sound-bites for the next five years, Westminster Birt-speak designed not to excite or offend. Female columnists would be mocking the dress sense of Cooper and Kendall while the male ones would be poking fun at Burnham’s Action Man hair and his eyelashes; but all three would still come across as Tory-Lite lame ducks and no doubt this very blog would be awash with comments on how there’s no difference between Labour and Tory and that they all look and sound the same. The electorate, especially those uninspired enough not to bother voting, would most likely agree; and the few prepared to journey to the polling booth would opt for the safe hands that have spent the past five years preserving the status quo.
What’s happening with Labour at the moment is utterly bonkers and nobody knows what the hell comes next. I think I’d rather have that than another half-decade of CGI politicians saying nothing to me about my life. Besides, there’s another half-decade to look forward to of headlines that help start the day with a guffaw. So, enjoy the break from daytime TV politics and settle down for the post-watershed drama. I’ve a feeling we ain’t seen nothing yet.
Petunia Winegum
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September 19, 2015 at 9:09 am -
Superb Grasshopper!
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September 19, 2015 at 9:15 am -
Perhaps they’ll find out that he once met Jimmy Savile, then that’ll be the end of him.
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September 19, 2015 at 2:17 pm -
To the contrary- it seems to be mainly Tories who met & mingled with Sir Jimmy Savile OBE & it doesn’t seem to have done them any harm. Petunia has picked up on many points that ocurred to me & I have no doubt also ocurred to those who voted for him. The harking back to another age of the ‘loony left’ simply isn’t resonating with anyone under 40. They just haven’t a clue what the tabloids are on about. (And I guarantee there are an awful lot of very old people who would simply love to go back to the future.)
I doubt they wouldn’t have a clue who Neil Kinnock is. And the tabloids are really showing just how out of touch they really are. And over the next 5 years, there is going to be an awful lot of under 40s who will vote in 2020.
Reports of Corbyn’s demise are greatley exaggerated.
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September 19, 2015 at 9:35 am -
It is extremely difficult to think of a dozen politicians in Westminster who have earned my respect for their efforts. Oh that we have sunk to this state of affairs. The relentless 24 hour news and the opportunity for soundbites is to be deplored.
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September 19, 2015 at 9:39 am -
I’m thinking of going for counselling….I listen to Corbyn and have a grudging admiration for him. Is there any hope for me?
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September 19, 2015 at 10:17 am -
I listened to his speech to the TUC. Couldn’t get much more of a change from Blair. Whatever his views, the word “authentic” came to mind. I actually found little with which I disagreed
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September 19, 2015 at 4:10 pm -
No. Only recovered memories of more past political abuse
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September 19, 2015 at 5:50 pm -
I repeat from 8 days ago:
“Yeah well Hitler was not a phony either.
If Camoron’s PR clowns told him that wearing a transparent codpiece would increase his popularity, he would do so.
If PR fools had told Adolf that his mustache was not popular with the female demographic and he should shave it off they would have been in the Gestapo cellars within a half hour.
Sincerity is over-rated.”
Corbyn is a supremely evil puke–treason on spindly old mans legs.
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September 19, 2015 at 6:31 pm -
“I’m thinking of going for counselling”………I prescribe a series of three-day work weeks, scheduled power shutdowns, wage and price controls, limits on the amount of money you can take abroad and cessation of garbage collection until the urge to admire him subsides.
A straight-talking politician is one thing, a straight-talking nineteen-seventies marxist student agitator wannabee is quite another
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September 19, 2015 at 9:43 am -
Much as we should all welcome the arrival of some principles in party leaders, it’s not taken long for the ‘principled’ Corbyn to execute some amazingly fast reverse moonwalking, as he’s already been forced to dump his apparently ‘deeply held’ principles on the EU, NATO and Trident – and that’s less than a week in – he’ll be all for heavy austerity next. Add to this his Shadow Chancellor’s urgent revision of his long-held views on honouring murderous terrorists and the distinct feeling arises that they have quickly worked out the key difference between appealing to a tiny, irrelevant activist group and a wider voting public influenced by a media with different objectives.
We live in interesting times, nowhere more so than in the bowels of the Labour Party – it is to be hoped that its future motions offer a more attractive aroma than those currently sneaking out, only to be brutally wiped away by the untorn newspapers of the right.-
September 19, 2015 at 10:15 am -
“Parish Notice” Mudplugger. I have followed your advice and purchased at a perfectly reasonable price an Aldi own brand triple bladed razor and blades. Job done, sorted. No more rip offs. Thank you.
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September 19, 2015 at 8:11 pm -
Glad to be of service – my own Aldi face-scraper is still going well too.
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September 19, 2015 at 4:17 pm -
All politicians suffer twice from amnesia
Once, when running for office. Secondly, after attaining office
Well, it’s either that or they lie at least once more often than the person who first said George Washington couldn’t tell one
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September 19, 2015 at 10:23 pm -
“the key difference between appealing to a tiny, irrelevant activist group and a wider voting public influenced by a media with different objectives”
So what are you saying?
Guardian/Observer/Independent readers are not representative of the bulk of the electorate?What “objectives” have the media got I wonder. In this context is it just a politician that they feel is beyond their influence/control?
But then they do have Tom Watson don’t they?I also read that he’s co-opted Sir Darth Vader, our glorious ex DPP and inventor of the Savilisation Process that destroys Civilisation.
If Watson and Starmer represent Corbyn’s political pals and judgements, then I’m with Paul Dacre, but perhaps not for the same reasons.
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September 19, 2015 at 10:13 am -
Well said indeed. Being a small “c” conservative I would doubtless disagree with Mr Corbyn on many matters. Mr. Corbyn is the descendant of a long English political tradition, the Leveller and what I call “the Contrarian”, somewhat pathologically hardwired to reject everything the standard Daily Mail reader (that includes me, when I need to get my blood pressure up a bit) would value and stand for. But, leaving aside the psychology, I have found myself listening to what he has actually said as leader, as opposed to may have said in the past. I haven’t disagreed greatly with any of it. For example there is a housing crisis and a lack of affordable rented homes. There are worrying inequalities of wealth and poverty. Even I regard the present conservative proposals of Trade Union “reform” as worryingly extreme. So he doesn’t sing God save the Queen? Well if he doesn’t believe in God and believes that the monarch is an anachronism, these are rational views and that is on one view a principled stance. I had not notice that it is a crime. I am sure the Queen doesn’t give a rat’s arse. And as for question time, frankly I much preferred proper questions from proper people than the previous posturing. So what if he doesn’t have a good suit. Haven’t people been calling for years for a change from the manufactured/spun, plastic politicians? At the moment I have actually seen nothing but a sincere man with whom I would probably disagree – and what’s so wrong with that. And indeed what is so wrong with having an alternative to “austerity”? Is there no argument to be had?
As it happens, I find the reports of some of his previous observations and views deeply troubling, and anyone who can poke Diane Abbott needs to be locked away for their own good, but on what he has actually said and done so far I have no problem. So well said, Petunia.-
September 19, 2015 at 6:06 pm -
“For example there is a housing crisis”
Is there ? I am reading a book about London written in 1955, and he remarks that while there is a housing shortage, there has probably always been a housing shortage in London because it keeps growing.
The 3-bed semi next door to me has been for sale at £240,000 for six months. Most streets in this suburban area have two or three houses for sale. But this isn’t London.
And as for “austerity”, government spending goes on rising and rising. It hasn’t been cut.
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September 19, 2015 at 6:33 pm -
September 19, 2015 at 8:23 pm -
What Corbyn has done so far, in his perfectly calm, unemotional and reasonable delivery, has been to outline some of the problems on which we are all agreed – there is indeed a housing crisis, there is indeed inequality etc. – nothing new there. But we look to, and elect, governments to come up with solutions to the problems and, to date, Corbyn has not offered any which would pass the muster of reality.
I really don’t care if he mimes the national anthem (only please do a better job than John Redwood did with the unpronounceable Welsh one), I’m not too exercised by his past humping with the undelectable Diane Abbott or his 1970s geography teacher wardrobe, but I’d like to hear some hard facts about real solutions to real problems, not just the traditional red rhetoric of ‘soak the rich and it will all be alright’ – he can’t and it won’t.
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September 19, 2015 at 12:09 pm -
half-decade of CGI politicians
That one i shall nick.
Being a starving artist in a garret
Not enough pathos! “Being a starving artist in a freezing garret, with nothing but the rats and Johnny Walker for company, peering out each morning through the frozen nicotine stains on my window whilst the cockroaches scurry along the sill before succumbing to the TCH infused patina or downing in last night’s Sweet N Sour Alsatian -today’s breakfast.” You have to let them know how you suffer for your art….otherwise you will never get a lottery grant.
As to JC, Frank D informs me that he is an anti-smoking zealot fascist piglet . Therefore he will not be getting my vote-if I could be bothered to actually go on the Electoral Roll. As Harry Waters says: “You’ve got to stick to your principles.” He can give away his entire MP’s salary to help the “Rescued Elderly black lesbian Hamas whippets” and have the Taff Vale decision engraved in Eco-friendly recycled long polymers in the middle of ‘Red Square’ (formerly known as ‘Trafalgar’), he can do things in a Brussels Hotel with Juncker and Merkel that don’t bear repeating. But if he isn’t going to repeal the Smoking Verbot then it’s all just sheep dip.
Capnophobe in a bleeding donkey jacket.
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September 19, 2015 at 12:43 pm -
“Being a starving artist in a freezing garret, with nothing but the rats and Johnny Walker for company, peering out each morning through the frozen nicotine stains on my window whilst the cockroaches scurry along the sill before succumbing to the TCH infused patina or downing in last night’s Sweet N Sour Alsatian -today’s breakfast.”
I can spot a visitor to Petunia Towers at 100 paces. That is the voice of an authentic visitor…
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September 19, 2015 at 5:50 pm -
Sweet n sour QUORN Alsatian, I’ll have you know!
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September 19, 2015 at 6:16 pm -
QUORN
Now that’s what I’m talking about! Let the public KNOW how you suffer, what herculean trials and tribulations you take upon yourself for their literary pleasure. Show them the depths of depravity you have staggered drunkenly down to.
I can just imagine ‘the Major’ (catering corp) peering over the top of his Times Lit Supp and Earl Grey at breakfast and declaring to the Memsahib ” I say Ol’Gal, this Monroe chappy has just come out as a vegetarian! Good God, is there nothing he will not stoop to?! We would not have tolerated such chaps in the Kings Own Highland Burger Buggerers, no Sir!”
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September 19, 2015 at 5:52 pm -
Not even a ‘radical’ would go so far as to revoke the smoking ban! I watched an episode of ‘Yes, Prime Minister’ the other day in which a smoking ban of the kind we now have was proposed; the studio audience as well as Sir Humphrey greeted the notion with the hilarity it deserved. What a difference 30 years makes…
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September 19, 2015 at 6:21 pm -
That episode is televisual equivalent of 1984 and Animal Farm in one. More prophetic than Pythia with a time machine. “No direct causal link”.
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September 19, 2015 at 8:10 pm -
Of more worrying prescience was the past manifesto of the Monster Raving Loony Party, featuring such wildly loopy ideas as 24-hour opening for pubs, votes at 18, gay marriage, abolishing dog licences, abolishing the 11-Plus, legalising commercial radio and introducing pet passports.
Oh, how we laughed…..-
September 19, 2015 at 9:09 pm -
Hmmm, seems there’s an untold story of the connection between Screaming Lord Sutch and Blair.
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September 19, 2015 at 9:35 pm -
Did you ever see them together in the same room ? Spooky.
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September 19, 2015 at 4:15 pm -
“–horror stories that have HONED in on Corbyn’s most extreme opinions–” Typo — Homed
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September 19, 2015 at 8:14 pm -
Politics can be a pretty ruthless game. I suspect the Tories will go easy on Corbin, hoping he’ll last long enough to lead his party into the next election, when they’ll ramp up the pressure. Corbyn’s main opposition will be from within his own party, and he’ll have to develop a seriously wily and ruthless streak very fast indeed if he’s to last more than a few months with ‘friends’ like Tom Watson around; more than half the PLP loathe him, too.
Peter Oborne, before he left the Telegraph, wrote of a conversation he had with (of all people) Imran Khan, the Pakistani politician and former star cricket all-rounder, at some London do or other. Khan asked Oborne why he thought Owen Paterson had been summarily dismissed from the cabinet; Oborne replied that it was because Paterson was too much an honest man. “Mmm,” replied Khan resignedly, “honesty is a problem in politics.”
And that’s the nub of it. Corbyn may well be a sincere and principled man, but that’s not enough for survival at the top of politics.
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September 19, 2015 at 11:15 pm -
I am a lifelong Conservative supporter, who bemoans the fact that we no longer have a Conservative party for which we can vote, in much the same way that traditional Labour supporters did not have a Labour party worthy of the name during the Blair & Brown years. As someone who attended Adams Grammar School from 1961-1968, I can confirm that Jeremy was sincere in his beliefs then, yet was perfectly willing to accept that there were other points of view, and I never heard him castigate or denigrate anyone for not agreeing with him. Such sincerity, honesty and integrity, whether or not you share his views, is a refreshing change from the mendacity we have come to expect from our political class. I support the man’s character, not his beliefs. I despise the “Say this but do something different” sleazy opportunism that pervades our politicos. An honest statement which lays out one’s offerings with no hidden agenda is to be admired and appreciated. It is then up to the electorate to decide if that is what is wanted in a government.
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September 20, 2015 at 12:27 am -
Its not so much Jeremy I am worried about, it was his choice of John O’Donnell as his Chancellor that worries me, a thoroughly nasty piece of work.
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